Baby love
2 years ago I remember meeting an infant and thinking out loud, "Awwww, baby is so so so beautiful. I want me one of those."
Today, I have my own. She is so amazingly beautiful. I am so intensely in love with her. It is not healthy for me. Hopefully it is healthy for her.
I am not good at love. I can't say that I enjoy loving this much. When I love it hurts. Because I am painfully aware that loving means being very vulnerable. To losing the person you love, but also to the myriad rejections and unbalanced reciprocations of that love.
Already I hurt. The intensity of this love hurts. Cuddling my baby means losing myself to a deep intensity of emotion that engulfs & suffocates every fiber of my being. I imagine that drowning or dying probably feels this way. Bewildering intensity and uncomfortable unfamiliarity. Amazing and scary.
I know that many before me have felt the same emotions. I am not alone. And yet this love is a very personal, very lonely and very painful.
Today, I have my own. She is so amazingly beautiful. I am so intensely in love with her. It is not healthy for me. Hopefully it is healthy for her.
I am not good at love. I can't say that I enjoy loving this much. When I love it hurts. Because I am painfully aware that loving means being very vulnerable. To losing the person you love, but also to the myriad rejections and unbalanced reciprocations of that love.
Already I hurt. The intensity of this love hurts. Cuddling my baby means losing myself to a deep intensity of emotion that engulfs & suffocates every fiber of my being. I imagine that drowning or dying probably feels this way. Bewildering intensity and uncomfortable unfamiliarity. Amazing and scary.
I know that many before me have felt the same emotions. I am not alone. And yet this love is a very personal, very lonely and very painful.