Live birth
Kavya
"Good job mom".
I've never fully understood this phrase before, although I admit having said that many times to others. I used to think that moms don't really have a choice - one simply does what one has to. Pregnancy, labor & delivery are hard, but mom simply performs what her body kicks her into, with varying levels of grace.
On Wednesday though, I realize that I did have a choice. Anytime during my 2hrs & 15mins of pushing, I could have declared myself too exhausted & stopped. Considering that at 7lbs, 12.4oz, this was a very large baby for my size, my doctor, nurses or family would have thought it perfectly fine. However, my motivation was high to not go under the knife and after what felt like a very long time of little to no progress, finally at 9:00am exactly, my baby girl emerged.
My body feels entirely broken & torn apart waist down and very injured waist up. I have to wonder about the people calling this "intelligent" design. As an architect, I would have to evaluate, at best, that human body is very complex and achieves a lot very compactly, but there are many aspects that are simply poorly engineered. I suppose it's all relative. My healing has been far from optimal, with extra time at the hospital, a post partum trip to the ER and extreme pain.
As an experience, holding my tiny, innocent child is filled with an unexpected beauty that I don't have the right words for. Although I had a glimpse of this beauty with my stillborn son, it pales in comparison with the flooding joy of every squirm and heartbeat of this beautiful baby girl. It is so easy to fall in love with her and I'm glad that my bonding has been instantaneous. I can see how it can be pretty tough to come by when one is exhausted or in complete pain. Then the focus has to be on the self. Even as my own pain killers wear out I feel my pain responses kicking in where I am not as focused on her. For how difficult this process is, it's miraculous that no resentment or frustration touches the baby.
It is also a very intimate experience for a couple. I can see what about it would make some couples face difficulties. But for us is strengthens and deepens our relationship because we are able & willing to participate fully.
It makes the woman and those around her challenge social notions. Blood, mucus, genitals, nipples, bowels, exposure - all the things normally hidden by the veils of social concepts of dignity and decency MUST be erased by primal forces. Resisting ones primitive self in lieu of these social niceties makes the experience a lot more difficult and inconvenient at best.
We're lucky that she's easy to care for and easy to love. No jaundice, no colic, and I don't know why I feel such confidence, but I'm not second guessing myself or too concerned about her every move. I know she's fine and I feel secure and confident in her progress. I seem to have learned how to sleep feed, and we've gotten several hours of good sleep at night. All of these have certainly a blessing that others struggle with & it has made these last 6 days very joyful, despite feeling physically broken.
"Good job mom".
I've never fully understood this phrase before, although I admit having said that many times to others. I used to think that moms don't really have a choice - one simply does what one has to. Pregnancy, labor & delivery are hard, but mom simply performs what her body kicks her into, with varying levels of grace.
On Wednesday though, I realize that I did have a choice. Anytime during my 2hrs & 15mins of pushing, I could have declared myself too exhausted & stopped. Considering that at 7lbs, 12.4oz, this was a very large baby for my size, my doctor, nurses or family would have thought it perfectly fine. However, my motivation was high to not go under the knife and after what felt like a very long time of little to no progress, finally at 9:00am exactly, my baby girl emerged.
My body feels entirely broken & torn apart waist down and very injured waist up. I have to wonder about the people calling this "intelligent" design. As an architect, I would have to evaluate, at best, that human body is very complex and achieves a lot very compactly, but there are many aspects that are simply poorly engineered. I suppose it's all relative. My healing has been far from optimal, with extra time at the hospital, a post partum trip to the ER and extreme pain.
As an experience, holding my tiny, innocent child is filled with an unexpected beauty that I don't have the right words for. Although I had a glimpse of this beauty with my stillborn son, it pales in comparison with the flooding joy of every squirm and heartbeat of this beautiful baby girl. It is so easy to fall in love with her and I'm glad that my bonding has been instantaneous. I can see how it can be pretty tough to come by when one is exhausted or in complete pain. Then the focus has to be on the self. Even as my own pain killers wear out I feel my pain responses kicking in where I am not as focused on her. For how difficult this process is, it's miraculous that no resentment or frustration touches the baby.
It is also a very intimate experience for a couple. I can see what about it would make some couples face difficulties. But for us is strengthens and deepens our relationship because we are able & willing to participate fully.
It makes the woman and those around her challenge social notions. Blood, mucus, genitals, nipples, bowels, exposure - all the things normally hidden by the veils of social concepts of dignity and decency MUST be erased by primal forces. Resisting ones primitive self in lieu of these social niceties makes the experience a lot more difficult and inconvenient at best.
We're lucky that she's easy to care for and easy to love. No jaundice, no colic, and I don't know why I feel such confidence, but I'm not second guessing myself or too concerned about her every move. I know she's fine and I feel secure and confident in her progress. I seem to have learned how to sleep feed, and we've gotten several hours of good sleep at night. All of these have certainly a blessing that others struggle with & it has made these last 6 days very joyful, despite feeling physically broken.