Does silence speak louder than action

[shortindiangirl]

An interesting quote: "The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention."

Am reading How to help a grieving friend, because I know, in the past, I've made mistakes. I don't think I've focussed my own need of helping over the other's person's need to deal (fortunately), but I know I may have expressed care and concern in

Comments

[togagirl]

I thought you were a great help when my mother passed in October 2004 and also when my son graduated from high school in May 2005. You have a natural insight and variances with the usual perspective that makes you a good person to seek for counsel.

[shortindiangirl]

Thank you. I really appreciate your thought. I have made mistakes too. I may have just been lucky to be helpful to you because we may connect in some manner. I try to say what I feel, but the words are not always appropriate. I'm trying to learn the appropriate words, but also the appropriate thoughts.

[shortindiangirl]

In fact, most of the books specifically say that this is something to NOT say!!!

[togagirl]

really? anyone who said anything (in 'real' life) said something pretty close to this.
My mother reminded me whenever I lamented the death of Kitty Kitty that he was 'better off' (dead) than living in pain and incurably ill, as he was.
How acceptable this is may depend on how true this is.

people are different...

[deponti]

...so there are as many ways of helping a grieving friend as there are people...there are no answers. You may hurt, but you may also help. Reach out as you would like to...and hope for the best.

[grecianurn]

Maybe you can enjoy your separateness while cherishing each other. Time spent away from your partner doing your own thing makes time together more valued. Having your own identity and a sense of yourself makes you more aware of the other person and their importance in your life.

I adore that passage by Khalil Gibran and quote it to S all the time. Because I started dating when I was young, I always forgot who I was and became an extension of the other person. After having discovered who *I* was, I find that I have so much more to bring to the table.

[shortindiangirl]

I don't disagree. But I think that's one's individuality is not erasable in a relationship. So to me, it would seem moot to make a point of it. Still, I can see how people do become extensions, and yes, I do like the piece by Gibran, but I think I prefer the concept of one soul in two bodies

[priyabradfield]

Your last question was what I was thinking about while reading this comment of yours

[shortindiangirl]

> Mommy is also a strong independent person

[ohari]

I don't comment much, but I thought I should, since you seem to have started reading me backwards. You write great stuff and thing interesting thoughts. Thank You for sharing.

[shortindiangirl]

Am honored. Just wanted to comment on a few of your posts. I check in every now and then. If I don't friend someone it's an easier way to ensure that I read them :-)

I found your post on the intelligence "security" breaches interesting. I hadn't known your profession before... had my eyebrows up. I don't think I'd have guessed that you worked for the govt.

Oh, and on the event eliciting these posts - a loved one of a dear friend died in an accident. Unexpected, unnatural and I am close to my friend, so I can feel the pain. Guess it's just part of life. This adulthood thing is soooo overrated.

[ohari]

This adulthood thing is soooo overrated.

You've got that right.

Be well, and remember you can't help anyone if you don't take care of yourself.

[shortindiangirl]

> if you don't take care of yourself.

Yes, I'm well aware. Fortunately my suicidal days are well behind me and I'm healthy and happy.