A sence of closure....

[shortie2005]

I'm feeling a little better now. I know it will take a while before I'm able to forgive myself. To ease my pain I decide to name what was growing in me. I wasn't sure if it was going to be a girl or boy. But for some strange reason and all the strange dreams I've been having lately I believe it was going to be a little girl. I decided to name her Angel Anastasia. I know this might make it little more diffcult for me to get over this but I believe it could help me too. She's now my little angel. I really do hope that one she'll be able to forgive me for ending her life that way I did. I was pressured from so many angels and I gave in. She's always going to be in my heart....and I know I can't let this run my life...but she will part of my life. I am going to tell Anthony later on when he's older so he knew that he would have had another little sister just in case I never have an other kids he can know he had a little sister somewhere. I know I have to be strong about it. But I don't want to erase her out of my life. Every once in a while I think I feel something in me kicking at me....sometimes I even say I love you too when I feel it. I think I might talk to my psychology teacher about it so then I know I can having someone to talk to about it and maybe making the healing process a little easier on me. But whatever happens I love my kids...Anthony Alexander [11.03.2003] and Angel Anastasia [would have been born on or around [06.30.2005] I know I would have had the two most beautful kids in the world! I feel better now that I was about to let that all go. I'll post later.
Love always, Lupita