nothing changes
It seems that after a night of complete hell, nothing has changed. Maybe this should tell me something, that it will never change, that if I stay like this where I am right now I will feel like this for ever. That this relationship will never change, and we will be stuck where we are. I just don't fucking know. I get no reassurance that everything is going to be fine, that anything is going to be worked out, I am miserable......... Nobody has a clue what it feels like, and there is one person that can fix it, and apparently I am not worth the time and energy.