Tiberius
This was a collaboration between Bard and I. Happens after Adesh comes back into power in his country. We'll see.
“What more could you want of me?” He said it softly, but it had a razor edge. He didn't look at his cousin, instead surveying the damage he had done against his own belongings. Glass and feathers and splintered wood. He wish he could've swallowed the rage, made it disappear into his stomach like the monsters in the Cahiyen picture books of his youth. His shoulders slumped.
“The only thing I want of you is a chance to talk.” His voice as smooth as in memory. But something had changed. The world had shaped Adesh, and the two of them were discovering just how much together.
Tiberius wouldn't fight him. He hesitated but finally said, “Very well.” He straightened, smoothed over his clothes. “We can talk on the balcony.” He led the way, opening the door and leaving it open behind him for his cousin. Adesh could remember it from their youth, when his cousin would drag him to his rooms to play some stupid game or another. Once, he had convinced Tiberius to try his wings off that balcony, but the wind had been strong, so he merely fell back onto the balcony. The space was grand, overlooking the cliffs and nearly the whole coastline. Below the sea crashed against the rocks. Tiberius leaned against the railing, looking out into the sky.
A silence stretched between them. “You were really mad when you fell on the balcony. I could never figure out if you were mad at me, or your wings, or the wind, or how hard this marble is.”
Tiberius drew his hand across his eyes. “I wasn't mad. I was...frustrated. Maybe embarrassed. Flustered.”
“that's understandable.” Adesh took a deep breath.
“You...you never got hurt when we were kids. You never had to explain how it had happened.”
“Oh, I got hurt. I was just very good at...concealing. Being unreadable was a very early skill.”
Tiberius snorted, and it almost sounded like a laugh. “It helps to have the maids on your side.”
Adesh gave a little shrug. “Well, I can't argue with that.” Tiberius didn't answer. The wind whipped about the two men. Clouds were rolling in, but it seemed like they would roll by before they stormed. The sun was beginning to set, throwing the balcony and castle wall into a gloom. “I never...really got to talk to you in six years. Not since, well, that incident.”
“You never came to see me.”
“Well, I was embarrassed. I was angry, like you were. I wasn't sure if I was embarrassed, annoyed, angry. I mean...how do you talk to someone you just-yeah.”
Tiberius flinched. “I know.”
“I certainly had a lot of explaining to do. I didn't have very good reasons. They were short sighted, they were ambitious-”
Tiberius interrupted. “They were gratuitous.”
“That's a very good way of putting it.” Adesh sighed. “I was wrong.” Tiberius turned around. “I was wrong about a lot of things.”
“You've never said that before. Not to me.”
“Well...I was supposed to teach you lots of things. What good of a teacher would I be if I was wrong? I did teach you...several things that day that I shouldn't've.”
“Like what?”
“Pain. Betrayal. Those are things that can be taught without experience, though they lose some of their message. I think I went about it the entirely wrong way. I...was full of resentment. It had made me rather pessimistic. I see now that I was pessimistic is all the wrong ways. The country's not on fire. You've managed to partially silence the braggarts on the council. And you're not a puppet. You're your own man.”
Tiberius turned away again, a bitter taste in his mouth. “Just keeping it warm for you, I suppose.”
Adesh sighed in frustration. “It shouldn't be like this.”
“What shouldn't be like this? Our relationship? This meeting? Your rise to power?”
Adesh crossed his arms over his chest. “We shouldn't...we shouldn't have grown apart like this. I shouldn't have tried something so drastic. I should've talked to you. The errors of our parents in addition to errors of myself have left scars on you that I couldn't have possibly imagine. And for that, I'm sorry.”
Tiberius ran a hand through his hair, tipping his head further in the wind to avoid tears. “How have you been?”
Adesh moved closer, leaning his back against the railing next to his cousin. “Spending more time on the water than I prefer. Made some friends. Made some enemies. Seen more money than I've ever seen before in my life. I've seen those with nothing doing much more than I do. How about you?”
“I've been...tired. Lonely. Nothing changes here, but I feel like...I've been missing something. For a long time. Even before Father died...It's not the place it used to be even though it's the same.”
“There's less mischief to be had, for sure.”
“I used to think...that maybe you should've succeeded.” Tiberius toyed with the feathers on his dead wing with his left hand.
“I used to think that too. I was angry. But...I tired myself out of being angry. I just had to make do. Not something I'd ever want to have to learn again.”
Tiberius took a deep, shaky breath. “Father...Father really wanted to get rid of you. He didn't trust your absence. He knew how clever you are, how sly. He didn't think I had the ability to protect myself from you. It's a wonder anyone was able to dissuade him from execution.”
“I never thought I'd be exiled. I was so mad that I didn't see it. I always try to plan ahead, trying to foresee what the most likely scenarios are in every action I take. I never once thought exile.”
“What did you think?”
“Likely a public execution. Father was a bit of a revenge oriented person.”
“I'm glad he didn't. For a long time...” He sighed. “For a long time, I hated myself for not wanting your execution. For...trying to forgive you.”
Adesh fidgeted. “I don't think I could've done that. Not then. Certainly would give me pause now. You always had a lot more compassion. I envy that.”
Tiberius frowned. “It's about all I have.”
“That's not even true. You have health. You have your youth. You have a decent head on your shoulders. The people love you. If they didn't love you, then this would be an entirely different conversation.”
“You know...for the first couple years...I thought, maybe...you'd write me a letter. So that I'd understand. So I didn't have to live with the...the theories.”
“It was not my intention. I thought for sure it would be best if I just faded away. But...that's an excuse. I didn't know how to explain it. How to let go of my rage and just say that I made a bad call. Back then, I was never wrong.”
“I've never known you to be wrong. So...for a long time...” Tiberius shook his head.
“For a long time, I still blamed you. The problem was always with me. Not you. I should've written you. I should've tried to come back. However, if Father was still alive, I don't think that would've worked.”
“I wanted you to come. I would've protected you. But. You've never trusted me like I trust you.”
“I didn't know how to trust.” Adesh chuckled. “I didn't know how to trust until five years after I left. I was put in a position where if I didn't learn to trust, I would've died. I wish I had learned it sooner. It would have saved me a couple of stab wounds.”
Tiberius nodded. “Ah, you know. Even Father eventually regretted it. S-sort of...”
“It's weird calling him my father.”
“He was really no one's father. Just...”
“A presence.”
“It took me nearly three years to extricate myself from his...demands of me. He...failed me. And...you, too. He only fulfilled one request I made of him over the years.”
“That's a pretty poor record.”
Tiberius laughed. “If it counts, it was an important one.”
“Quality over quantity. That's one of the principles I abide by. Even when it came to selecting a book in the library.”
“But not in selecting a lover. Even out here, there are rumors about you.”
“I am very picky about who I bed, thank you. I would trust that most of these rumors have some degree of substance to them, but I assure you, I have standards.”
Tiberius shrugged. “It is your business alone, I suppose.”
“I'm sorry that I didn't come when he died.”
“Why?”
Adesh took a deep breath. “The family lost someone. My parents were already...”
“My mother? I don't...It's hard to think that I am an orphan.”
“You're still family. I don't care what anyone says.”
“I knew. Way back then. I should've...I should've told you before you left, but I couldn't bring myself to.”
“It's a heavy burden to carry. Why would you want to shift that burden onto someone who had betrayed you so? I can't hold that against you.”
“I can.” Tiberius swallowed. “There's been so much...I missed you, but...you broke my heart, I suppose. I felt like I died, but there I was. I didn't know what to do. I...I don't want...um, another apology. I...I'm not sure.”
“Hmmmm.”
“What will become of me?”
“I'd at least like you to stick around. There's so much I don't know. I don't trust enough in the court just yet.”
tiberius bit his lip. “I'm not sure I'll be of much use.”
“Then be here as my confidant. I can't...You don't want an apology. I can make you a promise. You'll always be welcome here. And I'll never hurt you again. I'll never willingly hurt you.”
Tiberius's eyes overflowed, tears gushing down his cheeks. Since they were children, he had always cried these huge crocodile tears. But he didn't sob. Softly, “I will try.”
“Thank you.” He laughed lightly. “it's not that I didn't think...I never really talked about home with my crew. I didn't talk with them in detail. Hell, I don't think they even realized who I was until I set sail for here. But everyday I looked at my ring and thought of my life here that I had recklessly tossed to the winds. And I hated it. I hated myself. I don't even know what to do with it anymore. I guess I wear it because I don't know what else to do with it.”
Tiberius nodded, trying to slow his tears and failing. He wiped his eyes, but even as he moved tears away, more gushed up. “You'll need it now. You're the king.”
Adesh groaned, almost sulking. “I guess so.”
“Don't shirk your responsibilities,” chided Tiberius, almost sounding disapproving.
“You were always telling me not to shirk responsibilities. Blah, blah.” He paused. “I really missed having that little voice in the back there, tugging at my wing.”
“I had hoped you found another.”
“Oh, I found some moral compasses. One that is bribed with fish. The other cannot speak. Yet another only when I allow him.”
Tiberius turned sharply to consider his cousin. “What does that mean?”
“I'll tell you when you're older.”
“You're not that much older than I am, you know.”
Adesh shrugged, groaning. “You're a smart kid, you'll figure it out. You'll meet him. I'm sure you'll figure it out then.”
“I'm not sure I want to know.”
Adesh laughed. “There is more than one way to conduct diplomacy.”
“Now I know I don't want to know.”
“Have the cooks gotten any better or are they worse?”
“My food's always fine. I don't really eat with the court, though I suppose I'll have to start again.”
“Well, I'll invite some friends. They'll help lighten the mood. We can discuss some of these rumors. How does that sound?”
“You never tire of hearing about yourself, do you?”
“Always raining on my parade, always.” He tousled Tiberius' hair, and the other pushed his hand away. “But I wouldn't have it any other way.”
“Quit it.”
“What more could you want of me?” He said it softly, but it had a razor edge. He didn't look at his cousin, instead surveying the damage he had done against his own belongings. Glass and feathers and splintered wood. He wish he could've swallowed the rage, made it disappear into his stomach like the monsters in the Cahiyen picture books of his youth. His shoulders slumped.
“The only thing I want of you is a chance to talk.” His voice as smooth as in memory. But something had changed. The world had shaped Adesh, and the two of them were discovering just how much together.
Tiberius wouldn't fight him. He hesitated but finally said, “Very well.” He straightened, smoothed over his clothes. “We can talk on the balcony.” He led the way, opening the door and leaving it open behind him for his cousin. Adesh could remember it from their youth, when his cousin would drag him to his rooms to play some stupid game or another. Once, he had convinced Tiberius to try his wings off that balcony, but the wind had been strong, so he merely fell back onto the balcony. The space was grand, overlooking the cliffs and nearly the whole coastline. Below the sea crashed against the rocks. Tiberius leaned against the railing, looking out into the sky.
A silence stretched between them. “You were really mad when you fell on the balcony. I could never figure out if you were mad at me, or your wings, or the wind, or how hard this marble is.”
Tiberius drew his hand across his eyes. “I wasn't mad. I was...frustrated. Maybe embarrassed. Flustered.”
“that's understandable.” Adesh took a deep breath.
“You...you never got hurt when we were kids. You never had to explain how it had happened.”
“Oh, I got hurt. I was just very good at...concealing. Being unreadable was a very early skill.”
Tiberius snorted, and it almost sounded like a laugh. “It helps to have the maids on your side.”
Adesh gave a little shrug. “Well, I can't argue with that.” Tiberius didn't answer. The wind whipped about the two men. Clouds were rolling in, but it seemed like they would roll by before they stormed. The sun was beginning to set, throwing the balcony and castle wall into a gloom. “I never...really got to talk to you in six years. Not since, well, that incident.”
“You never came to see me.”
“Well, I was embarrassed. I was angry, like you were. I wasn't sure if I was embarrassed, annoyed, angry. I mean...how do you talk to someone you just-yeah.”
Tiberius flinched. “I know.”
“I certainly had a lot of explaining to do. I didn't have very good reasons. They were short sighted, they were ambitious-”
Tiberius interrupted. “They were gratuitous.”
“That's a very good way of putting it.” Adesh sighed. “I was wrong.” Tiberius turned around. “I was wrong about a lot of things.”
“You've never said that before. Not to me.”
“Well...I was supposed to teach you lots of things. What good of a teacher would I be if I was wrong? I did teach you...several things that day that I shouldn't've.”
“Like what?”
“Pain. Betrayal. Those are things that can be taught without experience, though they lose some of their message. I think I went about it the entirely wrong way. I...was full of resentment. It had made me rather pessimistic. I see now that I was pessimistic is all the wrong ways. The country's not on fire. You've managed to partially silence the braggarts on the council. And you're not a puppet. You're your own man.”
Tiberius turned away again, a bitter taste in his mouth. “Just keeping it warm for you, I suppose.”
Adesh sighed in frustration. “It shouldn't be like this.”
“What shouldn't be like this? Our relationship? This meeting? Your rise to power?”
Adesh crossed his arms over his chest. “We shouldn't...we shouldn't have grown apart like this. I shouldn't have tried something so drastic. I should've talked to you. The errors of our parents in addition to errors of myself have left scars on you that I couldn't have possibly imagine. And for that, I'm sorry.”
Tiberius ran a hand through his hair, tipping his head further in the wind to avoid tears. “How have you been?”
Adesh moved closer, leaning his back against the railing next to his cousin. “Spending more time on the water than I prefer. Made some friends. Made some enemies. Seen more money than I've ever seen before in my life. I've seen those with nothing doing much more than I do. How about you?”
“I've been...tired. Lonely. Nothing changes here, but I feel like...I've been missing something. For a long time. Even before Father died...It's not the place it used to be even though it's the same.”
“There's less mischief to be had, for sure.”
“I used to think...that maybe you should've succeeded.” Tiberius toyed with the feathers on his dead wing with his left hand.
“I used to think that too. I was angry. But...I tired myself out of being angry. I just had to make do. Not something I'd ever want to have to learn again.”
Tiberius took a deep, shaky breath. “Father...Father really wanted to get rid of you. He didn't trust your absence. He knew how clever you are, how sly. He didn't think I had the ability to protect myself from you. It's a wonder anyone was able to dissuade him from execution.”
“I never thought I'd be exiled. I was so mad that I didn't see it. I always try to plan ahead, trying to foresee what the most likely scenarios are in every action I take. I never once thought exile.”
“What did you think?”
“Likely a public execution. Father was a bit of a revenge oriented person.”
“I'm glad he didn't. For a long time...” He sighed. “For a long time, I hated myself for not wanting your execution. For...trying to forgive you.”
Adesh fidgeted. “I don't think I could've done that. Not then. Certainly would give me pause now. You always had a lot more compassion. I envy that.”
Tiberius frowned. “It's about all I have.”
“That's not even true. You have health. You have your youth. You have a decent head on your shoulders. The people love you. If they didn't love you, then this would be an entirely different conversation.”
“You know...for the first couple years...I thought, maybe...you'd write me a letter. So that I'd understand. So I didn't have to live with the...the theories.”
“It was not my intention. I thought for sure it would be best if I just faded away. But...that's an excuse. I didn't know how to explain it. How to let go of my rage and just say that I made a bad call. Back then, I was never wrong.”
“I've never known you to be wrong. So...for a long time...” Tiberius shook his head.
“For a long time, I still blamed you. The problem was always with me. Not you. I should've written you. I should've tried to come back. However, if Father was still alive, I don't think that would've worked.”
“I wanted you to come. I would've protected you. But. You've never trusted me like I trust you.”
“I didn't know how to trust.” Adesh chuckled. “I didn't know how to trust until five years after I left. I was put in a position where if I didn't learn to trust, I would've died. I wish I had learned it sooner. It would have saved me a couple of stab wounds.”
Tiberius nodded. “Ah, you know. Even Father eventually regretted it. S-sort of...”
“It's weird calling him my father.”
“He was really no one's father. Just...”
“A presence.”
“It took me nearly three years to extricate myself from his...demands of me. He...failed me. And...you, too. He only fulfilled one request I made of him over the years.”
“That's a pretty poor record.”
Tiberius laughed. “If it counts, it was an important one.”
“Quality over quantity. That's one of the principles I abide by. Even when it came to selecting a book in the library.”
“But not in selecting a lover. Even out here, there are rumors about you.”
“I am very picky about who I bed, thank you. I would trust that most of these rumors have some degree of substance to them, but I assure you, I have standards.”
Tiberius shrugged. “It is your business alone, I suppose.”
“I'm sorry that I didn't come when he died.”
“Why?”
Adesh took a deep breath. “The family lost someone. My parents were already...”
“My mother? I don't...It's hard to think that I am an orphan.”
“You're still family. I don't care what anyone says.”
“I knew. Way back then. I should've...I should've told you before you left, but I couldn't bring myself to.”
“It's a heavy burden to carry. Why would you want to shift that burden onto someone who had betrayed you so? I can't hold that against you.”
“I can.” Tiberius swallowed. “There's been so much...I missed you, but...you broke my heart, I suppose. I felt like I died, but there I was. I didn't know what to do. I...I don't want...um, another apology. I...I'm not sure.”
“Hmmmm.”
“What will become of me?”
“I'd at least like you to stick around. There's so much I don't know. I don't trust enough in the court just yet.”
tiberius bit his lip. “I'm not sure I'll be of much use.”
“Then be here as my confidant. I can't...You don't want an apology. I can make you a promise. You'll always be welcome here. And I'll never hurt you again. I'll never willingly hurt you.”
Tiberius's eyes overflowed, tears gushing down his cheeks. Since they were children, he had always cried these huge crocodile tears. But he didn't sob. Softly, “I will try.”
“Thank you.” He laughed lightly. “it's not that I didn't think...I never really talked about home with my crew. I didn't talk with them in detail. Hell, I don't think they even realized who I was until I set sail for here. But everyday I looked at my ring and thought of my life here that I had recklessly tossed to the winds. And I hated it. I hated myself. I don't even know what to do with it anymore. I guess I wear it because I don't know what else to do with it.”
Tiberius nodded, trying to slow his tears and failing. He wiped his eyes, but even as he moved tears away, more gushed up. “You'll need it now. You're the king.”
Adesh groaned, almost sulking. “I guess so.”
“Don't shirk your responsibilities,” chided Tiberius, almost sounding disapproving.
“You were always telling me not to shirk responsibilities. Blah, blah.” He paused. “I really missed having that little voice in the back there, tugging at my wing.”
“I had hoped you found another.”
“Oh, I found some moral compasses. One that is bribed with fish. The other cannot speak. Yet another only when I allow him.”
Tiberius turned sharply to consider his cousin. “What does that mean?”
“I'll tell you when you're older.”
“You're not that much older than I am, you know.”
Adesh shrugged, groaning. “You're a smart kid, you'll figure it out. You'll meet him. I'm sure you'll figure it out then.”
“I'm not sure I want to know.”
Adesh laughed. “There is more than one way to conduct diplomacy.”
“Now I know I don't want to know.”
“Have the cooks gotten any better or are they worse?”
“My food's always fine. I don't really eat with the court, though I suppose I'll have to start again.”
“Well, I'll invite some friends. They'll help lighten the mood. We can discuss some of these rumors. How does that sound?”
“You never tire of hearing about yourself, do you?”
“Always raining on my parade, always.” He tousled Tiberius' hair, and the other pushed his hand away. “But I wouldn't have it any other way.”
“Quit it.”