Dawn fic
So finally it's here, my very late entry for the Dawn round. Huge apologies to everyone, especially wackyjacks20- I hope this is something like what you were hoping for!
Title: Wanting
Pairing: Dawn/Kristy
For: wackyjacks20 who wanted sincerity, jealousy and confusion
Written by: sarahbeware
Rating: I was aiming for R, but maybe a teeny bit higher...
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Sadly.
Notes: Again, I'm really sorry this is late, I found it really hard going and things came up:( I'm not sure if I got all the emotions into this fic, it kind of strayed from my plan a little bit, but I gave it my best shot!
“Well well, Dawn Schafer, of all the losers I was prepared to wind up next to in Senior homeroom, you never even crossed my mind.” Kristy Thomas’s face broke into a grin as I jumped up to hug her.
“What can I say Thomas? I flew all the way in from sunny California just to bug you for one more year.”
Kristy laughed, and slumped dramatically into her seat, her khaki print backpack hitting the ground with a thud as she kicked off her sneakers and turned to face me. “Seriously Dawn, what are you doing here? Mary Anne said you were planning to finish high school in Paolo City, you know, with Sunny still being so screwed up and all?”
I smiled. Same old Kristy. “Yeah, well, stuff sort of happened and I, uh, felt like a change.” I didn’t mention that most of that stuff had to do with Sunny, and that in a matter of days, she had gone from being my best friend to being my reason for leaving. Kristy must have seen something in my face though, because her voice softened as she said,
“Well, it’s really good to have you back. We’ve missed you. And you look great - a little hippy for my taste, with the braids and all, but still good.” She stuck her tongue out at me, as if we were just kids again, and something inside me stirred. Could it be that I had missed Kristy Thomas?
“Gee thanks, Kristy, it’s good to see you too. Hey,” I hesitated, not sure whether I was about to make a huge mistake or not, “you wanna come over and hang out after school?”
Kristy smiled, not a grin this time but a soft, genuine smile. “I’d love to.”
The something inside me stirred a little more, and I let myself indulge for a moment, wondering if perhaps I should stop trying to run away from these feelings. Coming back to Stoneybrook was a new start - after all, escaping to California when I was in eighth grade and already screwed up had done nothing to change who I was, so why did I think changing coast again would be any more successful? It felt like time to face myself. And yet something kept holding me back.
The uncomfortable feeling of eyes of boring into the back of my head made me turn around, and I found myself looking into another achingly familiar face. The second I saw her, I was 13 again.
I was standing shakily in a barn dense with still summer air. Kids were yelling outside, and my fingers with stiff were dried paint, but the only thing I could focus on was the girl in front of me, her blonde hair still soft despite the humidity. Her lips were so close, so pink in their gloss, and I was so sure she wanted this as much as I did…
But now those lips were pursed and the blue eyes were cold and hard as they watched Kristy and I lean close together over our timetables. It was clear that Stacey McGill had not forgiven me.
* * *
Kristy and I walked home slowly, catching up on several years worth of gossip and exclaiming over the smallest things. For the first time all day I got chance to look at her, really look at her, and it was somewhere between Jamie’s Newton’s front garden and Matt Braddock’s tree house that I finally realised how beautiful she had become. Not classically beautiful, in that typical blonde-haired, blue-eyed way, but in a subtler, more elfin sense. She cut her hair Freshman year, she told me, and now it was shorter than Mary Anne’s had once been, and framed dark eyes that boasted the longest lashes I’d ever seen without mascara (still no make up for Kristy). And although she was still tiny, she had filled out impressively; several times my eyes strayed to her chest, and I felt colour rise to my cheeks that had nothing to do with the hellishly cold September air.
When we arrived at my house, I smirked at her. “So, you wanna play in the barn? We have a rope swing.”
Kristy laughed, obviously remembering as clearly as I did. “Thanks, but maybe later. To be honest, I’d rather play in your bedroom.”
The words hung in the air until she broke the tension by giving me a hefty shove. “C’mon Schafer, race you up the stairs!”
Breathless, we collapsed on to my bed and for a while we just lay there, talking occasionally but mostly just enjoying the quiet. I watched the rise and fall of her breasts as she caught her breath, and I found myself itching to touch her. But still I held back, not daring to take that risk. Not wanting to accept that it was what I wanted. Finally she rolled on to her stomach.
“Dawn, I have to tell you two things, and I have to tell you them because I trust you. The first is that I like girls. Like, really like them.” I nodded. This wasn’t coming as a huge surprise. She continued, “This really isn’t something I’ve made public. I mean, I have to be practical. I’m aiming for class president this year, and as progressive as the faculty are, I’m not sure they’d welcome a dyke on to the school council. And I’m captain of the girls soccer team. None of them would come in the locker room with me if they knew I was getting off on the sight of them in their underwear.” I expected her to blush as she said this (I did) but she simply held my gaze, waiting for me to be shocked.
I wasn’t, but it took me a minute to find the right words. “So why are you telling me this, Kris? I mean, it’s so great that you are but why do you trust me to keep your secret? Why not Mary Anne, or Claudia?” Is it because you think I’m going through the same thing?
She kept looking at me, her face open and sincere as she told me. “You remember that first day, in the barn, when you told me I didn’t have to go all the way to the top of the hayloft if I didn’t want to? That it was okay to be scared?” I nodded, remembering how terrified she had looked. “Well, everyone else would have expected me to jump without a second thought, but you, you looked inside me and you saw that I wasn’t just this fearless tomboy, I was a kid who got scared sometimes. You didn’t expect anything of me, Dawn, and I never forgot that, not ever. That’s why I trust you.”
I’d barely given that day a thought in the past few years, and it made me bite my lip to think that it meant so much to Kristy. Instinctively, although it’s not something I would normally do, I reached out to hug her, and suddenly all I could focus on was how good her hair smelled. It pained me to pull away, but I had to know. “What’s the second thing you had to tell me?”
Her fingers brushed my face as she wove them through my braids. We were so close I could feel her breath on my face, and the sound of my own heartbeat pounded in my ears but couldn’t mask the sound of her words. “I like you. Like, really like you. I always have, since that day, but I never thought I had a chance because you were so into boys. First Travis, then Lewis - god Dawn, you were so straight!”
Stacey’s long nails dug into me as she fumbled for my bra strap, desperate to touch the virgin skin of my shoulder. Her tongue pushed eagerly into my mouth and I kissed her hard, a longing that I didn’t know you could feel at 13 driving me forward. We dropped into the hay, clutching wildly at each other, knowing enough to believe what we were doing was wrong, but not wanting to stop it…
“I don’t know if I was,” I admitted. “I mean, I had…feelings…for girls sometimes. I still do…sometimes.” I couldn’t tell her the truth. I wasn’t sure if I even knew the truth, I’d been trying to hide it so long. “Kristy, I - ”
The softness of her lips on mine surprised me, and I reached up to touch her hair as she lowered me down on to my pillows. She was a fantastic kisser, much better than I’d ever expected, teasing my tongue with hers and working down to my neck to hit spots that made me shiver. Her hands moved down my sides and I knew she wanted to go further than I ever had and I arched up towards her, pulling her closer with every kiss. Her fingers expertly undid my shirt and as she moved lower I stopped thinking altogether, registering only the lingering taste of apple chapstick on my lips and the heat of her all around me.
* * *
Later, we were back side by side again, but our clothes were discarded and the sheets were damp and nothing was the same as before. Kristy held my hand this time as our breathing slowed, and I knew she was waiting for me to speak.
“Kristy, I honestly don’t know if I’m gay. I - I left before because of feelings that got blown out of proportion, and I let California this time because Sunny kissed me at a party and I couldn’t handle how much I enjoyed it. God knows, my sex drive is costing my parents a fortune in plane tickets because I can’t come out and admit what I think I am.”
Kristy chuckled. “Dawn, if you kiss a girl and like it, it doesn’t have to be issue. Look at me - I might not be out, but I know what I’m into. We can still do this without it becoming a crusade or something.”
“I know - I just don’t know if I’m ready to accept this yet. Kris, I’ve had boyfriends too and that felt pretty good. At least they never made me want to run away.”
“Do I make you want to run away?”
I sighed. “Of course not. You just make me want things I’ve been trying to tell myself I didn’t. I guess - I guess this just isn’t a choice I ever thought I’d have to make.”
Kristy sat up, not bothering to pull the covers over herself. “You don’t have to make a choice, Dawn, you just need to do whatever makes you happy. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to be your friend or your girlfriend or whatever it is you need, however long it takes to figure that out.” She kissed my forehead softly.
As she left she looked at me and smiled, a smile that lit up her face and made me want to pull her back to me. “I really am glad you’re back Dawn. I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Kris.”
* * *
When the doorbell rings a few minutes later, I figure Kristy has forgotten her bra or something. I jog down the stairs, shrugging on a sweater as I open the door, and Stacey barges past me into the hallway.
“I saw Kristy leaving,” she states as she stands in my living room, one manicured hand on her hip. “Why did you bring her home on your first day in Stoneybrook?”
“We were just…catching up.” I know it sounds lame, and I don’t know why I lie, but I can’t bring myself to tell her that I’ve just had sex with another girl. Although I have a feeling she knows.
She steps forward, coming eye-to eye with me, so much taller than Kristy. When she kisses me, it’s hard and possessive, and doesn’t feel anything like the other kisses I’ve received this afternoon, but I respond anyway because it’s Stacey and I’ve waited four years to do this again.
“You could have had this, Dawn,” she tells me, stepping away so much sooner than I would like. “Every day, you could have had this, but you chose to leave. And then you came back and chose Kristy Thomas. It’s your loss, you know?”
She leaves, and now the taste of apple on my lips is sour. The truth is, my problem is not that I don’t want to be a lesbian. It is, and has always been, that I’m not sure I want to be a lesbian with anyone other than Stacey McGill. And this is not something that Kristy Thomas can fix with a smile.
Title: Wanting
Pairing: Dawn/Kristy
For: wackyjacks20 who wanted sincerity, jealousy and confusion
Written by: sarahbeware
Rating: I was aiming for R, but maybe a teeny bit higher...
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Sadly.
Notes: Again, I'm really sorry this is late, I found it really hard going and things came up:( I'm not sure if I got all the emotions into this fic, it kind of strayed from my plan a little bit, but I gave it my best shot!
“Well well, Dawn Schafer, of all the losers I was prepared to wind up next to in Senior homeroom, you never even crossed my mind.” Kristy Thomas’s face broke into a grin as I jumped up to hug her.
“What can I say Thomas? I flew all the way in from sunny California just to bug you for one more year.”
Kristy laughed, and slumped dramatically into her seat, her khaki print backpack hitting the ground with a thud as she kicked off her sneakers and turned to face me. “Seriously Dawn, what are you doing here? Mary Anne said you were planning to finish high school in Paolo City, you know, with Sunny still being so screwed up and all?”
I smiled. Same old Kristy. “Yeah, well, stuff sort of happened and I, uh, felt like a change.” I didn’t mention that most of that stuff had to do with Sunny, and that in a matter of days, she had gone from being my best friend to being my reason for leaving. Kristy must have seen something in my face though, because her voice softened as she said,
“Well, it’s really good to have you back. We’ve missed you. And you look great - a little hippy for my taste, with the braids and all, but still good.” She stuck her tongue out at me, as if we were just kids again, and something inside me stirred. Could it be that I had missed Kristy Thomas?
“Gee thanks, Kristy, it’s good to see you too. Hey,” I hesitated, not sure whether I was about to make a huge mistake or not, “you wanna come over and hang out after school?”
Kristy smiled, not a grin this time but a soft, genuine smile. “I’d love to.”
The something inside me stirred a little more, and I let myself indulge for a moment, wondering if perhaps I should stop trying to run away from these feelings. Coming back to Stoneybrook was a new start - after all, escaping to California when I was in eighth grade and already screwed up had done nothing to change who I was, so why did I think changing coast again would be any more successful? It felt like time to face myself. And yet something kept holding me back.
The uncomfortable feeling of eyes of boring into the back of my head made me turn around, and I found myself looking into another achingly familiar face. The second I saw her, I was 13 again.
I was standing shakily in a barn dense with still summer air. Kids were yelling outside, and my fingers with stiff were dried paint, but the only thing I could focus on was the girl in front of me, her blonde hair still soft despite the humidity. Her lips were so close, so pink in their gloss, and I was so sure she wanted this as much as I did…
But now those lips were pursed and the blue eyes were cold and hard as they watched Kristy and I lean close together over our timetables. It was clear that Stacey McGill had not forgiven me.
* * *
Kristy and I walked home slowly, catching up on several years worth of gossip and exclaiming over the smallest things. For the first time all day I got chance to look at her, really look at her, and it was somewhere between Jamie’s Newton’s front garden and Matt Braddock’s tree house that I finally realised how beautiful she had become. Not classically beautiful, in that typical blonde-haired, blue-eyed way, but in a subtler, more elfin sense. She cut her hair Freshman year, she told me, and now it was shorter than Mary Anne’s had once been, and framed dark eyes that boasted the longest lashes I’d ever seen without mascara (still no make up for Kristy). And although she was still tiny, she had filled out impressively; several times my eyes strayed to her chest, and I felt colour rise to my cheeks that had nothing to do with the hellishly cold September air.
When we arrived at my house, I smirked at her. “So, you wanna play in the barn? We have a rope swing.”
Kristy laughed, obviously remembering as clearly as I did. “Thanks, but maybe later. To be honest, I’d rather play in your bedroom.”
The words hung in the air until she broke the tension by giving me a hefty shove. “C’mon Schafer, race you up the stairs!”
Breathless, we collapsed on to my bed and for a while we just lay there, talking occasionally but mostly just enjoying the quiet. I watched the rise and fall of her breasts as she caught her breath, and I found myself itching to touch her. But still I held back, not daring to take that risk. Not wanting to accept that it was what I wanted. Finally she rolled on to her stomach.
“Dawn, I have to tell you two things, and I have to tell you them because I trust you. The first is that I like girls. Like, really like them.” I nodded. This wasn’t coming as a huge surprise. She continued, “This really isn’t something I’ve made public. I mean, I have to be practical. I’m aiming for class president this year, and as progressive as the faculty are, I’m not sure they’d welcome a dyke on to the school council. And I’m captain of the girls soccer team. None of them would come in the locker room with me if they knew I was getting off on the sight of them in their underwear.” I expected her to blush as she said this (I did) but she simply held my gaze, waiting for me to be shocked.
I wasn’t, but it took me a minute to find the right words. “So why are you telling me this, Kris? I mean, it’s so great that you are but why do you trust me to keep your secret? Why not Mary Anne, or Claudia?” Is it because you think I’m going through the same thing?
She kept looking at me, her face open and sincere as she told me. “You remember that first day, in the barn, when you told me I didn’t have to go all the way to the top of the hayloft if I didn’t want to? That it was okay to be scared?” I nodded, remembering how terrified she had looked. “Well, everyone else would have expected me to jump without a second thought, but you, you looked inside me and you saw that I wasn’t just this fearless tomboy, I was a kid who got scared sometimes. You didn’t expect anything of me, Dawn, and I never forgot that, not ever. That’s why I trust you.”
I’d barely given that day a thought in the past few years, and it made me bite my lip to think that it meant so much to Kristy. Instinctively, although it’s not something I would normally do, I reached out to hug her, and suddenly all I could focus on was how good her hair smelled. It pained me to pull away, but I had to know. “What’s the second thing you had to tell me?”
Her fingers brushed my face as she wove them through my braids. We were so close I could feel her breath on my face, and the sound of my own heartbeat pounded in my ears but couldn’t mask the sound of her words. “I like you. Like, really like you. I always have, since that day, but I never thought I had a chance because you were so into boys. First Travis, then Lewis - god Dawn, you were so straight!”
Stacey’s long nails dug into me as she fumbled for my bra strap, desperate to touch the virgin skin of my shoulder. Her tongue pushed eagerly into my mouth and I kissed her hard, a longing that I didn’t know you could feel at 13 driving me forward. We dropped into the hay, clutching wildly at each other, knowing enough to believe what we were doing was wrong, but not wanting to stop it…
“I don’t know if I was,” I admitted. “I mean, I had…feelings…for girls sometimes. I still do…sometimes.” I couldn’t tell her the truth. I wasn’t sure if I even knew the truth, I’d been trying to hide it so long. “Kristy, I - ”
The softness of her lips on mine surprised me, and I reached up to touch her hair as she lowered me down on to my pillows. She was a fantastic kisser, much better than I’d ever expected, teasing my tongue with hers and working down to my neck to hit spots that made me shiver. Her hands moved down my sides and I knew she wanted to go further than I ever had and I arched up towards her, pulling her closer with every kiss. Her fingers expertly undid my shirt and as she moved lower I stopped thinking altogether, registering only the lingering taste of apple chapstick on my lips and the heat of her all around me.
* * *
Later, we were back side by side again, but our clothes were discarded and the sheets were damp and nothing was the same as before. Kristy held my hand this time as our breathing slowed, and I knew she was waiting for me to speak.
“Kristy, I honestly don’t know if I’m gay. I - I left before because of feelings that got blown out of proportion, and I let California this time because Sunny kissed me at a party and I couldn’t handle how much I enjoyed it. God knows, my sex drive is costing my parents a fortune in plane tickets because I can’t come out and admit what I think I am.”
Kristy chuckled. “Dawn, if you kiss a girl and like it, it doesn’t have to be issue. Look at me - I might not be out, but I know what I’m into. We can still do this without it becoming a crusade or something.”
“I know - I just don’t know if I’m ready to accept this yet. Kris, I’ve had boyfriends too and that felt pretty good. At least they never made me want to run away.”
“Do I make you want to run away?”
I sighed. “Of course not. You just make me want things I’ve been trying to tell myself I didn’t. I guess - I guess this just isn’t a choice I ever thought I’d have to make.”
Kristy sat up, not bothering to pull the covers over herself. “You don’t have to make a choice, Dawn, you just need to do whatever makes you happy. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to be your friend or your girlfriend or whatever it is you need, however long it takes to figure that out.” She kissed my forehead softly.
As she left she looked at me and smiled, a smile that lit up her face and made me want to pull her back to me. “I really am glad you’re back Dawn. I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Kris.”
* * *
When the doorbell rings a few minutes later, I figure Kristy has forgotten her bra or something. I jog down the stairs, shrugging on a sweater as I open the door, and Stacey barges past me into the hallway.
“I saw Kristy leaving,” she states as she stands in my living room, one manicured hand on her hip. “Why did you bring her home on your first day in Stoneybrook?”
“We were just…catching up.” I know it sounds lame, and I don’t know why I lie, but I can’t bring myself to tell her that I’ve just had sex with another girl. Although I have a feeling she knows.
She steps forward, coming eye-to eye with me, so much taller than Kristy. When she kisses me, it’s hard and possessive, and doesn’t feel anything like the other kisses I’ve received this afternoon, but I respond anyway because it’s Stacey and I’ve waited four years to do this again.
“You could have had this, Dawn,” she tells me, stepping away so much sooner than I would like. “Every day, you could have had this, but you chose to leave. And then you came back and chose Kristy Thomas. It’s your loss, you know?”
She leaves, and now the taste of apple on my lips is sour. The truth is, my problem is not that I don’t want to be a lesbian. It is, and has always been, that I’m not sure I want to be a lesbian with anyone other than Stacey McGill. And this is not something that Kristy Thomas can fix with a smile.