Abby round fic: Everything Changes
My first fic, yay!!
Title: Everything Changes
Author: leithal
Pairing: Abby/Shannon (although the pairing has ended up really secondary in this story, sorry if that's a letdown)
Timeline: summer after first year of college
Disclaimer: not mine, I just play here
Words: somewhere around 3,800
For: midnightwriting, who wanted Anna to be jealous (but not because she has a crush on Shannon - because Shannon is her BFF)
“Anna? Anna! I'm going out,” I yelled up the stairs in the direction of my twin sister's bedroom. I waited, then having received no response turned towards the front door - which is of course when Anna appeared at the top of the stairs.
“Is Mom home yet?” Anna asked.
I snorted. I figured I didn't actually need to say anything - Mom is never home. Anna sighed, nodded, and tried another question. “Where are you going?”
“Park for awhile. Maybe a movie.”
“Who you going with?”
“...Shannon.”
Anna sighed again and disappeared back into her room without saying anything else. A moment later, I heard the sound of her violin. I rolled my eyes and headed out the door to meet Shannon.
Shannon Kilbourne is my across-the-street neighbour when we are at home in Stoneybrook, Connecticut. She is also my roommate when we are away at college (U of Michigan, Ann Arbor campus, where we started last September). She is also currently my girlfriend. And until recently, I would have said that she is also Anna's best friend - or maybe second-best friend, since Anna is supposed to be my best friend, except for the fact that Anna doesn't seem to like either one of us very much at all at the moment.
Although we had spent quite a bit of time together with Anna and with bigger groups of friends, Shannon and I were never close before we moved away from Stoneybrook - we never seemed to have much in common, unless you count the fact that we both (although at different times) replaced Dawn Schafer as Alternate Officer in the now-defunct BSC. But we always got along okay, and we figured that having each other's friendly faces in a new place would be good, so we signed up as roommates.
The roommate thing worked out better than expected. As roommates, Shannon and I are extremely compatible - we have similar sleeping schedules, we're both kind of laid-back, I'm messy and Shannon is neat but we don't really make each other uptight about it, and we ended up with a lot of friends in common. Which shouldn't have surprised us as much as it did, come to think of it, since we were both really close with Anna.
Anna had decided to take a year off to work and travel before she started university (she'll be starting at Oberlin Conservatory of Music this coming fall), so between September and winter holiday she was in Stoneybrook, juggling three different part-time jobs, and then in January she took off for Europe to visit a lot of famous composers' birthplaces and to volunteer in elementary schools.
By the holiday (Christmas for Shannon and most of the rest of Stoneybrook, Hanukkah for me and Anna), Shannon and I had been living together for three and a half months, so of course we had a lot of inside jokes and stories from our first semester - and Anna was surprised and upset when we came home for the holiday. She'd been to visit us in Ann Arbor twice, so she had met most of our college friends and of course we had both been talking to her a lot on the phone and on ICQ, so she had heard a lot of our stories - and in Ann Arbor, she had seemed thrilled that her twin and her best friend were getting along so well. But when we got back to Stoneybrook, I think that was the first time any of us realized how much the dynamic between the three of us had really shifted.
Halfway through second semester, Shannon and I got together as a couple. It's casual - we're both open to dating other people; Shannon's not really all that convinced at this point that she doesn't like boys (as for me, I've been pretty sure that I don't much like boys since about ninth grade). Unfortunately, although we did tell Anna about us, while she was travelling we didn't have very many opportunities to really talk to her about it. And now that we're all back in Stoneybrook for the summer, with me and Shannon together, things with Anna are worse than ever.
Remembering all of this, I was frustrated by the time I got across the street to Shannon's house. I rang the doorbell and stood irritably on the front porch until thirteen-year-old Maria Kilbourne opened the door. She didn't say anything - she's been awkward with us since Shannon told her that we're going out - she just turned and beckoned me into the foyer before taking off to find Shannon. I stepped inside and scowled at the wallpaper as my eyes began to water (the Kilbournes have a big dog, Astrid, and I am way allergic to pet dander), and only turned when I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. It wasn't Shannon. It was her other younger sister, sixteen-year-old Tiffany, who hasn't been awkward with us at all. I must still have been scowling, because Tiffany scowled back at me before sticking out her tongue, grinning, and wandering away. It was the kind of wordless exchange that lifted my mood a little, but only a little.
Shannon finally appeared in the foyer and gave me a quick kiss hello.
“You look morose,” she said. “Anna again?”
“Still.”
“Shit.”
I sneezed. Shannon laughed and reached around me to open the front door, and we escaped into the fresh air.
“You didn't even make a stupid joke about... anything,” Shannon gave me a sidelong glance as we headed down the porch steps and towards the sidewalk. “It's really bad, isn't it?”
I nodded. We turned onto the sidewalk and headed towards the park.
“I don't know what to do about it, Shan. You're right, I don't even feel like cracking stupid jokes. And the house is so... quiet when we're fighting. I hate it.”
“Did you even bother asking her to come with us?”
“Nah. I stopped asking a couple days ago - no point. She says no every single time.”
“I don't know what to do about it, though, other than to keep inviting her,” said Shannon. “I mean, it's not like we're big on PDAs... we're not the kind of gross all-over-each-other couple that's no fun to hang out with. Hanging out with the three of us now isn't any different from hanging out with the three of us before. I don't really get why she's so against this!”
I was silent for a minute before answering, “You know what? I don't really want to talk about it. Too depressing. Hey, look at that car - it kind of looks like Charlie Thomas's old Junk Bucket. Ten bucks says it won't even make it to the corner before the fender falls off...”
Shannon agreed to the bet, and of course the car did make it to the corner with its precarious-looking fender still attached. So after a leisurely and pleasant wander through the park, I paid my debt in the form of a matinee movie ticket and a root beer and large popcorn to share, and I almost managed to forget about the fact that Anna and I were hardly speaking.
Almost.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Dinner at Casa Stevenson was a silent affair that evening, with Anna and I heating up seperate microwave dinners at seperate times and eating in seperate rooms (me in the family room with the TV on and Anna in the sunroom with a book), and Mom arriving home late, tired, and cranky (as usual). At around 10:15 pm, I realized that I really had no idea what I had been watching for the past hour at least, turned off the TV, and headed up the stairs.
I ran into Anna at the bathroom door on my way to brush my teeth.
“Um... hi,” I began, awkwardly.
“Hi?” It was more of a question than a real greeting.
“Yeah. So. Did you... get a lot of practicing done today?” I winced. Way to go, Abby. Practicing? For real? Loser.
“Um. Yeah. Um - did you have a nice afternoon? Was the movie good?”
“Mm-hmm. Funny. In a relatively allergen-free theatre, too - good all the way around,” I grinned uncertainly.
“That's good. I guess. I mean... it is - it's good. Listen - do you... do you want to hang out tomorrow afternoon, maybe? We could go to the pool or something. If you want to?”
“Dude. Of course I want to! I mean... yeah. Definitely. Yeah.”
“Okay, good. See you... tomorrow. In the morning, maybe. If you're up before lunch. Night, Abby.” Anna gave me a quick squeeze and hurried into her bedroom. I stood in the empty hallway staring at her door for a full minute before finally going into the bathroom.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The community pool was crowded. Anna and I staked out a corner and spent a happy hour and a half floating, splashing, tossing a ball haphazardly back and forth, and chatting. Anna had gotten her residence assignment for Oberlin - her graduating marks from SHS were high enough that she had been able to request a single room - and had spent that morning (while I was still fast asleep, as she had predicted) looking up information online about the hall where she would be living come September. She told me about how she was excited, and nervous, and having trouble settling back into her “former life” in Stoneybrook since arriving home at the end of her four and a half months in Europe. I told her ridiculous stories about having to share residence bathrooms and pulling all-nighters to finish papers and having pizza delivered at four in the morning during finals week. We didn't talk about Shannon.
“I can book a practice room when I arrive on campus,” Anna was saying as we biked home, “They're soundproofed, so I can practice every day without disturbing anybody... and I'll have private lessons once a week and masterclasses and there are two orchestras I want to audition for, and...” she trailed off as we turned into our driveway. Shannon was sitting on the steps of our front porch. Beside me, I heard the sharp intake of breath that I knew would be directly followed by Anna's soft sigh.
I rolled my eyes. It's like an automatic reaction when Anna sighs like that. Shannon jumped up from her seat on the steps.
“Hi! Hi. Hi, sweetie... hi, Anna. Tiffany and Maria's bickering was driving me crazy, I had to escape. Want to see if Kristy's around, and order Chinese or something?” I could feel how tense Anna had gotten, and turned my head slightly to try and gauge the look on her face. She didn't say anything, but she nodded tightly and veered off towards the Thomas-Brewers' house next door.
I rolled my eyes again. “I assume you meant see if Kristy's around, like, after Anna and I change out of our swimsuits? Maybe, you know, after we hang out here and exchange small talk for a few minutes?”
“Yeah, kinda,” Shannon gave me a small, sad smile and dropped back down onto the top step. I leaned down to kiss the top of her head and squeezed her shoulder as I passed her on my way into the house. I quickly changed into a clean tank top and almost-clean shorts and barrelled back downstairs, bursting through the front door and back onto the porch just as Anna and Kristy appeared from next door. Anna mumbled something about getting changed herself, and went inside.
Kristy shot me a look, then turned it on Shannon, who shrugged. Kristy looked back at me. I just managed to stop myself from rolling my eyes yet again. “She's still being weird,” I said instead. Kristy shook her head and sprawled on the steps beside Shannon. I leaned against the railing and changed the subject.
“Thomas. Tell us stories. What's the stupidest thing you've done this week?”
Shannon snorted and looked at Kristy expectantly; Kristy appeared deep in thought for a moment before replying, “I finished the Cheerios at breakfast on Wednesday.”
“The stupidest thing you have done this week is eat Cheerios?” I must have looked incredulous, because Kristy grinned sheepishly and explained, “It was stupid in that Mom, Sam, and Karen were all counting on there still being Cheerios, and I forgot to put them on the grocery list once I had finished them.”
We were smiling by the time Anna reappered from inside the house with a fistful of takeout menus. “Chinese, pizza, or Mexican?”
“I vote for... Chinese,” said Shannon, at the same time as I said, “Pizza!” and Kristy said, “Mexican! I think.”
Anna actually laughed - the first time she had laughed around me and Shannon at the same time all summer. “Well then I get to be the tie-breaking vote, and I want chicken fried rice. Chinese it is. I'll call - what do we want?” There were a few chaotic minutes as we all shouted our orders simultaneously, and then Anna went inside to make the call.
* * * * * * * * * * *
As the sky deepened into evening and we lay on the front lawn and watched the few stars that we could see above the streetlights appear one by one, it felt almost like old times - towards the end of high school, the four of us had spent many evenings like this, the fact that we lived so close together lending itself well to such informal gatherings. In our stories about our year away, Shannon and I avoided references to our relationship and tried to stick to stories centering around the activities we didn't share in Ann Arbor - Shannon focused mostly on the frustration of learning yet another new language (German; she already speaks French and Spanish near-fluently) for her linguistics and languages degree, and talked about her plans to get involved in the university theatre community in the upcoming year. I fell back on stories about my classes (I'm doing a combined program in sociology/anthropology) and my friends from the soccer team. Anna told us about some of the amazing European cities that she had visited while we were all away at school, and Kristy mostly complained about the simplicity of her business courses at the University of Connecticut (“Seriously, this first year stuff? I was already good at it in eighth grade, or else the BSC never would have survived...”).
Eventually the conversation died down, and Shannon sighed and pulled herself up onto her elbows. “I better get home,” she said, “Mom's taking Maria to Stamford for a swimming thing tomorrow, and I promised I'd get up early and go with so that we can spend the day together in the city until said swimming thing is done. Thanks for the company.” She leaned over and kissed my temple, and I turned my head and caught her lips with mine.
It wasn't a long kiss, but Anna scowled and stood up unceremoniously. “I haven't practiced today,” she said, “And I have to get an hour in before bed. See you.” She bolted for the house.
Shannon looked crushed, I didn't bother stopping myself from a good eyeroll, and Kristy watched Anna's retreating back thoughtfully.
“I really do have to go,” Shannon said quietly. “I'm sorry for ruining a nice evening.”
I squeezed her hand. “Don't worry about it, Shan - it was nice, but you and I also spent the whole time talking about everything except the things we share, so it's not like it was really real anyway.”
She shook her head, defeated, and turned to go.
“You know,” mused Kristy once Shannon was out of earshot, “I had a really hard time with it when Mary Anne started dating Logan back in eighth grade. And then when she started dating - oh god, I can't even remember his name. What was his name? You know, the one in ninth grade. And then Dan Parker in eleventh grade. It was like, I'd be used to having Mary Anne all to myself, and then she'd get a boyfriend and then I'd have to get used to him and then they'd go and break up and then I'd just be getting used to having Mary Anne all to myself again when she'd start going out with someone else and I'd have to do it again. It kind of sucked.”
“But you didn't get all hostile about it!” I protested, “And anyway, we keep inviting Anna to come with us... we're not leaving her out at all!”
Kristy reached over and flicked the side of my head with her forefinger. “Shut up, Stevenson, I wasn't finished yet. Also, Karen hated Bart even though he never really even was my boyfriend, and the only reason she's okay with Ian now is the fact that she's got a new boyfriend every week herself. And maybe the fact that he doesn't actually live in Stoneybrook. And she was hostile with Bart, although I'm perfectly willing to acknowledge that that's just because she's Karen... anyway, my point is that Anna has double the adjustment to make right now. She's not just dealing with her sister's new love, or her best friend's new love - she's stuck with both at the same time. And to make it worse, she must feel like she's losing the two people she cares about the most to each other. She used to be the most important person for both of you when the three of you hung out, and now she's the third wheel. It's gotta be hard.”
“Oh. That... actually makes sense. I'm a huge tool, aren't I?”
“Nah, you're just not good at seeing things from outside of your own perspective. Apparently no one is, at our age. That's what Charlie keeps telling me. As if he's actually that much older and wiser, or particularly good at it himself... it would be an okay skill to have, I guess, but I think I'd settle for learning something about business by the end of college that I don't already know. Listen, I should get going. Good luck with Anna.”
“Thanks, Kristy. I think the lecture helped - I'll let you know.”
She nodded and waved over her shoulder as she cut across the lawn and scaled the fence between our houses, disappearing with a soft *thud* on the other side.
I lay on my back on the lawn for a long while after that, turning her words over and over in my mind before finally dragging myself up the stairs and - with a grimace - setting my alarm for 7:30 the next morning.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Anna looked shocked when I appeared in the kitchen before 8 am on a Saturday.
I ignored her incredulous look. “Morning,” I tried to sound wide-awake and cheerful. I think I almost succeeded. “Want to walk to the farmer's market?”
“You're never up in time for the farmer's market. I didn't know you even knew what a farmer's market was.”
“Well then... surprise! Come on, let's go for a walk. I want to talk to you.”
“I... I want to talk to you, too. Let me brush my hair and put some shoes on.”
We left the house in silence and made it as far as the road before we turned to each other and started talking at the same time.
“Listen, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with me and Shannon,” I said, just as Anna began, “I'm sorry I've been such a jerk, it's just that I'm having a hard time with -” we both stopped. “Yeah. With you and Shannon,” she finished lamely.
“I didn't really think about why you were upset about it till last night. And then I only realized because Kristy told me... I'm the one who's been a jerk, Anna. A thick, stupid, idiot jerk. I'm sorry.”
“Well, it's not like I've been any better. I've been acting kind of like a petulant five-year-old.”
“Is there any way we can make it easier on you? I mean, does it help if we tell you that neither one of us expects our relationship to last forever - it's just fun right now? Or, should we stop inviting you out with us, or keep inviting you, or... I don't know - I don't think we can talk any less about our relationship while you're around, but I guess I could try, or...”
“Abby, Abby, stop. I'll get used to it - I'm getting used to it. Don't change. I don't want you to change. I don't want Shannon to change, either, but you both have and I'm just kind of sad that I wasn't there to change with you. But I've changed, too - I did and saw all these amazing things in Europe that I couldn't share with either one of you. And you're going to go back to Ann Arbor, and I'm going to go off to Oberlin, and we're going to come back next summer and we're going to be different again, because growing up sucks.”
“It's also kind of cool,” I pointed out, “You can reach stuff on tall shelves. And make your own bad decisions about your own schoolwork. And take off for freaking Europe by yourself!” Anna grinned and nodded, and I couldn't resist adding one more. “And I have to say, dude, kissing is also very good. I should have started dating way sooner.”
For a split second, I thought I'd gone too far - Anna drew her breath in sharply and I expected the sad sigh, but instead she laughed. And laughed and laughed. Immensely relieved, I laughed too.
“I will try not to be totally awkward about you and Shannon,” Anna said finally, catching her breath. “It might be hard sometimes, but I'll try. Meanwhile, however, I hear she's away in Stamford all day today, so I want you all to myself till she gets home. And look! You've obliged me by getting up at a sensible hour, so we have extra hours to spend together. Let's go - there are fresh vegetables waiting for us, and that's just the beginning...”
And with that, my twin took off down the street and I took off after her, feeling lighter than I had in weeks.
Or maybe it was actually dizziness resulting from being awake so early in the morning. Sometimes it's hard to tell one lightheaded feeling from another.
Title: Everything Changes
Author: leithal
Pairing: Abby/Shannon (although the pairing has ended up really secondary in this story, sorry if that's a letdown)
Timeline: summer after first year of college
Disclaimer: not mine, I just play here
Words: somewhere around 3,800
For: midnightwriting, who wanted Anna to be jealous (but not because she has a crush on Shannon - because Shannon is her BFF)
“Anna? Anna! I'm going out,” I yelled up the stairs in the direction of my twin sister's bedroom. I waited, then having received no response turned towards the front door - which is of course when Anna appeared at the top of the stairs.
“Is Mom home yet?” Anna asked.
I snorted. I figured I didn't actually need to say anything - Mom is never home. Anna sighed, nodded, and tried another question. “Where are you going?”
“Park for awhile. Maybe a movie.”
“Who you going with?”
“...Shannon.”
Anna sighed again and disappeared back into her room without saying anything else. A moment later, I heard the sound of her violin. I rolled my eyes and headed out the door to meet Shannon.
Shannon Kilbourne is my across-the-street neighbour when we are at home in Stoneybrook, Connecticut. She is also my roommate when we are away at college (U of Michigan, Ann Arbor campus, where we started last September). She is also currently my girlfriend. And until recently, I would have said that she is also Anna's best friend - or maybe second-best friend, since Anna is supposed to be my best friend, except for the fact that Anna doesn't seem to like either one of us very much at all at the moment.
Although we had spent quite a bit of time together with Anna and with bigger groups of friends, Shannon and I were never close before we moved away from Stoneybrook - we never seemed to have much in common, unless you count the fact that we both (although at different times) replaced Dawn Schafer as Alternate Officer in the now-defunct BSC. But we always got along okay, and we figured that having each other's friendly faces in a new place would be good, so we signed up as roommates.
The roommate thing worked out better than expected. As roommates, Shannon and I are extremely compatible - we have similar sleeping schedules, we're both kind of laid-back, I'm messy and Shannon is neat but we don't really make each other uptight about it, and we ended up with a lot of friends in common. Which shouldn't have surprised us as much as it did, come to think of it, since we were both really close with Anna.
Anna had decided to take a year off to work and travel before she started university (she'll be starting at Oberlin Conservatory of Music this coming fall), so between September and winter holiday she was in Stoneybrook, juggling three different part-time jobs, and then in January she took off for Europe to visit a lot of famous composers' birthplaces and to volunteer in elementary schools.
By the holiday (Christmas for Shannon and most of the rest of Stoneybrook, Hanukkah for me and Anna), Shannon and I had been living together for three and a half months, so of course we had a lot of inside jokes and stories from our first semester - and Anna was surprised and upset when we came home for the holiday. She'd been to visit us in Ann Arbor twice, so she had met most of our college friends and of course we had both been talking to her a lot on the phone and on ICQ, so she had heard a lot of our stories - and in Ann Arbor, she had seemed thrilled that her twin and her best friend were getting along so well. But when we got back to Stoneybrook, I think that was the first time any of us realized how much the dynamic between the three of us had really shifted.
Halfway through second semester, Shannon and I got together as a couple. It's casual - we're both open to dating other people; Shannon's not really all that convinced at this point that she doesn't like boys (as for me, I've been pretty sure that I don't much like boys since about ninth grade). Unfortunately, although we did tell Anna about us, while she was travelling we didn't have very many opportunities to really talk to her about it. And now that we're all back in Stoneybrook for the summer, with me and Shannon together, things with Anna are worse than ever.
Remembering all of this, I was frustrated by the time I got across the street to Shannon's house. I rang the doorbell and stood irritably on the front porch until thirteen-year-old Maria Kilbourne opened the door. She didn't say anything - she's been awkward with us since Shannon told her that we're going out - she just turned and beckoned me into the foyer before taking off to find Shannon. I stepped inside and scowled at the wallpaper as my eyes began to water (the Kilbournes have a big dog, Astrid, and I am way allergic to pet dander), and only turned when I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. It wasn't Shannon. It was her other younger sister, sixteen-year-old Tiffany, who hasn't been awkward with us at all. I must still have been scowling, because Tiffany scowled back at me before sticking out her tongue, grinning, and wandering away. It was the kind of wordless exchange that lifted my mood a little, but only a little.
Shannon finally appeared in the foyer and gave me a quick kiss hello.
“You look morose,” she said. “Anna again?”
“Still.”
“Shit.”
I sneezed. Shannon laughed and reached around me to open the front door, and we escaped into the fresh air.
“You didn't even make a stupid joke about... anything,” Shannon gave me a sidelong glance as we headed down the porch steps and towards the sidewalk. “It's really bad, isn't it?”
I nodded. We turned onto the sidewalk and headed towards the park.
“I don't know what to do about it, Shan. You're right, I don't even feel like cracking stupid jokes. And the house is so... quiet when we're fighting. I hate it.”
“Did you even bother asking her to come with us?”
“Nah. I stopped asking a couple days ago - no point. She says no every single time.”
“I don't know what to do about it, though, other than to keep inviting her,” said Shannon. “I mean, it's not like we're big on PDAs... we're not the kind of gross all-over-each-other couple that's no fun to hang out with. Hanging out with the three of us now isn't any different from hanging out with the three of us before. I don't really get why she's so against this!”
I was silent for a minute before answering, “You know what? I don't really want to talk about it. Too depressing. Hey, look at that car - it kind of looks like Charlie Thomas's old Junk Bucket. Ten bucks says it won't even make it to the corner before the fender falls off...”
Shannon agreed to the bet, and of course the car did make it to the corner with its precarious-looking fender still attached. So after a leisurely and pleasant wander through the park, I paid my debt in the form of a matinee movie ticket and a root beer and large popcorn to share, and I almost managed to forget about the fact that Anna and I were hardly speaking.
Almost.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Dinner at Casa Stevenson was a silent affair that evening, with Anna and I heating up seperate microwave dinners at seperate times and eating in seperate rooms (me in the family room with the TV on and Anna in the sunroom with a book), and Mom arriving home late, tired, and cranky (as usual). At around 10:15 pm, I realized that I really had no idea what I had been watching for the past hour at least, turned off the TV, and headed up the stairs.
I ran into Anna at the bathroom door on my way to brush my teeth.
“Um... hi,” I began, awkwardly.
“Hi?” It was more of a question than a real greeting.
“Yeah. So. Did you... get a lot of practicing done today?” I winced. Way to go, Abby. Practicing? For real? Loser.
“Um. Yeah. Um - did you have a nice afternoon? Was the movie good?”
“Mm-hmm. Funny. In a relatively allergen-free theatre, too - good all the way around,” I grinned uncertainly.
“That's good. I guess. I mean... it is - it's good. Listen - do you... do you want to hang out tomorrow afternoon, maybe? We could go to the pool or something. If you want to?”
“Dude. Of course I want to! I mean... yeah. Definitely. Yeah.”
“Okay, good. See you... tomorrow. In the morning, maybe. If you're up before lunch. Night, Abby.” Anna gave me a quick squeeze and hurried into her bedroom. I stood in the empty hallway staring at her door for a full minute before finally going into the bathroom.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The community pool was crowded. Anna and I staked out a corner and spent a happy hour and a half floating, splashing, tossing a ball haphazardly back and forth, and chatting. Anna had gotten her residence assignment for Oberlin - her graduating marks from SHS were high enough that she had been able to request a single room - and had spent that morning (while I was still fast asleep, as she had predicted) looking up information online about the hall where she would be living come September. She told me about how she was excited, and nervous, and having trouble settling back into her “former life” in Stoneybrook since arriving home at the end of her four and a half months in Europe. I told her ridiculous stories about having to share residence bathrooms and pulling all-nighters to finish papers and having pizza delivered at four in the morning during finals week. We didn't talk about Shannon.
“I can book a practice room when I arrive on campus,” Anna was saying as we biked home, “They're soundproofed, so I can practice every day without disturbing anybody... and I'll have private lessons once a week and masterclasses and there are two orchestras I want to audition for, and...” she trailed off as we turned into our driveway. Shannon was sitting on the steps of our front porch. Beside me, I heard the sharp intake of breath that I knew would be directly followed by Anna's soft sigh.
I rolled my eyes. It's like an automatic reaction when Anna sighs like that. Shannon jumped up from her seat on the steps.
“Hi! Hi. Hi, sweetie... hi, Anna. Tiffany and Maria's bickering was driving me crazy, I had to escape. Want to see if Kristy's around, and order Chinese or something?” I could feel how tense Anna had gotten, and turned my head slightly to try and gauge the look on her face. She didn't say anything, but she nodded tightly and veered off towards the Thomas-Brewers' house next door.
I rolled my eyes again. “I assume you meant see if Kristy's around, like, after Anna and I change out of our swimsuits? Maybe, you know, after we hang out here and exchange small talk for a few minutes?”
“Yeah, kinda,” Shannon gave me a small, sad smile and dropped back down onto the top step. I leaned down to kiss the top of her head and squeezed her shoulder as I passed her on my way into the house. I quickly changed into a clean tank top and almost-clean shorts and barrelled back downstairs, bursting through the front door and back onto the porch just as Anna and Kristy appeared from next door. Anna mumbled something about getting changed herself, and went inside.
Kristy shot me a look, then turned it on Shannon, who shrugged. Kristy looked back at me. I just managed to stop myself from rolling my eyes yet again. “She's still being weird,” I said instead. Kristy shook her head and sprawled on the steps beside Shannon. I leaned against the railing and changed the subject.
“Thomas. Tell us stories. What's the stupidest thing you've done this week?”
Shannon snorted and looked at Kristy expectantly; Kristy appeared deep in thought for a moment before replying, “I finished the Cheerios at breakfast on Wednesday.”
“The stupidest thing you have done this week is eat Cheerios?” I must have looked incredulous, because Kristy grinned sheepishly and explained, “It was stupid in that Mom, Sam, and Karen were all counting on there still being Cheerios, and I forgot to put them on the grocery list once I had finished them.”
We were smiling by the time Anna reappered from inside the house with a fistful of takeout menus. “Chinese, pizza, or Mexican?”
“I vote for... Chinese,” said Shannon, at the same time as I said, “Pizza!” and Kristy said, “Mexican! I think.”
Anna actually laughed - the first time she had laughed around me and Shannon at the same time all summer. “Well then I get to be the tie-breaking vote, and I want chicken fried rice. Chinese it is. I'll call - what do we want?” There were a few chaotic minutes as we all shouted our orders simultaneously, and then Anna went inside to make the call.
* * * * * * * * * * *
As the sky deepened into evening and we lay on the front lawn and watched the few stars that we could see above the streetlights appear one by one, it felt almost like old times - towards the end of high school, the four of us had spent many evenings like this, the fact that we lived so close together lending itself well to such informal gatherings. In our stories about our year away, Shannon and I avoided references to our relationship and tried to stick to stories centering around the activities we didn't share in Ann Arbor - Shannon focused mostly on the frustration of learning yet another new language (German; she already speaks French and Spanish near-fluently) for her linguistics and languages degree, and talked about her plans to get involved in the university theatre community in the upcoming year. I fell back on stories about my classes (I'm doing a combined program in sociology/anthropology) and my friends from the soccer team. Anna told us about some of the amazing European cities that she had visited while we were all away at school, and Kristy mostly complained about the simplicity of her business courses at the University of Connecticut (“Seriously, this first year stuff? I was already good at it in eighth grade, or else the BSC never would have survived...”).
Eventually the conversation died down, and Shannon sighed and pulled herself up onto her elbows. “I better get home,” she said, “Mom's taking Maria to Stamford for a swimming thing tomorrow, and I promised I'd get up early and go with so that we can spend the day together in the city until said swimming thing is done. Thanks for the company.” She leaned over and kissed my temple, and I turned my head and caught her lips with mine.
It wasn't a long kiss, but Anna scowled and stood up unceremoniously. “I haven't practiced today,” she said, “And I have to get an hour in before bed. See you.” She bolted for the house.
Shannon looked crushed, I didn't bother stopping myself from a good eyeroll, and Kristy watched Anna's retreating back thoughtfully.
“I really do have to go,” Shannon said quietly. “I'm sorry for ruining a nice evening.”
I squeezed her hand. “Don't worry about it, Shan - it was nice, but you and I also spent the whole time talking about everything except the things we share, so it's not like it was really real anyway.”
She shook her head, defeated, and turned to go.
“You know,” mused Kristy once Shannon was out of earshot, “I had a really hard time with it when Mary Anne started dating Logan back in eighth grade. And then when she started dating - oh god, I can't even remember his name. What was his name? You know, the one in ninth grade. And then Dan Parker in eleventh grade. It was like, I'd be used to having Mary Anne all to myself, and then she'd get a boyfriend and then I'd have to get used to him and then they'd go and break up and then I'd just be getting used to having Mary Anne all to myself again when she'd start going out with someone else and I'd have to do it again. It kind of sucked.”
“But you didn't get all hostile about it!” I protested, “And anyway, we keep inviting Anna to come with us... we're not leaving her out at all!”
Kristy reached over and flicked the side of my head with her forefinger. “Shut up, Stevenson, I wasn't finished yet. Also, Karen hated Bart even though he never really even was my boyfriend, and the only reason she's okay with Ian now is the fact that she's got a new boyfriend every week herself. And maybe the fact that he doesn't actually live in Stoneybrook. And she was hostile with Bart, although I'm perfectly willing to acknowledge that that's just because she's Karen... anyway, my point is that Anna has double the adjustment to make right now. She's not just dealing with her sister's new love, or her best friend's new love - she's stuck with both at the same time. And to make it worse, she must feel like she's losing the two people she cares about the most to each other. She used to be the most important person for both of you when the three of you hung out, and now she's the third wheel. It's gotta be hard.”
“Oh. That... actually makes sense. I'm a huge tool, aren't I?”
“Nah, you're just not good at seeing things from outside of your own perspective. Apparently no one is, at our age. That's what Charlie keeps telling me. As if he's actually that much older and wiser, or particularly good at it himself... it would be an okay skill to have, I guess, but I think I'd settle for learning something about business by the end of college that I don't already know. Listen, I should get going. Good luck with Anna.”
“Thanks, Kristy. I think the lecture helped - I'll let you know.”
She nodded and waved over her shoulder as she cut across the lawn and scaled the fence between our houses, disappearing with a soft *thud* on the other side.
I lay on my back on the lawn for a long while after that, turning her words over and over in my mind before finally dragging myself up the stairs and - with a grimace - setting my alarm for 7:30 the next morning.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Anna looked shocked when I appeared in the kitchen before 8 am on a Saturday.
I ignored her incredulous look. “Morning,” I tried to sound wide-awake and cheerful. I think I almost succeeded. “Want to walk to the farmer's market?”
“You're never up in time for the farmer's market. I didn't know you even knew what a farmer's market was.”
“Well then... surprise! Come on, let's go for a walk. I want to talk to you.”
“I... I want to talk to you, too. Let me brush my hair and put some shoes on.”
We left the house in silence and made it as far as the road before we turned to each other and started talking at the same time.
“Listen, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with me and Shannon,” I said, just as Anna began, “I'm sorry I've been such a jerk, it's just that I'm having a hard time with -” we both stopped. “Yeah. With you and Shannon,” she finished lamely.
“I didn't really think about why you were upset about it till last night. And then I only realized because Kristy told me... I'm the one who's been a jerk, Anna. A thick, stupid, idiot jerk. I'm sorry.”
“Well, it's not like I've been any better. I've been acting kind of like a petulant five-year-old.”
“Is there any way we can make it easier on you? I mean, does it help if we tell you that neither one of us expects our relationship to last forever - it's just fun right now? Or, should we stop inviting you out with us, or keep inviting you, or... I don't know - I don't think we can talk any less about our relationship while you're around, but I guess I could try, or...”
“Abby, Abby, stop. I'll get used to it - I'm getting used to it. Don't change. I don't want you to change. I don't want Shannon to change, either, but you both have and I'm just kind of sad that I wasn't there to change with you. But I've changed, too - I did and saw all these amazing things in Europe that I couldn't share with either one of you. And you're going to go back to Ann Arbor, and I'm going to go off to Oberlin, and we're going to come back next summer and we're going to be different again, because growing up sucks.”
“It's also kind of cool,” I pointed out, “You can reach stuff on tall shelves. And make your own bad decisions about your own schoolwork. And take off for freaking Europe by yourself!” Anna grinned and nodded, and I couldn't resist adding one more. “And I have to say, dude, kissing is also very good. I should have started dating way sooner.”
For a split second, I thought I'd gone too far - Anna drew her breath in sharply and I expected the sad sigh, but instead she laughed. And laughed and laughed. Immensely relieved, I laughed too.
“I will try not to be totally awkward about you and Shannon,” Anna said finally, catching her breath. “It might be hard sometimes, but I'll try. Meanwhile, however, I hear she's away in Stamford all day today, so I want you all to myself till she gets home. And look! You've obliged me by getting up at a sensible hour, so we have extra hours to spend together. Let's go - there are fresh vegetables waiting for us, and that's just the beginning...”
And with that, my twin took off down the street and I took off after her, feeling lighter than I had in weeks.
Or maybe it was actually dizziness resulting from being awake so early in the morning. Sometimes it's hard to tell one lightheaded feeling from another.