"It hurts me so much and I'm not quite sure I care anymore..."
"Lie to me give me something worth living for tell me a reason worth fighting for give me anything anything to keep me breathing"
well i havnt updated in a really long time i guess or it just seems like a long time when really it hasnt been too long it's just a lot has happened in the past few days..but i guess i should start w/states..so sunday i got up and i iced and heated on and off from the time i got up and my back was feeling a little bit better and i felt like there was hope so i got to states and i watched k. brown who did awesome and made it to regionals yay! then it was kp and i's turn we started on floor which sucked b/c my 3rd tumbling pass during warmups was a 1 1/2 and that was the end of states for me my back was in the worst pain i think i've ever felt in my entire life and i just layed there for a second and i think that was the moment i knew i wouldn't be able to make it through the meet and that i think was the worst moment of my life right there just laying there knowing i couldn't finish so anyway i moved and got ice and told my coach i couldn't do make it through which she already knew needless to say..my mom wanted to leave b/c i couldn't do anything and i think she didn't want to see me cry after i touched every event but i felt i should stay there and support kp which was also hard..not to support kp but to watch everyone compete and have to touch everything...the ironic thing was that my coach said that they were the easiest routines of my life but..really they were the hardest..my goal for the season was to make it to level 9 regionals and i seriously worked harder this year than probably any other and you know what it taught me that hard work yea it doesn't pay off thats a lie...and while i was soo happy both my teammates made it to regionals it was sooo hard to have made that my goal and not have been able to even try and go for it b/c of my back and then watch both my teammates all happy b/c they made it..by the end idk if i was crying out of happiness for them or out of sympathy for myself..but yea im really glad they made it but my mom said im def. not allowed to go watch b/c idk she thinks ill get depressed or something which it probably would be depressing..it was also funny to me b/c my mom wanted to go home before awards and talked to phil about it and he was like well she can go but id really like her to stay and support kp b/c she's had a rough meet and my mom was like umm are u kidding..which i wanted to stay but still it was funny how im supposed to be the support network for someone who had a "rough meet" when i'm the one who had to sit there and watch my one goal for the season slip away but once again since im not the good one i dnt really matter goooo figure so i guess that was kind of irritating but oh well thats life..so anyway thats the worst day of my life in a nutshell..monday was pretty rough b/c i had school and people were asking about states and i had to talk about how i couldn't compete which i really just want to forget but hs practice was canceled yay and then tuesday/yesterday school was boring as usual and then i had hs practice where i couldn't do anything so i made up katies routine whoaa that was tiring..teaching routines is complicated as well as making them up..especially when the girl has a horrible memory lol uggg haha so yea the little things God does to pluck my nerves..i dnt think he likes me..accept he gave me the most amazing teammates/old teammates and friends so i can't complain...well i guess i can b/c a certain someone cough joanna cough cough didn't help me clean off my car yesterday! lol but thats ok ill just make her drive to the movies tonight hehehe but anyway so after hs gymnastics me, mary and lindsay went to the first hs meet of the season at annapolis to watch..we have no lives..which was ok...the teams surely aren't as strong as they were last year at all..heres the run down: -Broadneck: the girls are doing ok they have a HUGE team as usual and i mean HUGE and they have 2 club gymnasts one is a level 8 and the other, jo ann, who is usually my main competiton is injured and had surgery and then the boys team is good as usual but only has 3 members so yea..Old Mill- the girls team looks like it got a little bit bigger but their boys team who usually dominate and is usually large def. got smaller and isn't as good bc i think danny is hurt and bernard one of my fav. people ever..graduated last year and they are the main om competitors Severna Park- has both a huge girls and guys team both of which are decent they aren't great but they aren't horrible..i def. think the boys team could take counties this year since om lost so many people but who knows Annapolis- they have grown a bit in size..i def. think their boys team got bigger..Arundel- usually the dominating girls team under broadneck has almost all new girls and a very small team this year it looks like their whole girls team is gone and replaced w/new girls and their boys team who also used to be a decent size is down to ONE boy which is really REALLY weird for arundel..but hey maybe some people are just on vacation?..so yea thats whats up..hs gym feels so diff. now w/o the kids from last year :( ..but oh well i guess..after the meet i was waiting for lindsay and mary who were going to the br and the two judges wallked out both of whom i adore mrs mary beth and the other lady who im pretty sure isn't jan but i always get them confused but shes really nice nad she was judging vault at level 9 states and they were asking why i didn't compete and i had to explain my back to them but they were so nice and aww mrs mary beth is seriously my favorite shes just soooo nice! so yea anyway then this kid from sp who i met at the carnival last year and then forgot who he was again b/c he grew his hair out and i didn't recognize him so i asked a sp girl his name b/c i thought it was him so anyway he came out of the gym as mary and lindsay came out and was like hey why aren't u guys competeing so we tlked to him and then he went into the br and mary was like who was that and i was like josh duh! hah ok its hard to understand b/c she was mking fun of me for not remembering him hah ok but neway then we went to fuddruckers yummm and had cheeseburgers and ice cream yummm sooo good haha and then came home and went to bed..today i went in for all the tests and bone scans and what not which sucked and they gave me a shot in the hand which hurt like whoa and usually im good w/shots but yea that was reallly fun and now im just sitting around watching it rain uggg not cool but i think i may go to the movies tonight w/erin and jo to see the ring 2 woot woot haha i think andrew may have wanted to hang out but he got off before i could say he could come if he wanted but oh well haha not my fault but now i must go i want to take a nap before i do anything..
well i havnt updated in a really long time i guess or it just seems like a long time when really it hasnt been too long it's just a lot has happened in the past few days..but i guess i should start w/states..so sunday i got up and i iced and heated on and off from the time i got up and my back was feeling a little bit better and i felt like there was hope so i got to states and i watched k. brown who did awesome and made it to regionals yay! then it was kp and i's turn we started on floor which sucked b/c my 3rd tumbling pass during warmups was a 1 1/2 and that was the end of states for me my back was in the worst pain i think i've ever felt in my entire life and i just layed there for a second and i think that was the moment i knew i wouldn't be able to make it through the meet and that i think was the worst moment of my life right there just laying there knowing i couldn't finish so anyway i moved and got ice and told my coach i couldn't do make it through which she already knew needless to say..my mom wanted to leave b/c i couldn't do anything and i think she didn't want to see me cry after i touched every event but i felt i should stay there and support kp which was also hard..not to support kp but to watch everyone compete and have to touch everything...the ironic thing was that my coach said that they were the easiest routines of my life but..really they were the hardest..my goal for the season was to make it to level 9 regionals and i seriously worked harder this year than probably any other and you know what it taught me that hard work yea it doesn't pay off thats a lie...and while i was soo happy both my teammates made it to regionals it was sooo hard to have made that my goal and not have been able to even try and go for it b/c of my back and then watch both my teammates all happy b/c they made it..by the end idk if i was crying out of happiness for them or out of sympathy for myself..but yea im really glad they made it but my mom said im def. not allowed to go watch b/c idk she thinks ill get depressed or something which it probably would be depressing..it was also funny to me b/c my mom wanted to go home before awards and talked to phil about it and he was like well she can go but id really like her to stay and support kp b/c she's had a rough meet and my mom was like umm are u kidding..which i wanted to stay but still it was funny how im supposed to be the support network for someone who had a "rough meet" when i'm the one who had to sit there and watch my one goal for the season slip away but once again since im not the good one i dnt really matter goooo figure so i guess that was kind of irritating but oh well thats life..so anyway thats the worst day of my life in a nutshell..monday was pretty rough b/c i had school and people were asking about states and i had to talk about how i couldn't compete which i really just want to forget but hs practice was canceled yay and then tuesday/yesterday school was boring as usual and then i had hs practice where i couldn't do anything so i made up katies routine whoaa that was tiring..teaching routines is complicated as well as making them up..especially when the girl has a horrible memory lol uggg haha so yea the little things God does to pluck my nerves..i dnt think he likes me..accept he gave me the most amazing teammates/old teammates and friends so i can't complain...well i guess i can b/c a certain someone cough joanna cough cough didn't help me clean off my car yesterday! lol but thats ok ill just make her drive to the movies tonight hehehe but anyway so after hs gymnastics me, mary and lindsay went to the first hs meet of the season at annapolis to watch..we have no lives..which was ok...the teams surely aren't as strong as they were last year at all..heres the run down: -Broadneck: the girls are doing ok they have a HUGE team as usual and i mean HUGE and they have 2 club gymnasts one is a level 8 and the other, jo ann, who is usually my main competiton is injured and had surgery and then the boys team is good as usual but only has 3 members so yea..Old Mill- the girls team looks like it got a little bit bigger but their boys team who usually dominate and is usually large def. got smaller and isn't as good bc i think danny is hurt and bernard one of my fav. people ever..graduated last year and they are the main om competitors Severna Park- has both a huge girls and guys team both of which are decent they aren't great but they aren't horrible..i def. think the boys team could take counties this year since om lost so many people but who knows Annapolis- they have grown a bit in size..i def. think their boys team got bigger..Arundel- usually the dominating girls team under broadneck has almost all new girls and a very small team this year it looks like their whole girls team is gone and replaced w/new girls and their boys team who also used to be a decent size is down to ONE boy which is really REALLY weird for arundel..but hey maybe some people are just on vacation?..so yea thats whats up..hs gym feels so diff. now w/o the kids from last year :( ..but oh well i guess..after the meet i was waiting for lindsay and mary who were going to the br and the two judges wallked out both of whom i adore mrs mary beth and the other lady who im pretty sure isn't jan but i always get them confused but shes really nice nad she was judging vault at level 9 states and they were asking why i didn't compete and i had to explain my back to them but they were so nice and aww mrs mary beth is seriously my favorite shes just soooo nice! so yea anyway then this kid from sp who i met at the carnival last year and then forgot who he was again b/c he grew his hair out and i didn't recognize him so i asked a sp girl his name b/c i thought it was him so anyway he came out of the gym as mary and lindsay came out and was like hey why aren't u guys competeing so we tlked to him and then he went into the br and mary was like who was that and i was like josh duh! hah ok its hard to understand b/c she was mking fun of me for not remembering him hah ok but neway then we went to fuddruckers yummm and had cheeseburgers and ice cream yummm sooo good haha and then came home and went to bed..today i went in for all the tests and bone scans and what not which sucked and they gave me a shot in the hand which hurt like whoa and usually im good w/shots but yea that was reallly fun and now im just sitting around watching it rain uggg not cool but i think i may go to the movies tonight w/erin and jo to see the ring 2 woot woot haha i think andrew may have wanted to hang out but he got off before i could say he could come if he wanted but oh well haha not my fault but now i must go i want to take a nap before i do anything..