another poem. not as happy. haha.
Try not to scream. Don't react.
This is what reverberates through my mind as I try to cope.
This gut wrenching feeling won't rest.
I could feel the rage building up inside.
So much, I felt it was boiling my blood from within.
The livid responses I felt necessary to give
Were the furthest thing from thought at that moment.
Betrayal. Mistrust. Dishonesty.
Those are all the things you are, and ever will be to me now.
Sad that it must end like this. I don't want to be so cold.
I have seen you for who you truly are, however.
And you did this to yourself.
If you keep hitting a dog everytime it comes near for love,
Eventually it will refrain from your presence.
Forgiveness is an important thing,
But you must never forget as easily as you forgive.
Everything was an illusion. A game, perhaps.
Every word carefully mulled over, and placed accordingly to gain my trust.
What did I do to deserve this pain? Why are you doing this?
Torment of things past has come knocking on my door.
Did you enjoy yourself? I hope you did. I know you did.
Because destruction seems to be the thing you thrive upon.
Deceit is the name of your game.
Honesty is of no consequence to your depraved soul.
Thanks for waiting to slowly kill me like this. Well done.
Everything I knew was a lie. Love all, trust very very few. Lesson learned.
So I'm not gonna lie, I think the saddest part about this poem is that I wasn't even angry when I wrote it. If I were truly upset, I'm pretty sure this would be completely different. Funny how that works, huh?
Anyways, how is everyone? I can't believe I haven't written in this in so long! I just randomly remembered it yesterday, and decided I was going to start using it again. Sorry if you don't like my poems, I just want to post them somewhere, ya know? So, life is pretty boring right now. I got laid off from my job, so I'm currently trying to look for another one, but it is literally almost impossible to get one right now. Which greatly upsets me. But I'll keep trying until I have one. Because I NEED job. I get so bored without one! It's maddening!
In all honesty, I'm trying to get two jobs this winter if it's possible, so I can save up money to move away. I just don't want to live here anymore. I've been here my entire life, and I need a change of scenery. Different place to explore. Different people. New, exciting things. I've seen everything there is to see around here, I do believe. I didn't want to leave right after high school because I didn't want to leave everything I knew, but I am past that stage now. I am ready to experience change. My prospective places to move are Orlando, Tallahassee, or Los Angeles. Maybe colorado? Just because, no matter what time of the year you go there, there is always something to do. Snow sports in the winter, and water sports just like here in the summer. Haha, but I probably won't end up there. Amanda said she wants me to move up to Tallahassee with her, and I'm seriously considering it. Maybe going to FSU, or something. I don't really care what I do, I just want to live. I want to be out on my own, and free. Don't confuse this though, I'm not going to go buck wild or anything, I just want to truly experienece freedom, and all life has to offer. I'm nineteen years old, I have my entire life to figure out what I want to do. I will never be this age again, ever. I might as well enjoy it while I can! That is the way I look at it, anyway. I don't exactly know who I am yet, but you will never find youself if you look. So I'm ready to take the plunge, and find out what happens next.