The Darkness That We Are Made Off
It’s always been like this, since the minute our lips touched for the first time. Our first accidental kiss.
That one brush of velvet that sent us spiraling into the unknown, the scary, the dark abyss.
The fear of our feelings, the fear of being found out, the fear of losing everything we’ve worked so hard to achieve. Every day I find myself weighed down by it all.
All the secrecy, all the lies crossed out by half truths, all the missing you, wanting you, wanting to be with you out in the open, unafraid because what we have is not something dirty. In fact the way you make me feel is pretty damn amazing.
Yet I always seem to find myself amongst the shadows, constantly reaching out toward the light, to be saved. For you to save me.
Save me Yunho-ah
……………
“Hey Jaejoongie” warm brown eyes look up to find the lean figure at the doorway.
“You look like you have something on your mind.” A pat on the bed brings said figure closer to perch at the foot of the bed.
A sorrowful sigh is heaved and confusion flits across the younger’s face.
A worried hand reaches toward the other but the gesture is avoided.
“Yunho, please would you listen to what I have to say first.”
The hands drop and a small knowing smile appears in it’s place,
“Anything for you, my love. I’m all ears.” A hand trails down porcelain skin, brushing across cherry lips, before he leans back against the headboard, face a mask of faux seriousness prepared to go through the usual routine.
Onyx eyes flutter closed, a breath is taken before eyes full of determination flutter open and the silky voice begins.
“There’ll never be pretty blue skies for us Yunnie, only gray skies filled with black clouds laden with rain, thunder streaking through the sky.”
“So what I like the rain and I know you do too” the simple reply prompts a disgruntled look before the older one continues.
“There’ll never be road signs for us showing us where to go, guiding us along, only dead ends and broken bridges.”
“So what, I don’t want to go anywhere. Staying here with you is enough”
“There’ll never be bright open spaces for us to hold hands and be together accepted by all, only dark deserted hallways, contained to the shadows to hide our entwined hands, to hide our love.”
“So what, I fine the dark comforting, I’m here with you, so you don’t have to be afraid.”
“Don’t you see Yunho! We’ll always be pretending to be something we’re not! Best friends when the truth is we’re lovers. Our relationship will always be shrouded in shadows lies and deceit.”
Gentle hands encase those balled into fists; a light kiss is placed on the pale knuckles
“But we’ll be together isn’t that what really matters?” Eyes filled with love meet those clouded over with worry. A soothing hand is run over dark locks, easing away the doubt and fear.
“Jaejoong, do you love me?” the question is asked in all seriousness, demanding an honest answer.
Shoulders sag in defeat.
“You know I do. More than anything”
A bright smile is put on display, expelling the darkness that plagues the other.
“Well then stop finding excuses for why we shouldn’t be together already Jaejoongie!
You’ll never scare me away, no matter how much you try. We love each other too much to let this go, and you cannot deny that no matter how much you try.”
The smaller from is pulled into a warm hug
“I don’t deserve you” hands wrapped around a strong waist
The soft chuckle stirred the dark hair
“I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.”
The head resting on strong shoulder lifts to argue, but lips press down, silencing the words.
“That’s enough from you”
The light is switched off and the two lovers sink into each other’s warmth accepting the darkness that surrounds them.
“I love you Yunnie”
“I love you too Jaejoongie”