(no subject)
OK, so last Thursday night, I had a doom and gloom entry up about how I was burned out and how I was feeling out of control and impotent and well, yeah, so doom and gloom. It's a good thing I work in an office where I can go next door and have immediate access to a therapist. ;) I was ready to quit everything and move to Greece and be a bartender. Well, truthfully it was about half written then I had to go and give a presentation to our hotline volunteers about case management and something happened.
I realized that I do know how to do my job!
My feelings of chaos and out of controlness had nothing to do with my actual job it had to do with V-Day stuff and falling a little behind with school, but not with my actual position here. Ah. The power of naming.
So the next day I went to school, and had a fantastic day of classes. Really. Just beautiful. My clinical prof is this Jewish guy from New York with degrees in law, social work, forensic anthropology, philosophy. He's an excellent clinician, excellent in that I would use him as a therapist if he wasn't my professor, and I was adamant about having a woman therapist. He's superduper smart, but sometimes, his lectures (3 hours, mind you) are exhausting. Exhausting but good. He teaches a class on psychopathy, which I'm now dying to take. And I got out of my community class early (good class, but a little on the dry side) and called my ED and said "OK. Where do I have to go to pick the damn postcards up?" And my ED said, "I've already got them, am taking them home to Boulder, will get done what I can this weekend, we can finish up on Monday." And I said "So, I don't have to come in at all this weekend?" And she said, "Nope!" and I said "Ohmygod you're like the best boss ever!" Well. Maybe not that last part. But I was thinking it. So I went and blew four hours at Tattered Cover. It was luscious.
So, my mood has lightened considerably at this point. Coincidentally, Friday was also Erin and Angela's police academy graduation. So after my luscious four hours at Tattered Cover I went home and did the "ohshitohshitohshit" dance of I just wasted time I should've spent being productive, and got ready to go to the graduation.
Can I just say that it was a completely awesome experience? A little out of body, but, here I am, sitting in a room between Adam and Dominic, watching two of my best friends in the world be "sworn in"? I kept having these little flashbacks, to the twins and I when we were 12, singing Cats or whatever, and the day the girls found out they got into the Lakewood academy, (Erin and I ditched our Front Range classes to get coffee with Angela at Starbucks in Fort Collins.) It seems like that was a million years ago and yesterday. When they started academy, I was still living in Loveland, working at Crossroads. THAT seems like a million years ago. Then, there was my crazyfast transition to Littleton and my job, and grad school. SO MUCH has changed in the past nine months, and I kept reflecting on all of that during the ceremony. Their class speaker gave a speech and said a little something about every class member, and I'd heard it all before. Yup. I'm in the know when it comes to cop stories. It's not that I thought they'd never finish field training, or that I thought they'd quit, I just thought it would go on forever, you know? And it's done. Finite. And it sounds condescending, and I totally don't mean it that way, but I am so damn proud of them it hurts. It was awesome. It was completely what I needed to make a complete recovery. I'm no longer buying a one-way plane ticket to Greece.
I realized that I do know how to do my job!
My feelings of chaos and out of controlness had nothing to do with my actual job it had to do with V-Day stuff and falling a little behind with school, but not with my actual position here. Ah. The power of naming.
So the next day I went to school, and had a fantastic day of classes. Really. Just beautiful. My clinical prof is this Jewish guy from New York with degrees in law, social work, forensic anthropology, philosophy. He's an excellent clinician, excellent in that I would use him as a therapist if he wasn't my professor, and I was adamant about having a woman therapist. He's superduper smart, but sometimes, his lectures (3 hours, mind you) are exhausting. Exhausting but good. He teaches a class on psychopathy, which I'm now dying to take. And I got out of my community class early (good class, but a little on the dry side) and called my ED and said "OK. Where do I have to go to pick the damn postcards up?" And my ED said, "I've already got them, am taking them home to Boulder, will get done what I can this weekend, we can finish up on Monday." And I said "So, I don't have to come in at all this weekend?" And she said, "Nope!" and I said "Ohmygod you're like the best boss ever!" Well. Maybe not that last part. But I was thinking it. So I went and blew four hours at Tattered Cover. It was luscious.
So, my mood has lightened considerably at this point. Coincidentally, Friday was also Erin and Angela's police academy graduation. So after my luscious four hours at Tattered Cover I went home and did the "ohshitohshitohshit" dance of I just wasted time I should've spent being productive, and got ready to go to the graduation.
Can I just say that it was a completely awesome experience? A little out of body, but, here I am, sitting in a room between Adam and Dominic, watching two of my best friends in the world be "sworn in"? I kept having these little flashbacks, to the twins and I when we were 12, singing Cats or whatever, and the day the girls found out they got into the Lakewood academy, (Erin and I ditched our Front Range classes to get coffee with Angela at Starbucks in Fort Collins.) It seems like that was a million years ago and yesterday. When they started academy, I was still living in Loveland, working at Crossroads. THAT seems like a million years ago. Then, there was my crazyfast transition to Littleton and my job, and grad school. SO MUCH has changed in the past nine months, and I kept reflecting on all of that during the ceremony. Their class speaker gave a speech and said a little something about every class member, and I'd heard it all before. Yup. I'm in the know when it comes to cop stories. It's not that I thought they'd never finish field training, or that I thought they'd quit, I just thought it would go on forever, you know? And it's done. Finite. And it sounds condescending, and I totally don't mean it that way, but I am so damn proud of them it hurts. It was awesome. It was completely what I needed to make a complete recovery. I'm no longer buying a one-way plane ticket to Greece.