Synchronicity
So I am sitting at my desk at my afore mentioned new job, scarfing down leftovers from last night's dinner (yum portabello burger) thinking about the synchronicity in my life.
I'm sitting here, in a big old brick house on the north east corner of downtown Denver, one-and-a-half days in to a new job (Fatality Review Coordinator at a non-profit that provides legal services to battered women and children. Yes, folks. I am a program director. I have interns. I have a committee and an executive committee. Heh). It was almost exactly two years ago that I started at RAAP. The past year has been rough. Like, soul searching, life altering, spent more nights in tears than not rough. You wouldn't have known it, necessarily, unless you're in my inner sanctum, a room a room in my heart that houses only a handful of people, but it's been rocky, my friends, not pretty.
But here I sit. With an exciting job, doing what I love, what I truly (as hokey as it sounds) believe is my calling. In spite of this rocky year, I'm moving up in my field (Program director, you know) and I don't feel as much pressure to know what I'm going to be when I grow up. Instead, I'm just trying to be the best whatever it is that I am right now.
And on yet another level of synchronicity, I'm dating a fantastic woman. Who came into my life as a romantic interest juuuust about one year after I started dating the Poet (who is still very present in my life, just not in a romantic way anymore). And all of this synchronicity is making me a little uneasy, because the Poet broke my heart a year ago this coming weekend. (Pride. That's akin to breaking up with someone on Valentines Day.) I'm sure I'm making too much over nothing, and G is a lot of things the Poet wasn't. With G, I (pretty much) know where I stand, and I'm committed to asking when I don't. It isn't to say that it's always easy and light and fun, but what it is always is deep and rich. And it's another thing that I'm enjoying, reveling in day by day. I don't expect this to be the great love of my life, and I don't know necessarily that I believe in one great love of my life. I want to fall in love as many times as it takes, with women, with myself, with the world.
I'm sitting here, in a big old brick house on the north east corner of downtown Denver, one-and-a-half days in to a new job (Fatality Review Coordinator at a non-profit that provides legal services to battered women and children. Yes, folks. I am a program director. I have interns. I have a committee and an executive committee. Heh). It was almost exactly two years ago that I started at RAAP. The past year has been rough. Like, soul searching, life altering, spent more nights in tears than not rough. You wouldn't have known it, necessarily, unless you're in my inner sanctum, a room a room in my heart that houses only a handful of people, but it's been rocky, my friends, not pretty.
But here I sit. With an exciting job, doing what I love, what I truly (as hokey as it sounds) believe is my calling. In spite of this rocky year, I'm moving up in my field (Program director, you know) and I don't feel as much pressure to know what I'm going to be when I grow up. Instead, I'm just trying to be the best whatever it is that I am right now.
And on yet another level of synchronicity, I'm dating a fantastic woman. Who came into my life as a romantic interest juuuust about one year after I started dating the Poet (who is still very present in my life, just not in a romantic way anymore). And all of this synchronicity is making me a little uneasy, because the Poet broke my heart a year ago this coming weekend. (Pride. That's akin to breaking up with someone on Valentines Day.) I'm sure I'm making too much over nothing, and G is a lot of things the Poet wasn't. With G, I (pretty much) know where I stand, and I'm committed to asking when I don't. It isn't to say that it's always easy and light and fun, but what it is always is deep and rich. And it's another thing that I'm enjoying, reveling in day by day. I don't expect this to be the great love of my life, and I don't know necessarily that I believe in one great love of my life. I want to fall in love as many times as it takes, with women, with myself, with the world.