(no subject)

[shoppingdiva12]

holllyyyy shiiitttt, HAH! omg..I KNOW I KNEW HIM! dammnnn, you know "Ryan" god, I knew I saw him at Christ the King all the time, its freakin' Robert Merritt whose that guy at Church..GOD! and I just now realized that? UHHHH how freakin' slow can I get..mmhmm, he's not "new" I've seen him lotsa times, okay..I feel fucking stupid, okay..now that thats over, Wes FINALLY apologized, he's over at Blake's and he was all..I'm really, REALLY sorry and I'm not in that "fire ring" anymore, I was like wtf? you know how FUCKING STUPID YOU ARE FOR DOING THAT? he was like..I was doing it to buy stuff for this girl I liked, I was like yeah, okay, nice excuse but I guess I have to forgive you, otherwise I'll feel bad, uh huh so yeah thats over and stuff, but..see I'm kind of getting mad at him again, we always do this, like I say something and he can't bear to call me something bad, he's like you..you..and I'm like what? he must think I'm the biggest bitch but he can't tell me that because he probably thinks that will make me hate him, its so DIFFICULT! why can't we just have a freakin' clear cut friendship where we won't have to go through shit like this everytime we talk or something, I really don't think we were meant to be friends we are total opposites and I don't understand him and he won't LET anyone understand him, I don't get him and thats why I always say things that "offend" him because I don't know his boundaries I don't know where to stop and where to start it confuses me, HE CONFUSES ME! god, and then he changes the subject like everything is okay, damn it, not everything is okay, and it never will be, I have a MAJOR feeling that we will..er.."float apart" this year, and I think it might be purposely too..thats REALLY hard for me to say, but I need to do it, god he IS a bad influence on me, no matter how much he tells me that he doesn't do that "drug shit" anymore, I still don't trust him, god damn it, he's a fucking druggie and I'm not like that, I can't hang around with someone that does that stuff, its not my style and HE says I'm a bad person, and when I say I'm a good girl he's like tsscchh yeah right, please, I AM! god, the only thing I do is cuss, I mean, god everyone does that, I'm very reserved when it comes to going out with someone, I mean, I'm pretty damn picky, I'll give ya that one, I mean..I havend't had a REAL boyfriend before, atleast none that I'll admitt, no REAL kiss, I mean I have on Truth and Dare and crap like that but to me that doesn't found, your first kiss is when its sincere, you are kissing the person that you like, not someone on a dare, so yeah..I'm the PENACLE of Catholic School girls..but I don't care, thats the way I am right now and I guess I can't change that, I'll ALWAYS be a little girl at heart and NO ONE can change that..uh huh..no one. yes yes, GOD HE JUST CALLED ME A FUCKING DUMB BLONDE! sometimes I want to kick his flaming ASS! I'm sooo not in the mood for this, I know he's kidding but god damn it, I've told him, COUNTLESS times to not call me that or joke around with me about that, because I'm not, I told him not to insult my intelligence, because besides I'm not BLONDE! ugghhh..okay Blake made him get off, Blake, you are my SAVIOR! god, this night isn't going too well for me at all..I mean..it just isn't, I feel like shit, I need to talk to Holly or Lauren, where are they at? god Lauren's probably shopping..ahh and god knows where Holly's at, she'll be on later I'm sure to talk to Dean, yeah whatever, I need ice cream or something and a BATH and..spongebob or something..god, I just need something, gahhh..oh yeah I didn't write about my day earlier, well my Mom woke me up and she said that she was taking Lindsay and Sage school shopping at that we were going to Lunch and to Target, couldn't turn it down, so yeah..I went, Sage is annoying, what more can I say? she was better today, my sister was more annoying than usual she always is with Sage around, GOD ITS AWFUL! but yeah we went to the new "Backyard Burger" and it was uber-good and..then went to Target and I wanted to get these Spongebob pants that Sara told me about, ADORABLE! none in my size, DAMMNNNN, but yeah..I got a really cute shirt and a belt and yeah..we went to Staples and we saw Lauren and Kevin and I talked to them for a little while and were debating about what we had to get and stuff like that..so yeah that's always fun, took Sage home, bummed around until Church and then went and let out my Dad's friend, Danny,'s dogs out and then went home and ate dinner, GOD I'm bored, I think I might go take a bath, I need to just get away for a little bit, god, Wes pissed me off and he's the one thats mad at Blake, apparently it wasn't Lauren on her screen name on Wednesday, it was Wes and I figured it was, and he's mad because Blake told me, but I already knew, god him and his fucking mood swings..DAMN..okay..off I go..bye bye!
later journal
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