(no subject)
okay, first off, excuse me for anything I say in this entry, tonight was er..interesting in more ways than one and..well theres lotsa cussing because..thats what I do to let out anger, so heres in a nutshell what happened, I was all..sitting there all happy, well not really because our picture for the directory turned out shitty and anyway I got home I was all talking to Sara Evard because she said she knew some people who were in my home room and then all of the sudden there's this IM and..I *think* I have it, yeah I do..I'm going to post it, but trust me, its not pretty, I mean, not that it would be, but..yeah..:
him: hello
Shoppingurlie14: hello
him: who r u
him: u wanna come to a party
Shoppingurlie14: who the hell is this?
him: u wanna
Shoppingurlie14: oh yeah sure
him: r u sure
Shoppingurlie14: oh yeah..POSITIVE
him: whats ur name
Shoppingurlie14: Melinda
him: dont fuck with me i know ur name
him: u dont now me but i know u
Shoppingurlie14: uhh how?
him: oh i have ways
Shoppingurlie14: ways, huh?
him: oh ur a smart little whore
Shoppingurlie14: if you knew my name, why did you have to ask?
him: u wanna now my name
Shoppingurlie14: uh huh..I love being a smart little whore, its so much fun
Shoppingurlie14: sure why not
him: well lets out it this way im a close friend of someone u hurt
him: we went to stockwell together
Shoppingurlie14: I hurt someone?
him: yes
Shoppingurlie14: really..hmm..I don't recall..I'm such a good little girl I really wouldn't know
him: u lying little whore
him: tell me why
Shoppingurlie14: I'm a little whore, huh? you don't KNOW ME
Shoppingurlie14: why?
him: he told me everything
Shoppingurlie14: who is he? exactly..
him: oooo u now
Shoppingurlie14: wha?
him: u now
him: i know were u live
him: he told me everything
Shoppingurlie14: oh you do? hmm you know what would really help a smart little whore like me, TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT
him: oh i know
him: u tell me now sara
Shoppingurlie14: oh I know you are perfectly capable of knowing..but..see I don't know..
Shoppingurlie14: hmm..Sara...really? is that my name?
him: yea he told me that for short
him: STEPHANIE
Shoppingurlie14: hey..why don't you IM the REAL Sara?
him: Stephanie
Shoppingurlie14: hmmmmmmm
him: i know
him: u went o good shepherd ur 14 uis bestfriend holly
him: fehn
Shoppingurlie14: interesting
him: oh yea shes here with us
Shoppingurlie14: this is supposed to impress me?
Shoppingurlie14: hmm tell her I said "hi" then
him: dont fuck w/ me u smart assed little bitch
him: oh burt she is unavailable right now
Shoppingurlie14: COOL! I like being called names..
him: now twll me why
him: u hurt
Shoppingurlie14: tell you what? wtf?
him: him
Shoppingurlie14: who?
Shoppingurlie14: DAMN IT
him: oh u know
Shoppingurlie14: I don't enlighten me
him: u hurt him not physically but mentally
him: oh yes
Shoppingurlie14: hey IM "signlechicka12" she told me she wants to talk to you
Shoppingurlie14: not my fault..
him: i bet
him: ru scared
Shoppingurlie14: nah
him: now tell me
him: have u seen STRANGELAND
Shoppingurlie14: yeah I have..
him: well itslike that
Shoppingurlie14: oh it is, is it?
Shoppingurlie14: alright..I'm going to go over to your house like some dumb ass and you'll torture me..cool I'm game
him: now tell me would u be hurt ifsomeone killed him
Shoppingurlie14: well yeah..
him: r u sure
him: u dont care
Shoppingurlie14: umm..yeah..he is my friend..or I THOUGHT he was
him: oh this wasnt his idea
Shoppingurlie14: who's was it then? let me guess yours?
him: i took matters into my own hands
him: no one hurtsmy main buyer
him: u wouldnt care if he died
him: and best friend
Shoppingurlie14: main buyer? wtf? oh yeah he's a little druggie isn't it?
Shoppingurlie14: he*
Shoppingurlie14: oh yeah..his best friend..hmm
Shoppingurlie14: I would care if he died..your full of shit
him: no he doesnt use
him: he sells for money
Shoppingurlie14: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..yeah he "distributes" am I right?
Shoppingurlie14: thats FUCKED UP
him: so he can do things with his s called friends
him: and u wouldnt care
Shoppingurlie14: I never said that, you thought it, think whatever you want because whatever I say won't change what you think, am I right?
him: oh i know u dont care
Shoppingurlie14: but see the thing is..you don't know me..so how can you know that I don't care..
him: u have nevercared never
Shoppingurlie14: says who?
him: and that his end i near u dont care
Shoppingurlie14: his end is near? what?
him: oh yes no tell me why
him: he saved up and he never payed back so its gotta end
Shoppingurlie14: and what am I supposed to do about that?
him: oh there r things
him: u think
him: but why did u do it
him: oh i know why because he is a fat little smartass
Shoppingurlie14: no..
him: but u only look on the outside not the inside
him: yes
Shoppingurlie14: because he ASSUMES shit, thats why, he doesn't take time to listen..he shuts something out if its different from what he thinks..
Shoppingurlie14: uh huh..thats all I can do..what in the hell am I supposed to do?
him: oh he didnt saythat i said that because thats why
him: i know
Shoppingurlie14: wtf?
him: u decide
Shoppingurlie14: decide what?
him: no answer u couldve saved him from me but now im pissed so goodbye
Shoppingurlie14: how could I "saved" him?
him: bye
Shoppingurlie14: well I'm sorry your pissed, thats not MY fault now is it
him: oh yes
Shoppingurlie14: oh yes what?
him: u knw
Shoppingurlie14: no I don't, DAMN IT
*then he blocked me but unblocked me because Lauren told him I "needed" to talk to him..UH HUH!
him: hello
Shoppingurlie14: hi..why are you bothering my friends?
him: oh reasons
him: so goodbye
Shoppingurlie14: reasons? hmm..how about..umm..TELLING ME
Shoppingurlie14: god damn it
Shoppingurlie14: NO
him: bye
him: yes
Shoppingurlie14: not until you tell me what the fuck you are doing
him: things
him: and finding out why u hurt him
him: tell me and i wont hurt him
Shoppingurlie14: if I wanted to hurt him I would have said something else
him: like?
him: well goodbye
Shoppingurlie14: I don't know..but something else..I was trying to be nice..but no matter what I did I guess it hurt him, not my fault
Shoppingurlie14: mkay FINE, I WOULD tell you..but since you are too cowardly to do it..fine
him: WHAT WERE U GONNA SAY
him: u bitch whore
Shoppingurlie14: fine call me whatever you want to..I don't know what I was going to say..I didn't think about what I was going to say..I had to say no..wtf
him: why
him: was it because his looks
Shoppingurlie14: I have my reasons just like you had yours
Shoppingurlie14: no
him: yes
Shoppingurlie14: no
him: tell me
Shoppingurlie14: because..I'm different, I don't just go out with everyone DAMN IT
him: or is it because he has cancer
Shoppingurlie14: uhhhhhh..no
him: u dont want to go out with somone who is fat, YES
Shoppingurlie14: wtf? who in the hell ever said that?
him: u did
him: to BLAKE
Shoppingurlie14: when? prove it
Shoppingurlie14: fuck no
him: whoeverthat is
Shoppingurlie14: I didn't tell Blake shit
him: prone what
Shoppingurlie14: PROVE THAT I SAID THAT! not "prone"
him: prove what
him: ok
him: i will well goodbye
Shoppingurlie14: that I said I didn't want to go out with him because he was fat..prove that I said that
Shoppingurlie14: mkay..I guess you can't prove it
him: tell m why
him: ill leave u aone if u do
Shoppingurlie14: god I told you all that needed to be told what the fuck more do you need to know?
him: no tell me the real resons why, hes not athletic or he doesnt have the looks like Bradd Pitt
him: now
Shoppingurlie14: for one, I don't care if he's athletic or not..because I'm not, who cares, two, not everyone looks like Brad Pitt..hmm obviously..it was because of his personality..it was too akward, I couldn't talk to him and he had more mood swings than a PMSing woman
him: oh his bizzare thing with fire
him: mood swings
Shoppingurlie14: mood swings? yes
him: what r u talking about
Shoppingurlie14: wtf? you just said "mood swings" good lord
him: what mood swings
Shoppingurlie14: do I really need to point it out to you?
him: what Mood swings, yes u do
him: ru gonna be a cheerleader
Shoppingurlie14: I was talking about his, yeah I have them, I'm a girl I have a fucking excuse
Shoppingurlie14: uhh no
him: he is a real nice guy probably a lot nicer than other and u cant see that
Shoppingurlie14: I know he's nice..I can see it..I'm not blind, okay?
him: no u cant he is aloy nicer than other guys
Shoppingurlie14: I never said he wasn't
him: then why
Shoppingurlie14: I don't know, maybe..I like someone else...the possiblities are endless..really..
him: more than just mood swings
Shoppingurlie14: mhmm
him: what
Shoppingurlie14: doesn't matter
him: why not
Shoppingurlie14: it just doesn't..okay?
him: yes it does
Shoppingurlie14: does not
and thats it ::sigh:: I know, not that big of a deal but it was to me, ecspecially at the time, all the shit I go through for Wes all of the times I've forgiven him and have been so nice to him, how do I get repaid for it? I just jumped up the ass by his "best friend" wtf? and Lauren was all..he was IMing me yesterday asking me about you and it was just scary..and Blake called Wes because he was over at Lauren's and he said he was sorry and that he gave them my screen name to find out why I said no, but not to harass me and that he'd try to make it up to me but he's said that like a million times and I don't trust him anymore, he gave them my screen name, wtf? I'm not mad at his friends, wait I am, I'm pissed at them but at Wes too even though he didn't do anything, he KNEW they were going to do this, people always do shit like that, he's fucking stupid! god damn it, and then my sister whined about the computer and then I went in the bathroom and washed my face and I was just cussing up a storm, god I feel so bad, I have to pray tonight, me and Teresa had an interesting conversation about religion and prayer we have alot of the same beliefs, another reason I <33 my Tessie, she understands me, so do all the boardies but her and some others in particular uh huh..yeah..this has helped just a little bit, venting, oh and Megan sent me such a cute comment and it made my night and she didn't even know it, I <3 her, we have so much in common its SOOO COOL! you know who I wanted to talk to after this happened? Kayla, yep, KayKay, I wanted to talk to you, I instantly though, Kayla would help either her or Paulina will make me feel better..but then I realized she was probably with Joe + Justin or someone which is fine! because..they're all cool and stuff and they'll take care of my fellow spazoid! uh huh I am talking to that shit head tommorow, Wes, god and he'll make me feel so fucking guility I know, GOOODDD I have never cussed so much in my life, I feel so awful, but god it just comes out, I can't change that, I guess, PLEASE FORGIVE ME GOD, yes! this is TOO MUCH STUFF! TOOO MUCH! I have enough stress about MHS this doesn't help and I'm going to tell Wes that, I'm going to make him feel guilty..I'm going to do that for a change, he needs to know how I feel, he really does, he doesn't understand me, thats another reason why I won't go out with him, he pulls shit like this, he'd ruin my reputation, he'd make me feel awful and..I'm just SO GLAD I ended up saying no I would have regretted it for the rest of my life, I know! anyone who helps me or who cares about me, I love you, I just want you to know how much you mean to me, gah, I'm so stupid "professing my love" for the people I care about after I just cussed like 203920392 million times, ahh I'll live everyone goes through something a LITTLE BIT like this, its all good..mkay I feel SO MUCH BETTER! nighty nighty!
later journal
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him: hello
Shoppingurlie14: hello
him: who r u
him: u wanna come to a party
Shoppingurlie14: who the hell is this?
him: u wanna
Shoppingurlie14: oh yeah sure
him: r u sure
Shoppingurlie14: oh yeah..POSITIVE
him: whats ur name
Shoppingurlie14: Melinda
him: dont fuck with me i know ur name
him: u dont now me but i know u
Shoppingurlie14: uhh how?
him: oh i have ways
Shoppingurlie14: ways, huh?
him: oh ur a smart little whore
Shoppingurlie14: if you knew my name, why did you have to ask?
him: u wanna now my name
Shoppingurlie14: uh huh..I love being a smart little whore, its so much fun
Shoppingurlie14: sure why not
him: well lets out it this way im a close friend of someone u hurt
him: we went to stockwell together
Shoppingurlie14: I hurt someone?
him: yes
Shoppingurlie14: really..hmm..I don't recall..I'm such a good little girl I really wouldn't know
him: u lying little whore
him: tell me why
Shoppingurlie14: I'm a little whore, huh? you don't KNOW ME
Shoppingurlie14: why?
him: he told me everything
Shoppingurlie14: who is he? exactly..
him: oooo u now
Shoppingurlie14: wha?
him: u now
him: i know were u live
him: he told me everything
Shoppingurlie14: oh you do? hmm you know what would really help a smart little whore like me, TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT
him: oh i know
him: u tell me now sara
Shoppingurlie14: oh I know you are perfectly capable of knowing..but..see I don't know..
Shoppingurlie14: hmm..Sara...really? is that my name?
him: yea he told me that for short
him: STEPHANIE
Shoppingurlie14: hey..why don't you IM the REAL Sara?
him: Stephanie
Shoppingurlie14: hmmmmmmm
him: i know
him: u went o good shepherd ur 14 uis bestfriend holly
him: fehn
Shoppingurlie14: interesting
him: oh yea shes here with us
Shoppingurlie14: this is supposed to impress me?
Shoppingurlie14: hmm tell her I said "hi" then
him: dont fuck w/ me u smart assed little bitch
him: oh burt she is unavailable right now
Shoppingurlie14: COOL! I like being called names..
him: now twll me why
him: u hurt
Shoppingurlie14: tell you what? wtf?
him: him
Shoppingurlie14: who?
Shoppingurlie14: DAMN IT
him: oh u know
Shoppingurlie14: I don't enlighten me
him: u hurt him not physically but mentally
him: oh yes
Shoppingurlie14: hey IM "signlechicka12" she told me she wants to talk to you
Shoppingurlie14: not my fault..
him: i bet
him: ru scared
Shoppingurlie14: nah
him: now tell me
him: have u seen STRANGELAND
Shoppingurlie14: yeah I have..
him: well itslike that
Shoppingurlie14: oh it is, is it?
Shoppingurlie14: alright..I'm going to go over to your house like some dumb ass and you'll torture me..cool I'm game
him: now tell me would u be hurt ifsomeone killed him
Shoppingurlie14: well yeah..
him: r u sure
him: u dont care
Shoppingurlie14: umm..yeah..he is my friend..or I THOUGHT he was
him: oh this wasnt his idea
Shoppingurlie14: who's was it then? let me guess yours?
him: i took matters into my own hands
him: no one hurtsmy main buyer
him: u wouldnt care if he died
him: and best friend
Shoppingurlie14: main buyer? wtf? oh yeah he's a little druggie isn't it?
Shoppingurlie14: he*
Shoppingurlie14: oh yeah..his best friend..hmm
Shoppingurlie14: I would care if he died..your full of shit
him: no he doesnt use
him: he sells for money
Shoppingurlie14: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..yeah he "distributes" am I right?
Shoppingurlie14: thats FUCKED UP
him: so he can do things with his s called friends
him: and u wouldnt care
Shoppingurlie14: I never said that, you thought it, think whatever you want because whatever I say won't change what you think, am I right?
him: oh i know u dont care
Shoppingurlie14: but see the thing is..you don't know me..so how can you know that I don't care..
him: u have nevercared never
Shoppingurlie14: says who?
him: and that his end i near u dont care
Shoppingurlie14: his end is near? what?
him: oh yes no tell me why
him: he saved up and he never payed back so its gotta end
Shoppingurlie14: and what am I supposed to do about that?
him: oh there r things
him: u think
him: but why did u do it
him: oh i know why because he is a fat little smartass
Shoppingurlie14: no..
him: but u only look on the outside not the inside
him: yes
Shoppingurlie14: because he ASSUMES shit, thats why, he doesn't take time to listen..he shuts something out if its different from what he thinks..
Shoppingurlie14: uh huh..thats all I can do..what in the hell am I supposed to do?
him: oh he didnt saythat i said that because thats why
him: i know
Shoppingurlie14: wtf?
him: u decide
Shoppingurlie14: decide what?
him: no answer u couldve saved him from me but now im pissed so goodbye
Shoppingurlie14: how could I "saved" him?
him: bye
Shoppingurlie14: well I'm sorry your pissed, thats not MY fault now is it
him: oh yes
Shoppingurlie14: oh yes what?
him: u knw
Shoppingurlie14: no I don't, DAMN IT
*then he blocked me but unblocked me because Lauren told him I "needed" to talk to him..UH HUH!
him: hello
Shoppingurlie14: hi..why are you bothering my friends?
him: oh reasons
him: so goodbye
Shoppingurlie14: reasons? hmm..how about..umm..TELLING ME
Shoppingurlie14: god damn it
Shoppingurlie14: NO
him: bye
him: yes
Shoppingurlie14: not until you tell me what the fuck you are doing
him: things
him: and finding out why u hurt him
him: tell me and i wont hurt him
Shoppingurlie14: if I wanted to hurt him I would have said something else
him: like?
him: well goodbye
Shoppingurlie14: I don't know..but something else..I was trying to be nice..but no matter what I did I guess it hurt him, not my fault
Shoppingurlie14: mkay FINE, I WOULD tell you..but since you are too cowardly to do it..fine
him: WHAT WERE U GONNA SAY
him: u bitch whore
Shoppingurlie14: fine call me whatever you want to..I don't know what I was going to say..I didn't think about what I was going to say..I had to say no..wtf
him: why
him: was it because his looks
Shoppingurlie14: I have my reasons just like you had yours
Shoppingurlie14: no
him: yes
Shoppingurlie14: no
him: tell me
Shoppingurlie14: because..I'm different, I don't just go out with everyone DAMN IT
him: or is it because he has cancer
Shoppingurlie14: uhhhhhh..no
him: u dont want to go out with somone who is fat, YES
Shoppingurlie14: wtf? who in the hell ever said that?
him: u did
him: to BLAKE
Shoppingurlie14: when? prove it
Shoppingurlie14: fuck no
him: whoeverthat is
Shoppingurlie14: I didn't tell Blake shit
him: prone what
Shoppingurlie14: PROVE THAT I SAID THAT! not "prone"
him: prove what
him: ok
him: i will well goodbye
Shoppingurlie14: that I said I didn't want to go out with him because he was fat..prove that I said that
Shoppingurlie14: mkay..I guess you can't prove it
him: tell m why
him: ill leave u aone if u do
Shoppingurlie14: god I told you all that needed to be told what the fuck more do you need to know?
him: no tell me the real resons why, hes not athletic or he doesnt have the looks like Bradd Pitt
him: now
Shoppingurlie14: for one, I don't care if he's athletic or not..because I'm not, who cares, two, not everyone looks like Brad Pitt..hmm obviously..it was because of his personality..it was too akward, I couldn't talk to him and he had more mood swings than a PMSing woman
him: oh his bizzare thing with fire
him: mood swings
Shoppingurlie14: mood swings? yes
him: what r u talking about
Shoppingurlie14: wtf? you just said "mood swings" good lord
him: what mood swings
Shoppingurlie14: do I really need to point it out to you?
him: what Mood swings, yes u do
him: ru gonna be a cheerleader
Shoppingurlie14: I was talking about his, yeah I have them, I'm a girl I have a fucking excuse
Shoppingurlie14: uhh no
him: he is a real nice guy probably a lot nicer than other and u cant see that
Shoppingurlie14: I know he's nice..I can see it..I'm not blind, okay?
him: no u cant he is aloy nicer than other guys
Shoppingurlie14: I never said he wasn't
him: then why
Shoppingurlie14: I don't know, maybe..I like someone else...the possiblities are endless..really..
him: more than just mood swings
Shoppingurlie14: mhmm
him: what
Shoppingurlie14: doesn't matter
him: why not
Shoppingurlie14: it just doesn't..okay?
him: yes it does
Shoppingurlie14: does not
and thats it ::sigh:: I know, not that big of a deal but it was to me, ecspecially at the time, all the shit I go through for Wes all of the times I've forgiven him and have been so nice to him, how do I get repaid for it? I just jumped up the ass by his "best friend" wtf? and Lauren was all..he was IMing me yesterday asking me about you and it was just scary..and Blake called Wes because he was over at Lauren's and he said he was sorry and that he gave them my screen name to find out why I said no, but not to harass me and that he'd try to make it up to me but he's said that like a million times and I don't trust him anymore, he gave them my screen name, wtf? I'm not mad at his friends, wait I am, I'm pissed at them but at Wes too even though he didn't do anything, he KNEW they were going to do this, people always do shit like that, he's fucking stupid! god damn it, and then my sister whined about the computer and then I went in the bathroom and washed my face and I was just cussing up a storm, god I feel so bad, I have to pray tonight, me and Teresa had an interesting conversation about religion and prayer we have alot of the same beliefs, another reason I <33 my Tessie, she understands me, so do all the boardies but her and some others in particular uh huh..yeah..this has helped just a little bit, venting, oh and Megan sent me such a cute comment and it made my night and she didn't even know it, I <3 her, we have so much in common its SOOO COOL! you know who I wanted to talk to after this happened? Kayla, yep, KayKay, I wanted to talk to you, I instantly though, Kayla would help either her or Paulina will make me feel better..but then I realized she was probably with Joe + Justin or someone which is fine! because..they're all cool and stuff and they'll take care of my fellow spazoid! uh huh I am talking to that shit head tommorow, Wes, god and he'll make me feel so fucking guility I know, GOOODDD I have never cussed so much in my life, I feel so awful, but god it just comes out, I can't change that, I guess, PLEASE FORGIVE ME GOD, yes! this is TOO MUCH STUFF! TOOO MUCH! I have enough stress about MHS this doesn't help and I'm going to tell Wes that, I'm going to make him feel guilty..I'm going to do that for a change, he needs to know how I feel, he really does, he doesn't understand me, thats another reason why I won't go out with him, he pulls shit like this, he'd ruin my reputation, he'd make me feel awful and..I'm just SO GLAD I ended up saying no I would have regretted it for the rest of my life, I know! anyone who helps me or who cares about me, I love you, I just want you to know how much you mean to me, gah, I'm so stupid "professing my love" for the people I care about after I just cussed like 203920392 million times, ahh I'll live everyone goes through something a LITTLE BIT like this, its all good..mkay I feel SO MUCH BETTER! nighty nighty!
later journal
x0x0