(no subject)
I have NO IDEA how it got to be 10:30 at night on Sunday. I wasn't even that procrastonative or unproductive...or well I have been unproductive but it didnt feel like it. Well not till now. I think I've slept a lot...I kept falling asleep reading. And having REALLY weird dreams. Dreams are strange sometimes.
This weekend's been good though. Fun textbook times on Saturday!!! I <3 night crew, even if we aren't really "night crew" anymore since only three of the six who came actually still work there. I made me want to hang out with them every day! It's weird, leaving our gatherings...well I'll use last night as an example --- as I left the Other Side Cafe and was walking towards Kenmore and Mike and Susanna were going out to some bar to go drinking, or whatever, continuing on their evening, the past where people under 21 don't get to come, I felt sad because the evening was ending and sad I guess because I knew it would be a while until we hung out again. But I realized that that saddness is a weird sign that its right and that well its just good, and it makes me happy. If only I could do that more often.
I have to admit that my bookstore friends are on the PRO list for Wheelock/Boston, but being with them makes me wonder if I should go explore some new random land. Which is confusing. But I don't know, I'm kind of stuck between thinking I shouldn't overanalyze things because I do love Wheelock, and I do love Boston, and part of me is thinking that I haven't examined all possible options and now there's no time to do any more examining.
I feel like I do at some point want to live in new places...is this that point? I don't know. After college could I just pack up and move to some random state where they have a shortage on elementary school teachers, or whatever it is I think I want to be when I graduate and explore then? And explore during grad school? Is that good enough?
And is this how I want to do things? I've changed my mind about schools and where I want to be so many times in the past year. From definitnely in Massachusettes studying communication disorders to maybe Massachusettes or New Jersey studying social work, to either a Massachusettes state school or Ramapo studying elementary education and maybe social work, to wanting Wheelock and studying elementary education. I have a clear pattern (sort of)- whatever I want to do, that I've thought of so far involves helping me. The one thing I'm clear on is that I want to do something to help people and really to change the world. As you know if you heard my mock-graduation speech or read my senior profile, I don't mean "change the world" as in do some great elaborate thing that puts me in the history books, but to change the world of a person or a group of people, to make a difference, it doesn't take huge actions to make a difference and change things. And that's my one big belief. That I can change the world and that it can be in a number of weird ways.
So I know I want to help people somehow...and Wheelock has the ways that I think I would want to help people, teaching or social work. And I LOOOVED the school. So much, and I really think I could florish there! So maybe I'm stressing out over nothing...I'm not quite sure.
But as my amazing bookstore friends reminded me last night, whatever choice I make it'll be the right choice, and if somehow I do make some somehow insane awful decision I can fix it. As Abby said, "transfer is not a dirty word".
Now off I go to study environmental science because I have the term final tomorrow. Goodie!
Night! :)
This weekend's been good though. Fun textbook times on Saturday!!! I <3 night crew, even if we aren't really "night crew" anymore since only three of the six who came actually still work there. I made me want to hang out with them every day! It's weird, leaving our gatherings...well I'll use last night as an example --- as I left the Other Side Cafe and was walking towards Kenmore and Mike and Susanna were going out to some bar to go drinking, or whatever, continuing on their evening, the past where people under 21 don't get to come, I felt sad because the evening was ending and sad I guess because I knew it would be a while until we hung out again. But I realized that that saddness is a weird sign that its right and that well its just good, and it makes me happy. If only I could do that more often.
I have to admit that my bookstore friends are on the PRO list for Wheelock/Boston, but being with them makes me wonder if I should go explore some new random land. Which is confusing. But I don't know, I'm kind of stuck between thinking I shouldn't overanalyze things because I do love Wheelock, and I do love Boston, and part of me is thinking that I haven't examined all possible options and now there's no time to do any more examining.
I feel like I do at some point want to live in new places...is this that point? I don't know. After college could I just pack up and move to some random state where they have a shortage on elementary school teachers, or whatever it is I think I want to be when I graduate and explore then? And explore during grad school? Is that good enough?
And is this how I want to do things? I've changed my mind about schools and where I want to be so many times in the past year. From definitnely in Massachusettes studying communication disorders to maybe Massachusettes or New Jersey studying social work, to either a Massachusettes state school or Ramapo studying elementary education and maybe social work, to wanting Wheelock and studying elementary education. I have a clear pattern (sort of)- whatever I want to do, that I've thought of so far involves helping me. The one thing I'm clear on is that I want to do something to help people and really to change the world. As you know if you heard my mock-graduation speech or read my senior profile, I don't mean "change the world" as in do some great elaborate thing that puts me in the history books, but to change the world of a person or a group of people, to make a difference, it doesn't take huge actions to make a difference and change things. And that's my one big belief. That I can change the world and that it can be in a number of weird ways.
So I know I want to help people somehow...and Wheelock has the ways that I think I would want to help people, teaching or social work. And I LOOOVED the school. So much, and I really think I could florish there! So maybe I'm stressing out over nothing...I'm not quite sure.
But as my amazing bookstore friends reminded me last night, whatever choice I make it'll be the right choice, and if somehow I do make some somehow insane awful decision I can fix it. As Abby said, "transfer is not a dirty word".
Now off I go to study environmental science because I have the term final tomorrow. Goodie!
Night! :)