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Name: Kade
Age: 18
Character: Zero Enna
Series: The Candidate for Goddess/Pilot Candidate
Character Age: 15
Canon: In the year 5030 S.C., humans have lost all but one planet, Zion, due to an unknown catastrophe. However, they are forced to live in space colonies as a wave of aliens known as Victim attempts to invade humankind's final planet. What could possibly stop them? Curvaceous giant robots, of course. Called "Goddesses," the machines take only the best of the best as pilots and thus the Goddess Operator Academy (G.O.A.) emerged to separate the wheat from the chaff. Or more accurately, the retarded teenage boys from the retarded teenage boys who are manly enough to pilot female mechas.
Enter shounen retard and lovable protagonist Zero Enna, who single-handedly proves that in space, everyone can hear you scream "AWESOME!!". True to his name, he has zero attention span, zero tact, and zero volume control. Inadequacy with the Standard language also leaves him frequently repeating phrases, tripping over the meaning of unfamiliar words, and making occasional malapropisms-not that he was the brightest crayon in the box to begin with. An idiot par excellence, his cheerful straightforwardness has the effect of either attracting others or irritating them within an inch of their sanity. Yet equipped with endless optimism, an intensely competitive spirit, and a mysterious connection to the Goddesses, it looks like he'll be able to someday achieve his dream: to become a pilot.
Now if only he would learn to listen.
Sample Post:
Wow, wow, wow! This simulation feels so real! It's almost like I'm not really in one! Weird, huh? I can really feel the realness! And with a pain in the ass name like "Terrestrial Reconnaissance Automated Prototype," I thought it would be boring. -But I wasn't trespassing or anything! I was tr. . . t. . . TOTALLY NOT AGAINST THE RULES PASSING. I just came in and tripped a little, that's all! Right! And if the instructor asks how I walked into a T.R.A.P., I can just tell him that I was here for class first! Even before him! The first one, the first one, the FIRST ONE!! That means I had dibs to try the super awesome simulation that's super awesome before anyone else! Stick that in your pipe and choke it, tightass instructor!
. . . OK, fine, fine! I was here second! One of the seniors was here to train early too-Candidate 69! He's pretty quiet, but he's cool, cool, totally cool! Kind of little too, but he said he can fire all night long! Didn't even think the room was open that late. . . he must be totally not against the rules passing even more than me! And I think they said something in class about how we aren't supposed to be doing this for over four hours straight. Maybe! Like one time! I wasn't really paying attention! But if HE can do it, then I definitely can!! Since I'm going to be a pilot, I'll fight harder, faster, and longer than anyone else! I'll be the top of the top! The best of the best! The awesomest of the awesome! . . . as soon as I figure out how to where the weapons are on this sim! Whatever, I'll worry about it later!
So listen up, 69! You may have been here first, but I was first in spirit. Spirit totally beats class attendance! It's like how SCISSORS BEAT ROCK. But I guess you've got the firing thing down too-that makes us just about equal! There's only one way to settle it. . . a CONTEMPLA-I mean, a COMPETITION. Don't look so stiff! We can get permission for it later! It's the exact same as permission now, just later. It's called THINKING AHEAD. And that gives us lots of time to finish this off! Plenty of time! So what's it going to be? Sit-ups 'til we see stars? One hundred meteor dash? WHO CAN BLOW THE MOST STUFF UP? Doesn't matter what, I can handle anything you throw at me! Just name the event, and we'll make this a battle worth dismembering!
. . . hahahahaha! I get it, you already started! This is a staredown! And you thought that you could get ahead of me that way, right? Guess again. 'Cause see, what you DIDN'T know is that anything you can do, I can do better! And if it's a staredown you want, I'll stay silent for longer, way longer! Definitely longer! Believe it or not, I can stay silent for a whole fifteen minutes. Ask anyone! I'm even aiming for fifteen and three seconds next time! So there's no chance that you'll be more silent than me-you won't even believe how silent I'm being! It's like the silent silence of silent CHAMPIONS! Silent competition, silent competition, sili-compet, SILI-COMPET. . . !!
-Hey, why are you walking away?! I haven't even BEGUN to be silenter than you!
[a-app goes here, 98.2% w-what the hell]