come on hide your lovers underneath the covers.
I went into school today to give a lot of my stuff back. It felt good. I am so happy to be away from there & today only confirmed that more. It's still pish. And won't change. Received abuse from the "office" also which was cool. Shut up - you've all got naff haircuts. I was talking to Mr Collins. He is brilliant. So is Mr Keith. They're some of the nice genuine people there that I will miss. But it is a sad rarity.
Monday night was fabulous. I was fucked after work & got locked in because they lock up at like 6:03. It was pishing down the whole night. We went to McDonalds for dinner (gutted) & then Asda to buy ribeana for the totov. I got drunker than I've been in ages. We got lost trying to read Macindoe's map. But then we eventually found it. American-Hifi were dead good & I was amazed at myself remembering some of the songs I've not listened to in like 3 years. Emma was pure in her wee element. It was dead cute. Me & Macindoe had binned our drink before we went in. Then decided later on that we wanted it back. So back outside we went in the pishing rain to retrieve it from the wheely bin. Funny looks - who cares? We met Jazza which was nice. =) Hadn't seen the boy in ages. We had to leave like 30 minutes before the end though because of the last fucking train. So we raaaaan up a motorway in the pishing rain whilst laughing hysterically. I ran & laughed so much that I was almost sick. =/ But it was amazing. The banter on the train home was good. I can't remember much of what it was but I remember it being good.
I want to share all this & I don't know why but I just feel like it. Three things yesterday made my day. Firstly, while I was sitting at the station there was this really small & frail old woman with her dog. It was raining really heavily & the poor wee dog was absoloutly sodden. It was a small black scrawny thing & must have been about thirteen And it had the SADDEST EYES you have ever seen. No joke. And it looked so pathetic just lying there. So weary & wet. And it just stared at me the whole time. And I just stared at back. Just looking into its sad wee eyes. It's like its eyes could tell a story. It was just so sad. I could have cried staring at this, wet, pathetic, old & sad dog. You could tell that this old woman lived for her dog & that it went everywhere with her. She was so kind & sad & chatting away to me about the weather. And I couldn't help thinking: the only thing they have in the world is each other. They both just live for each other & love each other. And when one dies then the other will be totally lost. I hate knowing that one of them is going to die & leave the other one, probably soon. It's so sad. I want them always to have each other. But this old woman & her dog just made me so happy anyway. They were so content together.
Then when I was on the train I saw the most beautiful baby I have seen in my life. No kidding. She had lots of bright red hair & rosy cheeks with the bluest eyes. And she just smiled the whole journey. Really smiled. She was just staring out of the window in awe at the world passing her by then every so often reaching out to her Granny for a hug & giggling every few minutes. She was the happiest baby I've ever seen. I hope she stays a baby forever. I really do. I don't want her to get older & know things. Just to know laughter, her Grannies hugs & how amazing the world can seem. That is enough.
Then when I was in my bed last night I wasn't that tired & couldn't sleep. So I pulled my blind back to see if it was still raining & the sky was FULL of stars. Absoloutly everywhere. I didn't expect it at all. It was gorgeous. I literally couldn't take my eyes off the sky. So I just kept my blind pulled back & just lay there staring at them for like an hour, totally content. I loved it. But then all the fog moved over the sky & completely covered them all up. And I was like =(. The sky wasn't the same without the stars & it didn't feel so amazing to look at anymore so I stopped. Then about 15 minutes later the clouds sort of broke up & you could see the stars all over again & they were just as beautiful. And it made me think that even when you can't see the stars - they're still always there. I'm not sure why that made ma happy. But it did. One day I want to just lie & stare up at the stars with someone. Do nothing else but lie with them & stare at the sky & not think.
Tomorrow I have the dentist at HALF 9. I don't know what's going to happen to me. =( She said she wants to "investigate my tooth". What the fuck does that mean? I'm scared. I hate the dentist. I will probably stop going when I'm an adult to be honest. I know they say "prevention is better than cure". But I find calmness better than stess so there you go.