(no subject)
I don't understand why all of a sudden right when im getting really excited to go to college.....I think twice. I feel like I don't deserve to go or something. Im not really sure. And I know my parents can't afford this college but I believe it is the best for me....I think im right. I don't want to leave my mommy either. I mean I will be back but it is very rare that I spend alot of time away from her. She is my Best Friend. Then my sister is staying at home this year so that means instead of being 25 minutes away she is 1 1/2 hours away and she is my Best Friend. Then there is Chad my Best Friend. Even though we are going to the same college im still really really scared. I mean I have never had a friend like him before and there is no way in hell that I will find someone better than him. but Im just worried that at college we will go our seperate ways and that is the last thing that I want. It is just depressing thinking that you are going to be 1 1/2 hours away from 2 of your best friends and not even 5 minutes away from the other yet you dont know anything. I am just really scared of losing everything. And as for my dad. we aren't on the greatest term right now....we rarely talk and I think it is my fault. I have made new friends and I Love Them but my dad doesn't. In fact there is one guy that I particularly like and my dad doesn't like him at all and never has.....My dad doesn't appriciate the fact that I like him. My dad doesn't like the fact that I don't have a job. He doesn't like anything about me anymore....i swear that is how i feel anyway.
And I just plain out don't like myself right now...it is weird this is the happiest i have been in who knows how long and i just don't like myself. I love being happy i mean it is the greatest feeling in the world but I dont know why i can't accept it. Im just sick of being "Sally" i want to be someone else. I hate letting everyone walk all over me....i HATE it! I hate being the one that everyone cries to....i mean i have feelings too....(thank you to the ones that let me vent)...i hate being the odd ball out...i feel that i dont fit into any group of friends....when they feel they want to hang out with me they call me. and if they don't want to be with me than im the one at home when everyone else is having "fun".....i hate being the one that can't get a guy or the one she wants.....i hate not being the pretty one that guys want....it just isnt fair......
I dont UnDeRsTaNd why I can't AcCePt the fact that I AM HAPPY?!?!?!?!