Jack only snorts at the 'sweet nectar of the Gods' thing. "I do have a plan. But I can't tell you because if I do, what is it you say? You'll screw the pooch? Pooch the whole deal? Something with a pooch. Besides, if I tell you, Flagg will flay me. And I've seen him do it, so I'm not exactly eager to feel it, savvy?"
Jack contentedly accepts that he is still Sands' favorite. He never really thought any differently. "Aye, mate. I remember that night often. And yelling back and forth at that infernal auction."
Jack chuckles, and it sounds a bit raspier than a normal laugh should. "I didn't do anything to the Voice, you know. He was gagging for it. Besides, I already had it before that. Or so he says. He healed any part of me that was inside him. I have the healthiest fingers and cock on the block, mate."
"And I was getting to the eyes." He hesitates. It doesn't bother him that much, but he gets the impression that it would thrill Sands to no end if it did. "Those are the creepiest fucking things I've ever seen, and I've looked into the depths of some truly fucked up shit in my time on the worlds. I've still got my old spork, you know. If you get feeling stabbity, I'll be personally offended if you don't let me do the honors."
"Screw the pooch. You don't have to tell me. I'm used to being kept in the dark." *Christ I'm clever*
"That was one of those things where, you look back on it and it was pretty funny. It also makes me the whore now that I think about it."
"I'm sure many bar wenches, cabin boys, and everyone in the fucking hotel is pleased to hear it. Slut."
Sands looks as if someone had walked up to him and handed him a five pound stake and the map that Bruiser took off with. "I had a dream about that. You were sitting at the table with me eating a bowl of my eyes. And you had about nine of them painted on your face. You kept calling me Shell and then a storm came out of your mouth. I think it means I was about to go to Hell and get a brand new set because your fucking lackey took my money. That or the frozen pizza I ate was bad."
Jack chuckles. "Funny, mate." He sounds fond, though. He likes that Sands jokes about his blindness. It's so rare for Jack to find someone he doesn't consider uptight.
Jack affects a wounded air. "Don't you think I've been faithful to you, Sandsy? You're the only one for me, Cocoapuff. How could I even look at someone else when I can look at you and see the love shining in your...ears."
When Sands talks about the dream, Jack flinches and wipes his mouth distractedly. "You know, I talk about my adventures a lot, and most of it is bollocks, but once I ran afoul of some natives. There was a lot of badness, but I'm so charming that I talked them out of eating me. And long story short, they made me their chief." He smiles a tad wistfully. "I had eyes painted all up and down my face. Are you a touch psychic, mate?"
((I have no idea if that is the planned canon of the second movie, I'm just guessing from that "And then they made me their chief" line in the first movie, but it would involve some crazy flashbacking to fit it in the new movie, so i'm probably dead wrong))
"You mean look at me and see the only person you ever really loved? You're a whore and a narcissist."
Sands doesn't by a word of this. "Was that before or after the exciting escape from the island using only a sea turtle and the hair on your back? Elwyn loves your stories, but I'm a little old for them, darling." Not true. Sands LOVES his stories.
"Well I didn't see you complaining when I was giving you the best sex of your life." The fact that Sands was complaining, and they've never actually had sex doesn't really factor into this statement in any way.
Jack doesn't buy a word of Sands not buying it. How could anyone not love his stories? "You know, they changed that line in the movie. I originally said 'Pubic hair. From my balls.' Disney had to go and fuck it up. Made me look like a hairy-backed liar, it did. Greedy fucks." Jack settles in to tell another whopper. "Did I ever tell you about the time I blew up one of Sao Feng's favorite ships and then convinced him Anamaria did it? They still hate each other, and she has no idea why. I told her it was because he was in love with me, and he was jealous of her. She bought it too, stupid cunt."
"No? Eyes closed and gag reflex on. You rocked my world, all right."
Sands refuses to listen to the movie. It's fucked. He also has no idea there is one of him. Any attempt to tell him will be taped over with the finale to Cat's: The Musical playing in his head until the offending person goes away.
"Isn't Anamaria the one that hates everyone? And considering you probably had sex with him and his mother, I don't really blame her for buying... no. I'm the only one batshit enough to be in love with you so that would make her a fucking moron. A fucking moron in your crew no less. When you screen these people for positions on your boat and in your bed are there multiple choice questions or will just a simple parlor trick suffice?"
"Anamaria hates everything except for my hard, throbbing cock." That is not true, but Jack believes it. Of course. "What do you mean you're the only one batshit enough to be in love with me? Everyone loves me! I'm lovable." He believes that one, too. It's a delusional kind of day for Jack, apparently. "Anamaria isn't in my crew anymore. As soon as I got The Black Pearl back, I kicked her off of it. Now we're competitors. We only talk when she needs a good lay. As for what gets an applicant a position under me, it involves a lengthy oral exam and the ability to take a punch. God, I miss old Cotton. For a bloke with no tongue, you'd be surprised what he could get done. And that damn parrot of his..."
Jack contentedly accepts that he is still Sands' favorite. He never really thought any differently. "Aye, mate. I remember that night often. And yelling back and forth at that infernal auction."
Jack chuckles, and it sounds a bit raspier than a normal laugh should. "I didn't do anything to the Voice, you know. He was gagging for it. Besides, I already had it before that. Or so he says. He healed any part of me that was inside him. I have the healthiest fingers and cock on the block, mate."
"And I was getting to the eyes." He hesitates. It doesn't bother him that much, but he gets the impression that it would thrill Sands to no end if it did. "Those are the creepiest fucking things I've ever seen, and I've looked into the depths of some truly fucked up shit in my time on the worlds. I've still got my old spork, you know. If you get feeling stabbity, I'll be personally offended if you don't let me do the honors."
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"That was one of those things where, you look back on it and it was pretty funny. It also makes me the whore now that I think about it."
"I'm sure many bar wenches, cabin boys, and everyone in the fucking hotel is pleased to hear it. Slut."
Sands looks as if someone had walked up to him and handed him a five pound stake and the map that Bruiser took off with.
"I had a dream about that. You were sitting at the table with me eating a bowl of my eyes. And you had about nine of them painted on your face. You kept calling me Shell and then a storm came out of your mouth. I think it means I was about to go to Hell and get a brand new set because your fucking lackey took my money. That or the frozen pizza I ate was bad."
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Jack affects a wounded air. "Don't you think I've been faithful to you, Sandsy? You're the only one for me, Cocoapuff. How could I even look at someone else when I can look at you and see the love shining in your...ears."
When Sands talks about the dream, Jack flinches and wipes his mouth distractedly. "You know, I talk about my adventures a lot, and most of it is bollocks, but once I ran afoul of some natives. There was a lot of badness, but I'm so charming that I talked them out of eating me. And long story short, they made me their chief." He smiles a tad wistfully. "I had eyes painted all up and down my face. Are you a touch psychic, mate?"
((I have no idea if that is the planned canon of the second movie, I'm just guessing from that "And then they made me their chief" line in the first movie, but it would involve some crazy flashbacking to fit it in the new movie, so i'm probably dead wrong))
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Sands doesn't by a word of this. "Was that before or after the exciting escape from the island using only a sea turtle and the hair on your back? Elwyn loves your stories, but I'm a little old for them, darling." Not true. Sands LOVES his stories.
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Jack doesn't buy a word of Sands not buying it. How could anyone not love his stories? "You know, they changed that line in the movie. I originally said 'Pubic hair. From my balls.' Disney had to go and fuck it up. Made me look like a hairy-backed liar, it did. Greedy fucks." Jack settles in to tell another whopper. "Did I ever tell you about the time I blew up one of Sao Feng's favorite ships and then convinced him Anamaria did it? They still hate each other, and she has no idea why. I told her it was because he was in love with me, and he was jealous of her. She bought it too, stupid cunt."
Reply
Sands refuses to listen to the movie. It's fucked. He also has no idea there is one of him. Any attempt to tell him will be taped over with the finale to Cat's: The Musical playing in his head until the offending person goes away.
"Isn't Anamaria the one that hates everyone? And considering you probably had sex with him and his mother, I don't really blame her for buying... no. I'm the only one batshit enough to be in love with you so that would make her a fucking moron. A fucking moron in your crew no less. When you screen these people for positions on your boat and in your bed are there multiple choice questions or will just a simple parlor trick suffice?"
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