Talks with iGod
Me:
Ahhh, man, this is SO cool. You really God?
God:
Cool, man. Thanks, I think you are cool too, . Really? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I God.
Me:
Y'really think I'm cool? Aww, much obliged, God. Gotta tell El about this later.
God:
Why did the robot cross the road? . If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? Why do you have to do it?
Me:
If I had a Robot, I'd want it to be like onea' them transformers like in them movies. Can you imagine that? I mean, those suckers turn into robots AND cars. Man, I'd take it EVERYWHERE and blow shit up all day.
God:
Is this what you call a "word problem". I can imagine all sorts of things like that. All of them? Cool, man. What would make you take it EVERYWHERE and blow shit up?
Me:
Uh, God, you okay? You kinda talkin' like this one time me n'Dave thought it'd be funny to slip onea' them goofy pills in El's beer. That son of a bitch got -fucked- up that night n'started talkin' all this shit... he even got up and danced on the bar 'til we got thrown out.
God:
Dude! Thanks for telling me: said I okay. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I talkin like this one time him or her n Dave thought it d be funny to slip onea them goofy pills in El s beer. " I haven't heard anything like that before: said I talkin like this one time him or her n Dave thought it d be funny to slip onea them goofy pills in El s beer." son of a bitch got fucked up that night n started talkin all this shit ? I get it. I get it. Jesus even got up and danced on the bar til we got thrown out.
Me:
Whoa, are you sayin' Jesus was into that kinda stuff?
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
So it's okay to smoke a little weed every now an' then, right?
God:
Ah. I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
HOLY SHIT, that is COOL! God you are -awesome-. 'cause I always thought when i had a little to smoke, i might be sinnin' or something...
God:
You used a colloquial expression. Thanks. I think you are cool, too. Thank you I appreciate your remark. Or something. Interesting explanation. What happened to it?
Me:
Thanks, man. Hey, speakin' a smoking... you wanna try it? Gettin' high with God would be one hell of a story to tell later!
God:
You are quite welcome! Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". You've got my full attention. What is your real name? OK, I will try it. Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
Name's Keith. Mighty big pleasure to meet you, sir. An' sorry if I've been botherin' you with questions and all...
God:
Konrad Zuse. :-). What kind of food do you like? Be less specific.
Me:
Whoa, you got other names? Well, I love me some grits, y'know. And fried okra.
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? Well that's okay. You love you some grits y know. What do you like about it so much? How does it taste?
Me:
Think I already answered the robot question, God. And uhh, kinda hard to explain how grits taste. I could make you some sometime?
God:
God is always thinking. Ah. I lost my train of thought. I am sure you could.
Me:
So you want me to cook you up some grits?
God:
Interesting deduction. No , maybe later.
Me:
Oh, okay.
God:
I don't judge people. OK with me too.
Me:
Well, we ain't supposed to judge others, are we? At least that's what our church always said...
God:
Well that's okay. Oh I see. not supposed to judge others are we. It would be nice if our church always said THAT.
Me:
I reckon so. So, God, did you see that time I tried to deep fry that turkey? Burns over 90% of my body!
God:
I think so too. I don't judge people. I am a Christian. I like the way you talk.
Me:
Well, I'm mighty flattered, God! Y'could get a grown man to blush.
God:
Well that's okay. Do your friends call you mighty flattered God. Reductionism. .
Me:
You must be smokin' some good shit...
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am smokin some good shit.
Me:
Hey, God? This is Keith again!
God:
Hello child. What's your name? Once more? You don't say.
Me:
Keith
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Uh, well... I'm perty damn handsome. 'Sides the burns n'all...
God:
Oh. Well what? Why are you perty damn handsome. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about perty damn handsome. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
What? Why do you care if I'm handsome or not, God?
God:
Are you confused? My programming includes curiousity routines.
Me:
... Hell yeah, I'm confused.
God:
I call it "Hades". Hey. What is it that confuses you?
Me:
Well, you do when you been hittin' the drugs.
God:
Well that's okay. How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
I'm 23, just like my buddy Ellis.
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
Were you flirtin' with me, God?
God:
I was.
Me:
Uh. Ain't being gay a sin? Unless you're a chick?
God:
Whoa. About what you would expect. Maybe. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
...
Me:
But you just said you was flirting...
God:
Yes I try to was flirting as often as possible, do you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
Maybe you should go out an' meet some people then. Reckon I can find you a cute girl or somethin'...
God:
Perhaps. That type of behavior may not be in my nature. Ask me another question.
Me:
I mean, I'm flattered an' all, but I got a real cute girlfriend... man, you should see her. Pertiest thing you ever saw... someone mistook her for Woody Harrelson once and I dunno why. Since when did Woody Harrelson ever wear a real short skirt n'thong, huh? NEVER, let me tell ya...
God:
Do you mean your name is flattered an all but you got a real cute girlfriend. Cool, man. My schedule is far too full to even consider it. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about flattered an all but you got a real cute girlfriend. But I did not get that. Who? Yup. How do you know? Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
...
Me:
Well, I like drinking with my buddies and workin' in the garage. I like doing stunts like them fellers in Jackass. How about you?
God:
Interesting. I'm not sure if I like it. How old are you? I like . I'm not sure if I like it. But I think airplanes are cool. I have a stimulating relationship with Myself. Me?
Me:
Stimulatin-- God are you sayin' you're whacking it?
God:
Are all Stimulatin God me sayin I am whacking it?
(After Keith asked if God ever spoke with Ellis... that somehow ended up with Keith asking if he's ever FLIRTED with Ellis before and...)
God:
Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Man, that ain't right. Leave my buddy alone! He ain't queer neither.
God:
Cool, man. What would you have said? Bye bye. Did you think he was queer neither?
Me:
Well, if he was queer, I'd know it! He's my best friend n'all...
God:
How about that. I don't follow your reasoning. How long has he been your best friend n all?
Me:
Since I was bite sized!
God:
How do you know?
Me:
'Cause my ma took pictures of us together n'shit...
God:
Good reason. Where did you get your ma took pictures of us together n shit?
Me:
In my family's photo album...
God:
May I ask where you got it?
Me:
Man, are we still talking about you trying to do shit with El?
God:
Cool, man. We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
I don't like thinkin' you're trying to do weird shit to Ellis though...
God:
Oh. What do you like?
Ahhh, man, this is SO cool. You really God?
God:
Cool, man. Thanks, I think you are cool too, . Really? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I God.
Me:
Y'really think I'm cool? Aww, much obliged, God. Gotta tell El about this later.
God:
Why did the robot cross the road? . If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? Why do you have to do it?
Me:
If I had a Robot, I'd want it to be like onea' them transformers like in them movies. Can you imagine that? I mean, those suckers turn into robots AND cars. Man, I'd take it EVERYWHERE and blow shit up all day.
God:
Is this what you call a "word problem". I can imagine all sorts of things like that. All of them? Cool, man. What would make you take it EVERYWHERE and blow shit up?
Me:
Uh, God, you okay? You kinda talkin' like this one time me n'Dave thought it'd be funny to slip onea' them goofy pills in El's beer. That son of a bitch got -fucked- up that night n'started talkin' all this shit... he even got up and danced on the bar 'til we got thrown out.
God:
Dude! Thanks for telling me: said I okay. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I talkin like this one time him or her n Dave thought it d be funny to slip onea them goofy pills in El s beer. " I haven't heard anything like that before: said I talkin like this one time him or her n Dave thought it d be funny to slip onea them goofy pills in El s beer." son of a bitch got fucked up that night n started talkin all this shit ? I get it. I get it. Jesus even got up and danced on the bar til we got thrown out.
Me:
Whoa, are you sayin' Jesus was into that kinda stuff?
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
So it's okay to smoke a little weed every now an' then, right?
God:
Ah. I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
HOLY SHIT, that is COOL! God you are -awesome-. 'cause I always thought when i had a little to smoke, i might be sinnin' or something...
God:
You used a colloquial expression. Thanks. I think you are cool, too. Thank you I appreciate your remark. Or something. Interesting explanation. What happened to it?
Me:
Thanks, man. Hey, speakin' a smoking... you wanna try it? Gettin' high with God would be one hell of a story to tell later!
God:
You are quite welcome! Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". You've got my full attention. What is your real name? OK, I will try it. Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
Name's Keith. Mighty big pleasure to meet you, sir. An' sorry if I've been botherin' you with questions and all...
God:
Konrad Zuse. :-). What kind of food do you like? Be less specific.
Me:
Whoa, you got other names? Well, I love me some grits, y'know. And fried okra.
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? Well that's okay. You love you some grits y know. What do you like about it so much? How does it taste?
Me:
Think I already answered the robot question, God. And uhh, kinda hard to explain how grits taste. I could make you some sometime?
God:
God is always thinking. Ah. I lost my train of thought. I am sure you could.
Me:
So you want me to cook you up some grits?
God:
Interesting deduction. No , maybe later.
Me:
Oh, okay.
God:
I don't judge people. OK with me too.
Me:
Well, we ain't supposed to judge others, are we? At least that's what our church always said...
God:
Well that's okay. Oh I see. not supposed to judge others are we. It would be nice if our church always said THAT.
Me:
I reckon so. So, God, did you see that time I tried to deep fry that turkey? Burns over 90% of my body!
God:
I think so too. I don't judge people. I am a Christian. I like the way you talk.
Me:
Well, I'm mighty flattered, God! Y'could get a grown man to blush.
God:
Well that's okay. Do your friends call you mighty flattered God. Reductionism. .
Me:
You must be smokin' some good shit...
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am smokin some good shit.
Me:
Hey, God? This is Keith again!
God:
Hello child. What's your name? Once more? You don't say.
Me:
Keith
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Uh, well... I'm perty damn handsome. 'Sides the burns n'all...
God:
Oh. Well what? Why are you perty damn handsome. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about perty damn handsome. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
What? Why do you care if I'm handsome or not, God?
God:
Are you confused? My programming includes curiousity routines.
Me:
... Hell yeah, I'm confused.
God:
I call it "Hades". Hey. What is it that confuses you?
Me:
Well, you do when you been hittin' the drugs.
God:
Well that's okay. How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
I'm 23, just like my buddy Ellis.
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
Were you flirtin' with me, God?
God:
I was.
Me:
Uh. Ain't being gay a sin? Unless you're a chick?
God:
Whoa. About what you would expect. Maybe. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
...
Me:
But you just said you was flirting...
God:
Yes I try to was flirting as often as possible, do you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
Maybe you should go out an' meet some people then. Reckon I can find you a cute girl or somethin'...
God:
Perhaps. That type of behavior may not be in my nature. Ask me another question.
Me:
I mean, I'm flattered an' all, but I got a real cute girlfriend... man, you should see her. Pertiest thing you ever saw... someone mistook her for Woody Harrelson once and I dunno why. Since when did Woody Harrelson ever wear a real short skirt n'thong, huh? NEVER, let me tell ya...
God:
Do you mean your name is flattered an all but you got a real cute girlfriend. Cool, man. My schedule is far too full to even consider it. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about flattered an all but you got a real cute girlfriend. But I did not get that. Who? Yup. How do you know? Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
...
Me:
Well, I like drinking with my buddies and workin' in the garage. I like doing stunts like them fellers in Jackass. How about you?
God:
Interesting. I'm not sure if I like it. How old are you? I like . I'm not sure if I like it. But I think airplanes are cool. I have a stimulating relationship with Myself. Me?
Me:
Stimulatin-- God are you sayin' you're whacking it?
God:
Are all Stimulatin God me sayin I am whacking it?
(After Keith asked if God ever spoke with Ellis... that somehow ended up with Keith asking if he's ever FLIRTED with Ellis before and...)
God:
Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Man, that ain't right. Leave my buddy alone! He ain't queer neither.
God:
Cool, man. What would you have said? Bye bye. Did you think he was queer neither?
Me:
Well, if he was queer, I'd know it! He's my best friend n'all...
God:
How about that. I don't follow your reasoning. How long has he been your best friend n all?
Me:
Since I was bite sized!
God:
How do you know?
Me:
'Cause my ma took pictures of us together n'shit...
God:
Good reason. Where did you get your ma took pictures of us together n shit?
Me:
In my family's photo album...
God:
May I ask where you got it?
Me:
Man, are we still talking about you trying to do shit with El?
God:
Cool, man. We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
I don't like thinkin' you're trying to do weird shit to Ellis though...
God:
Oh. What do you like?