(no subject)
unbelievable. is my annoyance even legit. when i get all flustered am i even being fair, or am i being unreasonable. i know i'm not. so where do i go from here. where do i draw that invisible line between being fair and being logical. because i'm so bottled up i can't tell if it's either that make the difference anymore. i'm not making this decision. it's not mine. am i losing something great, or letting go of something awful. am i doing anything at all. i'd ask you to just please stop taking advantage of me. but you wouldn't listen. you wouldn't know, because you see it from your perspective and no other. and that isn't a fault. it's just not a vurtue. i'm so frustrated. seriously. i'm up to my neck in this, and i feel like i'm on the titanic and it's already hit the iceburg. i'm already drowning. i need someone to talk to. i need a mentor or a guide or a therapist. i feel like i've turned into a better person. but somehow the credit is being given to the culprit. i don't know. i take full responsibility for my actions. and maybe that's my shortcomming. i'm not acting on anything.
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i couldn't sleep thursday night. no one was there to wrap my arms around. no smile to see out of the corner of my eye. it was driving me crazy the way my brother was smearing all his ounces of happiness in my face. my dad and i were the only two drunk people at our family reunion dinner. i wanted to burst into tears. i'm a stranger in this town. i'm a stranger to my friends. and these people are barely even my friends anymore. what happened here. where do i go where do i say hey look shut t f u. i don't know anymore. i'm sick of my cell phone not working. i'm sick of michelle walking out the door like she's keeping something from me. asking me why i am trustworthy. i feel like i'm on the spot to proof myself. and i can't figure out who im prooving.
i don't know. i miss rob. i hate this weather.