Having a hard time
As I said in my last post, a man that was like a second father to me passed away last week. I discover that the farther out I am from the discovery of his death, and the more time I have to process and uncover what happened, the harder time I seem to be having with it.
He went in for an angioplasty procedure, but it was a failed procedure. It was then decided as they retracted the angio device that they'd be prepping him for triple bypass once he was healed from the angio attempt. (generally 2-3 days)
He'd been on dialasys as well, and when he didn't wake up from the angio, it was generally thought that the dialasys took a toll, and he'd recover a little longer than originally anticipated, but would recover. Thursday early morning, he had a cardiac event and they revived him since he did not have a DNR, but they did not expect him to wake up as himself after this. His oldest daughter (a HS friend of mine) was left with the decision on what to do. She knew he'd not want to be kept alive on machines, so she then went in and signed a DNR so that if he coded again he'd be left alone. Two hours later, Bear was gone.
This man was only a touch older than my parents. Maybe the getting older that I'm dealing with myself, is partially because I'm coming to the realization that as I grow older, so do the people in my life that I love. And loss is not something I exactly deal well with.
If you do not have an advanced directive of healthcare all ready, please...PLEASE get one. Your child, no matter how old they are, will have the hardest time dealing with having to make such a choice when the time comes. You can even get as detailed as you want with your directive...if you want them to try revival once or twice with the stipulation that you will not be a veggie or left on machines with an altered mental capacity, you can do that. I don't care what you decide, please just do it. Minds are not always clear in these scenarios, and an gutteral emotion that propels you to keep them with you could also be harder on you and your child making the decision. This goes doubly for a spouse.
Kim didn't tell anyone how bad things really were..we were all under the assumption that he'd gone in for something easy/routine (which it was, but it was complicated by the dialasys) and that he was on the mend. She kept the hard part from us...until he'd gone.
In truth, I'm pretty damned sure Kim did al this on purpose for Bear, because Bear wouldn't have wanted people hovering over him, seeing him attached to tubes and hoses.
There isn't even a formal funeral, because he didn't want that, either. So instead, we're having a party/memorial at a local park on Saturday. I'll be driving to El Paso for the weekend to attend. I'll get to see some people I haven't seen in 10 years or more, and I'm quite excited about that, and I'm staying with a friend I haven'e seen since she graduated in 95. If it weren't for the sad circumstances surrounding the visit, it'd be like a slumber party. *sad smiles*
I have a cake I'm making for a client for Friday, and I have to admit, my heart isn't in it. I'll get it done, I'm just procrastinating. I'll be delivering it to her at 9am on Friday, and I'll be leaving from there to El Paso.
He went in for an angioplasty procedure, but it was a failed procedure. It was then decided as they retracted the angio device that they'd be prepping him for triple bypass once he was healed from the angio attempt. (generally 2-3 days)
He'd been on dialasys as well, and when he didn't wake up from the angio, it was generally thought that the dialasys took a toll, and he'd recover a little longer than originally anticipated, but would recover. Thursday early morning, he had a cardiac event and they revived him since he did not have a DNR, but they did not expect him to wake up as himself after this. His oldest daughter (a HS friend of mine) was left with the decision on what to do. She knew he'd not want to be kept alive on machines, so she then went in and signed a DNR so that if he coded again he'd be left alone. Two hours later, Bear was gone.
This man was only a touch older than my parents. Maybe the getting older that I'm dealing with myself, is partially because I'm coming to the realization that as I grow older, so do the people in my life that I love. And loss is not something I exactly deal well with.
If you do not have an advanced directive of healthcare all ready, please...PLEASE get one. Your child, no matter how old they are, will have the hardest time dealing with having to make such a choice when the time comes. You can even get as detailed as you want with your directive...if you want them to try revival once or twice with the stipulation that you will not be a veggie or left on machines with an altered mental capacity, you can do that. I don't care what you decide, please just do it. Minds are not always clear in these scenarios, and an gutteral emotion that propels you to keep them with you could also be harder on you and your child making the decision. This goes doubly for a spouse.
Kim didn't tell anyone how bad things really were..we were all under the assumption that he'd gone in for something easy/routine (which it was, but it was complicated by the dialasys) and that he was on the mend. She kept the hard part from us...until he'd gone.
In truth, I'm pretty damned sure Kim did al this on purpose for Bear, because Bear wouldn't have wanted people hovering over him, seeing him attached to tubes and hoses.
There isn't even a formal funeral, because he didn't want that, either. So instead, we're having a party/memorial at a local park on Saturday. I'll be driving to El Paso for the weekend to attend. I'll get to see some people I haven't seen in 10 years or more, and I'm quite excited about that, and I'm staying with a friend I haven'e seen since she graduated in 95. If it weren't for the sad circumstances surrounding the visit, it'd be like a slumber party. *sad smiles*
I have a cake I'm making for a client for Friday, and I have to admit, my heart isn't in it. I'll get it done, I'm just procrastinating. I'll be delivering it to her at 9am on Friday, and I'll be leaving from there to El Paso.