(no subject)
About a week ago, I had what I thought was a marvelous idea. I don't think I ever wrote about Anton on here, but he was somebody who very much turned me into the person I am today. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him or apply what I learned from him to my life. It's a looooong story, but basically the last time I saw him was at a bar in Israel. I know very little about him besides his name, phone number, and the fact that he does tanks in the army and plays on a Maccabi Tel Aviv soccer team. Shit, I don't know if he's alive, or still in the army, or still playing soccer, or still living in Tel Aviv/ Petah Tikva (or if he still has the same phone number!) But I thought it would be cool to give him a call and see if I can't find him somewhere in Israel. I just sort of want to tie up unresolved parts and let him know exactly how he changed me, and how grateful I am for that lesson.
But with things changing lately, I didn't know if that was completely inappropriate to do. Well, what if I can't find him? Or his number is changed? Or he doesn't want to see me? And then, what if this is the sort of thing where I had to learn a lesson and move on, and it might take something away to go back and find him?
And then, what if this is all a big insult to John, that I would even want to find Anton?
(But what if this is a great opportunity to do something I wished I would have done a long time ago?)
Okay, I've spoken in abstract terms long enough. I guess I'll wait to see how John is this week before making any decisions. Yes. That is what I'm going to do. If he wants to really commit to me, I could burn Anton's number and call it a day.
Whew.
EDIT: This suckssss. I wanted to go up to school this weekend. I'd have to take my Grandma's van to accommodate the big furniture (bed, bureau, etc...) But my uncle, who is pissed at my mom, says he needs the van this weekend. He needs it to drive him and one other person around... my mom offered to give him her car for the weekend which of course can fit these two people, but he says no. He doesn't realize that while he thinks he's spiting my mom, she doesn't really give a shit, he's actually spiting me!! I have done absolutely nothing to him, and now that he knows he's wrong he's been avoiding us. WTF??
I'm sooooo excited to be going to school and seeing John! My countdown is about 4 and a halfish days to go. Every night before we go to sleep he tells me how excited he is to see me (and I him!). In the words of another famous John, "yes I admit it's getting better, it's getting better all the time!" I wonder why it waited until right now to get better, right before I leave the country for the summer. Goddamn. But I know how lucky I am for all the fortunate things in my life and I'm not questioning it any more.
But with things changing lately, I didn't know if that was completely inappropriate to do. Well, what if I can't find him? Or his number is changed? Or he doesn't want to see me? And then, what if this is the sort of thing where I had to learn a lesson and move on, and it might take something away to go back and find him?
And then, what if this is all a big insult to John, that I would even want to find Anton?
(But what if this is a great opportunity to do something I wished I would have done a long time ago?)
Okay, I've spoken in abstract terms long enough. I guess I'll wait to see how John is this week before making any decisions. Yes. That is what I'm going to do. If he wants to really commit to me, I could burn Anton's number and call it a day.
Whew.
EDIT: This suckssss. I wanted to go up to school this weekend. I'd have to take my Grandma's van to accommodate the big furniture (bed, bureau, etc...) But my uncle, who is pissed at my mom, says he needs the van this weekend. He needs it to drive him and one other person around... my mom offered to give him her car for the weekend which of course can fit these two people, but he says no. He doesn't realize that while he thinks he's spiting my mom, she doesn't really give a shit, he's actually spiting me!! I have done absolutely nothing to him, and now that he knows he's wrong he's been avoiding us. WTF??
I'm sooooo excited to be going to school and seeing John! My countdown is about 4 and a halfish days to go. Every night before we go to sleep he tells me how excited he is to see me (and I him!). In the words of another famous John, "yes I admit it's getting better, it's getting better all the time!" I wonder why it waited until right now to get better, right before I leave the country for the summer. Goddamn. But I know how lucky I am for all the fortunate things in my life and I'm not questioning it any more.