[sehun-centric] we're coming down fast, don't let me break you
Sehun is staring at his reflection again. His face is swollen from crying, and mascara is streaking down his face. Suho is trying to calm him down but he just wants to scream and destroy everything in the room.
“Why is Baekhyun hiring a new idol,” Sehun yells at Suho, “Am I not enough for him?”
Suho begins to stammer, “Baekhyun just wants to earn more money, it’s nothing against you, Sehun.”
Sehun worries his lips and paces in the room. “Nothing against me,” His voice shakes as he laughs, “Nothing against me. So I’m not earning enough money for him, huh? Greedy little cow.”
Sehun straightens up his dress and picks up his cellphone that he had flung across the room earlier, to call Baekhyun frantically. He goes straight to voicemail.
Sehun clenches his straight teeth and grabs at his hair, taking shuddering breathes and struggling not to scream. He needs something right now.
“Go get me some pills, Suho,” Sehun says in between sharp breaths, “Now,” He screams as Suho fidgets and then scampers out of the room. Sehun’s body starts to shake.
“You people are tiring of me, aren’t you,” Sehun yells out to no one, his body shaking. “Getting tired of your pretty little doll you’ve dressed up, like children.” Sehun snarls. Suho returns back into the room, terrified as he struggles to swallow, handing Sehun the vial of pink pills. Sehun grabs it from him and drains most of the pills.
Suho gasps and takes the vial from Sehun as the boy swallows, grinning up at Suho. “What, they’re just drugs.” Sehun stands up and sidles up against Suho. “You don’t take drugs, Suho.”
Suho shakes his head as Sehun wraps his arms around Suho’s neck and places a kiss against his cheek. “Wow, you’re such a good guy, Suho,” Sehun whispers in his eyes, his breath hot and his vision red. “No drugs, no drinking and probably no sex either,” He says huskily. Suho takes a trembling breath, “Maybe you need some rest, Sehun. The bus is leaving in a few hours.”
Sehun rolls his hips and grins at Suho, peering into his worried eyes. “Are you scared of me, Suho,” Sehun rolls his hips against his crotch and Suho gasps again, “Or do you want me?”
Sehun pulls away and walks towards the window, slipping his sleeve off his shoulder. Suho licks his dry mouth and begins to take shuddering breaths, nervous and slightly frightened for Sehun.
Sehun takes off his dress and removes his underwear. Suho blurts out, “Sehun, are you changing.”
Sehun looks over his shoulder, smiling at Suho, and he sits down by the window and spreads his legs. He waves his hands at Suho. “Come here.”
Suho shakes his head and then Sehun glares at him, “Come here, now.”
Suho obliges and walks towards the boy. Once he reaches Sehun, the boy pulls him down, forcing his head down against his crotch, close enough to touch.
“You want me, Suho,” Sehun whispers softly. “And I need you, Suho. You’re the only one that seems to care about me.” Sehun grabs a fistful of Suho’s hair and the man lets out a whimper. He pulls back his head and stares into Sehun’s dark eyes.
“You do care about me,” Sehun says, his voice small. “Right?”
Suho nods and Sehun whines, lifting up his hips towards Suho. “Then suck me off, please,” Suho looks down as Sehun is hardening before his very eyes. “Show me that you care about me.”
Suho takes a shuddering breath, “B-but I have a boyfriend, Sehun, I c-can’t.”
Sehun grabs his hair again and pulls back hard, causing Suho to let out a cry. “So you don’t care about me, Suho,” Sehun says, his voice cold and heartless.
Suho moans and Sehun bites down against Suho’s neck. Suho’s eyes fill with tears as Sehun draws blood and laps at the wound, causing Suho to moan loudly.
“I d-do care about you,” Suho whimpers. Sehun snorts and brings Suho back to eye level.
“Then suck my dick,” Sehun whispers, his eyes unfocused. Suho nods, entranced by the beauty of Sehun’s face, so close to his eyes. In his fear, he couldn’t stop himself by being consumed by it, lusting for it.
He begs his boyfriend to forgive him in his head as he lowers his head, taking Sehun’s length in his mouth. Sehun moans at the wet heat and he tugs at Suho’s hair, fucking him roughly so he can get more of the heat. Suho moans around his hard cock, choking as he takes Sehun in deeply. Sehun doesn’t stop thrusting in hard until he comes down Suho’s throat and pulls out. Sehun takes soft breaths and his body relaxes, releasing Suho’s hair, so he can lift his head and rub his jaw.
“You suck good Suho, even better than Jongin,” Sehun smiles weakly at Suho, but then he pauses, “Jongin…”
Sehun feels something wet against his cheeks. He’s crying.
“Jongin, I forgot about Jongin,” Sehun wipes away his tears, “I needed someone, and I didn’t think of Jongin.”
“Sehun…”
“Go away,” Sehun says softly but when Suho doesn’t move fast enough, he shoves him, “Go away, you slut. Go away before I tell Baekhyun, you pedophile.”
Suho can’t believe his eyes and he gets up and moves away from Sehun, who grabs a violently discarded bottle of perfume beside him and throws it at Suho. “Go away, get the fuck away from me.”
Suho scampers out of the room and Sehun lets out a long cry and crawls towards his phone. With his hands shaking, he dials Jongin’s number and bites his lower lip, worrying it back and forth. All he gets is Jongin’s soothing voice, telling him that he’s away on another concert.
Sehun’s shoulders shakes and he barks out a laugh, and sighs into the floor.
*
“So he fucked your mouth, huh,” Kris, Suho’s boyfriend, asks him over coffee as Suho sobs into his mug. He had broken down in front of Kris before he even said good morning.
“Yes, honey,” Suho’s body is trembling. “I’m so sorry.”
Kris is furious and he takes a large sip from his mug.
“I don’t care if he’s the fucking Pope, he’s not forcing my boyfriend to give him a blowjob,” Kris says angrily and Suho shakes his head, “No, please, Kris, I can handle it.”
“Fuck no,” Kris shakes his head, “If your boss isn’t taking care of it, I’m taking matters into my own hands. “Tell that little shit to come over tonight.”
“But, Kris,” Kris shakes his head and drinks his coffee.
Suho lowers his head and takes a tiny sip. You don’t know what you’re dealing with, Suho says silently.
*
“This way, Sehun,” Baekhyun escorts the tall boy through the pristine clinic. Sehun has come to the clinic three times but he can’t help but feel scared every time he moves through it.
It’s a place of painful memories that he formed and left behind here. Baekhyun holds onto Sehun’s arm, almost affectionately but still authoritarian and drags the boy into the receptionist office. They speak formally to each other. Sehun looks around. The room hasn’t changed since the first time he came here, it was painted a dull grey and it felt suffocating.
“Dr. Kim will see you now,” The receptionist tells him and Baekhyun nods and walks off, beckoning Sehun, who follows him, but he feels slightly dazed.
They enter Dr. Kim’s office eventually and the sight of the doctor at her desk, sends a chill down Sehun’s spine. The doctor offers them a placid smile. “Well, I didn’t think I’d see you here again, Sehun.”
“Ah well,” Baekhyun laughs, shaking his head, “Marks have been appearing again, doctor, and we were wondering.”
“Say no more,” The doctor rises up and walks towards Sehun, examining him. Sehun looks away under her gaze.
“His skin is a little rough as well,” Baekhyun sighs, “Is there anything you can do about it.”
The doctor nods, “There is, but it’ll be expensive.”
Baekhyun furrows his brow in exasperation, “How much expensive?”
“Let’s discuss the prices then,” The doctor gestures at the two chair and Baekhyun sits down as the doctor moves back to her seat. Sehun’s eyes catch the pictures hanging on the wall of pretty girls, their lives probably changed drastically by the doctor, or perhaps they were just actors, naturally gifted with this beauty.
There is a loud noise outside the office and Baekhyun calls Sehun to sit down beside him. Sehun moves just as the door slams open and a nurse comes in, frantic. Sehun hears screams coming from down the hallway.
“Soojung is back, Doctor,” The nurse says, her face lined and nervous. The doctor shakes her head, “Send her away. It’s her fault she can’t afford more procedures, not mine.”
The nurse frowns and nods, leaving the office. Sehun’s heart thuds in his chest as he sits down in the chair. The doctor shakes her head and laughs, “If only they could just pay off their dues, they wouldn’t get themselves into this much trouble. Now, where were we.”
Sehun catches some words and it turns his body cold with fear. You ruined my life, he hears. You ruined my life.
It rings in his ears for days after their visit.
*
Suho parks the car in front of his building and Sehun is dozing in the backseat.
“We’re here, Sehun,” He whispers to the boy, who rouses, with an annoyed face, and Suho sighs, taking off his seatbelt and getting out of the car.
He helps Sehun out of the car, who’s dressed a tight black dress and puts a fur vest on for him, as Sehun yawns and stretches.
“Where are we?” Sehun mumbles, still sleepy, waving his hand at Suho, who takes out and places a vial of pink pills into Sehun’s hands. “You really need to stop with those pills, Sehun.”
“They’re the only thing keeping me alive,” Sehun whispers and drowns the vial down his throat. He swallows deeply and sighs, his mind buzzing. “Now, tell me, where are we?”
“We’re at my apartment,” Suho says slowly. Sehun whistles, and looks up the building, “Really, I didn’t think our relationship had progressed that far, Suho.”
Suho blushes and shakes his head, “No, I just need to get some stuff.”
“Is your boyfriend home?” Sehun demands. Suho shrugs, “Maybe.”
Sehun snorts, “As if he actually exists.” Suho smiles at that.
They reach his apartment in a few minutes. It’s on the second floor and it isn’t as small as Sehun had imagined. It was actually quite decently sized. Suho lets out a heavy sigh and opens the door and lets them both in.
Sehun examines the apartment. It’s half the size of his own, and reminds him a little of the apartment he lived in with his parents several years ago. It’s spotless, except for a few shoes and clothes lying around.
Suho sighs and slips off his shoes, “I’m just going to quickly get the stuff here, all right.”
Sehun nods and checks his phone. He has one message from Baekhyun, and three from Jongin. He deletes the one from Baekhyun and reads Jongin’s messages.
Going to Tokyo, back in a few days.
Tokyo looks good during Spring. Really wish you were here with me, underneath the cherry blossom trees.
I miss you.
Sehun smiles a little and deletes the messages, slipping the phone back in his pocket. Sehun looks up and hears footsteps, but instead of Suho, it’s an extremely tall man, dressed in only briefs and drying off his wet hair, appears. Sehun blinks at him.
The tall man blushes and walks back around the corner. Sehun walks up the step and follows the man, and see Suho talking hurriedly to the tall man. They look up to see him and Suho looks worried. The tall man blushes and laughs nervously.
“I didn’t think you were this pretty,” The man murmurs, “I’m Kris.”
“Kris,” Sehun toys with the name in his tongue. “Kris…”
Kris’s face is beet red and Suho bites his lips, his eyes wide and scared. Sehun smiles and moves towards him, relishing the flinches Suho was making.
“Your boyfriend is so handsome,” Sehun murmurs to Suho, taking him in, his broad shoulders, his smooth chest, defined muscles and the outline of his cock straining against his briefs. “Why didn’t you tell me he was so handsome…”
Sehun moves his hand slowly down his chest, looking at how small his hand looked against Kris. Kris’s muscles contracted as he moved down towards his abdomen and Sehun took in the warmth. “Feels so good…”
Kris swallows and looks pleadingly at Suho, who shakes his head and looks away dejectedly.
Sehun takes Kris’ face and grins at Suho’s discomfort, running his hands down Kris’ face and body. “You wouldn’t mind sharing him, right Suho?”
Kris stares at Suho, who is shaking but nods. Sehun grins and pulls Kris into a kiss hard and bites at Kris’ lips eagerly. Kris opens his mouth and takes him in further, grabbing onto Sehun’s small body and causing Sehun to wrap his arms around his neck. Kris kisses Sehun messily and they rut, Sehun slamming against his chest, his hard dick pressing into Sehun’s crotch causing him to gasp and cry out desperately.
Sehun laughs and looks up at Suho, as Kris begins to kiss down his neck. “I’m going to fuck your boyfriend right now, is that okay with you?”
Suho bite his lips, unable to look up at them but nods, shaking. Sehun chuckles and takes Kris’ mouth and they kiss frantically, the heat delicious and fulfilling for Sehun.
They end up their couch, slowly taking off each clothes, Kris unable to help himself as he kisses bruises into Sehun’s beautiful, pale skin and Sehun ruts against him, his small body fitting perfectly against Kris’ bigger hands and long legs.
“You should be a model,” Sehun gasps as Kris squeezes his ass and lowers him against his erect cock. Kris felt bigger than Jongin, Sehun thought, but then pushes the other boy out of his head. “Suho, your boyfriend should be a model or something. Why don’t you help him out? You work for a talent agency don’t you?”
Suho nods, sitting on the kitchen floor, watching them. Sehun’s back curves as Kris thrusts in, his dick stretching him own, painful but eventually it felt good. Sehun begins to writhe and move quickly over his cock, moaning and whining, his own dick hard against his flat stomach. Kris set a rough pace for Sehun which he was more than eager to keep up with, slamming back down as Kris slammed inside, digging his nails into his back, his muscles contracting and his ass clenching around his thick cock. Sehun lets out a whimper as Kris slams hard against his prostate, his sounds so sweet and pretty that Kris’ pace intensifies, causing Sehun to cry out and moan loudly.
Suho is trembling, his face is in his hands. Sehun gasps and smiles through the pain, grinning at Suho’s devastation and feeling Kris’ lust and desire for his body. Kris mumbles incoherently as he slams into Sehun harder, sending the boy into throes of heat and pleasure. He paints Sehun’s insides white after a final thrust and Sehun comes against his stomach, a sticky white mess all over the couch, causing Sehun to laugh. Kris leans back and collapses into the couch and Sehun pulls himself up, exhausted.
He walks towards Suho, naked and covered in Kris’ cum, and his ass smarting. Suho is in tears, sobbing and Sehun smiles down at him. He leans forward and lifts up Suho’s face out of his hands, grinning at his tear-stained face.
“Do you still care for me,” Sehun whispers, licking his lips. Suho stares at the bruises on Sehun’s neck and then notices the black marks on Sehun’s shoulders and stomach.
Suho lets out a sob and nods. Sehun smiles and kisses Suho roughfully, lowering down and straddling him, covering him in a mix of his own and Kris’s cum.
“Why do you torture me,” Suho says softly, under his breath as Sehun cards his hands through his hair. Sehun tilts at him, tugging the strands of his hair.
“Hmm…” Sehun says, not paying any heed to Suho, only running his hands through his hair. Suho opens his mouth but his words die on his mouth as he stares at Sehun, and is captivated again. Sehun smiles at him, not even sparing him a glance.
*
Sehun sits in Baekhyun office, biting his lower lip. Baekhyun hangs up and sighs at Sehun, who looks up, eyes worried.
“Dr. Kim says your surgery will be delayed for a few days,” Baekhyun rubs his forehead, “So we’ll have to put off that interview.”
Sehun nods, staring at his hands. Baekhyun leans back against his chair and lets out another sigh. He looks at Sehun, almost pleading. “I won’t be replacing you, Sehun. I need this money right now, and some new blood.”
Sehun nods again, biting his lip tightly, his eyes looking away from Baekhyun. “I can’t afford any more delays,” Baekhyun says with a soothing voice. “Please, Sehun, promise me you won’t take this personally. I can’t afford for you to lose it over something like this.”
Sehun nods, still staring off. Baekhyun makes an exasperated noise, “Sehun.” He says firmly, his eyes narrowing. Sehun looks up, smiling, but his eyes hard.
“I promise.” Sehun says sweetly, tilting his head. Baekhyun nods, tapping a pen on his chin. Sehun looks at his desk and sees photos of boys, very attractive and smiling pretty for the camera. Sehun feels something boiling in his chest.
*
“There,” Shin says to his private client. “You’re finished, darling.”
His client smiles into the mirror, touching her hair and staring at the makeup. Shin moves away, pleased with his work, and begins to replace his brushes when Baekhyun enters the make up room with a lanky boy into tow. Shin eyes the boy carefully, he has a small, round face and thin body, common, but when he smiles, Shin felt something stir in his chest.
“This is Xiao Lu,” Baekhyun pats the boy’s back and pushes him forward. Xiao Lu grins up to him, bowing low.
“He’s our newest idol,” Baekhyun grins and looks Xiao Lu over as he gets back up with content eyes. Shin nods, taking in the boy, with his bright eyes and high cheekbones.
“Has Sehun met him yet?” Shin asks, turning to his private client, and gave her a quick nod, causing her to get up and leave.
Baekhyun shakes his head, sighing, “He’s on his fan meeting tour, so I guess it’s a good time to put forward Xiao Lu on a variety show, see how the public likes him.”
Shin nods, staring at Xiao Lu, who looked giddy and excited. Shin pitied him.
*
Sehun chews on his almonds furiously, watching the television. They are staying in a hotel in Daegu, for Sehun’s fan meeting and Suho gave them a few hours to themselves before the fan meeting.
His legs are on Jongin’s lap, whose face is starting to droop. Sehun starts to kick his legs against Jongin, causing Jongin to jolt up.
“What is it..” Jongin says, yawning a little. Sehun shakes his head and pouts at the television.
“They’ve found my replacement,” Sehun says, his voice tense. Jongin looks up at the television and sees a boy who looked vaguely Chinese with a pretty face and frosted blonde hair. He looked much younger than Sehun and it was radiant, talking with the hosts of the show. Jongin felt a little hum in his chest and he smiles unaware. He turns to see Sehun, glaring at him. “What?”
Sehun shakes his head, rolling to his side, his negligee hanging off his lace-covered butt. Jongin moves closer to him and slides behind him, taking his waist in his hands.
Jongin feels Sehun’s tiny body shaking against him and he places a kiss on the back of Sehun’s neck. Sehun closes his eyes and digs his nails into the couch.
“Everyone is going to abandon me,” Sehun whispers into the pillow and Jongin moves his hand underneath his negligee, rubbing circles into Sehun’s stomach, kissing him repeatedly. “Everyone is going to like him more than me.”
Sehun feels tears form in his eyes as the host announces his name. “Xiao Lu,” Sehun mouths the name, his eyes narrowing at his face. “That’s a pretty name.”
“Yeah, so what,” Jongin nuzzles Sehun’s neck, “You’re much prettier than him. Everyone still loves Sehuna, you don’t need to worry about a little competition.”
“Competition,” Sehun says slowly as he stares at Xiao Lu, who is laughing with the host. Sehun remembers the host, old, annoying, and desperate, but Xiao Lu looks so relaxed with him and they seem like old friends. He was making him look more likeable, something Sehun was unable to do, and Baekhyun had scolded him about it.
“You looked like you wanted to kill him,” Baekhyun had told Sehun, shaking his head. Sehun digs a little deeper into the couch.
“You want me to go get some beer,” Jongin murmurs, “Take your mind off of this..” When Sehun doesn’t respond, he takes Sehun’s shoulders and moves him towards him. Jongin’s eyes widen at Sehun’s red face, tears pouring down his eyes. Jongin takes Sehun’s cheek, and rubs it gently, “Baby, what’s the matter.”
“He’s perfect, and likeable,” Sehun whimpers and Jongin presses a kiss on his forehead. “No one is going to like him over me.” Jongin pulls Sehun close, rubbing his back to sooth him.
“I like you,” Jongin says against Sehun’s hair and he sighs.
“If I were ugly,” Sehun whispers, “Would you still like me?”
Jongin hesitates and Sehun lifts up his head, smiling at him. “If I were some fat and ugly thing, would you still fuck me?”
“Sehun, I-“ Jongin tries to say but Sehun laughs in his face, lifting himself up and straddling Jongin, smirking. Sehun places his hand against Jongin’s face and taps it down Jongin’s jawline, smiling, but his eyes were filling with fire.
“I wouldn’t.” Sehun says, shrugging a little and began to rock his hips against Jongin. “If I were fat and ugly,” Sehun digs his hands into Jongin’s face and Jongin stares up at him, with a worried expression. “I’m nothing without this. I’m just rotten,” Sehun grins at him, tears running down his face. Jongin lifts himself up, with Sehun still straddling, and held his back. Sehun continues to take his face, scratching red lines down his handsome face. “I’m ugly underneath this, right Jongin?”
“Sehun, you’re beautiful,” Jongin says quickly, “Do you need some rest, maybe we should get some sleep.”
Sehun laughs at him and begins to kiss the red lines on his face, rolling his hips. “I don’t need any rest. I’m dead inside.”
Jongin shakes his head and holds Sehun tightly, and the boy pulls away. “You’re not going to say anything sweet or reassuring,” Sehun’s eyes are intense and dark. Jongin licks his lips and shakes his head again, and starts to stammer, “Sehun, you’re beautiful and I love you, you don’t need to treat yourself like this.”
Sehun shrugs and moves off of Jongin’s lap, smirking as he curls up into a ball on the couch, “That’s not good enough, Jongin.”
“Sehun, why are you acting like this?” Jongin lowers himself down, hanging over Sehun. Sehun suddenly grabs his throat, his grip tight and his eyes dark and fierce.
“S-ehun, you’re choking me,” Jongin’s face turns red and Sehun smiles up at him, “This is what you love Jongin,” Sehun whispers lovingly, “Didn’t you say you loved me? Why can’t you love me like this.”
“S-sehun-“ Jongin gasps for air. Sehun was a lot stronger than he thought. Sehun smirks and lets go of his throat, causing to Jongin to struggle to catch his breath while Sehun laughs.
“Your face was priceless,” Sehun smirks and Jongin grabs his wrists, holding him against the couch. “That wasn’t funny,” Jongin says seriously. Sehun giggles and smirks, “It was.”
Jongin narrows his eyes at Sehun and moves away from him, getting off the couch. Sehun remains on his back, laughing to himself as Jongin walks out of the room, “You’re fucking crazy,” He mutters to himself as he heads out of the apartment.
Once the door is slammed shut, Sehun stops laughing and smiles up to the ceiling.
*
Sehun sits in the middle of the hallway, shards of glass are beside him and he’s clutching a handful of half-digested pills. And blood, lots of blood.
Suho dials his phone frantically. “Please pick up,” He mutters to himself. Sehun looks around the room, unsure of where he is. He feels a surge of heat in his stomach and he closes and lets out the wave of vomit, spilling the contents of his stomach onto the floor, as well as more blood.
Suho lets out a choked sob and whimpers, “Please pick up, Baekhyun, please.”
Sehun shakes his head at the sound of Baekhyun’s name, “No,” He shakes his head again, “No don’t call Baekhyun, he won’t answer.” Sehun’s body shakes and he starts to wave his arms frantically. “He’s too busy with…” Xiao Lu flashes in Sehun’s mind and he grits his teeth, tasting the bitter taste of bile. “That thing.”
Suho shakes his head and hangs up, pressing the phone against his head. “What do I do, what do I do?” Sehun vomits again, holding his stomach, “My head hurts,” He whines and Suho kneels down beside him, holding him up.
“I’m going to call Kris,” Suho murmurs, “And we’ll get you to the hospital. Try and stay awake, all right.”
Sehun shakes his head, whimpering, “I want Jongin.” Suho nods and says gently as he starts to dial Kris’ number, “We’ll get you, Jongin, just stay awake okay?”
Sehun nods, but his head is spinning. His head begins to loll back and Suho bites his lip, his heart skipping several beats. Sehun can’t die, Suho thinks, begging Kris to pick up the phone, he just can’t die.
Despite all the terrible things Sehun has done, Suho didn’t want his life to end like this, after his screaming and crying. Sehun was just so sad and broken, and Suho begins to cry when Kris answers.
“Suho, what is it?”
“It’s Sehun,” Suho cries as Sehun collapses and Suho yells, “Kris, we need to take Sehun to the hospital.”
“Okay, I’m on my way,” Kris says, his voice gentle, “Don’t panic.”
Suho nods and hangs up the phone, staring at Sehun’s body. Sehun’s chest is heaving quickly and Suho cries softly, touching Sehun’s face tenderly.
“Don’t die,” Suho whispers.
*
Sehun dreams in white again. The red feathers are falling and draping over his body, and his body alone, creating a beautiful red dress. His hair is covered his lips with feathers and his lips are painted red with feathers.
He looks around and sees Jongin, who takes his hand. Sehun blushes, holding his hand tightly.
Jongin smiles at him and starts to walk, leading him somewhere.
“Where are we going?” Sehun asks quietly, his voice childlike. His dress suddenly feels tighter. Jongin turns, his mouth is covered with a doctor’s mask, “Somewhere nice.”
Sehun feels smaller and his breath grows heavy. He wants to stop walking. The white walls are growing whiter to the point of Sehun being unable to see Jongin.
“I want to go home,” Sehun murmurs.
“Patience,” Jongin’s voice is replaced with the pleasant voice of Dr. Kim. Sehun nods. He chokes suddenly, unable to breath, but Jongin doesn’t stop walking. Sehun faintly sees the outline of a door and Sehun feels relief.
“We’re here, Oh Sehun,” Dr Kim’s voice through Jongin’s mouth, and Sehun sighs, his body feeling heavier and exhausted. The door opens, and there is a mirror. Sehun blinks and stares at his reflection.
His face is deformed, covered with marks, and his body is huge, the red dress choking around his flesh. Sehun’s lower lip trembles.
“I’m hideous,” He whispers and Jongin smiles at him.
“I can make you beautiful,” Jongin says gently. “But all I need is your heart.”
A piercing sound, and Sehun chokes. Jongin’s hand is clutching inside Sehun’s chest, and Sehun hears his heart throbbing. Sehun spits up blood and he falls to his knees, and sees his body become skinny and beautiful once again, but there is so much blood on the red feather dress.
Sehun tries to smile, but the pain is unbearable. He struggles to take a breath but Jongin’s grip is too strong
.
“Let it go,” Sehun yells at him, “Let go of my heart.” Jongin smirks and nods, ripping out his heart from him, causing Sehun to scream, as his entire face became black.
Sehun’s eyes open wide, and feels the tube up his nose as he struggles to breath, tubes and tethers inside his body and underneath his skin, his breathing erratic and his eyes tearing. He can’t breathe, he needs to breathe.
The doctors appear and try to keep him calm. One finally jabs a needle into his shoulder and Sehun’s eyes grow heavy and closes his eyes.
*
“One coma,” Baekhyun says as he takes a sip of his wine, “One coma, causing five stops to be cancelled, making me lose all the endorsement deals, the publicity, the ticket sales, the merchandise. All of that profit. Gone.” Baekhyun takes a long sip and sighs, letting the wineglass rest on the table. “Just because of one fucking coma.”
“Doctors say he can recover by tomorrow,” Shin says, fidgeting with his hands. The two were in Baekhyun’s office. “Do you think you can restart the tour?”
Baekhyun shook his head, “Not with him in this state. Especially not after the news…”
“News?”
“His boyfriend’s news,” Baekhyun takes another sip and pauses, “the Singer. He’s getting married.”
Shin shakes his head and sighs, “Jesus Christ.”
*
It’s late, but Sehun is still awake. It’s been a few days since he’s been discharged but he can’t stop shaking and crying. Suho had taken all of his vials and alcohol.
Sehun turns to his cellphone and picks it up. He looks at the last message, it’s from Jongin.
I’m sorry
Sehun bites his lip, and it starts to tremble. Sehun dials his number but it goes straight to voicemail. He tries again. Nothing.
Sehun makes a loud noise and throws the phone across his bed. He buries underneath the sheets, sobbing and shaking.
He was the only that loved me, Sehun thinks. The only one that cared.
“Sehun…” Suho’s voice grates against Sehun’s bones and he shoves the sheets away from him. Suho is clutching at a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers. His face looked exhausted but Sehun didn’t care.
“Go away, Suho,” Sehun says, his voice was low. “I want to be alone.”
“The doctors said that you need to take your medicine,” Suho tries to keep his voice calm.
“Take that medicine and shove it up you r ass, Suho,” Sehun mutters and buries himself back underneath the covers. Suho sighs and moves closer to him.
Sehun’s face trembles and he makes a choking noise, “Please, I don’t want to see anyone right now.”
Sehun begins to sob, his face against the silk sheets, and he cries into the fabric without a care. Suho sits down next to him on the bed and pats his back soothingly.
“Who could love something this ugly?” Sehun whispers, laughing in between his tears. “What was I thinking?”
“You’re not ugly,” Suho says, firmly. “Why do you keep saying this?”
Sehun snorts, “Don’t you see Suho,” Sehun takes a hand and places it on his face, digging his nails into his skin. “It’s all fake. It’s a shell. No one would love me if they knew the true me. No one.”
Suho’s eyes widen, “So you’re not natural?”
Sehun smiles at him, “Nothing is natural in showbiz,” Sehun turns his body away from him, “Everything is fake. But what’s underneath us helps keep us alive.” Sehun bites his lip and closes his eyes, trying his best to sleep.
Suho moves away from his bed and takes shuddering breaths. Something clicks in Suho’s head and everything falls apart, all of the suffering, was for nought. It’s funny how self-realization can be the most devastating thing.
*
Sehun dreams of himself the day before his first surgery. He is sitting down on the sidewalk in front of his future agency. They had given him a number, Dr. Kim’s, and they told him to go there and return back if he wanted to realize his dreams.
He went into the office and came out as a completely different person. Sehun was relieved and this became the stepping stone to his career. Photoshoots, interviews, dramas, and movies, all because of that one surgery. But then he had to get another, and another.
Sehun touches his face, his skin feels so brittle and weak, like his veneer is finally shattering. He closes his eyes and opens them, he’s in his closet as a child, hiding from his father’s belt. He closes them again, and he’s outside in the rain, begging Baekhyun to reconsider. He closes them for a third time, and he’s curled up in Jongin’s arms, his plastic lips smiling and his eyes the brightest he’d ever seen them. Until Jongin has to leave, and the brightness fades.
Where is the joy in these memories, Sehun thinks to himself, where is it.
Sehun closes his eyes for a fourth time, and he’s not sure he wants to open them again.