(no subject)
Update on my existance;
Wed:Got excused from class to go to the Body Worlds exhibit for my life drawing class. I take the train and the L and the train just to find out they were sold out for the day. I was so upset about the fact that I would have to do extra work now to make up for not going that I decided to turn around and go home. I ended up daydreaming on the brown line and missed my stop, so I went to Belmont and walked around for a bit. I went to Chicago Comics and couldn't find anything that caught my eye. It was during this trip that I realized how depressed I am..and I don't mean the angsty boo hoo depression, but the kind that seriously hinders me from a lot of things. People tell me to get out more, to participate in social situations and that will give me a feeling of belonging to the human race. Instead, I sit on the L and stare at people that I know have problems of their own, but at least they probably feel like they belong somewhere. I guess that is why I work so much, because at work I am forced to not think of this stuff, but I realize that really isn't that healthy. As of late, I have been spending almost every waking moment there, although I did get to go visit friends yesterday for dinner/some movie watching. While I was driving away from their house I felt that sinking feeling. My mother keeps telling me to go back to the doctor, that this condition is not teenage angst, and that it is not something that will go away, and that there is nothing wrong with it, but something keeps from doing that. Me.
So now I sit, awaiting going into work but also dreading it as I haven't had a day off in a week, and that most of my days have consisted of 10+ hours, and also the kind of shifts that are like 2pm-2 am, then come back to open at 8 am. Thursday I stayed until 5 am to clean the store for a visit from the RD that never happened.
I guess I realize now that getting a new job isn't going to fix me..I guess in a way it has made me worse.
Wed:Got excused from class to go to the Body Worlds exhibit for my life drawing class. I take the train and the L and the train just to find out they were sold out for the day. I was so upset about the fact that I would have to do extra work now to make up for not going that I decided to turn around and go home. I ended up daydreaming on the brown line and missed my stop, so I went to Belmont and walked around for a bit. I went to Chicago Comics and couldn't find anything that caught my eye. It was during this trip that I realized how depressed I am..and I don't mean the angsty boo hoo depression, but the kind that seriously hinders me from a lot of things. People tell me to get out more, to participate in social situations and that will give me a feeling of belonging to the human race. Instead, I sit on the L and stare at people that I know have problems of their own, but at least they probably feel like they belong somewhere. I guess that is why I work so much, because at work I am forced to not think of this stuff, but I realize that really isn't that healthy. As of late, I have been spending almost every waking moment there, although I did get to go visit friends yesterday for dinner/some movie watching. While I was driving away from their house I felt that sinking feeling. My mother keeps telling me to go back to the doctor, that this condition is not teenage angst, and that it is not something that will go away, and that there is nothing wrong with it, but something keeps from doing that. Me.
So now I sit, awaiting going into work but also dreading it as I haven't had a day off in a week, and that most of my days have consisted of 10+ hours, and also the kind of shifts that are like 2pm-2 am, then come back to open at 8 am. Thursday I stayed until 5 am to clean the store for a visit from the RD that never happened.
I guess I realize now that getting a new job isn't going to fix me..I guess in a way it has made me worse.