I am having such good luck
So yesterday I get pulled over on the way to work to find out that my licence has been suspended..even though I just went through all of this bullshit at court. Turns out that even though I am insured, the state doesn't believe me...what pisses me off even more is that NO one told me that you need to file a "SR-22" form with the state..so I am out another $300+ and spent five and a half hours in jail. Let me tell you, jail sucks. The floor is cold, the walls are dirty, and despite it all, I wanted to fall asleep sooo badly when I was in there, but I had to keep myself from doing so. I spent all five hours thinking of how I am going to get through this one. They have impounded my car, which I need to find two licenced drivers to go get it with me, and then of course I have to pay them for keeping my car. I hate the state government of IL so fucking much, once I am done with school I am either 1.moving to the city and selling my car, or 2.getting the fuck out of dodge...so many shady laws and fines here, and yet when I call the Secretary of State's office I can't talk to a living person...the automated system tells you to hit 0 for an operator, and then it puts you on hold and either 1.hangs up, or 2.brings you back to the previous menu..WTF?
I just want to die now. I was sitting in that cell looking at the walls and thinking about the worth of my life. Nah, I am not going to kill myself, then I would let everything thats gotten in my way win...but I kinda of wouldn't mind dying. I can remember my father telling me I wouldn't be anything, but of course that was because he wasn't anything. I haven't felt this way in a while, its been about two months almost without feeling like this. My confidence in everything is starting to unravel...school isn't hard, but I just don't want to do the work, work isn't hard but I don't want to do the work. When I have a day off, I don't do ANYTHING. I don't write, I don't draw, I don't even listen to music anymore. I just lay on my couch.
I am hoping that once I get through this murk that awaits me this week(more court, getting things squared away so I can drive again) I will get back to where I was a couple of weeks ago.
I just want to die now. I was sitting in that cell looking at the walls and thinking about the worth of my life. Nah, I am not going to kill myself, then I would let everything thats gotten in my way win...but I kinda of wouldn't mind dying. I can remember my father telling me I wouldn't be anything, but of course that was because he wasn't anything. I haven't felt this way in a while, its been about two months almost without feeling like this. My confidence in everything is starting to unravel...school isn't hard, but I just don't want to do the work, work isn't hard but I don't want to do the work. When I have a day off, I don't do ANYTHING. I don't write, I don't draw, I don't even listen to music anymore. I just lay on my couch.
I am hoping that once I get through this murk that awaits me this week(more court, getting things squared away so I can drive again) I will get back to where I was a couple of weeks ago.