(no subject)
as we watch these seasons changing into years passed on, all we'll have are these memories and then this life will have to go on...
it seems, as i read over my posts from this summer, i've written of mostly regrets, let downs, and depression. while i was living it, it was hell. but like all my other recent summers i've learned a lot. about myself and others. i've grown because of these experiences and wouldn't trade them for anything. i'm grateful for the summer i've had, god knows it's a hell of a lot better than last.
i think the thing that scares me most, upsets me most, isn't the fact that summer is over. or that i'm starting high school. what scares me most, is that my life leading up to the day i start at RBC will all be a memory. a memory that i can't have back. moments of joy and moments of excitement. moments of sadness and letdowns. moments of feeling invincible. they will all be in the past. and that scares me. my friends are some of the most important things in the world to me. and the thought that after all the times we've shared together, we might not be friends this time this year, or hell in just a few months, makes me so sad. i don't want to give them up.it would be like giving a piece of me up.
how am i supposed to make new friends at RBC? they don't know me. they don't understand me. not like my friends already do. sure, given time they will, but in the beginning it's going to be hard on me. i'm going to miss seeing lauren every morning at our lockers. miss sitting around doing nothing in latin with laur. miss having lunch with joanna jillian lauren and jacquie. miss seeing them 5 out of 7 days of the week. miss complaining about teachers with them, and trying to understand our algebra homework. i'm gonna miss all the time we spent talking about music. i'm going to miss them.
why did i want out of there so bad. why did i want to go to RBC so badly? so that i could lose all that's been a part of me for the last three years? so i could throw it all away? ok, so bottom line here is, i'm going to miss you all so much this year. and it'll be the same, but i don't want to lose any of you so even if we only tak once a month, make it a point to do at least that. i'll never forget what i've been through with all of you, and what you have done for me. i guess i have to let go of it all, move on to the future. but it's just so hard.
however, i also have to remember that this doesn't have to be sad for me. the times i've spent are absolutly amazing, and i'm so grateful i've had them. i'm so thankful for all of you sharing parts of your lives with me. i'll always love all of you, and no matter what happens, will never forget you or the times we've shared.
love, meaghan