It's been a rough week. Have a Bob & Ray transcript.
This would have been an even rougher week, but I have a boss who can make the fine distinction between problems I caused but could not have foreseen. This is a rare and precious skill among managers, and I am thinking of sending him flowers.
Meanwhile, I've been sitting here ('cause frankly I do not feel at all like walking around) trying to work out the best approach to my Random Weird Occurence post, and ending up feeling like this is probably a bad time generally. So the heck with it all. This is B&R from 1949, still in Boston, and still getting paid to spill their stream-of-consciousness all over the airwaves and hope comedy resulted...
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Bob: (smooth announcer voice): And now, the Life & Loves of Linda Lov-
Ray: HOLD IT! HOLD EVERYTHING!! ...Jellybean, Bob?
[Pause to make sure that Bob gets all the 'purple ones', which - as per running gag - Ray dislikes]
Bob (resuming with mouth full): Mrr rife an ruvs of Rinra Ruvvy...
Ray: WAIT! I GOT A PURPLE ONE!! I'M GONNA DIE LIKE A RAT!!! AUUGGH!!!
Bob (announcer voice, not missing a beat): Ray Goulding, who thinks he is Napoleon, and Bob Elliott, who today thinks he is King Henry the Eighth...
Ray: No, you're a footpad, remember?
Bob: Oh yeah. OK...Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding are sitting in their private eye office, looking over some private eyes that have been sent in to them...[as private eye] Hey, this is a nice one, don'tcha think?
Ray: Yeah, that's a good eye there. (aside) Say, is that Ken Wilson [organist] or is that my heartbeat?
Bob: I believe that's the Tell-Tale Heart.
Ray: Y'know, we should do something classical like that. Something with class. [pretends to call to the cast standing round the studio] Any o'youse guys got anything good we could do back there?
Ray (as castmember): I got somethin' here called The Raven!
Bob (another castmember): "Quoth the Raven," hey?
Ray: Yup. "Nevermore", quoth the Raven, hey.
Bob: Nevermore? So how we gonna do it, then?
Ray: Oh...well, we can quoth it just this once.
Bob: Okay. (resumes announcer voice) Bob and Ray, who are sitting in their office quoting ravens, look out through their dust-covered window. Ray, blowing a particle of dust away from the corner of the pane...
Ray (aside): Hey, there ain't no glass in here. The air is dirty.
Bob: ...makes a startling discovery.
Ray: It's dark out.
Bob: It must be night, by George.
Ray: It must be night by anyone.
Bob: Should we go in search of the missing footpad?
Ray: We might as well go now, while we've got the courage. (aside) You want some more before we go?
Bob (Peter Lorre voice): Come along. Follow me down this corridor...
Bob (his own voice): Say, it's mighty dark down here; I don't like the looks of this. In fact, I can't see anything to not like the looks of. [Ray is muttering something] The music is so loud I can't hear a word you're saying!
Ray (breathlessly intense): No no, that's what we need, the music, it's saving everything. But look, straight ahead there - up ahead. It's a glimmer of light!
Bob (catching the mood): Yes! Light! As if someone were shining a flashlight, straight at us!
Bill Green (pianist, in background): Hellllllooooooo!
Ray: I think we're in a deep cave, and we're walking to China!
Bill: Hellllllooooooo!
Bob: If we only had a filter microphone! It would be more realistic!
Ray: I know it! I'm - I'm afraid we're going to come out into - a new world! A world that - that -
Bill: Hellllllooooooo!
Bob: A world we can't even imagine right now!
Ray: It'll be different from anything we've ever known in all our life!
Bob (announcer voice): Yes! That's tomorrow: A New World! Like nothing we've ever imagined...peanut butter.
[Organ music up and out]
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...no, I have absolutely no idea what peanut butter had to do with anything.
Meanwhile, I've been sitting here ('cause frankly I do not feel at all like walking around) trying to work out the best approach to my Random Weird Occurence post, and ending up feeling like this is probably a bad time generally. So the heck with it all. This is B&R from 1949, still in Boston, and still getting paid to spill their stream-of-consciousness all over the airwaves and hope comedy resulted...
**************************
Bob: (smooth announcer voice): And now, the Life & Loves of Linda Lov-
Ray: HOLD IT! HOLD EVERYTHING!! ...Jellybean, Bob?
[Pause to make sure that Bob gets all the 'purple ones', which - as per running gag - Ray dislikes]
Bob (resuming with mouth full): Mrr rife an ruvs of Rinra Ruvvy...
Ray: WAIT! I GOT A PURPLE ONE!! I'M GONNA DIE LIKE A RAT!!! AUUGGH!!!
Bob (announcer voice, not missing a beat): Ray Goulding, who thinks he is Napoleon, and Bob Elliott, who today thinks he is King Henry the Eighth...
Ray: No, you're a footpad, remember?
Bob: Oh yeah. OK...Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding are sitting in their private eye office, looking over some private eyes that have been sent in to them...[as private eye] Hey, this is a nice one, don'tcha think?
Ray: Yeah, that's a good eye there. (aside) Say, is that Ken Wilson [organist] or is that my heartbeat?
Bob: I believe that's the Tell-Tale Heart.
Ray: Y'know, we should do something classical like that. Something with class. [pretends to call to the cast standing round the studio] Any o'youse guys got anything good we could do back there?
Ray (as castmember): I got somethin' here called The Raven!
Bob (another castmember): "Quoth the Raven," hey?
Ray: Yup. "Nevermore", quoth the Raven, hey.
Bob: Nevermore? So how we gonna do it, then?
Ray: Oh...well, we can quoth it just this once.
Bob: Okay. (resumes announcer voice) Bob and Ray, who are sitting in their office quoting ravens, look out through their dust-covered window. Ray, blowing a particle of dust away from the corner of the pane...
Ray (aside): Hey, there ain't no glass in here. The air is dirty.
Bob: ...makes a startling discovery.
Ray: It's dark out.
Bob: It must be night, by George.
Ray: It must be night by anyone.
Bob: Should we go in search of the missing footpad?
Ray: We might as well go now, while we've got the courage. (aside) You want some more before we go?
Bob (Peter Lorre voice): Come along. Follow me down this corridor...
Bob (his own voice): Say, it's mighty dark down here; I don't like the looks of this. In fact, I can't see anything to not like the looks of. [Ray is muttering something] The music is so loud I can't hear a word you're saying!
Ray (breathlessly intense): No no, that's what we need, the music, it's saving everything. But look, straight ahead there - up ahead. It's a glimmer of light!
Bob (catching the mood): Yes! Light! As if someone were shining a flashlight, straight at us!
Bill Green (pianist, in background): Hellllllooooooo!
Ray: I think we're in a deep cave, and we're walking to China!
Bill: Hellllllooooooo!
Bob: If we only had a filter microphone! It would be more realistic!
Ray: I know it! I'm - I'm afraid we're going to come out into - a new world! A world that - that -
Bill: Hellllllooooooo!
Bob: A world we can't even imagine right now!
Ray: It'll be different from anything we've ever known in all our life!
Bob (announcer voice): Yes! That's tomorrow: A New World! Like nothing we've ever imagined...peanut butter.
[Organ music up and out]
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...no, I have absolutely no idea what peanut butter had to do with anything.