(no subject)
I've just been feeling down lately.
I spent most of yesterday and today thinking about how things could have turned out differently in my life.
If Luke had lived...we would have gotten married yesterday. See, even before he died--we had playfully discussed a date for the wedding. We had wanted either the 15th or the 20th of December. We settled on the 20th. That way we'd spend Christmas with the family and then go off on honeymoon for New Years.
He, of course, made all these extravagant plans. He wanted to go abroad. He wanted to go all around the world. He wanted to take me to...everywhere. Anywhere I wanted to go--he wanted to take me. Japan, Australia, Moscow, Germany, France, England, Scotland, Ireland--he wanted to take me everywhere.
He would get so worked up about it. He was excited as a puppy, talking about the things we'd do and see. And then I told him, quite rationally, that such a thing would take months!
And he just looked at me...he had these stunning green eyes...and he said, "Then months, we'll be!" Of course, he had the money that that was, in fact, possible. And he waved away my discomfort of spending so much.
He was silly sometimes. Immature sometimes. An idiot sometimes. But I loved him anyways. I wouldn't have had anyone else.
He wanted kids too. He loved kids--mostly because it gave him an excuse to play. He wanted a girl to spoil. I wanted a son. He declared we should have two or six of each. And I immediatly squashed having twelve kids. He had grinned that impudent grin of his and laughed at me.
Ah, memories...right?
Luke is dead. My connections with his family rent apart. Our old friends scattered.
Yeah. I think I hate Christmas.
.....
I spent most of yesterday and today thinking about how things could have turned out differently in my life.
If Luke had lived...we would have gotten married yesterday. See, even before he died--we had playfully discussed a date for the wedding. We had wanted either the 15th or the 20th of December. We settled on the 20th. That way we'd spend Christmas with the family and then go off on honeymoon for New Years.
He, of course, made all these extravagant plans. He wanted to go abroad. He wanted to go all around the world. He wanted to take me to...everywhere. Anywhere I wanted to go--he wanted to take me. Japan, Australia, Moscow, Germany, France, England, Scotland, Ireland--he wanted to take me everywhere.
He would get so worked up about it. He was excited as a puppy, talking about the things we'd do and see. And then I told him, quite rationally, that such a thing would take months!
And he just looked at me...he had these stunning green eyes...and he said, "Then months, we'll be!" Of course, he had the money that that was, in fact, possible. And he waved away my discomfort of spending so much.
He was silly sometimes. Immature sometimes. An idiot sometimes. But I loved him anyways. I wouldn't have had anyone else.
He wanted kids too. He loved kids--mostly because it gave him an excuse to play. He wanted a girl to spoil. I wanted a son. He declared we should have two or six of each. And I immediatly squashed having twelve kids. He had grinned that impudent grin of his and laughed at me.
Ah, memories...right?
Luke is dead. My connections with his family rent apart. Our old friends scattered.
Yeah. I think I hate Christmas.
.....