I....
Have had a revelation.
Or rather, a series of revelations.
First revelation - I am throwing away precious years of my life by consuming extraordinary amounts of food.
Elaboration? I eat too much: therefore, I’m wasting away the golden years by making myself more self conscious and self loathing and by making myself more and more into the person I have hated all along. Darci - the fat chick.
Second revelation - Most people are not what you expect them to be.
I tend to push people away. I don’t know what the cause is - be it some kind of inner sense of self-punishment or what, but I have moments when I only want to isolate myself. When I push, however, I almost always expect for people to immediately try to pull me back in. I want them to pull me back more and more the harder and harder I try to push them away. What I’ve found though, is that when I push, most people just push right back, distancing themselves from me even more.
This situation causes days like today - I spent it with my family. I talked to one person I’m not related to only briefly.
Darci is a social outcast.
Third and final revelation - Everyone needs something to believe in.
I think the main reason I am so…I don’t know…socially bipolar, is because I have nothing to turn to when I start to feel anxious or depressed. I don’t know if I need to find religion or just a calling in life that can take my mind off of my problems when times get bad, but I need to find something to believe in.
I think all of my nonsense is leading to another nervous breakdown. Everything built up at a horrible time - my transition into college life is less than a month away, and I’m about to lose my mind.
I do believe I either need someone to talk to, or some really powerful drugs.
Or rather, a series of revelations.
First revelation - I am throwing away precious years of my life by consuming extraordinary amounts of food.
Elaboration? I eat too much: therefore, I’m wasting away the golden years by making myself more self conscious and self loathing and by making myself more and more into the person I have hated all along. Darci - the fat chick.
Second revelation - Most people are not what you expect them to be.
I tend to push people away. I don’t know what the cause is - be it some kind of inner sense of self-punishment or what, but I have moments when I only want to isolate myself. When I push, however, I almost always expect for people to immediately try to pull me back in. I want them to pull me back more and more the harder and harder I try to push them away. What I’ve found though, is that when I push, most people just push right back, distancing themselves from me even more.
This situation causes days like today - I spent it with my family. I talked to one person I’m not related to only briefly.
Darci is a social outcast.
Third and final revelation - Everyone needs something to believe in.
I think the main reason I am so…I don’t know…socially bipolar, is because I have nothing to turn to when I start to feel anxious or depressed. I don’t know if I need to find religion or just a calling in life that can take my mind off of my problems when times get bad, but I need to find something to believe in.
I think all of my nonsense is leading to another nervous breakdown. Everything built up at a horrible time - my transition into college life is less than a month away, and I’m about to lose my mind.
I do believe I either need someone to talk to, or some really powerful drugs.