(no subject)
It's been a long time since I posted. Since that time my emotions have gone spiralling downwards into depression.
And it's not an over-emotional depression as much as it's more of a boredom-type of depression. I'm drained. Sometimes I just don't want to deal with anything anymore. I don't know how to deal. If I had the concentration to write, I could have something to be passionate about again, but even that leaves me a little bit hopeless.
A lot of it comes from trying to deal with my OCD on a day-by-day basis, and I'm losing strength in that area, as well as just not knowing how to deal with people. I just feel so disconnected with people...I don't know how not to be shy anymore. I don't know how to reconnect with people I haven't seen in a while because I'm not sure if I'll be accepted or rejected.
It's weird...I didn't know that I could lose those skills so easily. I want to be able to talk to people again, be comfortable, connect, but I get so scared of the rejection. And there have been times when I've been able to pull myself up and put myself out there, but I get so tired of doing that.
I know that this has to stop if I want to be happy again.
Also, this is gonna be a weird addition to the post, but my birthday's in a couple of weeks. Plans are going to be made on January 30th, and I'll let people know soon what exactly will be going on, once I figure it out. Hopefully dinner, maybe either bowling or the Fuze Box after.
And it's not an over-emotional depression as much as it's more of a boredom-type of depression. I'm drained. Sometimes I just don't want to deal with anything anymore. I don't know how to deal. If I had the concentration to write, I could have something to be passionate about again, but even that leaves me a little bit hopeless.
A lot of it comes from trying to deal with my OCD on a day-by-day basis, and I'm losing strength in that area, as well as just not knowing how to deal with people. I just feel so disconnected with people...I don't know how not to be shy anymore. I don't know how to reconnect with people I haven't seen in a while because I'm not sure if I'll be accepted or rejected.
It's weird...I didn't know that I could lose those skills so easily. I want to be able to talk to people again, be comfortable, connect, but I get so scared of the rejection. And there have been times when I've been able to pull myself up and put myself out there, but I get so tired of doing that.
I know that this has to stop if I want to be happy again.
Also, this is gonna be a weird addition to the post, but my birthday's in a couple of weeks. Plans are going to be made on January 30th, and I'll let people know soon what exactly will be going on, once I figure it out. Hopefully dinner, maybe either bowling or the Fuze Box after.