Behind the Net (Pierre's POV) - Chapter 17
Title: Behind The Net (Pierre’s POV)
Author: shmorgenheigen
Chapter: Seventeen
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Pierre/David
Word Count: 8177
Summary: This is a re-write of the story Behind the Net told from Pierre’s perspective; just a reminder that the original story was written in 2014 so that’s when this story is set. Pierre Bouvier is a high school senior living in Juneau, Alaska who lives a pretty remarkable life. Though he’s the most popular boy in school, the captain of the hockey team, dating the most popular girl in school, and is from a family that is rich beyond measure, Pierre can’t help the feelings of boredom and apathy that he struggles with on a daily basis. Through an unexpected twist of fate, his favorite target of bullying ends up becoming a more significant presence in his life and suddenly Pierre is left questioning everything he ever knew.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, didn't happen!
Author's Note: Hey there! I have no idea if anyone will ever see this. I’m currently pregnant and spending a lot of time sick in bed and that led me to take a stroll down memory lane and read some of my old stories to pass the time. When I read Behind the Net, I was struck by how much untold story there is from Pierre’s side. I became obsessed with the idea of re-writing this story from Pierre’s point of view and before I knew it I had written the whole thing, which ended up being three chapters longer than the original story because he has so many thoughts, feelings, and experiences that David never knows anything about. So here it is! All twenty chapters posted at once. I haven’t posted on this page for 8 years at this point and the fandom is totally gone so I’m not anticipating that anyone will actually see this, but if anyone does happen to see and read this, leave me a comment and let me know!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
The rest of the weekend went by in a flash, though Pierre hadn’t gotten to see David at all the Sunday after the game. The two had gone and gotten some food and hung out for a little bit longer that Saturday after they had left the locker room, but not long after David had parted ways with him to go to the hospital to see his father. The other boy had spent the following day at the hospital as well and though Pierre had wanted to see him and wished he would show up on his doorstep, he knew it had been months since David had seen his dad and didn’t want to get in the way. He knew he had to practice patience and allow the other boy his space to do his own things, no matter how badly he wished that he could tag along and be with him at every moment.
Pierre had decided to use the time to finish up the homework he’d been assigned for over the weekend, having not spent any time on it Friday after school. After all, he’d gone to get pizza with his friends then had David come over to his house and things that night hadn’t exactly led to studying. Truth be told, in the two months in which Pierre had been working his hardest to keep his distance from the other boy, he had gotten a lot better at keeping himself on top of his homework and putting more effort into class. Even now, he knew that he would be going off to college in six months and wouldn’t have David around to keep him focused. With an athletic scholarship depending on maintaining good grades, he knew he would have to learn to be self motivated.
As he got ready for school that Monday morning, Pierre couldn’t stop the nervous feelings that were building inside of him. Things were going to be drastically different for him starting that day. This would be the day that inevitably the entire school would find out that he and Chrissy had broken up, and he wondered how that news was going to be perceived and how many wild rumors were going to start as a result. Those closest to him and closest to Chrissy would know that Pierre had broken up with her; there may even be some of her closest friends who would hear from her directly that Pierre had told her he didn’t love her anymore, but he knew it was inescapable that there would be those who didn’t hear the whole story, who didn’t know who had broken up with who and without being able to do anything about it, he knew there would be rumors, making up all sorts of different scenarios that had led to the demise of their relationship. Though he was aware of it going into the day, he wasn’t looking forward to it.
Still, he knew it would die down eventually. Their classmates would grow tired of it when no new drama arose and everyone would move on and stop talking about it entirely. He knew that this was going to be uncomfortable and annoying, but he also knew that it wouldn’t last forever. It was going to be a huge change for the people that knew them; they had been together for five years, after all. Pierre and Chrissy as a couple was just a given at that point. To say that his friends and classmates were going to be shocked would have been the understatement of the century.
Perhaps what he was looking forward to least of all, however, was having to see her in the hall. Would she look at him? Would she try to talk to him? She hadn’t called or texted him at all; Pierre somehow doubted that she would try to change his mind at this point but would she approach him and ask for answers? Would she still sit at their table at lunch? They had been a part of the same friend group for so long, what was going to happen now? Would the girls go with her and the boys stay with him and they would suddenly find their group split in two? There were so many questions that he couldn’t know the answer to and it was raising an anxiety in him that he hadn’t quite known before. Everything about this was entirely new for him and he had no way of anticipating just how it was all going to go. He hoped that it wouldn’t be too bad.
Then there was the question of David and if he would become a daily part of his friend group from that point forward. He wanted to be around him, but would David feel comfortable suddenly becoming a part of his crowd? He reminded himself that the other boy’s friendship with Jenny had imploded over the weekend and supposed it would only make sense for David to hang out with him and his friends during lunch now. If the alternative was eating lunch alone every day, wouldn’t David rather come eat with him instead? Things had changed so drastically for them in just the span of a couple of days, however, he wondered how easy it was going to be to be around each other and be just friends. What if they looked at each other too long or too tenderly? What if a laugh was too soft, or a touch too lingering? The idea of being found out by his friends as being in a relationship with David was something that Pierre couldn’t even begin to wrap his mind around. He knew this was going to require a new level of self control and he only hoped they were both capable of it.
With his backpack slung lazily over one shoulder, Pierre began the walk from the parking lot up to the front of the school. He saw classmates and friends as he passed, giving a wave here, a nod there, and the occasional, “Whats up?” as he passed. He noticed that he got a few strange looks and felt his stomach clench a little, thinking that there must have already been some people who had heard about this breakup with Chrissy. With a deep breath he approached the front doors to the school and steeled himself for what he knew was to come.
As he got to the entrance of the school, however, immediately Pierre got a horrible sense that something was very seriously wrong. The people standing just inside the doors stopped and turned toward him, staring at him as if he had grown an extra head over night, some with looks that he couldn’t interpret as anything other than shock, and even disgust. He stopped in his tracks, looking around at the uncomfortable stares he was getting, instantly unnerved.
“Yo, is this real?” someone said as they bumped by him, a hand shoving into his chest in a harsh way with a piece of paper held between them. Pierre grabbed the paper instinctually and stumbled backward, surprised by the sudden aggressive action. He looked after the boy who had clearly bumped into him on purpose who was walking away with his head turned over at his shoulder, staring after Pierre with a look of incredulity before turning to the student next to him and beginning to mutter between the two of them as if speaking about a great scandal. Blinking rapidly, Pierre grabbed the paper off of his chest and held it down in front of himself to see what had been handed to him so unceremoniously. The image in front of him was so shocking that it took several seconds before what he was looking at even began to register.
Held in his hand, a little crumpled from the force of having it shoved against his body, was a full page picture of him and David kissing in the locker room. Everything around him seemed to stop as he stared at it, his mouth falling slowly open, his eyes going blank. It was as if his heart had stopped beating, his ears had stopped hearing, and his lungs had stopped breathing. He stared down at the picture, the very memory of it still fresh in his mind, the way he had pinned David against the wall with his body and kissed him, the way David, shirtless and desperate, had wrapped his arms around him and tangled his fingers in his hair, kissing him back with everything inside of him. The moment had been heated and intimate, a moment he had thought had been private but was now displayed so publicly for everyone to see. Looking at it now, in this manner, he suddenly felt as if everything had fallen out from underneath him and he was floating in darkness.
Slowly he looked up from the picture, seeing more people had gathered around, seeing that those in the hallway had stopped and turned to stare at him. He took a shaky breath in as he looked around, his eyes darting from face to face, seeing no friendliness, no sympathy, nothing but disbelief and shock, even seeing some vindictive glee at what appeared to be his fall from grace. His chest began to rise and fall more quickly as his sense of panic grew.
Suddenly he was looking around for more pictures, and the more he looked the more he saw. They were everywhere, plastered every few feet along the walls at different heights and angles, looking as if they had been slapped up haphazardly and in a rush. Whoever had done this had done so with urgency, clearly trying to get as many up as they could without being caught or stopped. He immediately wondered how far through the school they spread while also knowing it wouldn’t matter if they hadn’t gotten past the front door; if even only one student had seen only one picture, the image still would have been spread like wildfire through the student population. Something told him, however, that these pictures would be scattered through every hall of the school, and that there was nothing that could be done to stop it.
He turned his head to the side in a daze and suddenly he saw David approaching. He felt as if time slowed again as he watched him approach from a distance, able to see that the look on his face showed that he knew something was wrong. Pierre’s sense of panic hit his peak and he found himself questioning everything. How had this happened so immediately? How was it possible that three days after their first kiss this picture existed and had been spread far and wide? How could it be that immediately after taking the leap and pouring his heart and soul out to David, suddenly this information was broadcast to everyone in the school? Pierre hadn’t told a soul, not a friend, not a parent, no one. In that moment, only one possibility came to him and it reared its ugly head like a bear charging out of the forest.
Suddenly, out of control of himself, he rushed at David and grabbed his shoulders, anger and betrayal and fear coursing through him in a way that he couldn’t control. “Did you do this?!” he asked frantically, completely powerless to his own staggering emotions.
David's entire body recoiled and he shook his head quickly, his eyes wide with fear. “I didn't do anything!” he promised quickly, his voice painted with fear and confusion.
His response did nothing to quell the feelings that were numbing all other senses, completely blotting out all logic and self control. “Swear you had nothing to do with this!” Pierre yelled again, shaking David harder.
“Pierre, I didn't do anything!” David promised again strongly. “What's going on?!”
“Fuck!” Pierre exclaimed, and as he did, he shoved David away from himself, his gaze immediately moving away from him, not seeing the way David stumbled away as a result of his aggression and force. He rushed back to his car, his mind racing as he got in and peeled out of the parking lot, driving without thinking about where he was going until suddenly he was stopped in front of his house.
He dashed up the stairs to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him, feeling his shaking anger building to an unbearable level, needing to explode out of him. He grabbed his pillow off his bed and beat it mercilessly against the edge of his dresser, an angry scream ripping its way out of him of its own volition. Again and again he slammed his pillow across the edge of his dresser, a hot, desperate, growling scream escaping him each time he did. After several seconds of this he felt an overwhelming spike of emotion that made him feel as if the pressure had reached its limit in his ears and he hurled his pillow across the room, a loud, “FUCK!” tearing out of him as it flew away from him.
He stood there, his head swimming and his chest heaving for a few seconds before he dropped to his butt on the floor and sat with his back against the edge of his bed. He pulled his knees up and hunched over, his elbows resting atop his knees and his arms wrapping up and over his head to grab angry fistfuls of his hair. How had this happened? How had everything fallen apart so immediately after he had thought that it was all going his way for once? He pulled on his air even harder, registering no pain except for the the tearing sensation he felt in his chest and the unrelenting pressure in his head and ears. He wanted to scream and to never stop. He wanted to hit things, to break things, to destroy everything around him until there was nothing left and everything just stopped.
“What on EARTH is all of this screaming?!”
Pierre looked up suddenly, seeing his mother standing in his doorway. He hadn’t heard her approach from outside his door, hadn’t heard the door open or her step in, too lost in his own broken emotions to register any of it. Pierre dropped his head back between his knees and covered his head again, shaking his head back and forth, unable to give any other answer so lost in his own despair.
“Would you like to explain the calls I’ve been getting this morning?” her voice came, sounding haughty and disapproving.
Pierre’s eyes shot open but he didn’t move, keeping his head hidden from sight as fear gripped at him. Of course students would tell their nosy parents. Of course nosy parents would then tell his own nosy parents. Pierre’s breath got caught in his chest and he felt everything shake around him. Still, he didn’t speak, too afraid of what would come out and what his mother would say. Had she been sent the picture? Had someone taken a picture on their phone and sent it to their own parents in gossip? Had it made its way back to his mother? Was the proof of it on her own phone at that very moment? Had she seen him kissing David? Even more terrifyingly, had his father seen this picture? Had his father gotten called by some stuck up socialite wanting to even the playing field and knock their family down a peg? The society they were a part of was ruthless, like piranhas below the surface of the water just waiting for someone’s toe to dip in, for someone to stumble so they could use it for their own social gain. Though his initial terror had only gone as far as his classmates at school, he was suddenly aware that this scandal was going to have much wider ripples outside of just his high school life.
“What the hell were you THINKING?!” she yelled at him, sounding uncharacteristically angry and unglued. “Do you have any idea what a nightmare this is going to be for your father and I?!”
Pierre stood suddenly and rushed past her, unable and unwilling to deal with this from her.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?!” she yelled after him but Pierre kept his head ducked and ignored her, not saying a word and not looking back, refusing to engage. He fled as quickly as he could, getting back into his car and driving away.
Pierre didn’t know where to go. Home was usually his safe place, home where his parents were usually content to leave him alone and let him do his own thing. Now it wasn’t an option and he didn’t know how he was supposed to go back there ever again. He knew the conversation that was waiting for him when he did, much more of what his mother had just so ruthlessly thrown at him. As he had feared would happen, he knew his parents wouldn’t accept his relationship with David, knew that they would be shocked and horrified by him, knew that they would be more worried about what the people at the country club would say than they were about their own son’s well being and feelings. He knew they wouldn’t care what we wanted or what would make him happy. Nothing about his life had ever been about what he wanted, after all. If the conversation with his mother had been any indication, he knew that when he had to face his father it was going to be significantly worse.
He found himself stopped at a local park, sitting in his car in the parking lot and unsure what to do with himself or where else he could go to be alone. He wanted to drive away and never stop, to run and hide and restart his life in a new place surrounded by new people who didn’t know him. He imagined himself going to a boat and taking off to sea for several months, leaving and telling no one where he was going, a life that David had once vindictively told him he would end up living. He also imagined himself enlisting in the army, leaving home and never coming back. With a deep sigh he leaned his head forward and rested it against his steering wheel, knowing that he wasn’t going to do either of those things. Running away wasn’t going to stop people talking. Running away wasn’t going to placate his parents. Running away wasn’t going to fix things with David.
David’s face flashed through his mind and Pierre felt a deep twinge of regret. Suddenly he replayed their interaction that morning and his behavior toward the other boy - his boyfriend - felt atrocious. Why had he jumped immediately to thinking that David had done this to him? Why had he grabbed him like that? Shaken him like that? Shoved him like that? Pierre’s heart sank and shame replaced all other feelings in his body. What did I do?
Of course it hadn’t been David’s fault. Of course David hadn’t planned for this to happen. David was probably reeling with fear and anxiety just as badly as he was, and he was all alone to deal with it. He had no other friends, his father was in the hospital, his mother was dead. As if Jenny would go to him to comfort him after seeing that picture of them kissing? If she had thrown away their years-long friendship because she didn’t want David to be friends with Pierre, he couldn’t imagine she would feel any differently after seeing them locked in such a romantic and intimate embrace. He sighed heavily and hit his fist on his steering wheel, hating himself for how he had acted and the way he had so quickly turned against David.
As if looking for a distraction, Pierre pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw that he had missed several calls. He had missed multiple calls from his mother, a call from his coach, and had also missed a call from a number that he didn’t recognize but could tell from the area code that it was a local number. He also saw that he had a number of voicemails, many of them being from his mother which he deleted without even listening to. He listened to the two other voicemails he had gotten, one from his coach and one from the principal of the school, both of which had said the same basic things: they would get to the bottom of who had done this, the student responsible would be expelled, it was most likely one of his hockey teammates since the picture had been taken from inside of the locker room before the game on Saturday.
The realization was like a weight in his stomach and it suddenly made too much sense. Someone must have walked into the locker room to get ready without him and David hearing, seen them making out, taken the picture, and then left again for a while until they thought the coast must have been clear. He remembered several teammates coming in after he and David and recognized immediately how rash he had been in coming back into the locker room to kiss the other boy. If he hadn’t done that, they wouldn't be in this mess at all. Pierre sat back and threw his phone down in the passenger seat next to him, suddenly determined to go see David and to make things right. After what he had done to the other boy, he had to at least try.
When he got to David’s house and turned off his car, he sat there for several seconds just looking forward. David’s car wasn’t there but he could see the living room light was on. Surely he hadn’t stayed at school. Had someone else brought him home? Had he been too distraught to drive himself? Pierre got out of his car and approached the front door, fear and shame overcoming him for a moment. How was he supposed to face David now after what he had done and how he had acted? He had been rough, violent even. He had handled David in a way that he never in a million years would have ever dared to handle Chrissy. He had to remind himself that just because David wasn’t a girl, it didn’t mean it was okay to be rough with him. Knowing he needed to face this like a man, he reached forward and tried the doorknob, feeling it swivel in his hand and the door swing inward a little.
He peeked his head in and looked around timidly, though he didn’t see David in the living room. Stepping inside and closing the door quietly behind him, he forced himself to continue inside, walking slowly back to David’s bedroom. When he got to the open door, the sight before him broke his heart.
He could see David curled under his blanket, entirely hidden from the world. He could hear the soft sound of his crying and an entirely new kind of regret ripped at his heart. He had never felt so ashamed of himself before in his life as he did in that moment, weighed down with the reality of the way he had behaved and the fact that he had left David all alone to discover what had happened and to deal with the aftermath of it. Pierre reached his hand up and knocked gently on the bedroom door, feeling like he couldn’t just walk in even though he had already let himself into the house.
David sat suddenly up in bed and twisted to look at him. If Pierre thought his heart had broken before, it was nothing compared to what he felt as he took in the sight of David’s face now. He had clearly been crying non-stop, his cheeks tinted pink and stained with tears. His short black hair was mussed up from the blanket that had been shielding him from the world and his lips were swollen slightly, giving him a natural looking pout that only added to his look of innocence. Pierre could see how devastated his boyfriend was and his regret at the way he had acted only increased. Feeling like he didn’t deserve to be standing in front of him after what he had done, or even that he might not be welcome inside, he didn’t step into the room and instead forced an apologetic and nervous smile and asked, “Can I…?” The fear of David telling him no stopped Pierre from fully forming his question.
David bit down on his lip and nodded, his eyes glued to Pierre in a desperate kind of sadness that did nothing but make Pierre feel even worse.
Pierre walked over to him and for a few long seconds he did nothing but stand over him, taking in the sight of him fully and forcing himself to fully process and take accountability for the haggard emotions he felt while looking at him. He knew this was his fault; he wondered how David would have reacted had he stood by him and held his hand through the ordeal instead of accusing him of being responsible and storming off, leaving him alone to deal with it. The way David was looking up at him didn’t falter even as Pierre sat down on the bed next to him and put a shaking hand on his knee.
“I'm sorry I ran off like that,” Pierre started quietly, his shame growing to an almost unbearable level inside of him.
David shook his head in response, his lips parted slightly as his quiet, ragged breathing filled the room. “I swear I didn't know,” he whispered. Pierre hated that his only response was to assure his innocence, and hated even more than he knew it was his fault that David felt the need to do so. Was he even upset with the way Pierre had handled him? Was he even a little bit angry with Pierre for the way he had stormed off and left him all alone? He didn’t see any evidence of those feelings and he could feel his guilt crushing him over it.
Pierre wasted no time in nodding and saying, “I know,” in a dismissive manner, as if it shouldn't have been a question in the first place. He felt it was unforgivable that he had even made that assumption and wished desperately that he could take it back.
“Really, I had no idea,” David insisted again, clearly eager for Pierre to understand.
Again, Pierre nodded, giving another gentle, “It's okay, I know.” He put a hand on the back of David's neck and pulled the younger boy to his chest, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's back in a reaffirming hug. Feeling David melt into his hug reassured Pierre in a way that he didn’t realize he needed and he closed his eyes, holding the other boy tighter, feeling incomprehensibly grateful that David didn’t hate him.
“I'm really sorry,” David mumbled into Pierre's chest, whose hands were rubbing soothing circles into the younger boy’s back and sides.
“Me too,” Pierre replied quietly, speaking into David's hair. He placed a kiss on the top of the younger boy's head before turning his face to the side and nuzzling it into the boy's hair again. “I shouldn't have freaked out on you like that,” he continued, allowing the full weight of his guilt to come through in his voice. “It wasn't cool. And I really shouldn't have grabbed you...” David didn’t respond, not to tell him it was okay, not to try to comfort him in return, and Pierre was glad that he didn’t. There was no excuse for the behavior and he knew it. “It won't happen again, I promise,” Pierre told him, and again, David nodded.
“I believe you,” David told him gently. The next moment was spent in silence as the two boys simply held each other. Pierre’s mind wandered back to school, knowing they would both have to go back the next day, knowing they were going to get hate from their classmates as a result. How were his friends going to react? Would there be anyone who was cool to them about it and would move forward treating them like nothing had changed? Then his mind wandered to Chrissy and he wondered how she was going to react. Would she recognize that this was the actual reason for their break up just three nights previously? Suddenly he was terrified to find out.
“I wonder how everyone's gonna react,” Pierre broke the silence finally. He sat in the silence that followed his statement and David gave no response. After a long moment he gave David a tighter reassuring squeeze. “We'll figure out who did it and they'll get in trouble for this,” Pierre promised, before placing another kiss on David's head.
“How?” David asked, his voice cracked and quiet.
“Coach already called me, and the Principal. They said they'll get to the bottom of it and the student responsible will be expelled,” Pierre told him, his voice soft. “They're not mad at us or anything. They're taking it really seriously,” he added with a nod against David's hair.
“Wow,” David responded with a soft breath. “It had to be one of the guys on the team, right?” he asked, and as he did so, he finally pulled out of Pierre's embrace and looked at the boy for the first time since Pierre had pulled him into his arms. His cheeks blushed and he smiled a little nervously up at him.
“That's what Coach thinks,” Pierre replied, his eyes going blank as the idea again crossed his mind and he recognized that it must have been true. It was the only thing that made sense.
“Who else would have been in there to see?” David reasoned softly.
Pierre took a deep breath and sighed it out, his eyes snapping back up to David's in a serious manner, wishing it wasn’t true but knowing that it more than likely was. The idea hurt him more than he could explain, not understanding how someone he had played with for years could have betrayed him in such a way. Suddenly he knew he wanted to clean this up and deal with it before David had to walk back into that place the next day. He was going to go back to that school and work on getting some answers so that David would never even have to deal with that aspect of it. “Yeah, it's really the only thing that makes sense,” Pierre told him, and as he did, he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on David's cheek and then stood.
“Are you leaving?” David asked, his voice thick with disappointment.
“I'm gonna go deal with this,” Pierre told him. David moved like he was going to stand next to him, but Pierre placed a hand on his shoulder and stopped him in his tracks. “You stay here. Lay down, take some time... Just relax, okay? I'm gonna go take care of some things at school and then I'll come back and we can spend the day together. Does that sound okay?”
David looked like he wanted to say or do something else but he just nodded and let Pierre step away from him.
“Okay,” Pierre said, unable to help that the word came out as a heavy sigh. “I'll be back in a little bit. You rest,” he instructed, and David gave him a smile and nodded his head.
Pierre walked through the bedroom door and into the hall, though as he passed, he put his hand on the door frame and stopped to look back at David, a thought striking him on the way out. He had a cynical looking smile on his lips as he said, “Well, at least you and Jenny already had a falling out. If she didn't stop being your friend over our friendship, she definitely would have over this.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said it, but the thought had left him before he could help himself.
David gave a half-hearted laugh in response and Pierre shot him a weak, crooked smile before turning and walking back down the hallway.
It was with a sense of determination and an unwillingness to let himself be beaten down that he made his way back to school, walking in with his head held stubbornly high. He could feel his anxiety building again as he walked down the hall, though he was comforted that most students were in class and there were very few people in the halls. He saw that most of the pictures had already been taken down and could see the janitorial staff walking down the halls with trash cans that were stuffed full of papers. There was a small sense of relief knowing that the school had gone into action so quickly to try and take them all down, though as he got deeper into the school he could see the areas that hadn’t been addressed yet and it was really impressed upon him just how far whoever had done this had gotten. They truly had posted these pictures down every hall.
He checked into the office, his face hard and serious as he spoke with the principal in person, and the same with his coach. He took their reassurances with a nod and a few words of thanks, answering the questions that they asked though the only response he was able to give was that he didn’t know who had done this or why. The only thing he was confident in was that David had nothing to do with it and they quickly stopped asking if he had been involved in any way.
The few students he saw looked too intimidated to approach him or to say anything, something which he was grateful for. He had been allowed to take the day off from classes which he thought was only reasonable and made his way to his locker to grab a few things for the evening. As he was grabbing some things and tucking them into his arm, however, he heard a sound that he really hadn’t wanted to hear.
“Pierre…?”
He stopped what he was doing, frozen in time as Chrissy’s voice broke the silence. For a second he was too scared to move and he simply stood there frozen.
“Pierre, is this…?”
He closed his eyes and took a deep steadying breath before closing his locker and turning to face her. He opened his eyes and slowly allowed himself to look at her, afraid of what he would see when his eyes locked onto hers. The look in her big blue eyes was more than he was prepared to deal with and he felt pain shoot through his body.
“Is this why you broke up with me?” she asked, her voice shaking and so quiet that he almost couldn’t hear her.
He swallowed hard and his eyes flicked quickly down to the floor, leaning back against his locker in a defeated sort of way. “I’m sorry,” he breathed in response.
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” she snapped at him, her voice a little louder now and sounding angry. Pierre looked up at her again, his eyebrows turned down in sadness. “Just tell me the truth. Is this why you broke up with me?”
He stared into her eyes for several long seconds before, with a deep breath he told her honestly, “Yes.”
She stared back at him, her mouth hanging open slightly and her expression changing from anger to hurt. “How long?” she whispered as if she was afraid to hear the answer.
“A while,” Pierre responded quietly, shame driving him to the honestly that he knew she deserved.
“Were you cheating on me with him?” she asked, her voice quieter still.
Pierre shook his head fervently, not breaking his eye contact with her. “No. The first time anything happened was Friday night, and as soon as it happened that’s when I came over to your house to end things.”
“So you did cheat on me with him, then,” she retorted, anger picking up in her voice again.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Pierre responded quickly. “We were just hanging out and… a-and we kissed. We made out for a minute. But then he left and nothing else happened. We didn’t have s…” he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence, shame and embarrassment overwhelming him and stopping the word in his mouth. “And then I realized what had happened and what I’d done and I…” he looked down at his feet sadly. “I’m really sorry.”
“Are you in love with him?”
Pierre’s eyes shot up and he looked at her again, feeling lost. Was he in love with David? He knew that David meant something to him that he had never felt before. He knew that he saw himself being with David at any point in his future that he could picture. Didn’t that mean…?
“I-I dunno,” he responded lamely, too afraid to answer even to himself.
She stared at him for a long time after that, a mixture of anger and betrayal and hurt in her eyes as she did. “I hope you’re happy,” she said softly before turning her back and heading down the hall. Pierre watched as she disappeared into the girl’s bathroom, feeling like a coward for not trying to stop her, though he knew it wasn’t his place anymore to try to comfort her when she was hurting. Wanting to be gone before she came back out of the bathroom Pierre used this as his chance to escape. He walked quickly down the hall, now keeping his eyes trained down and avoiding looking at anyone that he passed. The forced confidence he had displayed when he had first walked back into the school was gone entirely now and he was left with a sickening feeling of guilt and regret. It was with that feeling chasing behind him that he headed back to David’s house to hide from the world with the other boy.
He stayed at David’s house for the rest of the day and into the evening, the two of them sitting on the couch and watching movies, eating food, and talking casually. Though they were alone and though they could have spent that time making out, neither one of them was feeling particularly in the mood for that type of passion. Instead they settled on cuddling, sharing the occasional tender, sweet kiss, but for the most part they just sat and enjoyed being around each other.
Pierre continued to get calls from his mother, which he continued to ignore. David had looked at him through the corner of his eye everytime Pierre’s phone buzzed and he looked at it and ignored it but didn’t say anything to him. Pierre hadn’t told David about seeing his mother at his house or the way she had spoken to him and he honestly didn’t plan on it. It was something he would likely keep inside, feeling a sense of sadness and embarrassment that felt entirely too private to share. David was from a family who loved and supported him, after all; Pierre didn’t really want to admit that he didn’t believe his parents loved him. He couldn’t quite explain why, even to himself, but there was something about it that he found humiliating.
He knew, however, that he would need to go home eventually. As the evening wore on and the sun went down, it was with a heavy sigh that Pierre decided that the time had come. He knew he needed to face this problem and that it wouldn’t go away, no matter how much he was dreading it. It was with a hug and a long, slow kiss that he and David parted ways and he took himself back to his own house, reassuring David before he left that everything would be fine the next day and that they would handle it together. He wished he had been brave enough to ask for David’s support when it came to his parents, but he just couldn’t find it in himself to let David know what he was about to go through. As he walked up the steps and opened his front door, he wondered just how bad it was about to get.
The moment the front door closed he heard his father’s voice from his study. “Pierre.” He stopped and took a deep breath, readying himself for what he knew was about to be an incredibly unpleasant conversation, before walking down the hall and stepping into the study with his head held high, a stubborn and hard look on his face. “Sit,” his father commanded, but Pierre stood exactly where he was, stoic and unmoving, his expression unchanging.
His father was sitting behind his desk in his high backed chair, his elbows on the desktop with his fingers brought together in front of his face looking serious and angry. His mother was standing just behind him, her hand on the back of his chair with a look that matched her husband’s almost perfectly. Pierre could see it already, the disappointment, the shock, the absolute fury at what he had brought upon them socially.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” his father asked, his voice dangerously calm and controlled, though Pierre could feel the rage underneath as if he had screamed. Pierre just stood and stared at him, refusing to let his emotions or his fear show on his features even for a second. “Do you have any idea the years of hard work you just threw away?” Again, Pierre gave no response and made no movement. His father waited several long seconds, then suddenly, uncontrolled, he slammed his fists down on his desk and stood, screaming, “ANSWER ME!”
Pierre flinched ever so slightly at the movement and sudden scream, caught off guard by the cracks in his father’s usually collected demeanor. He raised his chin slightly and took a deep, slow breath in, his chest puffing out ever so slightly and his jaw clenching. Still, he refused to speak, afraid of what would fly out of his mouth.
The two stared at each other for a long moment before his father’s hands flattened on his desk and he leaned forward slightly, his eyes alight with rage. “We have worked your entire life to set you up for success! Everything has been laid out for you for the taking! All you had to do was take the options that were set out for you and your life would have been PERFECT!”
Pierre clenched and unclenched his jaw repeatedly, his hands balling into fists at his sides in an attempt to control himself though he could feel his limbs beginning to shake and his body growing hot with indignant anger. He knew that yelling back at his father was not going to help anything but he was beginning to lose control of himself in a way that frightened him.
“You were to marry Chrissy and join our two families in an alliance that would have lasted for generations! There were business dealings to be finalized after your marriage, all of which is now WASTED! Even if you begged, I doubt she would take you back after what you’ve done! You’ve SOILED yourself! You’ve besmirched your name and your family! You’ve thrown away years of a perfect relationship and a future with a good woman who would have made the perfect wife and given us grandchildren we could have been proud of!”
“I didn’t want to marry her!” Pierre screamed, losing the battle with himself and coming unglued. “I didn’t love her! I NEVER loved her!”
“Marriage isn’t about LOVE, you hopeless fool!” his father screamed back at him, pounding his fist on his desk once more. “Marriage is about building a future that you can rely on! You were to continue our legacy! To build an empire! Do you really think that same goal can be accomplished with the son of a dead woman and a fisherman?!”
“Don’t you fucking talk about him like he’s beneath us!” Pierre screamed, the edges of his vision blurring and going red as he did.
“HE IS BENEATH US!” his father screamed, his voice so loud that it cracked and spit flew from his mouth.
Pierre went blind with rage and charged forward, his body rigid and his fists clenched as he rushed toward his father. As swiftly as a rabbit his mother moved from behind the desk and put her hands on Pierre’s chest, pushing against him to keep him from attacking his father. Nothing other than pure respect for his mother could have pulled Pierre out of his rage in that moment and the moment she touched him he stopped, standing and staring with hatred at his father from over the top of her head. His entire body was shaking, his breathing fast and frantic. In that moment, he felt he could have hit his father over and over until the man stopped moving.
His father seemed unphased by the sudden outburst and he stood still behind his desk, glaring hard with his hands pressed so hard against the desktop that his knuckles were turning white. “You will apologize to Chrissy. You will beg for her forgiveness. And you will forget this boy ever existed,” he said strongly, his voice shaking.
“You can’t make me marry her,” Pierre responded coldly, his voice now even and defiant. “I won’t do it,” he insisted before turning and walking out of the room, fuelled by his rage.
“You WILL do what is right for this family!” his father screamed after him, but Pierre ignored him and stormed out of the front door.
Pierre stood outside for a long moment, staring at his car, wondering where he would go if he left. There was something that kept him from wanting to go back to David’s house. Was it a sense of shame at the dysfunction of his family? Was it wanting to spare David from the reality of his family’s disapproval of their relationship? He stood there, seething, wanting to leave but also not wanting to be forced out of the house at the same time. Was he supposed to just leave and never come back? He didn’t have his own money and wouldn’t until he turned eighteen which was still a few months away. Sure, that money would come from the trust fund his parents had set up for him but legally it was his, in his name, and they wouldn't be able to take it from him. Was he supposed to just crash with David until that day came? He didn’t think that was a viable option, either. It was with a sense of defeat that he realized he couldn’t go anywhere, but it was with a sense of stubborn defiance that he turned around and walked back into the house.
He stormed down the hall and past his father’s study without looking into the room.
“Get in here and finish this conversation!” his father called after him but Pierre didn’t listen and almost immediately after he heard his mother step in.
“Richard, that is ENOUGH!”
Pierre’s footsteps halted and he waited, still within earshot of the room; he had never heard her put her foot down with him before.
“He can’t be allowed to throw his life away, Amelia!” his father responded, sounding frustrated and completely at a loss.
“And he won’t be,” she responded, and immediately Pierre’s heart sank. He had thought for a second that she was about to defend him. Now he realized he had been stupid to think that she might actually care about what he wanted. “Let him make his choices for now. When this all blows up in his face - and it will - he will come back to his senses and we can fix this mess he’s created.”
Pierre looked down at the ground, his face going blank, before he resigned himself to his reality and quietly snuck the rest of the way down the hall, up the stairs and into his bedroom. He closed the door behind him, locking it for fear of his mother barging in again at some point in the night and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. Sadness gripped at him and he sat there for a long time staring at his hands which he clasped in front of him. He had always known that his parents didn’t care if he was happy so long as he was making the “choices” that they had provided to him. Even though he had always known, having the truth of it thrown in his face still hurt in a way that he didn’t think he would ever be able to put into words.
Author: shmorgenheigen
Chapter: Seventeen
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Pierre/David
Word Count: 8177
Summary: This is a re-write of the story Behind the Net told from Pierre’s perspective; just a reminder that the original story was written in 2014 so that’s when this story is set. Pierre Bouvier is a high school senior living in Juneau, Alaska who lives a pretty remarkable life. Though he’s the most popular boy in school, the captain of the hockey team, dating the most popular girl in school, and is from a family that is rich beyond measure, Pierre can’t help the feelings of boredom and apathy that he struggles with on a daily basis. Through an unexpected twist of fate, his favorite target of bullying ends up becoming a more significant presence in his life and suddenly Pierre is left questioning everything he ever knew.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, didn't happen!
Author's Note: Hey there! I have no idea if anyone will ever see this. I’m currently pregnant and spending a lot of time sick in bed and that led me to take a stroll down memory lane and read some of my old stories to pass the time. When I read Behind the Net, I was struck by how much untold story there is from Pierre’s side. I became obsessed with the idea of re-writing this story from Pierre’s point of view and before I knew it I had written the whole thing, which ended up being three chapters longer than the original story because he has so many thoughts, feelings, and experiences that David never knows anything about. So here it is! All twenty chapters posted at once. I haven’t posted on this page for 8 years at this point and the fandom is totally gone so I’m not anticipating that anyone will actually see this, but if anyone does happen to see and read this, leave me a comment and let me know!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
The rest of the weekend went by in a flash, though Pierre hadn’t gotten to see David at all the Sunday after the game. The two had gone and gotten some food and hung out for a little bit longer that Saturday after they had left the locker room, but not long after David had parted ways with him to go to the hospital to see his father. The other boy had spent the following day at the hospital as well and though Pierre had wanted to see him and wished he would show up on his doorstep, he knew it had been months since David had seen his dad and didn’t want to get in the way. He knew he had to practice patience and allow the other boy his space to do his own things, no matter how badly he wished that he could tag along and be with him at every moment.
Pierre had decided to use the time to finish up the homework he’d been assigned for over the weekend, having not spent any time on it Friday after school. After all, he’d gone to get pizza with his friends then had David come over to his house and things that night hadn’t exactly led to studying. Truth be told, in the two months in which Pierre had been working his hardest to keep his distance from the other boy, he had gotten a lot better at keeping himself on top of his homework and putting more effort into class. Even now, he knew that he would be going off to college in six months and wouldn’t have David around to keep him focused. With an athletic scholarship depending on maintaining good grades, he knew he would have to learn to be self motivated.
As he got ready for school that Monday morning, Pierre couldn’t stop the nervous feelings that were building inside of him. Things were going to be drastically different for him starting that day. This would be the day that inevitably the entire school would find out that he and Chrissy had broken up, and he wondered how that news was going to be perceived and how many wild rumors were going to start as a result. Those closest to him and closest to Chrissy would know that Pierre had broken up with her; there may even be some of her closest friends who would hear from her directly that Pierre had told her he didn’t love her anymore, but he knew it was inescapable that there would be those who didn’t hear the whole story, who didn’t know who had broken up with who and without being able to do anything about it, he knew there would be rumors, making up all sorts of different scenarios that had led to the demise of their relationship. Though he was aware of it going into the day, he wasn’t looking forward to it.
Still, he knew it would die down eventually. Their classmates would grow tired of it when no new drama arose and everyone would move on and stop talking about it entirely. He knew that this was going to be uncomfortable and annoying, but he also knew that it wouldn’t last forever. It was going to be a huge change for the people that knew them; they had been together for five years, after all. Pierre and Chrissy as a couple was just a given at that point. To say that his friends and classmates were going to be shocked would have been the understatement of the century.
Perhaps what he was looking forward to least of all, however, was having to see her in the hall. Would she look at him? Would she try to talk to him? She hadn’t called or texted him at all; Pierre somehow doubted that she would try to change his mind at this point but would she approach him and ask for answers? Would she still sit at their table at lunch? They had been a part of the same friend group for so long, what was going to happen now? Would the girls go with her and the boys stay with him and they would suddenly find their group split in two? There were so many questions that he couldn’t know the answer to and it was raising an anxiety in him that he hadn’t quite known before. Everything about this was entirely new for him and he had no way of anticipating just how it was all going to go. He hoped that it wouldn’t be too bad.
Then there was the question of David and if he would become a daily part of his friend group from that point forward. He wanted to be around him, but would David feel comfortable suddenly becoming a part of his crowd? He reminded himself that the other boy’s friendship with Jenny had imploded over the weekend and supposed it would only make sense for David to hang out with him and his friends during lunch now. If the alternative was eating lunch alone every day, wouldn’t David rather come eat with him instead? Things had changed so drastically for them in just the span of a couple of days, however, he wondered how easy it was going to be to be around each other and be just friends. What if they looked at each other too long or too tenderly? What if a laugh was too soft, or a touch too lingering? The idea of being found out by his friends as being in a relationship with David was something that Pierre couldn’t even begin to wrap his mind around. He knew this was going to require a new level of self control and he only hoped they were both capable of it.
With his backpack slung lazily over one shoulder, Pierre began the walk from the parking lot up to the front of the school. He saw classmates and friends as he passed, giving a wave here, a nod there, and the occasional, “Whats up?” as he passed. He noticed that he got a few strange looks and felt his stomach clench a little, thinking that there must have already been some people who had heard about this breakup with Chrissy. With a deep breath he approached the front doors to the school and steeled himself for what he knew was to come.
As he got to the entrance of the school, however, immediately Pierre got a horrible sense that something was very seriously wrong. The people standing just inside the doors stopped and turned toward him, staring at him as if he had grown an extra head over night, some with looks that he couldn’t interpret as anything other than shock, and even disgust. He stopped in his tracks, looking around at the uncomfortable stares he was getting, instantly unnerved.
“Yo, is this real?” someone said as they bumped by him, a hand shoving into his chest in a harsh way with a piece of paper held between them. Pierre grabbed the paper instinctually and stumbled backward, surprised by the sudden aggressive action. He looked after the boy who had clearly bumped into him on purpose who was walking away with his head turned over at his shoulder, staring after Pierre with a look of incredulity before turning to the student next to him and beginning to mutter between the two of them as if speaking about a great scandal. Blinking rapidly, Pierre grabbed the paper off of his chest and held it down in front of himself to see what had been handed to him so unceremoniously. The image in front of him was so shocking that it took several seconds before what he was looking at even began to register.
Held in his hand, a little crumpled from the force of having it shoved against his body, was a full page picture of him and David kissing in the locker room. Everything around him seemed to stop as he stared at it, his mouth falling slowly open, his eyes going blank. It was as if his heart had stopped beating, his ears had stopped hearing, and his lungs had stopped breathing. He stared down at the picture, the very memory of it still fresh in his mind, the way he had pinned David against the wall with his body and kissed him, the way David, shirtless and desperate, had wrapped his arms around him and tangled his fingers in his hair, kissing him back with everything inside of him. The moment had been heated and intimate, a moment he had thought had been private but was now displayed so publicly for everyone to see. Looking at it now, in this manner, he suddenly felt as if everything had fallen out from underneath him and he was floating in darkness.
Slowly he looked up from the picture, seeing more people had gathered around, seeing that those in the hallway had stopped and turned to stare at him. He took a shaky breath in as he looked around, his eyes darting from face to face, seeing no friendliness, no sympathy, nothing but disbelief and shock, even seeing some vindictive glee at what appeared to be his fall from grace. His chest began to rise and fall more quickly as his sense of panic grew.
Suddenly he was looking around for more pictures, and the more he looked the more he saw. They were everywhere, plastered every few feet along the walls at different heights and angles, looking as if they had been slapped up haphazardly and in a rush. Whoever had done this had done so with urgency, clearly trying to get as many up as they could without being caught or stopped. He immediately wondered how far through the school they spread while also knowing it wouldn’t matter if they hadn’t gotten past the front door; if even only one student had seen only one picture, the image still would have been spread like wildfire through the student population. Something told him, however, that these pictures would be scattered through every hall of the school, and that there was nothing that could be done to stop it.
He turned his head to the side in a daze and suddenly he saw David approaching. He felt as if time slowed again as he watched him approach from a distance, able to see that the look on his face showed that he knew something was wrong. Pierre’s sense of panic hit his peak and he found himself questioning everything. How had this happened so immediately? How was it possible that three days after their first kiss this picture existed and had been spread far and wide? How could it be that immediately after taking the leap and pouring his heart and soul out to David, suddenly this information was broadcast to everyone in the school? Pierre hadn’t told a soul, not a friend, not a parent, no one. In that moment, only one possibility came to him and it reared its ugly head like a bear charging out of the forest.
Suddenly, out of control of himself, he rushed at David and grabbed his shoulders, anger and betrayal and fear coursing through him in a way that he couldn’t control. “Did you do this?!” he asked frantically, completely powerless to his own staggering emotions.
David's entire body recoiled and he shook his head quickly, his eyes wide with fear. “I didn't do anything!” he promised quickly, his voice painted with fear and confusion.
His response did nothing to quell the feelings that were numbing all other senses, completely blotting out all logic and self control. “Swear you had nothing to do with this!” Pierre yelled again, shaking David harder.
“Pierre, I didn't do anything!” David promised again strongly. “What's going on?!”
“Fuck!” Pierre exclaimed, and as he did, he shoved David away from himself, his gaze immediately moving away from him, not seeing the way David stumbled away as a result of his aggression and force. He rushed back to his car, his mind racing as he got in and peeled out of the parking lot, driving without thinking about where he was going until suddenly he was stopped in front of his house.
He dashed up the stairs to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him, feeling his shaking anger building to an unbearable level, needing to explode out of him. He grabbed his pillow off his bed and beat it mercilessly against the edge of his dresser, an angry scream ripping its way out of him of its own volition. Again and again he slammed his pillow across the edge of his dresser, a hot, desperate, growling scream escaping him each time he did. After several seconds of this he felt an overwhelming spike of emotion that made him feel as if the pressure had reached its limit in his ears and he hurled his pillow across the room, a loud, “FUCK!” tearing out of him as it flew away from him.
He stood there, his head swimming and his chest heaving for a few seconds before he dropped to his butt on the floor and sat with his back against the edge of his bed. He pulled his knees up and hunched over, his elbows resting atop his knees and his arms wrapping up and over his head to grab angry fistfuls of his hair. How had this happened? How had everything fallen apart so immediately after he had thought that it was all going his way for once? He pulled on his air even harder, registering no pain except for the the tearing sensation he felt in his chest and the unrelenting pressure in his head and ears. He wanted to scream and to never stop. He wanted to hit things, to break things, to destroy everything around him until there was nothing left and everything just stopped.
“What on EARTH is all of this screaming?!”
Pierre looked up suddenly, seeing his mother standing in his doorway. He hadn’t heard her approach from outside his door, hadn’t heard the door open or her step in, too lost in his own broken emotions to register any of it. Pierre dropped his head back between his knees and covered his head again, shaking his head back and forth, unable to give any other answer so lost in his own despair.
“Would you like to explain the calls I’ve been getting this morning?” her voice came, sounding haughty and disapproving.
Pierre’s eyes shot open but he didn’t move, keeping his head hidden from sight as fear gripped at him. Of course students would tell their nosy parents. Of course nosy parents would then tell his own nosy parents. Pierre’s breath got caught in his chest and he felt everything shake around him. Still, he didn’t speak, too afraid of what would come out and what his mother would say. Had she been sent the picture? Had someone taken a picture on their phone and sent it to their own parents in gossip? Had it made its way back to his mother? Was the proof of it on her own phone at that very moment? Had she seen him kissing David? Even more terrifyingly, had his father seen this picture? Had his father gotten called by some stuck up socialite wanting to even the playing field and knock their family down a peg? The society they were a part of was ruthless, like piranhas below the surface of the water just waiting for someone’s toe to dip in, for someone to stumble so they could use it for their own social gain. Though his initial terror had only gone as far as his classmates at school, he was suddenly aware that this scandal was going to have much wider ripples outside of just his high school life.
“What the hell were you THINKING?!” she yelled at him, sounding uncharacteristically angry and unglued. “Do you have any idea what a nightmare this is going to be for your father and I?!”
Pierre stood suddenly and rushed past her, unable and unwilling to deal with this from her.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?!” she yelled after him but Pierre kept his head ducked and ignored her, not saying a word and not looking back, refusing to engage. He fled as quickly as he could, getting back into his car and driving away.
Pierre didn’t know where to go. Home was usually his safe place, home where his parents were usually content to leave him alone and let him do his own thing. Now it wasn’t an option and he didn’t know how he was supposed to go back there ever again. He knew the conversation that was waiting for him when he did, much more of what his mother had just so ruthlessly thrown at him. As he had feared would happen, he knew his parents wouldn’t accept his relationship with David, knew that they would be shocked and horrified by him, knew that they would be more worried about what the people at the country club would say than they were about their own son’s well being and feelings. He knew they wouldn’t care what we wanted or what would make him happy. Nothing about his life had ever been about what he wanted, after all. If the conversation with his mother had been any indication, he knew that when he had to face his father it was going to be significantly worse.
He found himself stopped at a local park, sitting in his car in the parking lot and unsure what to do with himself or where else he could go to be alone. He wanted to drive away and never stop, to run and hide and restart his life in a new place surrounded by new people who didn’t know him. He imagined himself going to a boat and taking off to sea for several months, leaving and telling no one where he was going, a life that David had once vindictively told him he would end up living. He also imagined himself enlisting in the army, leaving home and never coming back. With a deep sigh he leaned his head forward and rested it against his steering wheel, knowing that he wasn’t going to do either of those things. Running away wasn’t going to stop people talking. Running away wasn’t going to placate his parents. Running away wasn’t going to fix things with David.
David’s face flashed through his mind and Pierre felt a deep twinge of regret. Suddenly he replayed their interaction that morning and his behavior toward the other boy - his boyfriend - felt atrocious. Why had he jumped immediately to thinking that David had done this to him? Why had he grabbed him like that? Shaken him like that? Shoved him like that? Pierre’s heart sank and shame replaced all other feelings in his body. What did I do?
Of course it hadn’t been David’s fault. Of course David hadn’t planned for this to happen. David was probably reeling with fear and anxiety just as badly as he was, and he was all alone to deal with it. He had no other friends, his father was in the hospital, his mother was dead. As if Jenny would go to him to comfort him after seeing that picture of them kissing? If she had thrown away their years-long friendship because she didn’t want David to be friends with Pierre, he couldn’t imagine she would feel any differently after seeing them locked in such a romantic and intimate embrace. He sighed heavily and hit his fist on his steering wheel, hating himself for how he had acted and the way he had so quickly turned against David.
As if looking for a distraction, Pierre pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw that he had missed several calls. He had missed multiple calls from his mother, a call from his coach, and had also missed a call from a number that he didn’t recognize but could tell from the area code that it was a local number. He also saw that he had a number of voicemails, many of them being from his mother which he deleted without even listening to. He listened to the two other voicemails he had gotten, one from his coach and one from the principal of the school, both of which had said the same basic things: they would get to the bottom of who had done this, the student responsible would be expelled, it was most likely one of his hockey teammates since the picture had been taken from inside of the locker room before the game on Saturday.
The realization was like a weight in his stomach and it suddenly made too much sense. Someone must have walked into the locker room to get ready without him and David hearing, seen them making out, taken the picture, and then left again for a while until they thought the coast must have been clear. He remembered several teammates coming in after he and David and recognized immediately how rash he had been in coming back into the locker room to kiss the other boy. If he hadn’t done that, they wouldn't be in this mess at all. Pierre sat back and threw his phone down in the passenger seat next to him, suddenly determined to go see David and to make things right. After what he had done to the other boy, he had to at least try.
When he got to David’s house and turned off his car, he sat there for several seconds just looking forward. David’s car wasn’t there but he could see the living room light was on. Surely he hadn’t stayed at school. Had someone else brought him home? Had he been too distraught to drive himself? Pierre got out of his car and approached the front door, fear and shame overcoming him for a moment. How was he supposed to face David now after what he had done and how he had acted? He had been rough, violent even. He had handled David in a way that he never in a million years would have ever dared to handle Chrissy. He had to remind himself that just because David wasn’t a girl, it didn’t mean it was okay to be rough with him. Knowing he needed to face this like a man, he reached forward and tried the doorknob, feeling it swivel in his hand and the door swing inward a little.
He peeked his head in and looked around timidly, though he didn’t see David in the living room. Stepping inside and closing the door quietly behind him, he forced himself to continue inside, walking slowly back to David’s bedroom. When he got to the open door, the sight before him broke his heart.
He could see David curled under his blanket, entirely hidden from the world. He could hear the soft sound of his crying and an entirely new kind of regret ripped at his heart. He had never felt so ashamed of himself before in his life as he did in that moment, weighed down with the reality of the way he had behaved and the fact that he had left David all alone to discover what had happened and to deal with the aftermath of it. Pierre reached his hand up and knocked gently on the bedroom door, feeling like he couldn’t just walk in even though he had already let himself into the house.
David sat suddenly up in bed and twisted to look at him. If Pierre thought his heart had broken before, it was nothing compared to what he felt as he took in the sight of David’s face now. He had clearly been crying non-stop, his cheeks tinted pink and stained with tears. His short black hair was mussed up from the blanket that had been shielding him from the world and his lips were swollen slightly, giving him a natural looking pout that only added to his look of innocence. Pierre could see how devastated his boyfriend was and his regret at the way he had acted only increased. Feeling like he didn’t deserve to be standing in front of him after what he had done, or even that he might not be welcome inside, he didn’t step into the room and instead forced an apologetic and nervous smile and asked, “Can I…?” The fear of David telling him no stopped Pierre from fully forming his question.
David bit down on his lip and nodded, his eyes glued to Pierre in a desperate kind of sadness that did nothing but make Pierre feel even worse.
Pierre walked over to him and for a few long seconds he did nothing but stand over him, taking in the sight of him fully and forcing himself to fully process and take accountability for the haggard emotions he felt while looking at him. He knew this was his fault; he wondered how David would have reacted had he stood by him and held his hand through the ordeal instead of accusing him of being responsible and storming off, leaving him alone to deal with it. The way David was looking up at him didn’t falter even as Pierre sat down on the bed next to him and put a shaking hand on his knee.
“I'm sorry I ran off like that,” Pierre started quietly, his shame growing to an almost unbearable level inside of him.
David shook his head in response, his lips parted slightly as his quiet, ragged breathing filled the room. “I swear I didn't know,” he whispered. Pierre hated that his only response was to assure his innocence, and hated even more than he knew it was his fault that David felt the need to do so. Was he even upset with the way Pierre had handled him? Was he even a little bit angry with Pierre for the way he had stormed off and left him all alone? He didn’t see any evidence of those feelings and he could feel his guilt crushing him over it.
Pierre wasted no time in nodding and saying, “I know,” in a dismissive manner, as if it shouldn't have been a question in the first place. He felt it was unforgivable that he had even made that assumption and wished desperately that he could take it back.
“Really, I had no idea,” David insisted again, clearly eager for Pierre to understand.
Again, Pierre nodded, giving another gentle, “It's okay, I know.” He put a hand on the back of David's neck and pulled the younger boy to his chest, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's back in a reaffirming hug. Feeling David melt into his hug reassured Pierre in a way that he didn’t realize he needed and he closed his eyes, holding the other boy tighter, feeling incomprehensibly grateful that David didn’t hate him.
“I'm really sorry,” David mumbled into Pierre's chest, whose hands were rubbing soothing circles into the younger boy’s back and sides.
“Me too,” Pierre replied quietly, speaking into David's hair. He placed a kiss on the top of the younger boy's head before turning his face to the side and nuzzling it into the boy's hair again. “I shouldn't have freaked out on you like that,” he continued, allowing the full weight of his guilt to come through in his voice. “It wasn't cool. And I really shouldn't have grabbed you...” David didn’t respond, not to tell him it was okay, not to try to comfort him in return, and Pierre was glad that he didn’t. There was no excuse for the behavior and he knew it. “It won't happen again, I promise,” Pierre told him, and again, David nodded.
“I believe you,” David told him gently. The next moment was spent in silence as the two boys simply held each other. Pierre’s mind wandered back to school, knowing they would both have to go back the next day, knowing they were going to get hate from their classmates as a result. How were his friends going to react? Would there be anyone who was cool to them about it and would move forward treating them like nothing had changed? Then his mind wandered to Chrissy and he wondered how she was going to react. Would she recognize that this was the actual reason for their break up just three nights previously? Suddenly he was terrified to find out.
“I wonder how everyone's gonna react,” Pierre broke the silence finally. He sat in the silence that followed his statement and David gave no response. After a long moment he gave David a tighter reassuring squeeze. “We'll figure out who did it and they'll get in trouble for this,” Pierre promised, before placing another kiss on David's head.
“How?” David asked, his voice cracked and quiet.
“Coach already called me, and the Principal. They said they'll get to the bottom of it and the student responsible will be expelled,” Pierre told him, his voice soft. “They're not mad at us or anything. They're taking it really seriously,” he added with a nod against David's hair.
“Wow,” David responded with a soft breath. “It had to be one of the guys on the team, right?” he asked, and as he did so, he finally pulled out of Pierre's embrace and looked at the boy for the first time since Pierre had pulled him into his arms. His cheeks blushed and he smiled a little nervously up at him.
“That's what Coach thinks,” Pierre replied, his eyes going blank as the idea again crossed his mind and he recognized that it must have been true. It was the only thing that made sense.
“Who else would have been in there to see?” David reasoned softly.
Pierre took a deep breath and sighed it out, his eyes snapping back up to David's in a serious manner, wishing it wasn’t true but knowing that it more than likely was. The idea hurt him more than he could explain, not understanding how someone he had played with for years could have betrayed him in such a way. Suddenly he knew he wanted to clean this up and deal with it before David had to walk back into that place the next day. He was going to go back to that school and work on getting some answers so that David would never even have to deal with that aspect of it. “Yeah, it's really the only thing that makes sense,” Pierre told him, and as he did, he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on David's cheek and then stood.
“Are you leaving?” David asked, his voice thick with disappointment.
“I'm gonna go deal with this,” Pierre told him. David moved like he was going to stand next to him, but Pierre placed a hand on his shoulder and stopped him in his tracks. “You stay here. Lay down, take some time... Just relax, okay? I'm gonna go take care of some things at school and then I'll come back and we can spend the day together. Does that sound okay?”
David looked like he wanted to say or do something else but he just nodded and let Pierre step away from him.
“Okay,” Pierre said, unable to help that the word came out as a heavy sigh. “I'll be back in a little bit. You rest,” he instructed, and David gave him a smile and nodded his head.
Pierre walked through the bedroom door and into the hall, though as he passed, he put his hand on the door frame and stopped to look back at David, a thought striking him on the way out. He had a cynical looking smile on his lips as he said, “Well, at least you and Jenny already had a falling out. If she didn't stop being your friend over our friendship, she definitely would have over this.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said it, but the thought had left him before he could help himself.
David gave a half-hearted laugh in response and Pierre shot him a weak, crooked smile before turning and walking back down the hallway.
It was with a sense of determination and an unwillingness to let himself be beaten down that he made his way back to school, walking in with his head held stubbornly high. He could feel his anxiety building again as he walked down the hall, though he was comforted that most students were in class and there were very few people in the halls. He saw that most of the pictures had already been taken down and could see the janitorial staff walking down the halls with trash cans that were stuffed full of papers. There was a small sense of relief knowing that the school had gone into action so quickly to try and take them all down, though as he got deeper into the school he could see the areas that hadn’t been addressed yet and it was really impressed upon him just how far whoever had done this had gotten. They truly had posted these pictures down every hall.
He checked into the office, his face hard and serious as he spoke with the principal in person, and the same with his coach. He took their reassurances with a nod and a few words of thanks, answering the questions that they asked though the only response he was able to give was that he didn’t know who had done this or why. The only thing he was confident in was that David had nothing to do with it and they quickly stopped asking if he had been involved in any way.
The few students he saw looked too intimidated to approach him or to say anything, something which he was grateful for. He had been allowed to take the day off from classes which he thought was only reasonable and made his way to his locker to grab a few things for the evening. As he was grabbing some things and tucking them into his arm, however, he heard a sound that he really hadn’t wanted to hear.
“Pierre…?”
He stopped what he was doing, frozen in time as Chrissy’s voice broke the silence. For a second he was too scared to move and he simply stood there frozen.
“Pierre, is this…?”
He closed his eyes and took a deep steadying breath before closing his locker and turning to face her. He opened his eyes and slowly allowed himself to look at her, afraid of what he would see when his eyes locked onto hers. The look in her big blue eyes was more than he was prepared to deal with and he felt pain shoot through his body.
“Is this why you broke up with me?” she asked, her voice shaking and so quiet that he almost couldn’t hear her.
He swallowed hard and his eyes flicked quickly down to the floor, leaning back against his locker in a defeated sort of way. “I’m sorry,” he breathed in response.
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” she snapped at him, her voice a little louder now and sounding angry. Pierre looked up at her again, his eyebrows turned down in sadness. “Just tell me the truth. Is this why you broke up with me?”
He stared into her eyes for several long seconds before, with a deep breath he told her honestly, “Yes.”
She stared back at him, her mouth hanging open slightly and her expression changing from anger to hurt. “How long?” she whispered as if she was afraid to hear the answer.
“A while,” Pierre responded quietly, shame driving him to the honestly that he knew she deserved.
“Were you cheating on me with him?” she asked, her voice quieter still.
Pierre shook his head fervently, not breaking his eye contact with her. “No. The first time anything happened was Friday night, and as soon as it happened that’s when I came over to your house to end things.”
“So you did cheat on me with him, then,” she retorted, anger picking up in her voice again.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Pierre responded quickly. “We were just hanging out and… a-and we kissed. We made out for a minute. But then he left and nothing else happened. We didn’t have s…” he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence, shame and embarrassment overwhelming him and stopping the word in his mouth. “And then I realized what had happened and what I’d done and I…” he looked down at his feet sadly. “I’m really sorry.”
“Are you in love with him?”
Pierre’s eyes shot up and he looked at her again, feeling lost. Was he in love with David? He knew that David meant something to him that he had never felt before. He knew that he saw himself being with David at any point in his future that he could picture. Didn’t that mean…?
“I-I dunno,” he responded lamely, too afraid to answer even to himself.
She stared at him for a long time after that, a mixture of anger and betrayal and hurt in her eyes as she did. “I hope you’re happy,” she said softly before turning her back and heading down the hall. Pierre watched as she disappeared into the girl’s bathroom, feeling like a coward for not trying to stop her, though he knew it wasn’t his place anymore to try to comfort her when she was hurting. Wanting to be gone before she came back out of the bathroom Pierre used this as his chance to escape. He walked quickly down the hall, now keeping his eyes trained down and avoiding looking at anyone that he passed. The forced confidence he had displayed when he had first walked back into the school was gone entirely now and he was left with a sickening feeling of guilt and regret. It was with that feeling chasing behind him that he headed back to David’s house to hide from the world with the other boy.
He stayed at David’s house for the rest of the day and into the evening, the two of them sitting on the couch and watching movies, eating food, and talking casually. Though they were alone and though they could have spent that time making out, neither one of them was feeling particularly in the mood for that type of passion. Instead they settled on cuddling, sharing the occasional tender, sweet kiss, but for the most part they just sat and enjoyed being around each other.
Pierre continued to get calls from his mother, which he continued to ignore. David had looked at him through the corner of his eye everytime Pierre’s phone buzzed and he looked at it and ignored it but didn’t say anything to him. Pierre hadn’t told David about seeing his mother at his house or the way she had spoken to him and he honestly didn’t plan on it. It was something he would likely keep inside, feeling a sense of sadness and embarrassment that felt entirely too private to share. David was from a family who loved and supported him, after all; Pierre didn’t really want to admit that he didn’t believe his parents loved him. He couldn’t quite explain why, even to himself, but there was something about it that he found humiliating.
He knew, however, that he would need to go home eventually. As the evening wore on and the sun went down, it was with a heavy sigh that Pierre decided that the time had come. He knew he needed to face this problem and that it wouldn’t go away, no matter how much he was dreading it. It was with a hug and a long, slow kiss that he and David parted ways and he took himself back to his own house, reassuring David before he left that everything would be fine the next day and that they would handle it together. He wished he had been brave enough to ask for David’s support when it came to his parents, but he just couldn’t find it in himself to let David know what he was about to go through. As he walked up the steps and opened his front door, he wondered just how bad it was about to get.
The moment the front door closed he heard his father’s voice from his study. “Pierre.” He stopped and took a deep breath, readying himself for what he knew was about to be an incredibly unpleasant conversation, before walking down the hall and stepping into the study with his head held high, a stubborn and hard look on his face. “Sit,” his father commanded, but Pierre stood exactly where he was, stoic and unmoving, his expression unchanging.
His father was sitting behind his desk in his high backed chair, his elbows on the desktop with his fingers brought together in front of his face looking serious and angry. His mother was standing just behind him, her hand on the back of his chair with a look that matched her husband’s almost perfectly. Pierre could see it already, the disappointment, the shock, the absolute fury at what he had brought upon them socially.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” his father asked, his voice dangerously calm and controlled, though Pierre could feel the rage underneath as if he had screamed. Pierre just stood and stared at him, refusing to let his emotions or his fear show on his features even for a second. “Do you have any idea the years of hard work you just threw away?” Again, Pierre gave no response and made no movement. His father waited several long seconds, then suddenly, uncontrolled, he slammed his fists down on his desk and stood, screaming, “ANSWER ME!”
Pierre flinched ever so slightly at the movement and sudden scream, caught off guard by the cracks in his father’s usually collected demeanor. He raised his chin slightly and took a deep, slow breath in, his chest puffing out ever so slightly and his jaw clenching. Still, he refused to speak, afraid of what would fly out of his mouth.
The two stared at each other for a long moment before his father’s hands flattened on his desk and he leaned forward slightly, his eyes alight with rage. “We have worked your entire life to set you up for success! Everything has been laid out for you for the taking! All you had to do was take the options that were set out for you and your life would have been PERFECT!”
Pierre clenched and unclenched his jaw repeatedly, his hands balling into fists at his sides in an attempt to control himself though he could feel his limbs beginning to shake and his body growing hot with indignant anger. He knew that yelling back at his father was not going to help anything but he was beginning to lose control of himself in a way that frightened him.
“You were to marry Chrissy and join our two families in an alliance that would have lasted for generations! There were business dealings to be finalized after your marriage, all of which is now WASTED! Even if you begged, I doubt she would take you back after what you’ve done! You’ve SOILED yourself! You’ve besmirched your name and your family! You’ve thrown away years of a perfect relationship and a future with a good woman who would have made the perfect wife and given us grandchildren we could have been proud of!”
“I didn’t want to marry her!” Pierre screamed, losing the battle with himself and coming unglued. “I didn’t love her! I NEVER loved her!”
“Marriage isn’t about LOVE, you hopeless fool!” his father screamed back at him, pounding his fist on his desk once more. “Marriage is about building a future that you can rely on! You were to continue our legacy! To build an empire! Do you really think that same goal can be accomplished with the son of a dead woman and a fisherman?!”
“Don’t you fucking talk about him like he’s beneath us!” Pierre screamed, the edges of his vision blurring and going red as he did.
“HE IS BENEATH US!” his father screamed, his voice so loud that it cracked and spit flew from his mouth.
Pierre went blind with rage and charged forward, his body rigid and his fists clenched as he rushed toward his father. As swiftly as a rabbit his mother moved from behind the desk and put her hands on Pierre’s chest, pushing against him to keep him from attacking his father. Nothing other than pure respect for his mother could have pulled Pierre out of his rage in that moment and the moment she touched him he stopped, standing and staring with hatred at his father from over the top of her head. His entire body was shaking, his breathing fast and frantic. In that moment, he felt he could have hit his father over and over until the man stopped moving.
His father seemed unphased by the sudden outburst and he stood still behind his desk, glaring hard with his hands pressed so hard against the desktop that his knuckles were turning white. “You will apologize to Chrissy. You will beg for her forgiveness. And you will forget this boy ever existed,” he said strongly, his voice shaking.
“You can’t make me marry her,” Pierre responded coldly, his voice now even and defiant. “I won’t do it,” he insisted before turning and walking out of the room, fuelled by his rage.
“You WILL do what is right for this family!” his father screamed after him, but Pierre ignored him and stormed out of the front door.
Pierre stood outside for a long moment, staring at his car, wondering where he would go if he left. There was something that kept him from wanting to go back to David’s house. Was it a sense of shame at the dysfunction of his family? Was it wanting to spare David from the reality of his family’s disapproval of their relationship? He stood there, seething, wanting to leave but also not wanting to be forced out of the house at the same time. Was he supposed to just leave and never come back? He didn’t have his own money and wouldn’t until he turned eighteen which was still a few months away. Sure, that money would come from the trust fund his parents had set up for him but legally it was his, in his name, and they wouldn't be able to take it from him. Was he supposed to just crash with David until that day came? He didn’t think that was a viable option, either. It was with a sense of defeat that he realized he couldn’t go anywhere, but it was with a sense of stubborn defiance that he turned around and walked back into the house.
He stormed down the hall and past his father’s study without looking into the room.
“Get in here and finish this conversation!” his father called after him but Pierre didn’t listen and almost immediately after he heard his mother step in.
“Richard, that is ENOUGH!”
Pierre’s footsteps halted and he waited, still within earshot of the room; he had never heard her put her foot down with him before.
“He can’t be allowed to throw his life away, Amelia!” his father responded, sounding frustrated and completely at a loss.
“And he won’t be,” she responded, and immediately Pierre’s heart sank. He had thought for a second that she was about to defend him. Now he realized he had been stupid to think that she might actually care about what he wanted. “Let him make his choices for now. When this all blows up in his face - and it will - he will come back to his senses and we can fix this mess he’s created.”
Pierre looked down at the ground, his face going blank, before he resigned himself to his reality and quietly snuck the rest of the way down the hall, up the stairs and into his bedroom. He closed the door behind him, locking it for fear of his mother barging in again at some point in the night and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. Sadness gripped at him and he sat there for a long time staring at his hands which he clasped in front of him. He had always known that his parents didn’t care if he was happy so long as he was making the “choices” that they had provided to him. Even though he had always known, having the truth of it thrown in his face still hurt in a way that he didn’t think he would ever be able to put into words.