(no subject)

[shmecca23]

I've recently been looking at my life plotting out what I want, what I need, and everything in between. I've been really stressed lately about my mom and skin cancer, missing family and friends from home desperately afraid that being apart from them for so long will make my relationships with them fade away. Not to mention my job which I've been weighting the pros and cons as well. I am not the person I want to be and the person I know I am right now and that tears me apart. Sometimes you get caught up in the day to day things that you forget and postpone the future. The thing is that doesn't help me at all. Just doing enough to get through each day and not living up to the potential that each day may bring is a waste of time and ultimately a waste of life. Sam is my new workout buddy and we plan to spend an hour each and everyday getting into shape, not that that is the most important thing but it's a small step in getting my life in the order which it needs to be and that I want it to be. I'm an addictive person. Not meaning that oh you will love me no matter, meaning I get hooked on things and it's hard for me to separate myself when things need to change. You can become accepting of how your life is even if you don't like how it's playing out. Like right now my day consist of getting up as late as I can, working as little as I can, vegging, reading chick lit which is not so intellectual, and putting off doing laundry and other 'need to be done' things as well as napping. Not so exciting. Actually pretty much dead. With few interaction since my hall is anti-social and filled with people whom I wouldn't be thrilled to have as friends. That and most people staying for the summer aren't my favorite people on earth, but what can you do. I've been hanging out with people whom I thought I wouldn't because closer friends are staying here this summer. But closer friends are turning in to distant friends and accquaintences are turning into better and good friends. That is my second step of putting my life in order. I've dealt with some pretty flaky and all together negative "toxic" friends...well more like frenemies...during this past year and that has made me aggrivated and distraught when I shouldn't have thought twice about those people. But I'm a people pleaser, as many people are. Good person all around but when it comes down to it, it's the good people who are consistantly walked all over and treated like they are worthless. Self love is important but too much makes you conceded and too little makes you self conscious. My third step: balance. Balance between my needs and others, balance between school work and my social life and balence between everything inbetween. The most important thing is not self love, but faith in one's self to be the best person you can be. Good hearted, determined, loving, aware of what's going on (not in a beligerent state but knowing where you should be, were your support should lie), optimistic, kind...not one of these characteristics should be overlooked for any that leads to destruction of your faith, love and hope.

P.S. If you are religious or spiritual or both please keep my mother in your prayers.
P.P.S. Cecil is having issues as well, I'm hoping she stops screeching everytime the steering wheel moves a milimeter.