Ok, ok, I'm going to bed.
Okay, so first off, ignore the time stamp on there. It's really like 4am for me, or something- I've been waking up at about 9pm the past few days since pulling an all-nighter and then going to class to try to fix my jet-lag. Well, I was fine for the class, but when I came to bed after coming home I slept all day (Claire helped by sleeping as well) and boom, everything is out of whack. Cue insanity and vampire teeth from being truly nocturnal. I may have even turned into a bat or something the other night. Although according to wiki, vampires also turn into butterflies in some cultures, so maybe I was one of those instead. Unlikely, though.
Anyway needless to say I'm pretty out of it now, pretty frazzled, and really confused with life in general. Add to that lots of school and home drama and you've got a pretty messed up shmack/sue. I really am on the edge of sanity, not really knowing what to do or able to do very much at all. Faced with something even the slightest of courageous beasties could handle, I curl into a little ball and whimper in clenching pain. If I'm not pacing the house like some caged thing, I'm "pacing" the internet, ending up with several Safari windows open with the same three tabs open in all of them, checking and rechecking the same pages over and over again for some sort of update on things which don't really make much of a difference to my situation (but ooh, Kate Parkin and Etienne Cadestin are now friends!!!).
I was getting ready to come on here and spout emo rather than the insanity I have been, when my pacing paid off. I whine and I bitch about not having people when I need them, but I received two notes of concern today from people I'm actually regionally close to. I mean, I guess I was pretty much shouting for them lately, but still, it's good to hear from people who I can actually go hang out with and see face-to-face. As much as I love my virtual friends and people from the states and would love to hang out with them (Portal technology, anyone?), the fact is that they're very far away, and time zones constrict the availability of social interactions which are already constricted to a bare minimum. Either way, it was a relief to be able to talk to ANYONE, but an added bonus to know that I'll soon be able to see these people in person and get a drink, or whatever.
Anyway, I need to find something to calm me, to make me into a functional human being again, and I'm not quite sure what that thing will be. It's tricky- I've a very addictive personality, and when I'm feeling anxious like this I can quickly get addicted to whatever makes me feel better. In the past those things have ranged from dangerous to my health, dangerous to my credit, to dangerous to my, well, Real Life social capabilities and complexion. I don't have access to the drugs or alcohol I'd need to poison myself into happiness, I don't have a credit card to indulge myself with, and luckily my guild in WoW is so inept (but full of good friends so I might never leave) that there's no enticing things to be found there. But oh, there are other things which are accessible, and it scares me. Let's hope a happy scrap-booking addiction rears its head, or better yet, an addiction to the hours of sound crap I have to do for my project! Not likely.
Could someone please tell Claire to sleep during normal human hours, though? She's impossible to change, especially when completely exhausted.
Anyway needless to say I'm pretty out of it now, pretty frazzled, and really confused with life in general. Add to that lots of school and home drama and you've got a pretty messed up shmack/sue. I really am on the edge of sanity, not really knowing what to do or able to do very much at all. Faced with something even the slightest of courageous beasties could handle, I curl into a little ball and whimper in clenching pain. If I'm not pacing the house like some caged thing, I'm "pacing" the internet, ending up with several Safari windows open with the same three tabs open in all of them, checking and rechecking the same pages over and over again for some sort of update on things which don't really make much of a difference to my situation (but ooh, Kate Parkin and Etienne Cadestin are now friends!!!).
I was getting ready to come on here and spout emo rather than the insanity I have been, when my pacing paid off. I whine and I bitch about not having people when I need them, but I received two notes of concern today from people I'm actually regionally close to. I mean, I guess I was pretty much shouting for them lately, but still, it's good to hear from people who I can actually go hang out with and see face-to-face. As much as I love my virtual friends and people from the states and would love to hang out with them (Portal technology, anyone?), the fact is that they're very far away, and time zones constrict the availability of social interactions which are already constricted to a bare minimum. Either way, it was a relief to be able to talk to ANYONE, but an added bonus to know that I'll soon be able to see these people in person and get a drink, or whatever.
Anyway, I need to find something to calm me, to make me into a functional human being again, and I'm not quite sure what that thing will be. It's tricky- I've a very addictive personality, and when I'm feeling anxious like this I can quickly get addicted to whatever makes me feel better. In the past those things have ranged from dangerous to my health, dangerous to my credit, to dangerous to my, well, Real Life social capabilities and complexion. I don't have access to the drugs or alcohol I'd need to poison myself into happiness, I don't have a credit card to indulge myself with, and luckily my guild in WoW is so inept (but full of good friends so I might never leave) that there's no enticing things to be found there. But oh, there are other things which are accessible, and it scares me. Let's hope a happy scrap-booking addiction rears its head, or better yet, an addiction to the hours of sound crap I have to do for my project! Not likely.
Could someone please tell Claire to sleep during normal human hours, though? She's impossible to change, especially when completely exhausted.