ok here i go
i hate the way your eyes feel after you had been crying right before you go to sleep, they feel puffy and they hurt for most of the next day. i really need to time my cries better apparently, cause they always seem to happen right before i go to bed. even though it hasn't happened for a while.
today was going better than yesterday did up until i made a phone call to my parents. i had to go into the office today to turn in the money from my monday class. while i was there kristen offered me another park, she said that she would make it really worth my while to take it. but it is in nokomis, which means that i would get to see my people down there more often. but that is a long drive and a lot of ware and tare on the car. and as most of you know my car is no spring chicken. well i called the parents to see what they thought about it, cause they have been hassling me to get another job. well it is another job. i called to see what they thought, for one they are the only ones i can call during the day. well all they did was yell, about how it was stupid for me even to consider and how it wouldn't even be worth it cause i would be spending more money than i was making to get there. but we don't really know that. i mean i don't really want the park. but it would be great to see people more often. and she really needs me to help her out on this, no one else can do it. and if i don't take it i'll feel really bad because i couldn't help her out. but if i do take it, i know that i'll end up getting screwed some how like i did last year. i just don't know what to do, any ideas?
tuesday was my grandpa's birthday. and it hit me how much i miss him and my grandma, and how much i wish that they were still around. i mean i was just getting to know my grandpa half-way well, and he was gone. i never really got to know my grandma, i was 12 when she died. and most of the things i remember about her, were her lying in a hospital bed or in her bed at home on dialysis or for some other reason. i never really got to know her. i am jealous of my brother and cousins because they had that chance to know them and spend time with them while they were both here and healthy. i wish that i didn't feel this way but i can't help it. i sat and watched the slide show that my dad my about mostly my grandpa but also my grandma for everyone after he passed. and i cried, and cried and cried for almost an hour. i couldn't stop it. that was after i got off the phone with my aunt, it was her birthday yesterday. and while i was talking to her, she kept making comments about how she didn't have much time left. and she didn't want to waste what was left. i don't know what i would do if she died now. i wouldn't know what to do. i know that i would have to be strong for carolyn, but i don't know if i actually could be. i just want things to stay the same. i know it isn't possible, but it is what i want.
ok, i'm done. no more. i'm going to do some homework, hopefully.
today was going better than yesterday did up until i made a phone call to my parents. i had to go into the office today to turn in the money from my monday class. while i was there kristen offered me another park, she said that she would make it really worth my while to take it. but it is in nokomis, which means that i would get to see my people down there more often. but that is a long drive and a lot of ware and tare on the car. and as most of you know my car is no spring chicken. well i called the parents to see what they thought about it, cause they have been hassling me to get another job. well it is another job. i called to see what they thought, for one they are the only ones i can call during the day. well all they did was yell, about how it was stupid for me even to consider and how it wouldn't even be worth it cause i would be spending more money than i was making to get there. but we don't really know that. i mean i don't really want the park. but it would be great to see people more often. and she really needs me to help her out on this, no one else can do it. and if i don't take it i'll feel really bad because i couldn't help her out. but if i do take it, i know that i'll end up getting screwed some how like i did last year. i just don't know what to do, any ideas?
tuesday was my grandpa's birthday. and it hit me how much i miss him and my grandma, and how much i wish that they were still around. i mean i was just getting to know my grandpa half-way well, and he was gone. i never really got to know my grandma, i was 12 when she died. and most of the things i remember about her, were her lying in a hospital bed or in her bed at home on dialysis or for some other reason. i never really got to know her. i am jealous of my brother and cousins because they had that chance to know them and spend time with them while they were both here and healthy. i wish that i didn't feel this way but i can't help it. i sat and watched the slide show that my dad my about mostly my grandpa but also my grandma for everyone after he passed. and i cried, and cried and cried for almost an hour. i couldn't stop it. that was after i got off the phone with my aunt, it was her birthday yesterday. and while i was talking to her, she kept making comments about how she didn't have much time left. and she didn't want to waste what was left. i don't know what i would do if she died now. i wouldn't know what to do. i know that i would have to be strong for carolyn, but i don't know if i actually could be. i just want things to stay the same. i know it isn't possible, but it is what i want.
ok, i'm done. no more. i'm going to do some homework, hopefully.