Yet The Stars Are The Same
I insisted that I would grow up in ways that I never could have anywhere else if I moved to Sarasota. I believe I was right. It's not what I expected, and it's not really even what I wanted. Or, rather, what I thought I wanted. But I don't regret anything for a second. I feel rather stupid about a lot of things, but regret? No. :)
I'm happier than I can remember being in a long while. In spite of a few things, and BECAUSE of a few other things, I'm happy. And it's more than the bubbly, excited happiness you feel when you suddenly realize how special sunlight is--it's a deep, passionate, soft happiness that just quietly thrums at the base of your heart, where everything about who you are begins, and so everything that emerges from it is good. It's the whisper of a lover, so intense that it cannot help but be gentle.
My life is pure insanity at the moment. It's filled with uncertainty, instability, anxieties. I barely have time or room to breathe as it is, and things will only get crazier from here on out for a while. And it is so beautiful. I may not always think so, of course.... XD On days when I am tired or feel threatened or alone, of course, I will not think so. I am, after all, human and weak. But there will be times like tonight, when I can sit and reminisce, smiling, at what an idiot I've been for so long, and how the stars are the same now as they were before anyway, and I can remember how beautiful it all really is. And I can hope, and I can KNOW, that things will be all right. That they really already ARE all right. They always are. I remember that somebody is always holding my hand, even though it's not always the proper time to be holding me close. For, you see, it's rather difficult to walk while hugging. :)
I have realized all the things that are really precious to me. And I don't fear anymore that they will ever leave me, for the things that I choose to hold precious ARE the things that stay with you. Enough with the anger, the hatred, the bitterness, the fear, the pride, whatever else might be plaguing you--if it is caused by the sort of thing that can last as long as love or mercy, let it go, or douse it with water, or whatever else needs to be done to eradicate it. Remember that you have a choice as to which of the everlasting things actually leaves you and which do not. And, oddly enough, you figure out which of the everlasting leave once you set them free. Liberate. See what happens. What stays? And who? These are the things I hold dearest. Tomorrow, I will kiss one of them.
Set bitterness free, and it wanders away in its selfishness, seeking either loneliness or companionship (depending on its type), gets lost, denies aid, and finally dies of starvation. Set love free, and it makes great and successful ventures with its friends called truth, justice, mercy, and others, and they use the fruits of their labors to take care of you. And their very natures compel them to never leave you alone.
May we all continue to grow as gracefully (or awkwardly, if you prefer) as we can figure. It's not just beautiful in the end--it was beautiful before and is beautiful now.
I'm happier than I can remember being in a long while. In spite of a few things, and BECAUSE of a few other things, I'm happy. And it's more than the bubbly, excited happiness you feel when you suddenly realize how special sunlight is--it's a deep, passionate, soft happiness that just quietly thrums at the base of your heart, where everything about who you are begins, and so everything that emerges from it is good. It's the whisper of a lover, so intense that it cannot help but be gentle.
My life is pure insanity at the moment. It's filled with uncertainty, instability, anxieties. I barely have time or room to breathe as it is, and things will only get crazier from here on out for a while. And it is so beautiful. I may not always think so, of course.... XD On days when I am tired or feel threatened or alone, of course, I will not think so. I am, after all, human and weak. But there will be times like tonight, when I can sit and reminisce, smiling, at what an idiot I've been for so long, and how the stars are the same now as they were before anyway, and I can remember how beautiful it all really is. And I can hope, and I can KNOW, that things will be all right. That they really already ARE all right. They always are. I remember that somebody is always holding my hand, even though it's not always the proper time to be holding me close. For, you see, it's rather difficult to walk while hugging. :)
I have realized all the things that are really precious to me. And I don't fear anymore that they will ever leave me, for the things that I choose to hold precious ARE the things that stay with you. Enough with the anger, the hatred, the bitterness, the fear, the pride, whatever else might be plaguing you--if it is caused by the sort of thing that can last as long as love or mercy, let it go, or douse it with water, or whatever else needs to be done to eradicate it. Remember that you have a choice as to which of the everlasting things actually leaves you and which do not. And, oddly enough, you figure out which of the everlasting leave once you set them free. Liberate. See what happens. What stays? And who? These are the things I hold dearest. Tomorrow, I will kiss one of them.
Set bitterness free, and it wanders away in its selfishness, seeking either loneliness or companionship (depending on its type), gets lost, denies aid, and finally dies of starvation. Set love free, and it makes great and successful ventures with its friends called truth, justice, mercy, and others, and they use the fruits of their labors to take care of you. And their very natures compel them to never leave you alone.
May we all continue to grow as gracefully (or awkwardly, if you prefer) as we can figure. It's not just beautiful in the end--it was beautiful before and is beautiful now.