(no subject)
I've been home for a week now and I'm TIRED! It feels like so much longer but I know I'm here for a purpose so I really need to not complain about it. I've gotten to spend some amazing time with Liz that was badly needed and I'm looking forward to spending more time with her. Sister need some work - i just found out that my youngest sister kissed a boy for the first time the other night and she really feels nothing but excitement about it while i, on the other hand, am really scared for her so we're going to have some sister talking time....
Today I counted how many weeks until I leave for Austin - 6 1/2 - I've got some time here still so that means a lot of working. Waiting tables is hard and it kind of scares me. I would almost rather be a hostess. Last night I had nightmares about waiting tables the whole night. I kept waking up thinking I could just go back to sleep and dream about nothing/something else but every time I would just have worse and worse dreams. I could never remember what I was bringing to the tables and I couldn't remember how long I had been away from the table. At one point I was wading through water and scuba divers trying to get back to the table and I could never make it. Apparently I'm kind of anxious about this... lol. I guess that's because I'm not really very good at it which isn't something that happens to often. Needless to say - its humbling and God is definitely using it to teach me.
I feel like this whole summer is really about learning how to serve people - both in the job sense and in the biblical sense. I feel like he's really teaching me that it is NOT about me at all. Being in San Antonio is not my first choice but He has put me here and so I'm just treating it like a mission field. My little sisters - need a guide right now and hopefully I can be there to be that for them. My family needs to be closer than we are, relationships with the parents need to be healed, friendships..... sooo much stuff and it hurts me to think about all of it. Everyday I have to forget that I'm not in San Antonio to do anything for myself but to build up these other people. Same with work - not there for me which is why i'm sticking with it. In Austin its going to be all about those dancers.. .not about what I'm getting out of it. Obviously I'll learn valuable lessons from these things and I know that God is growing me more into His image but its so hard to wait for and it stresses me out thinking about what else is coming this summer and not knowing what's going to happen with anything in my life actually....
ok.. this has rambled a lot.... i don't know if it really make sense... o well - hopefully :D
Love ya'll!
Today I counted how many weeks until I leave for Austin - 6 1/2 - I've got some time here still so that means a lot of working. Waiting tables is hard and it kind of scares me. I would almost rather be a hostess. Last night I had nightmares about waiting tables the whole night. I kept waking up thinking I could just go back to sleep and dream about nothing/something else but every time I would just have worse and worse dreams. I could never remember what I was bringing to the tables and I couldn't remember how long I had been away from the table. At one point I was wading through water and scuba divers trying to get back to the table and I could never make it. Apparently I'm kind of anxious about this... lol. I guess that's because I'm not really very good at it which isn't something that happens to often. Needless to say - its humbling and God is definitely using it to teach me.
I feel like this whole summer is really about learning how to serve people - both in the job sense and in the biblical sense. I feel like he's really teaching me that it is NOT about me at all. Being in San Antonio is not my first choice but He has put me here and so I'm just treating it like a mission field. My little sisters - need a guide right now and hopefully I can be there to be that for them. My family needs to be closer than we are, relationships with the parents need to be healed, friendships..... sooo much stuff and it hurts me to think about all of it. Everyday I have to forget that I'm not in San Antonio to do anything for myself but to build up these other people. Same with work - not there for me which is why i'm sticking with it. In Austin its going to be all about those dancers.. .not about what I'm getting out of it. Obviously I'll learn valuable lessons from these things and I know that God is growing me more into His image but its so hard to wait for and it stresses me out thinking about what else is coming this summer and not knowing what's going to happen with anything in my life actually....
ok.. this has rambled a lot.... i don't know if it really make sense... o well - hopefully :D
Love ya'll!