i swim out as far as i can. just waiting for nothing.
im completely exhausted.
i cant keep track of a single thing. i lost my ticket to the performance tomorrow night. i lost the cord to my ipod and didnt find it until i looked in the same place for the second time. i forgot my towel when i took the past two showers and ill probably forget it ten minutes from now when i go to hop in. i even forgot food today, which is beyond rediculous. i went to shake up my soy milk yesterday and nearly threw it across the room, of course hitting the spoon in my cereal and flinging go lean crunch all over the floor. this is not me, i feel like ive lost my mind.
and then my stupid teacher today started preaching to us about how hard it is in the dance world and how you have to bring it or youre cut and you will never make it.. as if i didnt know. and as if i havent tried my absolute hardest every single day that i have been there this summer.
ive also run out of money for the third time now. well im not really out yet, but i have to save enough for the trip home so technically im broke. i didnt realize this of course until AFTER i bought the most expensive shoes ive ever purchased. and of course i dont have the heart to take them back because they are my first pair of good black heels and every girl deserves a pair in my book. oh yeah and i bought a bag off the street and a pair of capris. i suppose that is all why i have no money. but as depressed as i feel right now, those three things are actually a little piece of sunshine in my world.
really, all i want now is my bed at home, in bay city, michigan. the small town in the crotch of the mitten that is MI. i dont want to think any more about what these people think of me or whether or not i will be able to get a job dancing. i only want my family, my friends, and my bed.
but the worst part is that i know deep down i dont really want to leave here at all.
i cant keep track of a single thing. i lost my ticket to the performance tomorrow night. i lost the cord to my ipod and didnt find it until i looked in the same place for the second time. i forgot my towel when i took the past two showers and ill probably forget it ten minutes from now when i go to hop in. i even forgot food today, which is beyond rediculous. i went to shake up my soy milk yesterday and nearly threw it across the room, of course hitting the spoon in my cereal and flinging go lean crunch all over the floor. this is not me, i feel like ive lost my mind.
and then my stupid teacher today started preaching to us about how hard it is in the dance world and how you have to bring it or youre cut and you will never make it.. as if i didnt know. and as if i havent tried my absolute hardest every single day that i have been there this summer.
ive also run out of money for the third time now. well im not really out yet, but i have to save enough for the trip home so technically im broke. i didnt realize this of course until AFTER i bought the most expensive shoes ive ever purchased. and of course i dont have the heart to take them back because they are my first pair of good black heels and every girl deserves a pair in my book. oh yeah and i bought a bag off the street and a pair of capris. i suppose that is all why i have no money. but as depressed as i feel right now, those three things are actually a little piece of sunshine in my world.
really, all i want now is my bed at home, in bay city, michigan. the small town in the crotch of the mitten that is MI. i dont want to think any more about what these people think of me or whether or not i will be able to get a job dancing. i only want my family, my friends, and my bed.
but the worst part is that i know deep down i dont really want to leave here at all.