Listen to my heart or brain?
Le sigh... This dating shit is more difficult than I thought. I have always complained that I could never find a boyfriend, but now that there is someone, i just want to back out completely and pretend like nothing happen and move on with my carefree life. It all started when my aunt came home 3 weeks ago, I was soooo excited to see her, of course, and since we were pretty close the boyfriend talk came up. She was bragging about how she could easily find some nice guys to introduce to me and we kept talking about my ideal type and such. First she introduced me to her high school friend, who was nice, but we only talked a little bit and there was nothing special about him. He was quite shy actually, though he's pretty good looking, hahaha. I knew there could be nothing more with him, so move on. i thought this matchmaking thing was over, but I was wrong. After coming back from Japan, she found me another one. HA! I actually saw his face before on facebook, and from the first look, I did not like him. If anyone come to read my blog they probably would realize that I DO care about appearance, and no, it's not like I want a super handsome guy but at least he must fit my eyes (I don't have really high standard though)
So we went out for coffee with him. Ahhhh he was worse than I thought! Heck, he was wearing business outfit for hanging out??? Not cool with me. But the talk was quite good. He also graduated from US and so we had quite a bit of things to talk about, the conversation was quite fun actually. But I feel NOTHING, I thought, hmmmm maybe we could be friend but nothing more from it? But then after that, he asked for my number and text me saying he hope we could meet again. I agreed, simply because it would be rude to say no and he can be a nice boyfriend, as my aunt analyzed. So I saw him for a few more times, and the more I get to know him, the more I realized: he is a husband -material. His family background, education, personality blah blah would fit me perfectly and my parents will be quite happy if I date him. Plus, he already got a stable job and is quite a business driven guy, so I would probably be financially-secured. The big problem???? My own feeling. My friends said that let's just take it slow and see how things go, you don't have to fall for him right away, but slowly maybe you can start develop some feeling??? too bad it didn't... I few nothing, nothing at all when I'm with him, it was all about my mind, not my heart. What should I do now? I don't want to hurt him in anyway, how the heck could I say that I;m sorry, but I have no feelings for you? What I really want to experience was that feeling of being in love with someone once again, and if dating him, then I don't think that would happen.... I just hope that I would found my own answer soon, now I understand how you can't love with your brain, only your heart. And if I listen to my heart, I probably would have known the answer, just don't want to admit it.......