Fic: Words That Break
Words That Break
Thor/Loki
Thor lowered his eyes. It wasn’t so long ago that it had been Loki who had visited him in a human holding cell, lying about their father’s death with that talented forked tongue of his. “Oh brother,” Thor whispered to the screen, “how our positions have reversed.”
The cell that held Loki this time was courtesy of Tony Stark. It wasn’t as sturdy as the titanium, steel, and acrylic glass contraption in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s helicarrier, but it was equipped with motion-triggered lasers that promised to burn Loki to a crisp should he make any sudden movements to escape. “Don’t worry,” Stark had said, slapping Thor’s bicep. “Jarvis will make sure it won’t kill him for just jumping. Not that it would be a huge loss.” It was obvious to anyone who cared to notice that Stark was still smarting from Phil Coulson’s death. At the hands of his brother. Thor winced. He thanked Stark for the consideration as the other man left him alone to stare at the live security feed of Loki.
Thor lowered his eyes. It wasn’t so long ago that it had been Loki who had visited him in a human holding cell, lying about their father’s death with that talented forked tongue of his. “Oh brother,” Thor whispered to the screen, “how our positions have reversed.”
As if Loki heard him through the walls and rooms in the basement of Stark Tower, he lifted his defiant chin and stared into the camera; green eyes piercing and simmering with barely reigned-in emotion. Loki liked everyone to think he had everything under control; that even when all his plans have gone asunder, it was all according to a dance only he knew. Thor knew most Midgardians believed this ruse. Loki’s cool demeanour was enough to fool them. But not Thor. Whenever Loki looked at Thor, those eyes could hide nothing
Thor gritted his teeth. He touched the screen and left the room.
X
“I want to talk to Loki. Alone,” said Clint Barton as the day settled to a close and everyone who needed patching up has been patched up.
Stark turned sharply towards Hawkeye in surprise. Pain flared up his side from the cracked ribs he sustained from his recent fall from the heavens. "Motherfu-"
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, soldier,” said Steve Rogers.
Thor nodded. “‘God of mischief’ and ‘trickster’ are not epithets Loki had earned without warrant.”
“I’ve years of experience in interrogating terrorists and insurgents. I can handle Loki. Besides, without his magical stick, he’s powerless,” said Barton.
“I would advise more caution, my friend,” warned Thor. “You may have had years, but Loki has had centuries tricking every sort of creature from the Nine Realms.“
“He made me responsible for the deaths of agents I had sworn to stand with and protect!” said Barton. He brought his hand over his face, embarrassed by his own outburst. “I need to square things out with him. I need this.”
The other Avengers all exchanged glances. Thor saw understanding and consent pass from face to face until they all looked to Thor for their final assurance. But he could not give it. “Nothing good will come out of talking to Loki. I have tried.”
But it was four ‘ayes’ to his nay, and Barton was allowed to visit Loki’s prison. Natasha followed after him discreetly, promising to keep watch over him.
Thor crossed his arms and looked out to the night-lit landscape of the city, unable to bear the sight of his comrades at the moment. For the infinite wisdom the Midgardians claimed to have, they never wanted to acknowledge foolishness when they saw it. Sure enough, it was not ten minutes before Barton has come storming into the room, fingers twitching with the urge to string a bow.
Barton screamed of all the insults Loki had dared throw in his face; all the verbal trespasses and the insulting insinuations of his past. Did Loki have tricks into one’s mind among his many skills? Barton demanded in words that were more crass.
Thor couldn’t answer. He wasn’t sure. Once upon a time, Thor knew all that his brother was capable of. He wasn’t sure when Loki had started to sequester himself away; secreting a part of himself from Thor.
“And Loki? Is he still secure?” asked Rogers.
With a swipe across his work desk, Stark brought up the surveillance feed. Natasha was with Loki in his cell, checking all the failsafes after Barton had stormed out on her. Loki was sneering; the corners of his lips pulled up in such an ugly grin Thor couldn’t bear to look.
“You humans are so easily rattled. Your emotions simmer so close to the surface. Even you. You pretend as if your exterior was crystal and ice but take it from a Jotun: you are as fragile as your darling archer; your soul no less dark. He couldn’t bear hearing the name of his lost woman. I think you cannot bear the same for a different reason.”
Natasha cocked her gun and pressed the muzzle against the flat of his forehead.
The delight on Loki's face became more pronounced. Loki did always like to play with his victims.“Love is for children. I remember. Did you think yourself otherwise? You’re all children, coming out to play and look good in front of all the other brats. You’re no better than one another. The stinking filth of this race is not even fit to stain the sole of my boot.”
Natasha lowered her arm before swinging it and knocking Loki across the cheek with the butt of her gun.
Loki spat bloody saliva onto the floor and showed her red grin. Thor fisted his hands and looked away. Loki will not stop. If Thor's new friends gave him the chance, Loki would tear their whole worlds apart before his own punishment came.
X
That night brought terrible dreams of his childhood. They were golden and they were terrible because they were all memories of a time when Loki had been unequivocally on his side. His silent brother, always his voice of reason.
No. Not always.
Loki was the voice of tricks also. Sometimes Thor listened to him and came out better for it. Sometimes Thor listened to him and fell to ridicule because of it. But Thor has always forgiven. It was only Loki's nature. Thor knew lying was to his brother as his own braggadocio. Who was he to criticise Loki when his own failings were many and known?
Thor sighed to the loneliness of the large bedroom Stark had provided him. A few more hours. The one-eyed man called Fury had promised a verdict by today.
Thor remembered his way to the kitchen where Midgardians kept their food frozen. Stark was sitting by the island, nursing a cold bottle and bent over his work.
"Do you never rest, man of iron?" said Thor.
"No rest for the wicked," Stark muttered, his exhaustion all too evident in his voice. Oh, Thor recognised that tone all too well.
"You have been speaking to my brother. Why?"
Stark smirked. "Information. I'm a nosy kinda guy. I need to know everything, otherwise I just feel itchy." The smirk lost its mirth. "I have to say though, your brother is almost as good as a talker as I am. Put anyone else in the room with us and we'll kill them with frustration."
Thor tried to smile.
"Hey, your brother can't actually predict the future, right?" said Stark.
"Why? What has he told you?"
"Nothing. Never mind." Stark slid off his seat, taking his flat-screen device with him. "I'm off to bed. See you in the morning."
"It is morning."
"Tomorrow morning."
"You always hide your true concerns with cheek." The comment made Stark halt as Thor knew it would. People did not credit him with insight often, but he knew a truly troubled man when he saw one. He has lived many lifetimes with the Allfather, after all.
Stark's lips thinned out. His fingers tapped a rhythm onto the circular blue device in the middle of his chest. "We should've listened to you when you told us not to talk to Loki."
"My brother has a way with words."
"No, it's not just words. He knows us. Somehow. He knows what we're afraid of, what we want; our grey area and the line we won't cross. That makes him very dangerous."
Our grey area and the line we won't cross. Thor dragged his finger over his lips and sat in the kitchen for a long time pondering those words, until Natasha woke up and took pity on him.
"It's not that hard to use a toaster," she said.
"Erik Selvig taught me once. I forgot how." Thor offered a smile.
Natasha pushed the sandwich across the island towards him and indulged in her own. "I'm not sorry I hit him."
"Nor should you be. Hitting is good for character-building."
Natasha raised her eyebrow but smiled all the same. "Yeah. Right. If hitting was all it took to reform Loki's character, we'd all be beating him to within an inch of his life."
"When we were younger and Loki first came on my quests with me, he'd come home with the least bruises. He was quicker than the rest of us. His gift was trickery and magic, neither of which required direct combat. But we wore our cuts like symbols of honour. We teased him for not having any." Thor could not help the regret that crept in. "We teased him for being smarter."
Natasha scrunched up her face. "Nice to know Asgardians aren't all that different from us then."
"How do I bear this, Lady Natasha? If it is true that my role in his life has caused him to be this vengeful creature...how am I to bear the knowledge that I may have corrupted my brother?"
"Thor, you are not his keeper. He's not a child. He has to answer for his own crimes."
Thor shook his head. "The only reason he chose Midgard was because he knew I cherished this place. I cannot so easily deny my involvement in all this."
Natasha placed a hand on his arm. This was why Thor chose to confide in women. They offered comfort so generously. "Talk to him." They also often told him things he didn't want to hear.
"If I go, I may be compelled to forgive him again."
"...so?"
"If I forgive him, it would be more difficult for me when he is inevitably given his punishment. I might do something unwise like beg my father to pardon him. I can never think straight when it comes to him."
"Thor, the only reason you're on our side instead of his is because of your compassion for us...Midgardians. Your compassion is what makes you good. It's not your weakness."
Thor snorted. "Loki thinks otherwise."
Sentiment. Thor could still hear that voice of derision as pain ripped up his stomach.
Natasha shrugged. "You've already heard what I have to say."
Thor continued to sit there and stew, wishing for the warmth of Jane's smile.
X
"Tony Stark told me you predicted his future for him. What did you say?"
Thor stood at the mouth of the cage. Loki was huddled in the corner furthest away from him. Thor was reminded of the many times he had angered Loki in their long youth. To his credit, Loki never complained to their parents. He always kept inside all his frustration and hid himself away until Thor noticed him missing and went looking.
Thor remembered venturing corridors and stairs in the library he never knew existed in all his hundred years and coming upon Loki in a different cranny every time, always with a book in his hands. Science, history, botany, medicine. Thor would have to persuade the book out of his hands before he could attempt the apology.
This was a futile attempt. Loki would not speak until Thor persuaded the book away from him. Loki didn't even raise his head to look at him. He kept it tucked between his arms and shoulders, looking far too tiny in that fetal position. Thor turned away resolutely, refusing to feel any more remorse. He left the basement, feeling utterly ridiculous for having come down here in the first place.
X
"He said nothing? Nothing to you at all? Not even a single syllable of a single word?" Rogers sounded amazed.
"He is angry with me. Why would he speak?" said Thor.
"The captain has a point," said Banner. "I went down there yesterday night for a cursory view and he wouldn't stop yammering. I was there for five minutes and he managed to attack everything about me. He is the guy who will not shut up."
"His anger towards me blazes far hotter than his contempt for any of you," said Thor.
"Thanks, that's good to know," said Banner rather dryly.
"Pardon me for asking, but what is your history with him?" said Rogers.
What a question. How did one answer that without going into the long history that was Thor and Loki?
Thor dug his fingers into his scalp. "Once he was the one I loved most in the world."
There was silence for a bit. Then Banner said, "Excuse me?"
"And for a time, I thought I had his love too. 'Never doubt that I love you,' he'd said. I doubt it so much now." Thor sank his face into his hands. Why did he have to bring up that particular memory? That moment right before he was almost crowned King. Loki and his easy banter. His lying lips offering assurance so smoothly. Now, Thor wanted to storm into the prison and demand from his brother, IS IT TRUE?
Thor straightened up and saw that Rogers and Banner were slowly edging away from him. "Friends, what is the matter?"
"Nothing," Banner offered too quickly. "I just need to uh go." The two of them beat a hasty retreat, adding only to Thor's confusion. Has he said something wrong?
X
The verdict of Loki's fate came in the late evening. Barton and Rogers showed minor disapproval at Loki being handed over to Asgardian justice but neither of them said a word as Fury gave the announcement and the Tesseract over to Thor. Thor nodded at him in thanks and promptly left to inform his people.
He flew to the rooftop, still half-collapsed, with the help of Mjolnir and called to Odin. "Loki will be returning home with me," he shouted. The Allfather did not reply. He could not without the Bifrost. But Thor could sense that his father has heard. And maybe because this conversation was one-way, he dared to ask, "What will you do with him? I know his crimes are great and the penalty should equal them. But he is still my brother. My love for him has not been decreased by his madness."
It was almost freeing to admit this.
Of course, there was no verbal reply. But Thor sensed the disappointment and sadness in his heart. He turned away and descended back to his living quarters; chilled by the cold air and pierced by his sorrow of his current predicament.
As he sunk into his sheets, he asked the silent nothingness once again why did he have to have such a brother.
X
The next morning, no one was speaking to him. Thor pondered at the silence for a long while before realising that it was deliberate. He went to Natasha, who simply sighed and said, "We don't know how to deal with you."
"With me?"
"We all heard you declare your love for your baby brother last night," said Stark, stirring some coffee. "Didn't mean to eavesdrop, but you were shouting."
"I was talking to my father."
"You're in love with a crazy mass murderer."
"I'm not," said Thor.
"Sure, you're not," said Stark. "You just have loads of conflicting and complicated feelings for him."
"Listen, we know he's not your real brother," said Banner.
"But it's still kinda weird for us," Stark finished for him. "That and the fact that you didn't mind that he killed loads of people just to make you angry."
"That is not what I said!" Thor snarled.
"Yeah, we heard your whole 'my love has not decreased' bullshit. I'm surprised you're not down there telling him it's all okay. Who cares that a few hundred people die? Your brother has emotional issues. It's not his fault," Stark sneered.
"You will cease talking, man of iron, or I will make you."
"Try me."
Thor already had Mjolnir in grip and was ready to split the building in half, when he realised that this was his brother's work at play again. He sighed. "The prophecy that Loki told you; it must've been truly horrible."
Stark's jaw clenched.
"You do not have a brother, but you have a brother-in-arms, do you not? One who shared your secrets, who knew your strengths and weaknesses, who was there at your best and your worst," said Thor. Stark gave no reply. Thor took that as acquiescence. "Would you not also forgive him anything?"
"I thought you said you weren't forgiving him this time," said Natasha.
"He is my brother," said Thor, unable to dislodge the stone in his throat and his chest. "I must talk to him before I submit him to our father."
"Then go."
Thor went, unsure of what to expect but simply preparing himself for the worst.
X
"I have heard."
Thor didn't even have to coax Loki out of his silence this time. Loki still had his back towards him and was still huddled in the corner. But he was speaking. Thor considered that a small victory.
"You are to take me back to Asgard to await the Allfather's justice," said Loki. "You might as well kill me now. It would be much kinder."
Thor wanted to reassure him otherwise, but he would be lying. He didn't know for sure what Odin would do. He would have to be impartial, even to his son.
"What? No more kind words for me?" Loki drawled. "What happen to your pathetic treatises? 'Come home.'" He spat. "That was never home."
Again, Thor said nothing. What could he say? He already tried saying what he thought and Loki had waved it away as arrogance with a dash of sentiment.
"But you know what? Odin should punish me. If he didn't, I would take so much more from him. I would rend all these worlds asunder. I would teach him what it means to lie to a Jotun sorcerer. You will feel it most of all, brother. I would make sure that you will know my pain. You will know the suffering of Loki." Loki laughed blackly. "There is no more confusion in me. For so many years, I swung between fratricide and incest, and oh how it ate away at me! That all my feelings for you were impure. I had no noble thoughts of you, big brother. Does it pain you to hear this from me now?"
The grin of Loki's face was positively manic. That was how Thor knew he didn't mean it. At least, not all of it.
Thor reached out for him but Loki snapped at him, like an injured dog. "Don't touch me!"
"Why do you try so hard to hurt me? You should know I would not be able to simply forget the bonds we forged together growing up. It is impossible."
"Oh. Oh this is wonderful." Loki roared high and terrible. "Oh, brother mine, you didn't think I truly loved you, did you? How could I love you when I remained always in your shadow? Did you enjoy my mimicry of love, Thor? You must have since you believed it so."
Snake, Thor thought. Loki was a snake. A forked-tongued lying creature. But was this a lie? "You are not this creature. You are kinder. Quick to discern and eager to teach me. Where has that sweet Loki gone?"
"He was only a shadow. No more real that the magical bodies I use to fight. You loved a shell of me."
"That may be. But what a wonderful shell he was." When Thor returned to his bedroom, he found a suitcase with a gag and handcuffs waiting on his table. The card placed upon it told it was specially made for lying Norse gods. It also included an insincere-sounding signed apology from Stark. That probably meant Stark was actually sincere.
X
The gag was removed from Loki for the trial before Odin. He would have to have a chance to defend himself, though the people had been reluctant to give him that right. The people of Asgard were rather familiar with Loki's talents with words.
Thor ran a hand down his face and steeled himself for the trial. He knew the Allfather would question him as well and Thor would have to give the truth without watering down for the sake of mercy for Loki. What a choice he had to make. Justice against his instinct to protect his brother.
Thor ran his fingers to the seams of the gag and removed it, careful not to look at Loki while he did so. But though he did not look, he could feel Loki's green eyes on him like a brand. Hungry, desperate. Was he going to plead mercy from Thor now?
"Brother."
Thor tensed. He wasgoing to plead mercy after throwing all those vile words in his face. This was how low Loki had sunk. It disgusted Thor. He turned his back but Loki continued.
"Please, if you would do me one last thing."
"What? Set you free? Speak on your behalf in there?" Thor spat.
Thor heard silent footsteps; Loki approaching him slowly. "Touch me."
Thor whirled around in surprise. "What?"
Loki's gaze was cast downwards, cheeks colouring with shame. "I know I am to expect no warmth or mercy in there. Then again, they have never loved me. I have learned the stand up against the brunt of their mislike long ago. But... I would like to remember ... how hard you tried to bring me home." It was odd seeing Loki struggle with words. "If you would...touch me as you did once. Just your hand upon my neck."
The clasp of brotherhood. The way Thor held the side of his neck every time he shared a laugh or a story, or even a chastise. How intimate it felt now.
Thor slid his hand up and clasped Loki, his thumb catching the line of his jaw. Thor nearly cried when Loki leaned into it and looked up at him, raw yearning burnished into those wet, green eyes.
"Thank you." Then Loki wrenched himself away and walked into the throne room.
X
What difference was one prison from another? thought Thor as he heard the Allfather pronounce his sentence upon Loki loud and clear for all of Asgard to hear.
Thor had chosen not to look at Odin, knowing that his father heard loud and clear his cries to the heavens the night before. Odin, in turn, only sought his gaze when he offered the first suggestion of sewing Loki's lips together to seal his treacherous tongue. Thor had tensed, moving his head with the minutest movement to see how Loki would react. But almost as quickly, Odin had retracted the suggestion and instead chose to send Loki to the deepest prison known to Asgardians.
Was it mercy that Odin allowed Loki to keep his words in return for a slow death of drowning by Ymir's blood?
Thor kept his arms glued to his side as two guards twice the size of Loki flanked him and hauled him roughly onto his feet. He slunk out of the throne room, strangely quiet, strangely quiescent.
When Loki paused mid-step, looked over his shoulder and opened his mouth for the first time (for he had only nodded or shook his head when questioned), the whole court tensed. Odin raised his arm, ready to renew the idea of sewing his lips.
But Thor could see from the intent in Loki's thin face that the words were meant only for him. He glared Odin into staying his order and walked up to Loki, cloak billowing in the air thickly silent.
Loki swallowed. He closed his mouth and opened them again. "Do you remember what I said to you before your coronation?" Thor's eyes widened. This was the very same room he had shared the joy of almost being king together with him. Loki swallowed again. "They remain true." He forced his eyes forward and continued the trek to his new prison.
Thor's throat constricted painfully. The pressure behind his eyes threatened to give way to tears.
Never doubt that I love you.
Loki the Lie-smith. Thor should have never let him speak.
Never doubt.
I love you.
Thor/Loki
Thor lowered his eyes. It wasn’t so long ago that it had been Loki who had visited him in a human holding cell, lying about their father’s death with that talented forked tongue of his. “Oh brother,” Thor whispered to the screen, “how our positions have reversed.”
The cell that held Loki this time was courtesy of Tony Stark. It wasn’t as sturdy as the titanium, steel, and acrylic glass contraption in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s helicarrier, but it was equipped with motion-triggered lasers that promised to burn Loki to a crisp should he make any sudden movements to escape. “Don’t worry,” Stark had said, slapping Thor’s bicep. “Jarvis will make sure it won’t kill him for just jumping. Not that it would be a huge loss.” It was obvious to anyone who cared to notice that Stark was still smarting from Phil Coulson’s death. At the hands of his brother. Thor winced. He thanked Stark for the consideration as the other man left him alone to stare at the live security feed of Loki.
Thor lowered his eyes. It wasn’t so long ago that it had been Loki who had visited him in a human holding cell, lying about their father’s death with that talented forked tongue of his. “Oh brother,” Thor whispered to the screen, “how our positions have reversed.”
As if Loki heard him through the walls and rooms in the basement of Stark Tower, he lifted his defiant chin and stared into the camera; green eyes piercing and simmering with barely reigned-in emotion. Loki liked everyone to think he had everything under control; that even when all his plans have gone asunder, it was all according to a dance only he knew. Thor knew most Midgardians believed this ruse. Loki’s cool demeanour was enough to fool them. But not Thor. Whenever Loki looked at Thor, those eyes could hide nothing
Thor gritted his teeth. He touched the screen and left the room.
X
“I want to talk to Loki. Alone,” said Clint Barton as the day settled to a close and everyone who needed patching up has been patched up.
Stark turned sharply towards Hawkeye in surprise. Pain flared up his side from the cracked ribs he sustained from his recent fall from the heavens. "Motherfu-"
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, soldier,” said Steve Rogers.
Thor nodded. “‘God of mischief’ and ‘trickster’ are not epithets Loki had earned without warrant.”
“I’ve years of experience in interrogating terrorists and insurgents. I can handle Loki. Besides, without his magical stick, he’s powerless,” said Barton.
“I would advise more caution, my friend,” warned Thor. “You may have had years, but Loki has had centuries tricking every sort of creature from the Nine Realms.“
“He made me responsible for the deaths of agents I had sworn to stand with and protect!” said Barton. He brought his hand over his face, embarrassed by his own outburst. “I need to square things out with him. I need this.”
The other Avengers all exchanged glances. Thor saw understanding and consent pass from face to face until they all looked to Thor for their final assurance. But he could not give it. “Nothing good will come out of talking to Loki. I have tried.”
But it was four ‘ayes’ to his nay, and Barton was allowed to visit Loki’s prison. Natasha followed after him discreetly, promising to keep watch over him.
Thor crossed his arms and looked out to the night-lit landscape of the city, unable to bear the sight of his comrades at the moment. For the infinite wisdom the Midgardians claimed to have, they never wanted to acknowledge foolishness when they saw it. Sure enough, it was not ten minutes before Barton has come storming into the room, fingers twitching with the urge to string a bow.
Barton screamed of all the insults Loki had dared throw in his face; all the verbal trespasses and the insulting insinuations of his past. Did Loki have tricks into one’s mind among his many skills? Barton demanded in words that were more crass.
Thor couldn’t answer. He wasn’t sure. Once upon a time, Thor knew all that his brother was capable of. He wasn’t sure when Loki had started to sequester himself away; secreting a part of himself from Thor.
“And Loki? Is he still secure?” asked Rogers.
With a swipe across his work desk, Stark brought up the surveillance feed. Natasha was with Loki in his cell, checking all the failsafes after Barton had stormed out on her. Loki was sneering; the corners of his lips pulled up in such an ugly grin Thor couldn’t bear to look.
“You humans are so easily rattled. Your emotions simmer so close to the surface. Even you. You pretend as if your exterior was crystal and ice but take it from a Jotun: you are as fragile as your darling archer; your soul no less dark. He couldn’t bear hearing the name of his lost woman. I think you cannot bear the same for a different reason.”
Natasha cocked her gun and pressed the muzzle against the flat of his forehead.
The delight on Loki's face became more pronounced. Loki did always like to play with his victims.“Love is for children. I remember. Did you think yourself otherwise? You’re all children, coming out to play and look good in front of all the other brats. You’re no better than one another. The stinking filth of this race is not even fit to stain the sole of my boot.”
Natasha lowered her arm before swinging it and knocking Loki across the cheek with the butt of her gun.
Loki spat bloody saliva onto the floor and showed her red grin. Thor fisted his hands and looked away. Loki will not stop. If Thor's new friends gave him the chance, Loki would tear their whole worlds apart before his own punishment came.
X
That night brought terrible dreams of his childhood. They were golden and they were terrible because they were all memories of a time when Loki had been unequivocally on his side. His silent brother, always his voice of reason.
No. Not always.
Loki was the voice of tricks also. Sometimes Thor listened to him and came out better for it. Sometimes Thor listened to him and fell to ridicule because of it. But Thor has always forgiven. It was only Loki's nature. Thor knew lying was to his brother as his own braggadocio. Who was he to criticise Loki when his own failings were many and known?
Thor sighed to the loneliness of the large bedroom Stark had provided him. A few more hours. The one-eyed man called Fury had promised a verdict by today.
Thor remembered his way to the kitchen where Midgardians kept their food frozen. Stark was sitting by the island, nursing a cold bottle and bent over his work.
"Do you never rest, man of iron?" said Thor.
"No rest for the wicked," Stark muttered, his exhaustion all too evident in his voice. Oh, Thor recognised that tone all too well.
"You have been speaking to my brother. Why?"
Stark smirked. "Information. I'm a nosy kinda guy. I need to know everything, otherwise I just feel itchy." The smirk lost its mirth. "I have to say though, your brother is almost as good as a talker as I am. Put anyone else in the room with us and we'll kill them with frustration."
Thor tried to smile.
"Hey, your brother can't actually predict the future, right?" said Stark.
"Why? What has he told you?"
"Nothing. Never mind." Stark slid off his seat, taking his flat-screen device with him. "I'm off to bed. See you in the morning."
"It is morning."
"Tomorrow morning."
"You always hide your true concerns with cheek." The comment made Stark halt as Thor knew it would. People did not credit him with insight often, but he knew a truly troubled man when he saw one. He has lived many lifetimes with the Allfather, after all.
Stark's lips thinned out. His fingers tapped a rhythm onto the circular blue device in the middle of his chest. "We should've listened to you when you told us not to talk to Loki."
"My brother has a way with words."
"No, it's not just words. He knows us. Somehow. He knows what we're afraid of, what we want; our grey area and the line we won't cross. That makes him very dangerous."
Our grey area and the line we won't cross. Thor dragged his finger over his lips and sat in the kitchen for a long time pondering those words, until Natasha woke up and took pity on him.
"It's not that hard to use a toaster," she said.
"Erik Selvig taught me once. I forgot how." Thor offered a smile.
Natasha pushed the sandwich across the island towards him and indulged in her own. "I'm not sorry I hit him."
"Nor should you be. Hitting is good for character-building."
Natasha raised her eyebrow but smiled all the same. "Yeah. Right. If hitting was all it took to reform Loki's character, we'd all be beating him to within an inch of his life."
"When we were younger and Loki first came on my quests with me, he'd come home with the least bruises. He was quicker than the rest of us. His gift was trickery and magic, neither of which required direct combat. But we wore our cuts like symbols of honour. We teased him for not having any." Thor could not help the regret that crept in. "We teased him for being smarter."
Natasha scrunched up her face. "Nice to know Asgardians aren't all that different from us then."
"How do I bear this, Lady Natasha? If it is true that my role in his life has caused him to be this vengeful creature...how am I to bear the knowledge that I may have corrupted my brother?"
"Thor, you are not his keeper. He's not a child. He has to answer for his own crimes."
Thor shook his head. "The only reason he chose Midgard was because he knew I cherished this place. I cannot so easily deny my involvement in all this."
Natasha placed a hand on his arm. This was why Thor chose to confide in women. They offered comfort so generously. "Talk to him." They also often told him things he didn't want to hear.
"If I go, I may be compelled to forgive him again."
"...so?"
"If I forgive him, it would be more difficult for me when he is inevitably given his punishment. I might do something unwise like beg my father to pardon him. I can never think straight when it comes to him."
"Thor, the only reason you're on our side instead of his is because of your compassion for us...Midgardians. Your compassion is what makes you good. It's not your weakness."
Thor snorted. "Loki thinks otherwise."
Sentiment. Thor could still hear that voice of derision as pain ripped up his stomach.
Natasha shrugged. "You've already heard what I have to say."
Thor continued to sit there and stew, wishing for the warmth of Jane's smile.
X
"Tony Stark told me you predicted his future for him. What did you say?"
Thor stood at the mouth of the cage. Loki was huddled in the corner furthest away from him. Thor was reminded of the many times he had angered Loki in their long youth. To his credit, Loki never complained to their parents. He always kept inside all his frustration and hid himself away until Thor noticed him missing and went looking.
Thor remembered venturing corridors and stairs in the library he never knew existed in all his hundred years and coming upon Loki in a different cranny every time, always with a book in his hands. Science, history, botany, medicine. Thor would have to persuade the book out of his hands before he could attempt the apology.
This was a futile attempt. Loki would not speak until Thor persuaded the book away from him. Loki didn't even raise his head to look at him. He kept it tucked between his arms and shoulders, looking far too tiny in that fetal position. Thor turned away resolutely, refusing to feel any more remorse. He left the basement, feeling utterly ridiculous for having come down here in the first place.
X
"He said nothing? Nothing to you at all? Not even a single syllable of a single word?" Rogers sounded amazed.
"He is angry with me. Why would he speak?" said Thor.
"The captain has a point," said Banner. "I went down there yesterday night for a cursory view and he wouldn't stop yammering. I was there for five minutes and he managed to attack everything about me. He is the guy who will not shut up."
"His anger towards me blazes far hotter than his contempt for any of you," said Thor.
"Thanks, that's good to know," said Banner rather dryly.
"Pardon me for asking, but what is your history with him?" said Rogers.
What a question. How did one answer that without going into the long history that was Thor and Loki?
Thor dug his fingers into his scalp. "Once he was the one I loved most in the world."
There was silence for a bit. Then Banner said, "Excuse me?"
"And for a time, I thought I had his love too. 'Never doubt that I love you,' he'd said. I doubt it so much now." Thor sank his face into his hands. Why did he have to bring up that particular memory? That moment right before he was almost crowned King. Loki and his easy banter. His lying lips offering assurance so smoothly. Now, Thor wanted to storm into the prison and demand from his brother, IS IT TRUE?
Thor straightened up and saw that Rogers and Banner were slowly edging away from him. "Friends, what is the matter?"
"Nothing," Banner offered too quickly. "I just need to uh go." The two of them beat a hasty retreat, adding only to Thor's confusion. Has he said something wrong?
X
The verdict of Loki's fate came in the late evening. Barton and Rogers showed minor disapproval at Loki being handed over to Asgardian justice but neither of them said a word as Fury gave the announcement and the Tesseract over to Thor. Thor nodded at him in thanks and promptly left to inform his people.
He flew to the rooftop, still half-collapsed, with the help of Mjolnir and called to Odin. "Loki will be returning home with me," he shouted. The Allfather did not reply. He could not without the Bifrost. But Thor could sense that his father has heard. And maybe because this conversation was one-way, he dared to ask, "What will you do with him? I know his crimes are great and the penalty should equal them. But he is still my brother. My love for him has not been decreased by his madness."
It was almost freeing to admit this.
Of course, there was no verbal reply. But Thor sensed the disappointment and sadness in his heart. He turned away and descended back to his living quarters; chilled by the cold air and pierced by his sorrow of his current predicament.
As he sunk into his sheets, he asked the silent nothingness once again why did he have to have such a brother.
X
The next morning, no one was speaking to him. Thor pondered at the silence for a long while before realising that it was deliberate. He went to Natasha, who simply sighed and said, "We don't know how to deal with you."
"With me?"
"We all heard you declare your love for your baby brother last night," said Stark, stirring some coffee. "Didn't mean to eavesdrop, but you were shouting."
"I was talking to my father."
"You're in love with a crazy mass murderer."
"I'm not," said Thor.
"Sure, you're not," said Stark. "You just have loads of conflicting and complicated feelings for him."
"Listen, we know he's not your real brother," said Banner.
"But it's still kinda weird for us," Stark finished for him. "That and the fact that you didn't mind that he killed loads of people just to make you angry."
"That is not what I said!" Thor snarled.
"Yeah, we heard your whole 'my love has not decreased' bullshit. I'm surprised you're not down there telling him it's all okay. Who cares that a few hundred people die? Your brother has emotional issues. It's not his fault," Stark sneered.
"You will cease talking, man of iron, or I will make you."
"Try me."
Thor already had Mjolnir in grip and was ready to split the building in half, when he realised that this was his brother's work at play again. He sighed. "The prophecy that Loki told you; it must've been truly horrible."
Stark's jaw clenched.
"You do not have a brother, but you have a brother-in-arms, do you not? One who shared your secrets, who knew your strengths and weaknesses, who was there at your best and your worst," said Thor. Stark gave no reply. Thor took that as acquiescence. "Would you not also forgive him anything?"
"I thought you said you weren't forgiving him this time," said Natasha.
"He is my brother," said Thor, unable to dislodge the stone in his throat and his chest. "I must talk to him before I submit him to our father."
"Then go."
Thor went, unsure of what to expect but simply preparing himself for the worst.
X
"I have heard."
Thor didn't even have to coax Loki out of his silence this time. Loki still had his back towards him and was still huddled in the corner. But he was speaking. Thor considered that a small victory.
"You are to take me back to Asgard to await the Allfather's justice," said Loki. "You might as well kill me now. It would be much kinder."
Thor wanted to reassure him otherwise, but he would be lying. He didn't know for sure what Odin would do. He would have to be impartial, even to his son.
"What? No more kind words for me?" Loki drawled. "What happen to your pathetic treatises? 'Come home.'" He spat. "That was never home."
Again, Thor said nothing. What could he say? He already tried saying what he thought and Loki had waved it away as arrogance with a dash of sentiment.
"But you know what? Odin should punish me. If he didn't, I would take so much more from him. I would rend all these worlds asunder. I would teach him what it means to lie to a Jotun sorcerer. You will feel it most of all, brother. I would make sure that you will know my pain. You will know the suffering of Loki." Loki laughed blackly. "There is no more confusion in me. For so many years, I swung between fratricide and incest, and oh how it ate away at me! That all my feelings for you were impure. I had no noble thoughts of you, big brother. Does it pain you to hear this from me now?"
The grin of Loki's face was positively manic. That was how Thor knew he didn't mean it. At least, not all of it.
Thor reached out for him but Loki snapped at him, like an injured dog. "Don't touch me!"
"Why do you try so hard to hurt me? You should know I would not be able to simply forget the bonds we forged together growing up. It is impossible."
"Oh. Oh this is wonderful." Loki roared high and terrible. "Oh, brother mine, you didn't think I truly loved you, did you? How could I love you when I remained always in your shadow? Did you enjoy my mimicry of love, Thor? You must have since you believed it so."
Snake, Thor thought. Loki was a snake. A forked-tongued lying creature. But was this a lie? "You are not this creature. You are kinder. Quick to discern and eager to teach me. Where has that sweet Loki gone?"
"He was only a shadow. No more real that the magical bodies I use to fight. You loved a shell of me."
"That may be. But what a wonderful shell he was." When Thor returned to his bedroom, he found a suitcase with a gag and handcuffs waiting on his table. The card placed upon it told it was specially made for lying Norse gods. It also included an insincere-sounding signed apology from Stark. That probably meant Stark was actually sincere.
X
The gag was removed from Loki for the trial before Odin. He would have to have a chance to defend himself, though the people had been reluctant to give him that right. The people of Asgard were rather familiar with Loki's talents with words.
Thor ran a hand down his face and steeled himself for the trial. He knew the Allfather would question him as well and Thor would have to give the truth without watering down for the sake of mercy for Loki. What a choice he had to make. Justice against his instinct to protect his brother.
Thor ran his fingers to the seams of the gag and removed it, careful not to look at Loki while he did so. But though he did not look, he could feel Loki's green eyes on him like a brand. Hungry, desperate. Was he going to plead mercy from Thor now?
"Brother."
Thor tensed. He wasgoing to plead mercy after throwing all those vile words in his face. This was how low Loki had sunk. It disgusted Thor. He turned his back but Loki continued.
"Please, if you would do me one last thing."
"What? Set you free? Speak on your behalf in there?" Thor spat.
Thor heard silent footsteps; Loki approaching him slowly. "Touch me."
Thor whirled around in surprise. "What?"
Loki's gaze was cast downwards, cheeks colouring with shame. "I know I am to expect no warmth or mercy in there. Then again, they have never loved me. I have learned the stand up against the brunt of their mislike long ago. But... I would like to remember ... how hard you tried to bring me home." It was odd seeing Loki struggle with words. "If you would...touch me as you did once. Just your hand upon my neck."
The clasp of brotherhood. The way Thor held the side of his neck every time he shared a laugh or a story, or even a chastise. How intimate it felt now.
Thor slid his hand up and clasped Loki, his thumb catching the line of his jaw. Thor nearly cried when Loki leaned into it and looked up at him, raw yearning burnished into those wet, green eyes.
"Thank you." Then Loki wrenched himself away and walked into the throne room.
X
What difference was one prison from another? thought Thor as he heard the Allfather pronounce his sentence upon Loki loud and clear for all of Asgard to hear.
Thor had chosen not to look at Odin, knowing that his father heard loud and clear his cries to the heavens the night before. Odin, in turn, only sought his gaze when he offered the first suggestion of sewing Loki's lips together to seal his treacherous tongue. Thor had tensed, moving his head with the minutest movement to see how Loki would react. But almost as quickly, Odin had retracted the suggestion and instead chose to send Loki to the deepest prison known to Asgardians.
Was it mercy that Odin allowed Loki to keep his words in return for a slow death of drowning by Ymir's blood?
Thor kept his arms glued to his side as two guards twice the size of Loki flanked him and hauled him roughly onto his feet. He slunk out of the throne room, strangely quiet, strangely quiescent.
When Loki paused mid-step, looked over his shoulder and opened his mouth for the first time (for he had only nodded or shook his head when questioned), the whole court tensed. Odin raised his arm, ready to renew the idea of sewing his lips.
But Thor could see from the intent in Loki's thin face that the words were meant only for him. He glared Odin into staying his order and walked up to Loki, cloak billowing in the air thickly silent.
Loki swallowed. He closed his mouth and opened them again. "Do you remember what I said to you before your coronation?" Thor's eyes widened. This was the very same room he had shared the joy of almost being king together with him. Loki swallowed again. "They remain true." He forced his eyes forward and continued the trek to his new prison.
Thor's throat constricted painfully. The pressure behind his eyes threatened to give way to tears.
Never doubt that I love you.
Loki the Lie-smith. Thor should have never let him speak.
Never doubt.
I love you.