new year twitter drabbles
pairing yunho/jaejoong,jaejoong/yunho
summary collection of new year drabbles requested by readers in december
• ♔ •
01 picnic in the rain
yunho/jaejoong ; sequel to beneath the rain
„I can't believe this!“ Yunho grunts as he looks out of the kitchen window and takes in the sight of their garden being drenched by the rain pouring down on Seoul.“Why today out of all days?“
„We still have tomorrow.“ A soft voice says from behind him and Yunho can feel two slender arms being wrapped around him, pulling him back against a body he has the privilege to know better than everyone else.
„But our boys-“
„Our boys are happily watching Lion King, so don't worry about them. We can go and have a picnic tomorrow when the weather is better.“
Yunho knows his wife is right, but he can't help but be disappointed. It's weekend and he wants nothing more than spend a special time with his family outside, having a picnic and enjoying the food his wife has spent hours preparing. Everything is ready for their planned trip to the nearest park but the rain is ruining it for them.
„What are we going to do with the food you made?“ Yunho mutters dejectedly as he turns around and hugs his wife back, loving the feeling of the other's small baby bump against his clothed stomach.
He watches the other's soft lips curving up into a small smile before Jaejoong decides to detach himself from him and leaves him standing in the kitchen with a look of confusion.
And only when Yunho decides to go and see what his wife is doing does he realize what Jaejoong has in mind.
Jaejoong had placed their boys' old grass green playing mat onto the floor of their living room and the red picnic rag right above it and is now busy unpacking the picnic basket he had filled with lots of containers and bentos full of delicious food and bottles of beverages as well as several utensils which would've proven to be handy during their picnic. Moonbin and Sungwoong - now more interested in what their Mama is doing than in their favorite movie - are sitting left and right from their Mama and help him all too gladly whenever he instructs for them to do something.
Jaejoong then looks up to smile at Yunho.“Come on, let's have a picnic.“
All the disappointment about the ruined trip is gone and Yunho stares at his family with a smile which disaplays happiness and love, the amount of adoration in his gaze not showing even half of how much he really loves and treasures them.
He rememebers how he met Jaejoong for the very first time on a rainy day, bumping into the other and sending the two of them onto the wet ground with a thud while Jaejoong's red umbrella landed right between them. He remembers the soft scent of baby powder penetrating his nostrils when Jaejoong leaned in to ask him whether he was okay.
And he was. With Jaejoong in his life ever since, he has been so much more than okay.
Jaejoong saved him from loneliness, bitterness and sorrow, giving him a shoulder to lean on, arms to lose himself into, a wife to love and children to treasure.
Yunho approaches his family with a smile, soon joining them on the picnic rag and accepting a piece of Kimbap Jaejoong offers to him before he shares a small, subtle kiss with his wife and causes their sons to squeal as they cover their eyes.
And he realizes something.
With his wife, their two sons - and another baby on the way -, every day is a special day.
• ♔ •
02 nights in austria
yunho/jaejoong
Yunho rolls around on the bed and huffs as he halts to have a look at the watch.“He said he'd be back around 6 PM, it's 6.30 PM now.“
Just then, the door of the hotel room is being opened and his boyfriend's voice rings through as he talks to his manager.
„See you tomorrow, Anjjang~“
„See you tomorrow, hyung.“
Yunho pouts unhappily upon hearing the endearment and when his boyfriend finally approaches him, he can't quite control himself.“See you tomorrow, Anjjang~“
Jaejoong chuckles and takes off his shoes and jacket before joining Yunho on the bed, soon straddling the other's thighs as he looks down at the man lying on soft satin sheets.“Don't be childish, he's just a dongsaeng.“
„I'm not childish.“ Yunho huffs and sits up with Jaejoong's assistance, his hands on Jaejoong's butt as he leans in to press his lips against his boyfriend's.“I'm jealous. He gets to spend the whole day with you while I have to hide in the room. We are in Austria, far away from restrictions and watchful eyes and still can't walk around together and simply have a good time.“
„We're never really far away from watchful eyes.“ Jaejoong replies and smiles as Yunho's lips beg him for more.“And you don't have to be jealous. He spends the day with me and many others, but only you get to be with me for the whole night.“
Yunho grins as he switches their position, caging Jaejoong between him and the bed.“True.“
• ♔ •
03 ray of hope
yunho/jaejoong
It's loud, it's so loud and his dirtied body aches, the pain of his injuries surging through him with every movement that he makes and Jaejoong prefers to stay still and go numb rather than moving and reminding his body of how damaged it is, but he has no choice if he wants to live.
If he wants to survive this war, then he has to keep moving. If he doesn't, he's indirectly choosing to die and give up on everything he has been fighting for all this while. It's hard and painful and sometimes, Jaejoong is not sure whether he really wants to continue living. Maybe it would be better to end it all and throw himself in front of their enemies' weapons, ending this suffering.
But he can't. Not yet, not when Yunho is still there.
He looks at the man hiding next to him and feels hope rising once again as Yunho's familiar face reminds him of good times he wants to keep holding on for. Yunho's face is marked by the war, thin and bony, plastered by several injuries and stains of blood mixed with dirt - just like his own, he notes - the lack of nutrition and sleep making him look horrible compared to how he looked before the war started.
They have known each other since childhood and Jaejoong almost believes it's fate that they are sticking together even during the war, being there to encourage and comfort each other in a world of violence and death, holding onto the little biut of hope they have together.
Jaejoong has given up fighting for himself a long time ago, but he knows that he will never give up on fighting for Yunho. He is going through all of this for Yunho and the chance of seeing his friend's - lover's - face all chubby and healthy once again, the memories of having seen Yunho like that during happier times bringing a smile onto his chapped lips even in the middle of grenades and bullets.
• ♔ •
04 of fools in love
yunho/jaejoong
"Doesn't it hurt?" Changmin clears his throat inaudibly."To love someone for so long although he doesn't love you...doesn't it hurt?"
Jaejoong lowers his head upon hearing the question, his teeth automatically digging into his lower lip like they always do whenever he feels bothered by something whereas bothersome is not really the word he'd use to describe how he feels at the moment. Pained. Pained may be a better word for it.
Does it hurt?
Does it hurt to be in love with a boy who never saw you as anything else but a close friend? Does it hurt to be emotionally committed to someone whose heart would never be committed to you in the same way? Does it hurt to feel yourself breaking apart every time the person you love talks about which girls he finds attractive?
How can it not hurt?
How can it not hurt to cry yourself to sleep almost every night when darkness brings along the realization that you will never be that one person for your one person? How can it not hurt to pretend that you are alright and happy although you feel broken inside? How can it not hurt to love someone you can never have?
But what can he do? He is too much of a coward to confess.
He knows Yunho since kindergarten and their friendship has grown so precious that Jaejoong can't help but fear to lose Yunho once and for all the moment he confesses. Years ago, he belonged to the ones who could never understand why it is so hard for people to confess to someone, but that was before he realized just how much in love he is with his best friend and how great the fear of rejection can be.
"It does." Jaejoong admits."Sometimes,...it's unbearable."
"Forget Yunho for one evening. Go to the school festival with me, Junsu and Yoochun and let me show you that you don't need Jung Yunho in your life to enjoy it."
Jaejoong looks up again."I-"
"I know that you want to tell me that you need him and maybe you do." Changmin sighs."But not as someone who does not love you back and only makes you cry. He may not be aware of what he does to you, but you are and you should do something about it. Either you finally confess or you decide to move on from your feelings for him."
Jaejoong finds himself rendered speechless. He truthfully doesn't know what to say in return and he would've never expected for himself to ever tell someone he has gotten close only two weeks ago so much about feelings he kept hidden for two long years.
Changmin is his maths tutor, someone he is spending much time with now that the maths exam is nearing and Jaejoong would lie if he would say that he isn't surprised by how well they get along and how close they are now considering that Shim Changmin is not really one to easily get chummy with people. Changmin is snarky and almost cruel with his words at some point, but when he decides to care for someone...then he does it with all his heart, that's how Jaejoong sees him and he finds the slightly younger student rather lovable and the fact that Changmin is his cousin's - Junsu's - best friend makes Jaejoong think that underneath all that ice prince aura, there must be a very lovely personality Junsu is treasuring since five long years now.
"Maybe, if you can bring yourself to look away from Jung Yunho for once, you'll finally see someone who is more worthy of your feelings." Changmin's gaze turns glum when he notices the trace of tears starting to wet Jaejoong's doe eyes, the pain within those two orbs making his anger towards Yunho grow albeit not really knowing that boy personally.
"I tried, I tried to forget and fall out of love for so many times, but feelings don't just stop existing when you plead for them to disappear." Jaejoong mutters as tears make their way down along his cheeks, memories of the pain he had been hiding from everyone now rushing back to him at once.
"Then try your hardest now. Do it for real this time around." Changmin challenges."He has been ignoring you for three weeks. And for what? For some stuck-up girls from the event committee who can make him their slave because he is willing to do just about everything in order to get closer to some of them."
"He is not-"
"He is not what? He is not dropping his best friend like hot potato just to get a chance with girls? You said it yourself yesterday, he told you that he wanted to get lucky with one of them right before he started to hang around them and ignored your existence." The young tutor asks."He drops you for three weeks just to go after girls, that's the kind of person you are loving, that's the kind of person you have given your heart to."
"You fucking know nothing so shut the hell up!" A deep voice roars from behind them and causes Jaejoong and Changmin to look over their shoulders, the sight of a very angered boy with sharp features approaching them in rage greeting them right after.
"Yunho..."
"Jaejoongie, we need to talk." Yunho immediately moves to stand beside the bench Jaejoong and Changmin are sitting on and gets a hold of Jaejoong's hand to pull him up and away from Changmin.
Jaejoong throws one last glance at Changmin but is too surprised to do anything but follow when Yunho pulls him away along the path leading from their school to the school gates and only when he notices the other students staring at them does he finally refuse to move along, steadying his posture as he pulls Yunho back and forces the other to halt in his tracks.
"Yunho what are you doing?"
Yunho does not reply and only throws an annoyed look their schoolmates' way before he leads - not forces, Jaejoong notes - his best friend to a rather abandoned spot by the biggest tree standing proudly in one corner of the schoolyard, a place barely anyone wants to go near thanks to stinging nettle near it. But Yunho manages to find a safe path towards the tree, hiding himself and Jaejoong behind it.
Jaejoong's tears have dried, the sadness they have accompanied now gone as it got replaced by pure surprise and shock the moment Yunho came along. But he barely gets a chance to talk and try to put his thoughts back in order when Yunho wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him closer, embracing him so tight that it's almost hard for Jaejoong to breathe although the warmth and security he feels within Yunho's hug makes him feel like he's walking on clouds. And somehow, in the middle of enjoying the intimacy and closeness they share as Yunho presses their bodies together, he feels angry at himself for letting Yunho make him so weak and willing just seconds after he had been crying because of him.
But he had missed this.
How much he had missed this.
To have Yunho close enough to make him feel the warmth he radiates, the other's musky but not very overpowering scent penetrating his nostrils and causing him to lose himself in a world where everything is alright although reality may be different.
But then something else catches his attention and Jaejoong feels fear rising in an instant.
Yunho is trembling.
He has never seen Yunho like his before, so fearful and clinging onto someone as if his whole world depends on it.
"Don't forget. Don't give up. Don't leave me, Jaejoongie." Yunho utters - sobs, really - like a soft, heart-wrenching mantra as he cries against Jaejoong's shoulder."I need you. Fuck, I love you. I love you so much. Please forgive me, don't leave me. I can't live without you, Jaejoongie, I can't survive without you. I love you. Please forgive me. Forgive me."
He did not ignore Jaejoong on purpose nor did he ever think of dropping Jaejoong for some girls. He may have joked around about it at first, but he would've never thought that Jaejoong would take his foolish words to heart to this extent and his lack of time for Jaejoong must've fed his Jaejoongie's fears to no end. When the president of the student body asked which member would be willing to be in charge of assisting the event committee, Yunho volunteered all too gladly, not because he had hoped to get lucky with any of them but rather because he wanted to ask them for a small favor in return for the help he offered and was way beyond his duties as a student body member.
He asked them to help him organize a special event for Jaejoong since the other is turning nineteen in three weeks and Yunho wants everything to be perfect on that day. They agreed in exchange for his willingness to do extra work every day till late into the night, running errands for them even during the weekends as several things had to be organized for the school festival which is the anual highlight at their school, a big event for thousands of students and their relatives. He did not have any time for Jaejoong during the day - his answers to the other's messages have been terrifyingly short because of his lack of time and it must've been the cause for Jaejoong to misunderstand his short replies as a sign for the lack of interest - and with him returning home around 9 PM every day, he didn't want to disturb Jaejoong by calling him and preventing him from going to sleep.
Truthfully, Yunho had been blind to not only Jaejoong's but also his own feelings until today.
They have spent so many years as friends, sharing intimacy which he thought of as nothing but normal closeness between two best friends. What a fool he had been. If he would've paid more attention on how their relationship has gotten that certain spark within the past few years, he would've noticed that the touches, smiles and stares they have reserved for each other are nothing like what normal friends share. And he would've noticed the pain he had put Jaejoong through by foolishly talking about girls he pretended to find attractive whenever the topic was brought up by someone just so he could join in the conversation.
And during the times in which Jaejoong decided to ask him about his ideal type...he would've noticed that Jaejoong actually wanted to know whether Jaejoong himself is anywhere near to being what Yunho imagines his ideal partner to be like and he would've given Jaejoong an honest reply which would've described Jaejoong perfectly instead of coming up with short and idiotic answers just to get the topic off his back.
When he went to find Jaejoong today - after finally being dismissed by the event committee - he had been more than upset to find Jaejoong and Changmin sitting rather closely together by one of the cherry trees, the whole bright atmosphere surrounding them making him angry and sad at the same time as he watched Jaejoong share that moment with someone else.
And when he heard what Changmin and Jaejoong talked about, he could not help but plead for Jaejoong to not listen to Changmin's words. The thought of Jaejoong giving up on him, on them...it scared him to death. That great rush of fear he felt as he realized that he may lose Jaejoong and the feelings the other has kept to himself out of fear for so long made him realize his own feelings and how much he needs and loves the person who has always been his other half in silence.
"I should've realized it sooner. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." He whimpers and pleads, pressing his Jaejoongie's small body close to himself and his heart as he allows for the other's sweet, sweet scent to lure him into a spell he never wishes to escape from.
Jaejoong hugs him, crying. But this time around, it's not tears of sadness that he spills.
Not far away from them, Changmin smiles sadly to himself as he stares at the coulple about to be formed. He never stood a chance.
• ♔ •
05 dance of fireflies
yunho/jaejoong
Yunho is stunned to say the least, unable to do anything else but stare as the young prince he adores more than anyone else walks down the stairs and catches everyone's attention in his white attire which manages to emphasize his pure features to the extent of rendering everyone speechless.
Prince Jaejoong is one beautiful being.
His eyes are the most fascinating pair of eyes Yunho has ever seen. They look so beautiful and tender at first glance, but when Jaejoong directs his gaze at someone, the power those eyes hold can easily force a warrior like Yunho to his knees. Jaejoong may be the youngest prince, but he is holding more strength in his gaze than all of his older brothers combined.
„Calm your heart, dear cousin. I fear for your health for your heart may get too excited at the sight of your dearest.“
Yunho takes a short glance at Yoochun and clears his throat in response, not really yearning to say anything in response right now although he is giving his cousin way too much satisfaction by refusing to reply.
When his gaze is back on Jaejoong, he catches the prince looking at him and immediately smiles at the young boy, soon bowing in order to greet him although he knows that Jaejoong will not reply to his greeting.
He never does.
A cold aura of humbleness surrounds the young prince most of the time, the emotions he holds inside his heart forever trapped behind a veil of icyness. But Yunho can see right through it. He knows Jaejoong better than anyone else, having been the other's protector when Jaejoong was a mere princeling and having been the other's shoulder to lean on ever since.
Today, it's Jaejoong's eighteenth birthday and also the beginning of a new year, the young prince's birthday celebration being even more of a highlight thanks to Jaejoong finally coming of age and therefore being free to wed whoever he desires to give his heart to. Yunho knows that Jaejoong feels highly troubled by the new position he will be given in life, not wanting for several suitors to come and try to woo him like they have done with his brothers.
So, - being a little selfish himself - Yunho promised the young prince to do his best in keeping suitors away from him, easily putting Jaejoong's heart at ease.
The moment Jaejoong sets his feet on the ground, the big torches in the hall are being blown out, only the very small ones remaining to allow for Jaejoong and his guests to see several servants surrounding the young prince with jars in their hands and a sweet smile on their lips.
"What-" Jaejoong doesn't get to voice out the whole question when the servants open the jars and release their content, several fireflies soon flying out of their glassy cage to fill the room with their light, looking oh so majestic as they manage to bring a smile of amazement onto Jaejoong's lips.
"Happy birthday, my prince."
Jaejoong turns around upon hearing the voice and blushes when he sees Yunho looking down at him with a smile so charming that it has the prince's heart racing in excitement.
"Thank you, General Jung."
"General Jung prepared this for you, isn't it lovely?" His mother speaks as she approaches him with a smile and Jaejoong nods in response.
"Yes, it is." His lips remain stretched into a smile, a rare sight.
To know that this beautiful surprise was prepared for him by no one else but Yunho makes him feel oddly blessed and significant.
He looks around and feels like his breath is being taken away as he notices just how much the fireflies resemble small stars dancing across the room, making him feel warm as bliss fills his heart.
"My prince."
There it is again, that voice.
"May I dare ask for your first dance?"
Jaejoong gasps in slight surprise as he looks at the outstretched hand of the general and realizes that Yunho is offering him so much more than a simple dance by asking him for the very first one that night.
"Oh dear, the rush." Jaejoong hears his mother snicker next to him and he lowers his head slightly, his cheeks covered by a soft hue of red.
A prince coming of age does not dance on his birthday banquet unless he deems someone worthy of his first dance and hand in marriage. The birthday banquet of someone turning eighteen is meant to give the person time to have a look at his suitors before deciding to give someone a chance.
And here he is, not even five minutes into the celebration, already having someone ask him for the first dance although he did not have any time to consider his choices.
Yes, Yunho is rushing things.
But Jaejoong does not mind.
And so, he accepts Yunho's proposal, slowly taking the general's hand before he allows for the older male to lead him across the hall in a dance of bliss while the big torches are being lit and cause the fireflies to fly away and join the true stars outside.
• ♔ •
06 howling flames
jaejoong/yunho
"Jaejoong, let go~"
Jaejoong smirks as he hugs his mate even tighter, refusing to let go of the struggling being trapped between his arms.
"Jaejoong you big wolf, let go!" Yunho half whines, trying to push the Alpha away and ends up failing miserably.
Sometimes, he hates the fact that his mate is the Alpha. Their leader is as strong as he is playful and he has the tendency to be both around his dearest mate, especially when they are all alone during the night and the morning.
"No." Jaejoong replies sternly as he shifts to place himself in between his mate's long, beautiful legs, enjoying the flushed face of the other as he leans down to kiss Yunho softly yet with a certain amount of want."I'm not done claiming you yet."
"You are insatiable." Yunho whimpers when Jaejoong's hands roam along his skin as if to explore his body further, not that there is any spot left the Alpha does not know already.
When Jaejoong makes love, he does it thoroughly.
Jaejoong smiles into the kiss, soon pulling back a little to have a better look at Yunho. His wonderful, wonderful Yunho. Such dear, almond-shaped eyes, a cute nose and bow-shaped lips which control Jaejoong all too easily no matter what they do. His mate is truly a sight to behold.
"You are so handsome." Two hands come up to cup the Alpha's face."Why are you so handsome?"
Jaejoong doesn't say anything in response, only leaning down to kiss Yunho once again. This time around it's much softer and slower, as if Jaejoong is attempting to prolong the time they can spend together in each other's embrace before their respective duties as the pack's leaders would call them out of the cave and to the other wolves.
Yunho knows that he shouldn't give in so easily. But what can he do when Jaejoong's needs reflect his very own so well although he knows that he has certain duties to fulfill during the day? He craves for more time with his mate, desiring to feel Jaejoong against him - in him - so much that he cannot bring himself to detach himself from Jaejoong even when the sun starts to shine in its full glory.
"You are way too addictive." The Alpha whispers."You make me insatiable, so you will have to take responsibility for it."
Yunho smiles, soon running his toe along Jaejoong's calf.
He is playing with fire and he can't wait for it to break out and pull him into enourmous flames of passion.
• ♔ •
07 scream
yunho/jaejoong
He kind of expected to see someone being threatened by a burglar or at least some kind of fighting going on when he heard the ear-splitting scream coming from his neighbor's house, but what he is witnessing right now is way beyond his imagination.
Kim Jaejoong, a grown 29 year old man with a rather muscular body and certainly enough strength to knock Yunho out, is standing on a chair screaming his lungs out as he looks at the cockroach crawling back and forth on the floor of Jaejoong's beloved kitchen. The sight itself is so absurd and hilarious that Yunho would be laughing out loud by now if not for the sheer panic in Jaejoong's eyes.
So Yunho suppresses the laughter which is burning to escape from in between his lips and swiftly gets hold of the sweeper in Jaejoong's hand - he assumes the other attempted to hit the cockroach with it - and catches the insect before opening the kitchen window to fling it outside.
"Freaking shut the window or it might come back in!" Jaejoong screams and causes Yunho to flinch slightly.
"I threw it out onto the streets, I doubt it will." Yunho utters in response but does as asked nevertheless, soon placing the sweeper next to the broom he sees on the other side of the room as Jaejoong climbs down.
"Well I guess your armageddon is over so I'll go now." He really tried to hold it in, but Yunho still ends up chuckling in amusement, much to Jaejoong's dislike if the frown on the other's face is anything to go by.
He bites onto his bottom lip hard to suppress the urge to laugh and turns around to leave.
"W-Wait!"
Yunho halts and turns around, facing Jaejoong with raised eyebrows.
"Stay for lunch. I want to thank you."
The invitation comes too sudden and Yunho truthfully doesn't know whether to accept it or not, not even when his body decides that he wants to, his head moving to nod in agreement despite Yunho's inner struggles.
"S-Sure." He stammers and sits down at the dining table when Jaejoong gestures for him to do so.
But not even one second after, he hears Jaejoong drop something with a gasp and Yunho is already up and ready to send another cockroach flying.
"You...how did you even get in here?"
Yunho frowns."Well of course I-"
"The fuck happened to the door, doll face?" Jaejoong hears his roommate scream from the entrance.
Shit.
• ♔ •
08 say something
yunho/jaejoong
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
„Does our relatioship still make any sense to you?“ Yunho hates the bitterness filling his mouth as he says those words and stares at the back of his boyfriend who is standing by the window.“With how things are now, does it still make any sense to be together?“
Jaejoong doesn't say a single word and every other second in which they stand there in silence makes Yunho's heart ache more than he can take and endure.
They got together three months ago and at first, Yunho could handle them going further in their relationship through baby steps because the situation is not easy, for neither of them. With both of them being the only boys in their respective families, their parents have certain expectations in them and Yunho knew from the very start that telling their parents about their - according to majority of society in Korea - forbidden relationship would be hard.
But they went through the first obstacle and told Yunho's parents about it last month and although they have not been happy about it, they did not want to push their son away from them either and eventually learned to accept it. And yet, although they had the acceptance of Yunho's parents, Yunho can't help but still feel uneasy as he yearns for Jaejoong's parents to accept them too. But Jaejoong is still refusing to come out to them.
And it hurts.
He loves Jaejoong and he would do everything for him, walk to the end of the world with him even. But the longer they are together, the more Yunho starts to believe that Jaejoong will never be ready to reveal their relationship to his family.
And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head.
I know nothing at all.
And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love.
Just starting to crawl.
Yunho thought that his past relationships during High School had been love.
But that was before he met Jaejoong in college and got to know what real love is really like.
Yunho knows that Jaejoong is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. And yet here he is, wondering whether they are going to end up being one of the couples which are destined to belong to each other but not meant to remain together.
And it's breaking him. Every second of doubt is breaking him.
He is usually a man of confidence, but right now he feels nothing but fearful. He does not want to lose Jaejoong, but if the person he sees as his other half thinks differently of their future together, then there is nothing else he can do but let go and give up.
He needs to know if Jaejoong wants for them to continue, he needs to.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anyahere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
"Can you please turn around and talk to me?" But there comes no answer and Yunho feels despair taking over.
Is this going to be the end of them and their promises of everlasting love? His very being is begging for Jaejoong to just turn around and take all of his fears away with a few words, but it doesn't seem like the other is interested in talking to him at the moment.
Yunho feels upset, but his sadness is more overwhelming that his anger is.
Did he not manage to get to Jaejoong's heart at all? Are his feelings stronger than Jaejoong's afterall?
And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love.
And I'm saying goodbye.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.
He could forgive and forget everything if only Jaejoong would finally tell him that he does want them to continue being together because yes, his love for Jaejoong is that strong. He is willing to forget the past full of the doubts Jaejoong had been inducing if only Jaejoong would finally be ready to tell his parents about the man he claims to love.
But if Jaejoong is not willing to hold onto him, then Yunho won't continue holding Jaejoong back either.
Yunho doesn't want to say it, the words feel heavy and hot on his tongue."Let's break up."
His heart hurts. He doesn't mean those words, not wholeheartedly. He feels idiotic for even saying them, but he knows that it's neccessary to find out whether Jaejoong is truly willing to end everything here and now or whether he would fight for them to be together.
He is not one to cry, but when he looks at Jaejoong's unmoving figure, Yunho feels tears filling his eyes.
"Goodbye." He whispers and turns around to leave with heavy steps, but Jaejoong doesn't let him.
He hugs him from behind, tight and unrelenting as he sobs against the other's back, his tears staining the shirt there.
"Don't go. I'm sorry, please don't go. I'm a coward, I know, but please don't go, Yunho-ah. I will tell my parents about us. My fear of whatever they could say or do is nothing compared to my fear of losing you." Jaejoong's sweet, sweet voice...how good it feels to finally hear it again."I love you."
Yunho smiles despite the tears rolling down along his cheeks and frees himself from Jaejoong's embrace to turn around and hug his boyfriend tightly, allowing for the other to find comfort in his arms.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...
summary collection of new year drabbles requested by readers in december
• ♔ •
01 picnic in the rain
yunho/jaejoong ; sequel to beneath the rain
„I can't believe this!“ Yunho grunts as he looks out of the kitchen window and takes in the sight of their garden being drenched by the rain pouring down on Seoul.“Why today out of all days?“
„We still have tomorrow.“ A soft voice says from behind him and Yunho can feel two slender arms being wrapped around him, pulling him back against a body he has the privilege to know better than everyone else.
„But our boys-“
„Our boys are happily watching Lion King, so don't worry about them. We can go and have a picnic tomorrow when the weather is better.“
Yunho knows his wife is right, but he can't help but be disappointed. It's weekend and he wants nothing more than spend a special time with his family outside, having a picnic and enjoying the food his wife has spent hours preparing. Everything is ready for their planned trip to the nearest park but the rain is ruining it for them.
„What are we going to do with the food you made?“ Yunho mutters dejectedly as he turns around and hugs his wife back, loving the feeling of the other's small baby bump against his clothed stomach.
He watches the other's soft lips curving up into a small smile before Jaejoong decides to detach himself from him and leaves him standing in the kitchen with a look of confusion.
And only when Yunho decides to go and see what his wife is doing does he realize what Jaejoong has in mind.
Jaejoong had placed their boys' old grass green playing mat onto the floor of their living room and the red picnic rag right above it and is now busy unpacking the picnic basket he had filled with lots of containers and bentos full of delicious food and bottles of beverages as well as several utensils which would've proven to be handy during their picnic. Moonbin and Sungwoong - now more interested in what their Mama is doing than in their favorite movie - are sitting left and right from their Mama and help him all too gladly whenever he instructs for them to do something.
Jaejoong then looks up to smile at Yunho.“Come on, let's have a picnic.“
All the disappointment about the ruined trip is gone and Yunho stares at his family with a smile which disaplays happiness and love, the amount of adoration in his gaze not showing even half of how much he really loves and treasures them.
He rememebers how he met Jaejoong for the very first time on a rainy day, bumping into the other and sending the two of them onto the wet ground with a thud while Jaejoong's red umbrella landed right between them. He remembers the soft scent of baby powder penetrating his nostrils when Jaejoong leaned in to ask him whether he was okay.
And he was. With Jaejoong in his life ever since, he has been so much more than okay.
Jaejoong saved him from loneliness, bitterness and sorrow, giving him a shoulder to lean on, arms to lose himself into, a wife to love and children to treasure.
Yunho approaches his family with a smile, soon joining them on the picnic rag and accepting a piece of Kimbap Jaejoong offers to him before he shares a small, subtle kiss with his wife and causes their sons to squeal as they cover their eyes.
And he realizes something.
With his wife, their two sons - and another baby on the way -, every day is a special day.
• ♔ •
02 nights in austria
yunho/jaejoong
Yunho rolls around on the bed and huffs as he halts to have a look at the watch.“He said he'd be back around 6 PM, it's 6.30 PM now.“
Just then, the door of the hotel room is being opened and his boyfriend's voice rings through as he talks to his manager.
„See you tomorrow, Anjjang~“
„See you tomorrow, hyung.“
Yunho pouts unhappily upon hearing the endearment and when his boyfriend finally approaches him, he can't quite control himself.“See you tomorrow, Anjjang~“
Jaejoong chuckles and takes off his shoes and jacket before joining Yunho on the bed, soon straddling the other's thighs as he looks down at the man lying on soft satin sheets.“Don't be childish, he's just a dongsaeng.“
„I'm not childish.“ Yunho huffs and sits up with Jaejoong's assistance, his hands on Jaejoong's butt as he leans in to press his lips against his boyfriend's.“I'm jealous. He gets to spend the whole day with you while I have to hide in the room. We are in Austria, far away from restrictions and watchful eyes and still can't walk around together and simply have a good time.“
„We're never really far away from watchful eyes.“ Jaejoong replies and smiles as Yunho's lips beg him for more.“And you don't have to be jealous. He spends the day with me and many others, but only you get to be with me for the whole night.“
Yunho grins as he switches their position, caging Jaejoong between him and the bed.“True.“
• ♔ •
03 ray of hope
yunho/jaejoong
It's loud, it's so loud and his dirtied body aches, the pain of his injuries surging through him with every movement that he makes and Jaejoong prefers to stay still and go numb rather than moving and reminding his body of how damaged it is, but he has no choice if he wants to live.
If he wants to survive this war, then he has to keep moving. If he doesn't, he's indirectly choosing to die and give up on everything he has been fighting for all this while. It's hard and painful and sometimes, Jaejoong is not sure whether he really wants to continue living. Maybe it would be better to end it all and throw himself in front of their enemies' weapons, ending this suffering.
But he can't. Not yet, not when Yunho is still there.
He looks at the man hiding next to him and feels hope rising once again as Yunho's familiar face reminds him of good times he wants to keep holding on for. Yunho's face is marked by the war, thin and bony, plastered by several injuries and stains of blood mixed with dirt - just like his own, he notes - the lack of nutrition and sleep making him look horrible compared to how he looked before the war started.
They have known each other since childhood and Jaejoong almost believes it's fate that they are sticking together even during the war, being there to encourage and comfort each other in a world of violence and death, holding onto the little biut of hope they have together.
Jaejoong has given up fighting for himself a long time ago, but he knows that he will never give up on fighting for Yunho. He is going through all of this for Yunho and the chance of seeing his friend's - lover's - face all chubby and healthy once again, the memories of having seen Yunho like that during happier times bringing a smile onto his chapped lips even in the middle of grenades and bullets.
• ♔ •
04 of fools in love
yunho/jaejoong
"Doesn't it hurt?" Changmin clears his throat inaudibly."To love someone for so long although he doesn't love you...doesn't it hurt?"
Jaejoong lowers his head upon hearing the question, his teeth automatically digging into his lower lip like they always do whenever he feels bothered by something whereas bothersome is not really the word he'd use to describe how he feels at the moment. Pained. Pained may be a better word for it.
Does it hurt?
Does it hurt to be in love with a boy who never saw you as anything else but a close friend? Does it hurt to be emotionally committed to someone whose heart would never be committed to you in the same way? Does it hurt to feel yourself breaking apart every time the person you love talks about which girls he finds attractive?
How can it not hurt?
How can it not hurt to cry yourself to sleep almost every night when darkness brings along the realization that you will never be that one person for your one person? How can it not hurt to pretend that you are alright and happy although you feel broken inside? How can it not hurt to love someone you can never have?
But what can he do? He is too much of a coward to confess.
He knows Yunho since kindergarten and their friendship has grown so precious that Jaejoong can't help but fear to lose Yunho once and for all the moment he confesses. Years ago, he belonged to the ones who could never understand why it is so hard for people to confess to someone, but that was before he realized just how much in love he is with his best friend and how great the fear of rejection can be.
"It does." Jaejoong admits."Sometimes,...it's unbearable."
"Forget Yunho for one evening. Go to the school festival with me, Junsu and Yoochun and let me show you that you don't need Jung Yunho in your life to enjoy it."
Jaejoong looks up again."I-"
"I know that you want to tell me that you need him and maybe you do." Changmin sighs."But not as someone who does not love you back and only makes you cry. He may not be aware of what he does to you, but you are and you should do something about it. Either you finally confess or you decide to move on from your feelings for him."
Jaejoong finds himself rendered speechless. He truthfully doesn't know what to say in return and he would've never expected for himself to ever tell someone he has gotten close only two weeks ago so much about feelings he kept hidden for two long years.
Changmin is his maths tutor, someone he is spending much time with now that the maths exam is nearing and Jaejoong would lie if he would say that he isn't surprised by how well they get along and how close they are now considering that Shim Changmin is not really one to easily get chummy with people. Changmin is snarky and almost cruel with his words at some point, but when he decides to care for someone...then he does it with all his heart, that's how Jaejoong sees him and he finds the slightly younger student rather lovable and the fact that Changmin is his cousin's - Junsu's - best friend makes Jaejoong think that underneath all that ice prince aura, there must be a very lovely personality Junsu is treasuring since five long years now.
"Maybe, if you can bring yourself to look away from Jung Yunho for once, you'll finally see someone who is more worthy of your feelings." Changmin's gaze turns glum when he notices the trace of tears starting to wet Jaejoong's doe eyes, the pain within those two orbs making his anger towards Yunho grow albeit not really knowing that boy personally.
"I tried, I tried to forget and fall out of love for so many times, but feelings don't just stop existing when you plead for them to disappear." Jaejoong mutters as tears make their way down along his cheeks, memories of the pain he had been hiding from everyone now rushing back to him at once.
"Then try your hardest now. Do it for real this time around." Changmin challenges."He has been ignoring you for three weeks. And for what? For some stuck-up girls from the event committee who can make him their slave because he is willing to do just about everything in order to get closer to some of them."
"He is not-"
"He is not what? He is not dropping his best friend like hot potato just to get a chance with girls? You said it yourself yesterday, he told you that he wanted to get lucky with one of them right before he started to hang around them and ignored your existence." The young tutor asks."He drops you for three weeks just to go after girls, that's the kind of person you are loving, that's the kind of person you have given your heart to."
"You fucking know nothing so shut the hell up!" A deep voice roars from behind them and causes Jaejoong and Changmin to look over their shoulders, the sight of a very angered boy with sharp features approaching them in rage greeting them right after.
"Yunho..."
"Jaejoongie, we need to talk." Yunho immediately moves to stand beside the bench Jaejoong and Changmin are sitting on and gets a hold of Jaejoong's hand to pull him up and away from Changmin.
Jaejoong throws one last glance at Changmin but is too surprised to do anything but follow when Yunho pulls him away along the path leading from their school to the school gates and only when he notices the other students staring at them does he finally refuse to move along, steadying his posture as he pulls Yunho back and forces the other to halt in his tracks.
"Yunho what are you doing?"
Yunho does not reply and only throws an annoyed look their schoolmates' way before he leads - not forces, Jaejoong notes - his best friend to a rather abandoned spot by the biggest tree standing proudly in one corner of the schoolyard, a place barely anyone wants to go near thanks to stinging nettle near it. But Yunho manages to find a safe path towards the tree, hiding himself and Jaejoong behind it.
Jaejoong's tears have dried, the sadness they have accompanied now gone as it got replaced by pure surprise and shock the moment Yunho came along. But he barely gets a chance to talk and try to put his thoughts back in order when Yunho wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him closer, embracing him so tight that it's almost hard for Jaejoong to breathe although the warmth and security he feels within Yunho's hug makes him feel like he's walking on clouds. And somehow, in the middle of enjoying the intimacy and closeness they share as Yunho presses their bodies together, he feels angry at himself for letting Yunho make him so weak and willing just seconds after he had been crying because of him.
But he had missed this.
How much he had missed this.
To have Yunho close enough to make him feel the warmth he radiates, the other's musky but not very overpowering scent penetrating his nostrils and causing him to lose himself in a world where everything is alright although reality may be different.
But then something else catches his attention and Jaejoong feels fear rising in an instant.
Yunho is trembling.
He has never seen Yunho like his before, so fearful and clinging onto someone as if his whole world depends on it.
"Don't forget. Don't give up. Don't leave me, Jaejoongie." Yunho utters - sobs, really - like a soft, heart-wrenching mantra as he cries against Jaejoong's shoulder."I need you. Fuck, I love you. I love you so much. Please forgive me, don't leave me. I can't live without you, Jaejoongie, I can't survive without you. I love you. Please forgive me. Forgive me."
He did not ignore Jaejoong on purpose nor did he ever think of dropping Jaejoong for some girls. He may have joked around about it at first, but he would've never thought that Jaejoong would take his foolish words to heart to this extent and his lack of time for Jaejoong must've fed his Jaejoongie's fears to no end. When the president of the student body asked which member would be willing to be in charge of assisting the event committee, Yunho volunteered all too gladly, not because he had hoped to get lucky with any of them but rather because he wanted to ask them for a small favor in return for the help he offered and was way beyond his duties as a student body member.
He asked them to help him organize a special event for Jaejoong since the other is turning nineteen in three weeks and Yunho wants everything to be perfect on that day. They agreed in exchange for his willingness to do extra work every day till late into the night, running errands for them even during the weekends as several things had to be organized for the school festival which is the anual highlight at their school, a big event for thousands of students and their relatives. He did not have any time for Jaejoong during the day - his answers to the other's messages have been terrifyingly short because of his lack of time and it must've been the cause for Jaejoong to misunderstand his short replies as a sign for the lack of interest - and with him returning home around 9 PM every day, he didn't want to disturb Jaejoong by calling him and preventing him from going to sleep.
Truthfully, Yunho had been blind to not only Jaejoong's but also his own feelings until today.
They have spent so many years as friends, sharing intimacy which he thought of as nothing but normal closeness between two best friends. What a fool he had been. If he would've paid more attention on how their relationship has gotten that certain spark within the past few years, he would've noticed that the touches, smiles and stares they have reserved for each other are nothing like what normal friends share. And he would've noticed the pain he had put Jaejoong through by foolishly talking about girls he pretended to find attractive whenever the topic was brought up by someone just so he could join in the conversation.
And during the times in which Jaejoong decided to ask him about his ideal type...he would've noticed that Jaejoong actually wanted to know whether Jaejoong himself is anywhere near to being what Yunho imagines his ideal partner to be like and he would've given Jaejoong an honest reply which would've described Jaejoong perfectly instead of coming up with short and idiotic answers just to get the topic off his back.
When he went to find Jaejoong today - after finally being dismissed by the event committee - he had been more than upset to find Jaejoong and Changmin sitting rather closely together by one of the cherry trees, the whole bright atmosphere surrounding them making him angry and sad at the same time as he watched Jaejoong share that moment with someone else.
And when he heard what Changmin and Jaejoong talked about, he could not help but plead for Jaejoong to not listen to Changmin's words. The thought of Jaejoong giving up on him, on them...it scared him to death. That great rush of fear he felt as he realized that he may lose Jaejoong and the feelings the other has kept to himself out of fear for so long made him realize his own feelings and how much he needs and loves the person who has always been his other half in silence.
"I should've realized it sooner. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." He whimpers and pleads, pressing his Jaejoongie's small body close to himself and his heart as he allows for the other's sweet, sweet scent to lure him into a spell he never wishes to escape from.
Jaejoong hugs him, crying. But this time around, it's not tears of sadness that he spills.
Not far away from them, Changmin smiles sadly to himself as he stares at the coulple about to be formed. He never stood a chance.
• ♔ •
05 dance of fireflies
yunho/jaejoong
Yunho is stunned to say the least, unable to do anything else but stare as the young prince he adores more than anyone else walks down the stairs and catches everyone's attention in his white attire which manages to emphasize his pure features to the extent of rendering everyone speechless.
Prince Jaejoong is one beautiful being.
His eyes are the most fascinating pair of eyes Yunho has ever seen. They look so beautiful and tender at first glance, but when Jaejoong directs his gaze at someone, the power those eyes hold can easily force a warrior like Yunho to his knees. Jaejoong may be the youngest prince, but he is holding more strength in his gaze than all of his older brothers combined.
„Calm your heart, dear cousin. I fear for your health for your heart may get too excited at the sight of your dearest.“
Yunho takes a short glance at Yoochun and clears his throat in response, not really yearning to say anything in response right now although he is giving his cousin way too much satisfaction by refusing to reply.
When his gaze is back on Jaejoong, he catches the prince looking at him and immediately smiles at the young boy, soon bowing in order to greet him although he knows that Jaejoong will not reply to his greeting.
He never does.
A cold aura of humbleness surrounds the young prince most of the time, the emotions he holds inside his heart forever trapped behind a veil of icyness. But Yunho can see right through it. He knows Jaejoong better than anyone else, having been the other's protector when Jaejoong was a mere princeling and having been the other's shoulder to lean on ever since.
Today, it's Jaejoong's eighteenth birthday and also the beginning of a new year, the young prince's birthday celebration being even more of a highlight thanks to Jaejoong finally coming of age and therefore being free to wed whoever he desires to give his heart to. Yunho knows that Jaejoong feels highly troubled by the new position he will be given in life, not wanting for several suitors to come and try to woo him like they have done with his brothers.
So, - being a little selfish himself - Yunho promised the young prince to do his best in keeping suitors away from him, easily putting Jaejoong's heart at ease.
The moment Jaejoong sets his feet on the ground, the big torches in the hall are being blown out, only the very small ones remaining to allow for Jaejoong and his guests to see several servants surrounding the young prince with jars in their hands and a sweet smile on their lips.
"What-" Jaejoong doesn't get to voice out the whole question when the servants open the jars and release their content, several fireflies soon flying out of their glassy cage to fill the room with their light, looking oh so majestic as they manage to bring a smile of amazement onto Jaejoong's lips.
"Happy birthday, my prince."
Jaejoong turns around upon hearing the voice and blushes when he sees Yunho looking down at him with a smile so charming that it has the prince's heart racing in excitement.
"Thank you, General Jung."
"General Jung prepared this for you, isn't it lovely?" His mother speaks as she approaches him with a smile and Jaejoong nods in response.
"Yes, it is." His lips remain stretched into a smile, a rare sight.
To know that this beautiful surprise was prepared for him by no one else but Yunho makes him feel oddly blessed and significant.
He looks around and feels like his breath is being taken away as he notices just how much the fireflies resemble small stars dancing across the room, making him feel warm as bliss fills his heart.
"My prince."
There it is again, that voice.
"May I dare ask for your first dance?"
Jaejoong gasps in slight surprise as he looks at the outstretched hand of the general and realizes that Yunho is offering him so much more than a simple dance by asking him for the very first one that night.
"Oh dear, the rush." Jaejoong hears his mother snicker next to him and he lowers his head slightly, his cheeks covered by a soft hue of red.
A prince coming of age does not dance on his birthday banquet unless he deems someone worthy of his first dance and hand in marriage. The birthday banquet of someone turning eighteen is meant to give the person time to have a look at his suitors before deciding to give someone a chance.
And here he is, not even five minutes into the celebration, already having someone ask him for the first dance although he did not have any time to consider his choices.
Yes, Yunho is rushing things.
But Jaejoong does not mind.
And so, he accepts Yunho's proposal, slowly taking the general's hand before he allows for the older male to lead him across the hall in a dance of bliss while the big torches are being lit and cause the fireflies to fly away and join the true stars outside.
• ♔ •
06 howling flames
jaejoong/yunho
"Jaejoong, let go~"
Jaejoong smirks as he hugs his mate even tighter, refusing to let go of the struggling being trapped between his arms.
"Jaejoong you big wolf, let go!" Yunho half whines, trying to push the Alpha away and ends up failing miserably.
Sometimes, he hates the fact that his mate is the Alpha. Their leader is as strong as he is playful and he has the tendency to be both around his dearest mate, especially when they are all alone during the night and the morning.
"No." Jaejoong replies sternly as he shifts to place himself in between his mate's long, beautiful legs, enjoying the flushed face of the other as he leans down to kiss Yunho softly yet with a certain amount of want."I'm not done claiming you yet."
"You are insatiable." Yunho whimpers when Jaejoong's hands roam along his skin as if to explore his body further, not that there is any spot left the Alpha does not know already.
When Jaejoong makes love, he does it thoroughly.
Jaejoong smiles into the kiss, soon pulling back a little to have a better look at Yunho. His wonderful, wonderful Yunho. Such dear, almond-shaped eyes, a cute nose and bow-shaped lips which control Jaejoong all too easily no matter what they do. His mate is truly a sight to behold.
"You are so handsome." Two hands come up to cup the Alpha's face."Why are you so handsome?"
Jaejoong doesn't say anything in response, only leaning down to kiss Yunho once again. This time around it's much softer and slower, as if Jaejoong is attempting to prolong the time they can spend together in each other's embrace before their respective duties as the pack's leaders would call them out of the cave and to the other wolves.
Yunho knows that he shouldn't give in so easily. But what can he do when Jaejoong's needs reflect his very own so well although he knows that he has certain duties to fulfill during the day? He craves for more time with his mate, desiring to feel Jaejoong against him - in him - so much that he cannot bring himself to detach himself from Jaejoong even when the sun starts to shine in its full glory.
"You are way too addictive." The Alpha whispers."You make me insatiable, so you will have to take responsibility for it."
Yunho smiles, soon running his toe along Jaejoong's calf.
He is playing with fire and he can't wait for it to break out and pull him into enourmous flames of passion.
• ♔ •
07 scream
yunho/jaejoong
He kind of expected to see someone being threatened by a burglar or at least some kind of fighting going on when he heard the ear-splitting scream coming from his neighbor's house, but what he is witnessing right now is way beyond his imagination.
Kim Jaejoong, a grown 29 year old man with a rather muscular body and certainly enough strength to knock Yunho out, is standing on a chair screaming his lungs out as he looks at the cockroach crawling back and forth on the floor of Jaejoong's beloved kitchen. The sight itself is so absurd and hilarious that Yunho would be laughing out loud by now if not for the sheer panic in Jaejoong's eyes.
So Yunho suppresses the laughter which is burning to escape from in between his lips and swiftly gets hold of the sweeper in Jaejoong's hand - he assumes the other attempted to hit the cockroach with it - and catches the insect before opening the kitchen window to fling it outside.
"Freaking shut the window or it might come back in!" Jaejoong screams and causes Yunho to flinch slightly.
"I threw it out onto the streets, I doubt it will." Yunho utters in response but does as asked nevertheless, soon placing the sweeper next to the broom he sees on the other side of the room as Jaejoong climbs down.
"Well I guess your armageddon is over so I'll go now." He really tried to hold it in, but Yunho still ends up chuckling in amusement, much to Jaejoong's dislike if the frown on the other's face is anything to go by.
He bites onto his bottom lip hard to suppress the urge to laugh and turns around to leave.
"W-Wait!"
Yunho halts and turns around, facing Jaejoong with raised eyebrows.
"Stay for lunch. I want to thank you."
The invitation comes too sudden and Yunho truthfully doesn't know whether to accept it or not, not even when his body decides that he wants to, his head moving to nod in agreement despite Yunho's inner struggles.
"S-Sure." He stammers and sits down at the dining table when Jaejoong gestures for him to do so.
But not even one second after, he hears Jaejoong drop something with a gasp and Yunho is already up and ready to send another cockroach flying.
"You...how did you even get in here?"
Yunho frowns."Well of course I-"
"The fuck happened to the door, doll face?" Jaejoong hears his roommate scream from the entrance.
Shit.
• ♔ •
08 say something
yunho/jaejoong
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
„Does our relatioship still make any sense to you?“ Yunho hates the bitterness filling his mouth as he says those words and stares at the back of his boyfriend who is standing by the window.“With how things are now, does it still make any sense to be together?“
Jaejoong doesn't say a single word and every other second in which they stand there in silence makes Yunho's heart ache more than he can take and endure.
They got together three months ago and at first, Yunho could handle them going further in their relationship through baby steps because the situation is not easy, for neither of them. With both of them being the only boys in their respective families, their parents have certain expectations in them and Yunho knew from the very start that telling their parents about their - according to majority of society in Korea - forbidden relationship would be hard.
But they went through the first obstacle and told Yunho's parents about it last month and although they have not been happy about it, they did not want to push their son away from them either and eventually learned to accept it. And yet, although they had the acceptance of Yunho's parents, Yunho can't help but still feel uneasy as he yearns for Jaejoong's parents to accept them too. But Jaejoong is still refusing to come out to them.
And it hurts.
He loves Jaejoong and he would do everything for him, walk to the end of the world with him even. But the longer they are together, the more Yunho starts to believe that Jaejoong will never be ready to reveal their relationship to his family.
And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head.
I know nothing at all.
And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love.
Just starting to crawl.
Yunho thought that his past relationships during High School had been love.
But that was before he met Jaejoong in college and got to know what real love is really like.
Yunho knows that Jaejoong is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. And yet here he is, wondering whether they are going to end up being one of the couples which are destined to belong to each other but not meant to remain together.
And it's breaking him. Every second of doubt is breaking him.
He is usually a man of confidence, but right now he feels nothing but fearful. He does not want to lose Jaejoong, but if the person he sees as his other half thinks differently of their future together, then there is nothing else he can do but let go and give up.
He needs to know if Jaejoong wants for them to continue, he needs to.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anyahere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
"Can you please turn around and talk to me?" But there comes no answer and Yunho feels despair taking over.
Is this going to be the end of them and their promises of everlasting love? His very being is begging for Jaejoong to just turn around and take all of his fears away with a few words, but it doesn't seem like the other is interested in talking to him at the moment.
Yunho feels upset, but his sadness is more overwhelming that his anger is.
Did he not manage to get to Jaejoong's heart at all? Are his feelings stronger than Jaejoong's afterall?
And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love.
And I'm saying goodbye.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.
He could forgive and forget everything if only Jaejoong would finally tell him that he does want them to continue being together because yes, his love for Jaejoong is that strong. He is willing to forget the past full of the doubts Jaejoong had been inducing if only Jaejoong would finally be ready to tell his parents about the man he claims to love.
But if Jaejoong is not willing to hold onto him, then Yunho won't continue holding Jaejoong back either.
Yunho doesn't want to say it, the words feel heavy and hot on his tongue."Let's break up."
His heart hurts. He doesn't mean those words, not wholeheartedly. He feels idiotic for even saying them, but he knows that it's neccessary to find out whether Jaejoong is truly willing to end everything here and now or whether he would fight for them to be together.
He is not one to cry, but when he looks at Jaejoong's unmoving figure, Yunho feels tears filling his eyes.
"Goodbye." He whispers and turns around to leave with heavy steps, but Jaejoong doesn't let him.
He hugs him from behind, tight and unrelenting as he sobs against the other's back, his tears staining the shirt there.
"Don't go. I'm sorry, please don't go. I'm a coward, I know, but please don't go, Yunho-ah. I will tell my parents about us. My fear of whatever they could say or do is nothing compared to my fear of losing you." Jaejoong's sweet, sweet voice...how good it feels to finally hear it again."I love you."
Yunho smiles despite the tears rolling down along his cheeks and frees himself from Jaejoong's embrace to turn around and hug his boyfriend tightly, allowing for the other to find comfort in his arms.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...