(no subject)
I originally had a incredibly long and indepth post about how miserable I felt, but when my internet died while I was posting it and I lost half the post, I decided to not give a fuck and be happy instead. Lmao.
Fimmy, I miss you. Something tells me you would understand the pain I feel, the scream in my heart, and the refusal to bow my head. XD I'm too proud to become something I'm not. I can pretend for a while, but I fight it every step of the way, which is why I'm so miserable sometimes. Haha.
I realize that I am selfish, and that after reading Ayn Rand, I think I felt the need to be proud of that. I know what I'm worth. I might not be a prime mover, but I am at the very least an Eddie Willers. I see the farce of our society, the rules that don't make any sense, but make the only kind of sense left to us. I accept the reality of capitalism because the alternative is worse.
There are so many words stuck in my throat, but I must go to bed. So I swallow hard once more, and keep my own counsel. The world doesn't want to know. it doesn't need to know, because it rejects knowledge and champions mediocrity. We all hate heroes. That's why the paparazzi exist...and flourish. We build up heroes only to tear them down. It is human nature.
I yearn for a time when humans will have no more need of gods or heroes, for by then we will have become them. I despair, also, because mankind can never reach that. We hate excellence too much to achieve that state. We debase ourselves too much. Religion doesn't help. We are all made smaller in our obeisance, that our pride no longer exists, because it is shameful to be proud.
I long to be proud again, for it to mean something. To stand strong and believe, once more. There is hope.
Fimmy, I miss you. Something tells me you would understand the pain I feel, the scream in my heart, and the refusal to bow my head. XD I'm too proud to become something I'm not. I can pretend for a while, but I fight it every step of the way, which is why I'm so miserable sometimes. Haha.
I realize that I am selfish, and that after reading Ayn Rand, I think I felt the need to be proud of that. I know what I'm worth. I might not be a prime mover, but I am at the very least an Eddie Willers. I see the farce of our society, the rules that don't make any sense, but make the only kind of sense left to us. I accept the reality of capitalism because the alternative is worse.
There are so many words stuck in my throat, but I must go to bed. So I swallow hard once more, and keep my own counsel. The world doesn't want to know. it doesn't need to know, because it rejects knowledge and champions mediocrity. We all hate heroes. That's why the paparazzi exist...and flourish. We build up heroes only to tear them down. It is human nature.
I yearn for a time when humans will have no more need of gods or heroes, for by then we will have become them. I despair, also, because mankind can never reach that. We hate excellence too much to achieve that state. We debase ourselves too much. Religion doesn't help. We are all made smaller in our obeisance, that our pride no longer exists, because it is shameful to be proud.
I long to be proud again, for it to mean something. To stand strong and believe, once more. There is hope.