(no subject)
The sad thing is that I had been unsuccessfully trying to get myself interested in something, but failed. (you don't have to know what it was)
And then I randomly went to look at the 7AIR PV that Yuu sent me. And almost suffered a nosebleed just looking at Aichan.
That, I guess, tells you a lot about my obsession with her. Or possibly my lack of endurance when it comes to such matters. Lol. XD
Funny thing is, I can look at skimpily clad girls gyrating around all day and have as much reaction as a stick in mud (ie. none), but if someone I'm obsessed with does even something absolutely casual, I'm likely to spontaneously haemorrhage from every emotional orifice. I'm weird like that...or maybe that's somewhat normal?
Thing about most pornographic stuff is that it never really began to interest me (unless I was feeling that horny, but I digress), because it all felt so boring and pointless. Yes, I've glanced at some in my time (how can one not when one practically lives on the internet?), mostly by accident, and some completely by intention. Yeah, wandered into hentai threads, and decided I should never again step into anything labeled 'futanari' ever again. Or scat. Or watersports. Or bestiality. Or tentacles. Actually, I decided never to go into the hentai section ever again, except to look at funny thread titles (you won't believe the creativity and the hilarity sometimes).
Porn feels so...emotionally disconnected somehow. I guess I really am a girl at heart, wanting emotional connection and all that. Meaningless sex only works when one is just blindly overloaded with hormones, but otherwise it feels empty. I have had my hormonal times, and I agree that during those times, immediate gratification is more important than some deeper connection.
But beyond that moment, when I'm in my normal state (aka the asexual one), sex becomes this weird concept that I can't connect with except on this really weird emotional level. I am far more interested in the emotions that drive the relationship at that point, rather than the physical expression of those emotions. There's something about intense emotions that attracts me.
Which is why emo-looking Aichan in the 7AIR video makes me go all <3333 during her solo leaning-against-wall shots. XD I always felt a strong connection to pain, whether of that in myself or in others. I feed off it, not because it is negative, but because it is intense. Going by that line of thought, any kind of emotion, in its purest and most intense forms, would serve just as well.
I have always been far more attuned to pain than to joy though. I suppose pure, unadulterated joy would ignite similar flames in my heart, but i can't honestly say that I have borne witness to such a spectacle nor have been captivated by such a display had I ever seen it.
I suppose sadness makes happiness all the more sweet, and I can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen when I see instances of joy. Pessimistic I suppose, but I've learned the hard way that life is never fair, and things have a painful way of coming back to bite you even if you have never done anything to warrant it.
Again I have been diverted. Great, not even fangirling can keep me on track. I'm beyond hope haha. I guess that's how my mind works. Oh well. What to do, but to live with it the best I can?
Regardless, Aichan sparks a kindred soul in me. I suppose I'm projecting, but she makes it so easy, and I wonder, how does SHE feel? Rarely has anyone captured my imagination and attention so. And the thing is, she didn't have to do a thing. I just walked right into it. It's a trap, I tell you. A honeyed, Fukui-based trap, but a trap by any other name is still a trap.
XD
I shall dream of her again. Is she not beautiful? How can one not love Love?
Even if it's just a little
Even if it's just a moment
If you would smile for me
I will become a knight of twilight
And devote my everything to you
Sometimes I wonder who exactly I'm really addressing. No, don't answer that. It's depressing.
And because I can...
壊れない愛がほしいの 抱きしめて
...how I really feel.
Too bad it will never really happen the way I would like it to. Perfection doesn't exist.
I will never find someone truly equal and fitting in my eyes anyway.
And then I randomly went to look at the 7AIR PV that Yuu sent me. And almost suffered a nosebleed just looking at Aichan.
That, I guess, tells you a lot about my obsession with her. Or possibly my lack of endurance when it comes to such matters. Lol. XD
Funny thing is, I can look at skimpily clad girls gyrating around all day and have as much reaction as a stick in mud (ie. none), but if someone I'm obsessed with does even something absolutely casual, I'm likely to spontaneously haemorrhage from every emotional orifice. I'm weird like that...or maybe that's somewhat normal?
Thing about most pornographic stuff is that it never really began to interest me (unless I was feeling that horny, but I digress), because it all felt so boring and pointless. Yes, I've glanced at some in my time (how can one not when one practically lives on the internet?), mostly by accident, and some completely by intention. Yeah, wandered into hentai threads, and decided I should never again step into anything labeled 'futanari' ever again. Or scat. Or watersports. Or bestiality. Or tentacles. Actually, I decided never to go into the hentai section ever again, except to look at funny thread titles (you won't believe the creativity and the hilarity sometimes).
Porn feels so...emotionally disconnected somehow. I guess I really am a girl at heart, wanting emotional connection and all that. Meaningless sex only works when one is just blindly overloaded with hormones, but otherwise it feels empty. I have had my hormonal times, and I agree that during those times, immediate gratification is more important than some deeper connection.
But beyond that moment, when I'm in my normal state (aka the asexual one), sex becomes this weird concept that I can't connect with except on this really weird emotional level. I am far more interested in the emotions that drive the relationship at that point, rather than the physical expression of those emotions. There's something about intense emotions that attracts me.
Which is why emo-looking Aichan in the 7AIR video makes me go all <3333 during her solo leaning-against-wall shots. XD I always felt a strong connection to pain, whether of that in myself or in others. I feed off it, not because it is negative, but because it is intense. Going by that line of thought, any kind of emotion, in its purest and most intense forms, would serve just as well.
I have always been far more attuned to pain than to joy though. I suppose pure, unadulterated joy would ignite similar flames in my heart, but i can't honestly say that I have borne witness to such a spectacle nor have been captivated by such a display had I ever seen it.
I suppose sadness makes happiness all the more sweet, and I can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen when I see instances of joy. Pessimistic I suppose, but I've learned the hard way that life is never fair, and things have a painful way of coming back to bite you even if you have never done anything to warrant it.
Again I have been diverted. Great, not even fangirling can keep me on track. I'm beyond hope haha. I guess that's how my mind works. Oh well. What to do, but to live with it the best I can?
Regardless, Aichan sparks a kindred soul in me. I suppose I'm projecting, but she makes it so easy, and I wonder, how does SHE feel? Rarely has anyone captured my imagination and attention so. And the thing is, she didn't have to do a thing. I just walked right into it. It's a trap, I tell you. A honeyed, Fukui-based trap, but a trap by any other name is still a trap.
XD
I shall dream of her again. Is she not beautiful? How can one not love Love?
Even if it's just a little
Even if it's just a moment
If you would smile for me
I will become a knight of twilight
And devote my everything to you
Sometimes I wonder who exactly I'm really addressing. No, don't answer that. It's depressing.
And because I can...
壊れない愛がほしいの 抱きしめて
...how I really feel.
Too bad it will never really happen the way I would like it to. Perfection doesn't exist.
I will never find someone truly equal and fitting in my eyes anyway.