(no subject)
So I went from being elated about getting a certain someone in RP and my new character approved into an RP funk in the span of a few hours. My head still kind of has that 'oh holy shit you cried for two hours straight' headache and the idea of logging into one of my journals is actually making me feel ill.
I think that if Shuri didn't get in yesterday I would just... hiatus for a week, because the whole fucking thing hit in a place that hurts more than anything else. The situation doesn't even bother me, it's what was said to me. If things happen that make me uncomfortable, I usually try to speak up. I don't like getting in the way of other people's fun, but dear god, last night socked me in the face. Things go a bad way? Fine. It's some of the things that were said to me, especially now when my feelings of self-worth are at an all time low because of that fucking portfolio, that stung. And they'll keep stinging. And despite the time that I usually almost ask permission before I do anything in RP, threadhop, invite another person in - what time they should come in, all that sort of thing, making a post involving them or even plotting out the way a thread is going to go, I'm going to feel guilty for the one time I didn't and I'm probably going to dwell on it for a goddamn week, if not longer.
Fuck my life. I'm tearing up again.
Maybe I should just hiatus. My RP drive is pretty much gone right now.
I think that if Shuri didn't get in yesterday I would just... hiatus for a week, because the whole fucking thing hit in a place that hurts more than anything else. The situation doesn't even bother me, it's what was said to me. If things happen that make me uncomfortable, I usually try to speak up. I don't like getting in the way of other people's fun, but dear god, last night socked me in the face. Things go a bad way? Fine. It's some of the things that were said to me, especially now when my feelings of self-worth are at an all time low because of that fucking portfolio, that stung. And they'll keep stinging. And despite the time that I usually almost ask permission before I do anything in RP, threadhop, invite another person in - what time they should come in, all that sort of thing, making a post involving them or even plotting out the way a thread is going to go, I'm going to feel guilty for the one time I didn't and I'm probably going to dwell on it for a goddamn week, if not longer.
Fuck my life. I'm tearing up again.
Maybe I should just hiatus. My RP drive is pretty much gone right now.