6th Note
[Deity filter]
If I was the kind of person who could sit down and write an essay, I probably would have lasted more than a month and a half at college. So this isn't going to be the most polished thing ever, but I'm going to try since I'm beginning to see how much I might want a 'get out of curse free' card at some point.
I'm not going to whine about my fucking emotional pain because doing that just ends up sounding pathetic, and anyway that's my own business.
I might not know much about the physical basis of pain or anything, but I know plenty from first-hand experience. The most painful experience I've ever had was going through heroin withdrawal, and the worst part is that you know how easy it would be to make the pain go away, you know that it was your own choice to feel like that. But you also know it's your only good option and you have to manage on as little methadone as you can bear because otherwise you'll never be free.
You'd think that would be enough to make sure I never shot up again but
I don't mind pain that much, in general. I always used to get in fights I know I couldn't win, because a bloody nose is better than backing down. And I've got a reputation for getting injured in crazy ways all the time because I'm too fucked up to notice or because when I'm on stage I'm just too worked up to care. And then I tend to hurt myself because it's just easier when the pain is on the outside and anyway I just want to.
But even that's still a bad kind of pain. The good kinds of pain are the way your fingers ache after hours of practicing or the way your muscles feel after lots of activity. And there's the way it almost hurts when you see or hear something and you know it's changed you forever--and I wouldn't classify that as emotional, not totally, it's a sort of artistic pain I guess and I don't really know how to express that in words. And then there's sexual masochism but honestly I'd rather just experience that than write about.
Anyway, I don't have any kind of conclusion, just a sneaking suspicion that this city is probably going to find new and interesting ways of causing me pain in the near future. So I guess I hope this is what you wanted and if it isn't, that's what you get for assigning 'word art.'
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So, about the other day--cursed, obviously. That was all kinds of weird. But honestly, even weirder is the part where I spend all day writing an essay. Bet the tokens would be worth it though, not that I think it's all that likely I'll get one. Hell, the only reason it took me all day is that I have trouble focusing on things like that.
[Filtered to Jun]
Band name. Thoughts?
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