(no subject)
There is a hollowness within, and I know not from whence it comes; I know only that I can't seem to fill it, and that it strikes when I run out of things to distract myself with; when I am alone.
And I feel alone. I know that I'm not; I have friends up and down the west coast: LA, Santa Cruz, Salem, Portland, Seattle. But I feel alone at times like these. When everyone's asleep, or everyone's left, and I've caught up with my passions and obsessions, with current events (that I care to know of), with television and film...I feel this pit, between my solar plexus and navel, and I just feel like crap. And this happens almost every night (or morning, depending), unless I'm exhausted. Worse, this isn't new; I'd get this way after Kristen went to sleep, and I'm pretty sure I did it back when I lived with mom. I've been feeling this for so long, I no longer remember when it started, or what makes it go away, or if it's ever gone away for that matter. I assume it has, for at least short periods of time, but I can't remember the causes.
Speaking of causes, I'd love to know why the hell I feel this way in the first goddamn place, because then I could maybe start dealing with it, working on it.
And I feel alone. I know that I'm not; I have friends up and down the west coast: LA, Santa Cruz, Salem, Portland, Seattle. But I feel alone at times like these. When everyone's asleep, or everyone's left, and I've caught up with my passions and obsessions, with current events (that I care to know of), with television and film...I feel this pit, between my solar plexus and navel, and I just feel like crap. And this happens almost every night (or morning, depending), unless I'm exhausted. Worse, this isn't new; I'd get this way after Kristen went to sleep, and I'm pretty sure I did it back when I lived with mom. I've been feeling this for so long, I no longer remember when it started, or what makes it go away, or if it's ever gone away for that matter. I assume it has, for at least short periods of time, but I can't remember the causes.
Speaking of causes, I'd love to know why the hell I feel this way in the first goddamn place, because then I could maybe start dealing with it, working on it.