(no subject)
I was reading over my journal a minute ago. i have all these goals and things i want to accomplish but i never actually get myself involved in things or spend the time to learn to do them. ive been on a creative kick the past few days. i want a sewing machine so badly. i want to read and write and learn and create. and i want to feel beautiful. internally and externally. im pretty confident that the paleolithic diet is the ultimate diet for mankind. experimenting with what kinds of food work for me is the hard part. i hate being made fun of for wanting only the highest quality products to put in my body. it seems so logical but so many people dont understand.
what i dont understand is how you can be such a happy fun person and allow your life to go downhill so easily. the fact that all self respect is lost makes me feel pity but really. when someone cant stand up for themselves and the kind of treatment they deserve... to be so unknowing and stupid to let those thing happen.. can i really respect that?
i have a problem and that problem is money. i guess i dont need money for anything really, but its nice to know i can have 20$ to spend on something i want. its silly.... money is stupid and i shouldnt care about it. i was thinking that i could probably make a lot of money selling clothes through ebay. but i dont have a sewing machine. and a sewing machine costs money. and then there is time. there are so many things i want to do and a lot of the time i feel like i dont have the time. but im constantly finding myself with spare time on my hands and what am i doing? sleeping? watching tv? WASTE. maybe not the sleeping because i really do feel like i dont get enough sleep(along with the majority of americans). its one in the morning i should be sleeping now. and whats up with cigarettes? im a damn hypocrite with all this healthy talk all the while smoking countless numbers of cigarettes. i want to quit but at the same time i dont. i want to quit for health reasons, although its hard because i havent had any health problems caused by cigarettes. it doesnt make sense to wait for them to develop to start.
im happy though. i like people that are smart. i feel like there are so many people that i can learn things from. i fear that there is not much to be learned from me.
i love my boy so much.
what does everyone think about piercings? i was thinking about them and if i would want one. i like how tongue piercings look but like... eh. metal through my tongue. it seems so wrong.
matty is asleep on my floor and she is dreaming. i can tell not because she has been sleeping for a while and must be in dream state now, but because shes sleep running on her side. cute! shes a bitch to sam though so shes not that cute.
what i dont understand is how you can be such a happy fun person and allow your life to go downhill so easily. the fact that all self respect is lost makes me feel pity but really. when someone cant stand up for themselves and the kind of treatment they deserve... to be so unknowing and stupid to let those thing happen.. can i really respect that?
i have a problem and that problem is money. i guess i dont need money for anything really, but its nice to know i can have 20$ to spend on something i want. its silly.... money is stupid and i shouldnt care about it. i was thinking that i could probably make a lot of money selling clothes through ebay. but i dont have a sewing machine. and a sewing machine costs money. and then there is time. there are so many things i want to do and a lot of the time i feel like i dont have the time. but im constantly finding myself with spare time on my hands and what am i doing? sleeping? watching tv? WASTE. maybe not the sleeping because i really do feel like i dont get enough sleep(along with the majority of americans). its one in the morning i should be sleeping now. and whats up with cigarettes? im a damn hypocrite with all this healthy talk all the while smoking countless numbers of cigarettes. i want to quit but at the same time i dont. i want to quit for health reasons, although its hard because i havent had any health problems caused by cigarettes. it doesnt make sense to wait for them to develop to start.
im happy though. i like people that are smart. i feel like there are so many people that i can learn things from. i fear that there is not much to be learned from me.
i love my boy so much.
what does everyone think about piercings? i was thinking about them and if i would want one. i like how tongue piercings look but like... eh. metal through my tongue. it seems so wrong.
matty is asleep on my floor and she is dreaming. i can tell not because she has been sleeping for a while and must be in dream state now, but because shes sleep running on her side. cute! shes a bitch to sam though so shes not that cute.