Think clearly...
and breath easy, tomorrow has not yet come, and today has not yet finished. There is much to do and little reason to wait. What action can be taken now should be started. The progression of much is hindered by few.
*sighs*
I look back on many things in my life and wonder "why?" I don't know why I attempt to justify, rationalize, and quantify things which have little to no answers to provide. It bothers me greatly that I cannot fathom the real depth of honesty. I had a conversation with James which had it's benefits, but in the end, I believe it really didn't settle things with me.
After all those years doing things freely, doing whatever whenever I wanted on whims, I worry about my actions. Is such a brilliant liar every truly honest? I not only hope so; I believe so. It pains me to know I have to constantly watch myself. It's just something I have to do. I am certainly lucky she's there with me to help me through it.
She is the only thing in my life I've ever had confidence in. I look at this relationship, and no matter the thought that hits me, I don't care. I can't avoid certain things. I can't avoid being jealous about certain things from her past, I can't avoid being shameful about my own, and I can't do anything about removing all other possible concerns. What I can do is remember that what was "then" doesn't matter, and what "will come" will not be faced alone.
It's easy to say "I wish this..." and "I wish that..." There is a definite tragedy about how life works. We can look at the future and think of things we would like to happen, but it is the past in which we suffer the most. We know the certainties which will always remain there, forever unchanging, forever unyielding to us. I've spent much of my life tangled, at wits end, struggling to overcome those things. For once, I'm tired of doing so. I'm tired of pushing this mountain.
There are moments which we must experience to overcome great challenges. We often hope for an epiphany, that one beautiful moment of clarity, which will wash away all lack of understanding. We find ourselves doing all we can to force such a moment. It is easy to do. We can stare at something, any option which may be the foci, and hope that it will bestow on us the relief we seek. I stare at that damn picture hoping the same thing. I gaze upon with eyes that cry out to let loose their tears. I cannot stop doing so. It's a self inflicted pain I convince myself I have to endure. Why? I don't really know. I'm hoping it will tell me.
Bah, I'd say I talk to much, but I'm not entirely convinced I'm ever really saying anything.
*sighs*
I look back on many things in my life and wonder "why?" I don't know why I attempt to justify, rationalize, and quantify things which have little to no answers to provide. It bothers me greatly that I cannot fathom the real depth of honesty. I had a conversation with James which had it's benefits, but in the end, I believe it really didn't settle things with me.
After all those years doing things freely, doing whatever whenever I wanted on whims, I worry about my actions. Is such a brilliant liar every truly honest? I not only hope so; I believe so. It pains me to know I have to constantly watch myself. It's just something I have to do. I am certainly lucky she's there with me to help me through it.
She is the only thing in my life I've ever had confidence in. I look at this relationship, and no matter the thought that hits me, I don't care. I can't avoid certain things. I can't avoid being jealous about certain things from her past, I can't avoid being shameful about my own, and I can't do anything about removing all other possible concerns. What I can do is remember that what was "then" doesn't matter, and what "will come" will not be faced alone.
It's easy to say "I wish this..." and "I wish that..." There is a definite tragedy about how life works. We can look at the future and think of things we would like to happen, but it is the past in which we suffer the most. We know the certainties which will always remain there, forever unchanging, forever unyielding to us. I've spent much of my life tangled, at wits end, struggling to overcome those things. For once, I'm tired of doing so. I'm tired of pushing this mountain.
There are moments which we must experience to overcome great challenges. We often hope for an epiphany, that one beautiful moment of clarity, which will wash away all lack of understanding. We find ourselves doing all we can to force such a moment. It is easy to do. We can stare at something, any option which may be the foci, and hope that it will bestow on us the relief we seek. I stare at that damn picture hoping the same thing. I gaze upon with eyes that cry out to let loose their tears. I cannot stop doing so. It's a self inflicted pain I convince myself I have to endure. Why? I don't really know. I'm hoping it will tell me.
Bah, I'd say I talk to much, but I'm not entirely convinced I'm ever really saying anything.