Misconceptions of Age and a Hard Good Bye
Point 1:
As I am standing at my campus dance's bar trying to get three drinks (1 for myself and 2 for graduating seniors whom i deeply respect and have had a significant influence on the development of my character while at brown) I am immediately called out by an alumni standing next to me. This man obviously thinks I have purposely cut him in line and believes it is his duty to tell this untruth to the world. I proceed to call him out, and say that it is bullshit for one to try to draw attention to such a fact (at this point not even telling him my actions were completely unintentional and I did not even realize when I was performing the wrong he had though I had performed). He rebutted back with the spectacular, it is bullshit that you publicly called my bullshit response. At this point i began to stew and decided to ignore him and his constant remarks to the bartender trying to draw the bartender to me and what I was wearing. And after I calmly told the bartender that it was the jackasses turn and he thanked me, still not realizing that even if i had intentional put myself in front of him in line, he, as an adult and most likely a parent should exercise patience and self restraint instead of impatience and child-like vengeance, thanked me for doing such an act, obviously believing that I had repented for my 'wrong.' I, again, calmly told him that "I hope in my four years here I can grow up as much as you did." And told him that he had no right to speak to anyone in the way he did and that I did not even realize that I had 'cut him off.' By this point, the two seniors with which I had hoped to share a drink had already taken back their drink tickets and left and about 5 other people had been served before us. And though I told him off, in many ways I was very conciliatory towards him. Making it seem like what happened was no ones fault. What I should have said was "I’m sorry. I didn’t not realize you were here first when I moved from waiting 10 minutes in another spot to trying to wait in this spot where I hoped to get 3 drinks. One drink for me and two for my friend who are not only graduating but to whom I owe a lot of credit for both influencing the path I take while at Brown and the person I become as a result of my time here. This includes the idea of patience, as in, even if I had intentionally 'butt you in line' you should, as someone who as obviously enjoyed the personal grown afforded to a graduate of this fine university, have exercised. For example, they have taught me that if I were you and I thought I had been wronged I would not make it a point to try to show the whole wrong that the person who had wronged me had done such, and that I would simply wait and extra two minutes to get my wine and beer. As someone who obviously values the brown community enough to return for a reunion I feel it is remarkable that you do not trust a Brown undergrad and feel that it is your duty to try to publicly degrade him. I only hope that you have not taught your kids the patience and social decency you have exercise just now. I would like to share a drink with my friends who I will see very rarely for the rest of my life and contemplate how I can grow and mature to your level."
What I am not mentioning is that as I was stewing about how I had been treated I ignored calls from a friends cell phone. These calls were from another friend trying to tell me that our mutual friend (on whose phone he was calling) was in extreme danger of being EMSed. If I had taken these calls I could have swiftly taken my friend to a bed and fed him water. Though he will feel better in the morning after waking up in health services, and though I am not the reason he got EMSed, I could have prevented him from an unnecessary deans hearing and mark on his record. And, for ignoring this in favor of telling an adult off, I am ashamed.
Point 2:
For the first time in a very long time, this semester I have gone after someone completely. That is to say that I not only tested the waters but I did not stop there and actually put myself out for rejection and actively pursued her. She and I are very different on many superficial levels but the time I have spent with her has only made me want to spend even more time with her. She has in many ways (read: 'not too much in a physical manner though in her case I dont mind this fact in the least) reciprocated. Shes going abroad next semester and tonight it was obvious that this was the last time I would see her for 9 months. Saying goodbye to her knowing that I had, purposely, invested as little of myself as possible into our interactions (as a safety precaution) and that I would in fact see her regularly in 9 months was as hard as each of the goodbyes I said to the seniors who had affected and shaped me incredibly over that past two years, which were in their own right extremely heartfelt, emotional and extremely hard to say. And, to be honest, that scared the shit out of me.
As I am standing at my campus dance's bar trying to get three drinks (1 for myself and 2 for graduating seniors whom i deeply respect and have had a significant influence on the development of my character while at brown) I am immediately called out by an alumni standing next to me. This man obviously thinks I have purposely cut him in line and believes it is his duty to tell this untruth to the world. I proceed to call him out, and say that it is bullshit for one to try to draw attention to such a fact (at this point not even telling him my actions were completely unintentional and I did not even realize when I was performing the wrong he had though I had performed). He rebutted back with the spectacular, it is bullshit that you publicly called my bullshit response. At this point i began to stew and decided to ignore him and his constant remarks to the bartender trying to draw the bartender to me and what I was wearing. And after I calmly told the bartender that it was the jackasses turn and he thanked me, still not realizing that even if i had intentional put myself in front of him in line, he, as an adult and most likely a parent should exercise patience and self restraint instead of impatience and child-like vengeance, thanked me for doing such an act, obviously believing that I had repented for my 'wrong.' I, again, calmly told him that "I hope in my four years here I can grow up as much as you did." And told him that he had no right to speak to anyone in the way he did and that I did not even realize that I had 'cut him off.' By this point, the two seniors with which I had hoped to share a drink had already taken back their drink tickets and left and about 5 other people had been served before us. And though I told him off, in many ways I was very conciliatory towards him. Making it seem like what happened was no ones fault. What I should have said was "I’m sorry. I didn’t not realize you were here first when I moved from waiting 10 minutes in another spot to trying to wait in this spot where I hoped to get 3 drinks. One drink for me and two for my friend who are not only graduating but to whom I owe a lot of credit for both influencing the path I take while at Brown and the person I become as a result of my time here. This includes the idea of patience, as in, even if I had intentionally 'butt you in line' you should, as someone who as obviously enjoyed the personal grown afforded to a graduate of this fine university, have exercised. For example, they have taught me that if I were you and I thought I had been wronged I would not make it a point to try to show the whole wrong that the person who had wronged me had done such, and that I would simply wait and extra two minutes to get my wine and beer. As someone who obviously values the brown community enough to return for a reunion I feel it is remarkable that you do not trust a Brown undergrad and feel that it is your duty to try to publicly degrade him. I only hope that you have not taught your kids the patience and social decency you have exercise just now. I would like to share a drink with my friends who I will see very rarely for the rest of my life and contemplate how I can grow and mature to your level."
What I am not mentioning is that as I was stewing about how I had been treated I ignored calls from a friends cell phone. These calls were from another friend trying to tell me that our mutual friend (on whose phone he was calling) was in extreme danger of being EMSed. If I had taken these calls I could have swiftly taken my friend to a bed and fed him water. Though he will feel better in the morning after waking up in health services, and though I am not the reason he got EMSed, I could have prevented him from an unnecessary deans hearing and mark on his record. And, for ignoring this in favor of telling an adult off, I am ashamed.
Point 2:
For the first time in a very long time, this semester I have gone after someone completely. That is to say that I not only tested the waters but I did not stop there and actually put myself out for rejection and actively pursued her. She and I are very different on many superficial levels but the time I have spent with her has only made me want to spend even more time with her. She has in many ways (read: 'not too much in a physical manner though in her case I dont mind this fact in the least) reciprocated. Shes going abroad next semester and tonight it was obvious that this was the last time I would see her for 9 months. Saying goodbye to her knowing that I had, purposely, invested as little of myself as possible into our interactions (as a safety precaution) and that I would in fact see her regularly in 9 months was as hard as each of the goodbyes I said to the seniors who had affected and shaped me incredibly over that past two years, which were in their own right extremely heartfelt, emotional and extremely hard to say. And, to be honest, that scared the shit out of me.